I weighed the options. If I worked on her shoulders it would be less painful, and we could stop anytime. There’d be no pressure to get through a certain amount of color, and we’d have no interruptions since the shop would be empty. It could be cathartic. But it could go the other way, too. It was hard to tell which was more likely. “I don’t know . . .”
“Please? I promise I’ll tell you if I think it’s too much. We could go down to the shop for a bit. If I feel at all like it’s not going to be okay, we can just go for a walk.”
With no pressure in the request, I gave in. There was no way to know unless I gave it a shot. “We could try.”
“Really?” She threw her arms around my neck, her excitement contagious. I hadn’t worked on her since before she’d left for Arden Hills. Getting her back in my chair might be good for both of us.
“But I say when I think you’ve had enough.”
“Of course. And if I don’t think I can handle it before that, I’ll ask you to stop.”
She kissed me, her tongue pressing forward to tangle with mine, and I wondered if we would ever lose this unquenchable need for each other. I hoped not.
26
HAYDEN
At Inked Armor, Tenley wandered around the private room, inspecting the bottles of ink and plastic-labeled bins of supplies as she waited for me to set up. I drew it out to allow both of us to adjust to the environment and what we were about to do.
When I was done, I pulled her file. I kept it in there after she’d left, rendering and rerendering the color scheme when I got frustrated with my design. I pulled out the newest versions and spread them over the worktable. The tone of the piece had changed over time and revisions. The original design, which had initially drawn me to Tenley’s art, and to her, had been altered considerably.
The blacks and deep blues and purples, along with the bursts of flame, had all been tempered, subdued by an overarching golden glow. The change in color was most concentrated at the shoulders. It gave the allusion that the sun was shining down on the wings, bringing them back to life, the blackened, damaged feathers falling away, newer growth replacing the destruction.
“I’ve made some alterations.” I spun around on my chair, expecting her to be across the room.
She was standing right behind me. “I see that.”
“We can go with the original if you prefer, but I thought I’d give you choices.”
Tenley put her hands on my shoulders and leaned in, looking over the various designs spread out over the table. She moved from left to right, from original to most recently revised. “You’ve made a lot of changes.”
“A lot has changed since we started the tattoo.”
“Mm.” Her fingernails slipped under the hair at the back of my neck and dragged down. “That’s very true. I like these. They’re beautiful.” She skimmed across the last few.
“You want to go with one of them?”
At her nod, I put the others aside, except for the original design we’d started from and the ones she liked the most. Then I pulled her into my lap. We spent another good twenty minutes going over the finer points before she made the final decision. She went with the second-to-last revision, which was my favorite. I loved that we seemed to be on the same page on so many things.
I cranked the heat in the private room. As I picked out the ink and set up the tattoo machine, Tenley stripped from the waist up. When she was half-naked and everything was laid out, she dropped down in the chair, making no attempt at modesty.
“You’re a hundred percent sure you can handle this today?” I asked, keeping my eyes on hers.
“Yes. If it’s too much, I promise to tell you.”
“I’m holding you to that.”
Her broad grin eased some of my anxiety over doing this on such a critical day for her. This was exactly what I had wanted to do during my first holiday without my family. Instead, I went on a bender that nearly killed me. By that time I’d already been introduced to Chris, who’d tried to get in touch with me afterward without any luck. He kicked my ass when I finally showed up at work three days later. The black eye and bruised ribs that resulted marked the official beginning of our friendship. It was the last time I was allowed to be alone during a holiday. Aside from the Thanksgiving that had just passed.
Tenley stretched out in my chair and her hair slipped over the side. It was so long, it almost brushed the floor.
“I’m starting at your shoulders. I’m thinking a couple hours max, but it depends on you.”
“That sounds fair.”
I hit the music, washed my hands, and snapped on a pair of gloves. Next I prepped Tenley’s back, wiping it down with antiseptic spray. The hum of the tattoo machine filtered through the room. As soon as it touched her skin, she relaxed. Her eyes closed and she melted into the chair, a tiny smile playing at the corner of her mouth. I worked in silence for the first few minutes, aware Tenley needed time to acclimate to the sensation.
“How does it feel so far?”
“It’s not bad.”
“It’ll be more irritating because I’m shading instead of outlining, so if you need a break, say the word.”
I started on the scarred side on purpose. Although the ones at her shoulders weren’t bad in comparison to the ones by her hips, they were still sensitive. If I could get the most uncomfortable part out of the way at the beginning of the session, it would make the rest easier to tolerate.
After a few more minutes of quiet, Tenley asked the question I’d been waiting for.
“Will you tell me what happened last night?”
“With Cross?” I dipped the needle in the yellow and brought it back to her skin.
“And Officer Miller.”
“Cross was his usual dick self. I don’t know what his deal is, but he seems to have a penchant for pissing me off.” I made a pass with a fresh, damp cloth. “I know I was an asshole kid, but he’s got one hell of a hate-on for me.”
“I wonder why,” Tenley mused, echoing my thoughts.
I was quiet for a minute, but I couldn’t think of anything beyond my attitude. “I have no idea.”
“What about Officer Miller? The conversation with her seemed okay.”
“She looked into my parents’ case. Like she said before, they need new evidence to have it reopened.”
“What about that painting you mentioned from your parents’ bedroom?”
“Maybe. If it made it to the storage unit.” I stayed focused on her tattoo, switching from yellow to gray ink to add depth.
“We could go this week and have a look while you have time off.”
“It might not even be there,” I said, voicing my predominant fear.
“It wouldn’t hurt to check, though. Unless you don’t want to.”
She was giving me an out. “It’s not that. I mean, I’ve been there before.” I tried to go a bunch of times, but always ended up sitting in the front of the door. The one time I made it past the threshold I ended up on a drug binge that lasted a month and almost cost me more than just my job at Art Addicts.
Tenley glanced at me, her unasked question on her beautiful face.
“It’s just—” I turned off the tattoo machine and put it down. I wanted to find a way to say it without sounding like a huge pussy. “I always believed whoever killed my parents would eventually be caught. Even when they closed the case, I still held on to that hope. If that painting isn’t there, or I’m remembering things wrong, then I’ve got nothing. I’ll be back where I started. I don’t know if I can face the possibility of never having an answer.”
Tenley sat up and crossed her arms over her chest, coming knee to knee with me. “But if you could know either way, wouldn’t that be better? Even if the answer isn’t the one you want?”
I got where she was coming from. Tenley would never have the answers to some of her questions. At least I had the option. I needed to take it so I could move on, regardless of the outcome.
“Okay. We can go someti
me this week.”
“Whenever you’re ready.”
If it had been anyone other than Tenley looking at me that way, it would have been emasculating. But she got it in a way no one else ever could.
“Why don’t we take a break?” I suggested.
I had reached her shoulder blades and wanted to switch sides. That way she wouldn’t feel compelled to go for hours, and the color would be balanced.
“Okay.”
I stripped off my gloves and hit the back room for bottled water. When I returned, Tenley was standing in front of the three-way mirror with her hands on her hips, admiring the fresh ink. It was flushed pink around the edges, irritated from the shading, but it looked amazing. The shades of bright and pale yellow, along with white and light gray, gave the illusion that the wings were shimmering.
Seeing my ink on her back along with those damned barbells pierced through her pert nipples made my physical reaction impossible to control.
“Ready for me?” she asked.
“We should probably finish the session first.” My brain had clearly taken a vacation; what was in my head came out of my mouth unfiltered.
“What—” She appeared confused at first, until her eyes drifted from my face to my fly. She smiled coyly as she sauntered back to the chair. “When aren’t you ready for that?”
She settled in, shifting around. I could tell her hip was bothering her by the way she moved, but she wasn’t limping. I waited until she was comfortable before I snapped on a new pair of gloves.
“Can I ask you something?” I wheeled around to her left side and turned on the tattoo machine.
“Sure,” she said with a hint of apprehension.
“How often do you have to take painkillers?”
“You mean because of my hip?”
“Is there other pain?” It hadn’t occurred to me there might be additional issues, although it should have.
“Sometimes I get headaches. At first I had them almost every day, but they’re fairly infrequent now.”
“Are they like migraines?” The needle touched her skin, pigment pushing under the surface, giving dimension to the outline almost immediately.
“I guess that’s the best way to describe them. It used to feel like someone was stabbing me in the head. They’d come on without any warning. One second I’d be in the middle of doing something, and the next I’d be on the floor. It was scary.”
“Did they ever figure out the cause?”
“There was nothing concrete, just lots of hypotheticals. I think it might have had to do more with the trauma. My vision would go white and I’d have vague flashes of what happened. I was in so much pain, I couldn’t hold on to the memories—not that I wanted to anyway. After a few months the headaches started to subside, and I could remember most of what happened.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “Sorry, that’s not what you asked about. Now it’s just my hip that causes problems.”
“It’s cool. These are all things I want to know, if you want to tell me.” I kissed her temple.
“It’s easier to talk about than it used to be,” she said softly. “You mean since you came back from Arden Hills?” A few seconds passed before she replied, and I worried that I’d pushed too much.
“Before I left, I was trying so hard to keep my life here separate from what had happened. It’s not like that anymore.”
“I’m glad.”
“Me, too.” She was quiet for a minute. “Anyway, you were asking about my hip.”
“So it’s better now than it was?”
“Most days. The cold seems to be a problem, but fortunately I don’t have to take anything too strong anymore.” She took a deep breath before she continued. “The doctors had me on a morphine drip in the beginning. I was in such a haze, I didn’t know what was real and what wasn’t for the longest time. I couldn’t figure out why Trey was the only person I saw. I’m sure it was better that way.”
I put the tattoo machine down. “You mean you didn’t know everyone was gone?”
She shifted to look at me, her eyes ancient. “Not at first.”
“How long was it before you found out?”
“A week—maybe two at the most? My memories of that time aren’t very clear. I was in and out of consciousness, so I can’t be sure. Trey was the one who told me, obviously. I had a complete breakdown. It was . . . awful. Deep down, I knew the nightmares I was having weren’t just dreams, but I didn’t want to believe it.”
I couldn’t fathom waking up in traction, with broken bones and third-degree burns, only to find out everyone I cared about was dead. Just thinking about it gave me the chills.
“Anyway”—Tenley cleared her throat—“I don’t know if this is the best my hip is going to get or not, but it’s much better than it was.”
“What do the doctors say?”
“As far as they’re concerned, the surgery was a success. I was in bed for weeks before I was allowed to start walking. But I can walk fine most of the time and I have full range of motion, at least for now. There was a lot of damage; the doctors say I’ll need a hip replacement eventually.”
“That doesn’t sound good.” I didn’t like the prospect of her having to endure something like that again.
“It won’t be for a long time, though.”
I wondered if we would still be together by then. I couldn’t imagine my world without her, but I hadn’t anticipated losing my parents the way I did, either. Heart attacks I understood; car accidents; even freak plane crashes. But murder . . .
That was the fear that had petrified me into distancing myself from even the most important people in my life. It was why I hadn’t pursued Tenley initially. I’d had a feeling that getting close to her wouldn’t stop at sex, and I’d been right. She’d found a way between the cracks in my armor and blew it apart. I wanted to have the same effect on her.
27
TENLEY
As unconventional as it was to spend Christmas Day in Inked Armor, the tattoo session was what I needed. The soothing buzz of the machine and the sting of the needle distracted me from the pain of the memories I shared with Hayden.
“Do you think we could go to the storage unit tomorrow?” he asked as he made another pass with a damp cloth.
“Of course.” I hadn’t expected he would want to go so soon.
“I haven’t been there since I first moved into my condo. I was going to take some of my parent’s furniture, but I couldn’t do it. It all reminded me of what I’d lost.”
“Did you go alone?”
“Yeah. But you’ll be with me this time, so maybe it won’t be so hard.”
I hoped that would be true.
Eventually we found our way back to the topic of last night, and Hayden tentatively raised the subject of New Year’s. Lisa had called him several times today. The first time, she mentioned Times Square. The second call was about keeping it local. Hayden said they could talk about it tomorrow. My vote was for local, but I could handle a road trip if everyone was driving.
“What do you usually do on Christmas Day?” I asked.
I could see him shrug in my peripheral vision. “Not much. Sometimes we stay at Cassie’s and have brunch in the morning. Mostly we just sit around and get shitfaced. Usually I’m too hammered to drive my ass home and I have to stay another night.”
I read between the lines. The holidays at Cassie’s were a way for the people who cared about him to keep an eye on him.
“We could have gone back there today. We still can, if you want to.” I didn’t want to take him away from the people who cared so much about him.
“Nah. As selfish as it is, I want you to myself today. Besides, if we end up going somewhere for New Year’s with everyone else, we won’t get much time alone.”
“We need to take your car to the body shop.” I felt bad about the damage to the hood.
“I have a guy I deal with. He can fix her up no problem.”
“That means we have to take my car if we
go on a road trip.”
Hayden made a face. “I guess. I’d rather drive your car than the douche mobile.”
“I’m selling the BMW,” I replied, my focus on his tapping foot.
“I can help with that,” he said quickly, apparently as eager to get rid of it as I was.
“That would be good.” I was done taking care of everything on my own.
“We’ll get on it next week.”
“The sooner the better.”
Hayden lifted the needle from my skin and wiped my shoulder with a damp cloth. “Is it because of what you found in there?”
“That’s part of it.” Every time I looked at the car now, I recalled what Trey had said while I was in Arden Hills. Even if it was said out of spite, I’d never know the truth and I didn’t want the lingering reminder.
“What are your other reasons for selling it?”
“You’re not a fan of the car.” Hayden loathed the BMW, and it wasn’t just because he believed they belonged to pretentious jerk-offs.
“You don’t have to get rid of it because I don’t like it.”
“Connor and I took a break during the last semester of my undergrad,” I blurted.
The buzz of the tattoo machine ceased. “You broke up?”
“For a while.”
This was one thing I hadn’t talked about; not with my girlfriends or my mom. I’d made the decision and pretended it was no big deal. In reality, it had been painful. I’d hated the separation, mostly because I was scared of the unknown.
“Did you date other people?” His voice had an edge.
“A bit. Mostly, I just needed space. Connor backed out of a trip home because he was overloaded with work. He got shitty about it. His program was rigorous and so was mine. I couldn’t afford the distraction. The added stress was affecting my marks, and the only way I could manage tuition at Northwestern was with a scholarship, so I suggested we take some time off from each other.”
“And he was okay with that?” The tattoo machine started up again, thankfully. I needed Hayden’s focus away from my face.
“No, not at all. It became this huge fight. He hung up on me and I didn’t call him back. I figured when he calmed down, he’d understand my logic and see it made sense.” That hadn’t been the case.
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