by Kahlen Aymes
His tone was hard when he spoke. “Sounds like you’ve made up your mind, but if you’re asking me what I think, then…no. I don’t have time to discuss it right now.”
Anger swelled at his easy dismissal. “Well, it’s not about you. It’s about me.”
“Yes, I can see that it’s not about me.”
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I felt fragile and blinked rapidly to erase the tears as I busied myself with cleaning up the food. In seconds, everything was shoved back in the bag and I didn’t give a damn if either one of us was finished or not.
“I have to get back to work. We can talk tonight,” Ryan dismissed me again. I stood up straighter and against my will, my chin jutted out in defiance.
“No. We can’t talk tonight. I have plans. Enjoy…whatever the hell it is you do with your time. Maybe I’ll leave you a note taped to the bathroom mirror, or we can send up fucking smoke signals, since you don’t seem to have any time to spend with me these days.” I started laughing in strained hysteria.
He ignored the second part of my statement. “What plans?” he asked angrily and roughly took hold of my arm. I stilled and looked up at him through pain-filled eyes.
“I’m going out,” I said flatly. Electricity passed between us where his hand held me…like always. Except this time it hurt. I was mad and I felt alone as hell.
“With whom?” he asked harshly, making no move to let me go.
“Does it matter? It sure as hell won’t be you.” My voice thickened in regret as I tried to pull my arm free and turn away.
“Julia, stop! Tell me. Now!” Ryan demanded as his hand tightened around my arm. People walking by started to take notice, sending glances and curious looks our way. I stopped struggling immediately. I didn’t want it to appear he was holding me against my will. Ryan held me without touch, without words…no matter how angry I was. Panic filled his face and I huffed.
“Oh shit, Ryan! Jenna!! Just Jen…but you know, maybe we’ll both find someone to pay a little attention to us. We could both use it. You and Aaron…you’re both so damn blind.” I yanked my arm free and started to walk away, only making five steps before both of his hands closed over my shoulders.
“I said stop!” he said through clenched teeth, eyes flashing fire.
“You’re so jealous and it’s completely irrational. When I came here today, I planned on telling you that I didn’t want to go without you.” I was breathing hard and losing the fragile hold on my emotions. “I’m standing here, and all I want is you with me. And you’re pissed because I’m going somewhere without you, when it’s your choice!! It’s been your choice, Ryan! Can’t you see how insane that is?” I laughed nervously. “I mean, if it wasn’t so fucked up, it’d be funny!”
I shook my head and glared until finally he let me go. His breathing elevated and one of his arms dropped to his side and he ran the other hand through his hair as he turned his back, but stood stone still.
I tried to steady my voice. “I can see you have better things to do, so have fun with that,” I said softly and he turned quickly toward me again. I ignored him and walked back in the direction I’d come. The path, flowers and people, blurred in front of me as I picked up my pace.
“Julia!” Ryan yelled behind me. “Julia! Where are you going tonight? I don’t have time for this shit right now! I have to get to work!” My heart thumped in my chest but I forced myself to keep walking. “Goddamn it! Julia!”
I pretended that I didn’t hear him and threw the trash in a receptacle as I passed. Before I even reached the car, my phone vibrated in my purse. I opened the door and squeezed the steering wheel so hard it hurt. I tried not to look at the words on the screen.
Tell me where you’re going to be. I’ll be there.
*****
“Did you text Ryan back?” Jen asked anxiously. The music was loud, the lights low and flashing. The bass drums vibrated in my chest. Jenna had her hair piled up on her head and we both had on tight jeans and high heels. I splurged and bought some new Kenneth Cole’s. Not quite Prada or Louboutin, but then if I were in New York, I’d have my nicely stocked closet.
“No.” While I was still pissed, most of what I was feeling was hurt. This whole cat and mouse game with Ryan was getting old. He’d texted three more times, growing more and more upset.
Jen was bouncing to the music and sipping her second chocolate martini. I wrinkled my nose in distaste. Gross.
“Well, Ryan’s got Aaron texting me, now. You didn’t tell him how I felt, did you, Julia?”
I shook my head and motioned that I’d zipped my lip. “Never.”
“Good. Let them cool their jets for a while.”
We started giggling, my white wine adding to my relaxation. Jen’s bright blue top was covered with sequins, but I’d chosen a tamer option. A low cut, white sleeveless top in jersey. It draped nicely in the scooped neckline leaving the top slopes of my breasts bare. I didn’t wear a necklace, only some long drop diamond earrings and…I looked down at my left hand, still adorned with the delicate bracelet and engagement ring. They sparkled in the low candlelight. I put my right hand protectively over the bracelet. My hair was wilder than normal, as if I’d been caught in the wind, but Jenna nodded her approval when we finished at the salon. It did feel good to get dressed up and go out. The only thing that could make it better were if Ryan were here.
You’re pathetic, Julia. Can’t you get through a few hours without thinking of him? I cringed at my own weakness.
Goodlife was busier, livelier, darker and more fun now than it had been at lunch with Ryan. I started to sway to the beat and we started to sing.
“Between those rocks and that sappy look on your face, you’re killing my buzz, Julia. No guys will ask us to dance.”
“We’re not here to pick up guys.” I bit my lip and shook my head.
“No, but I want to dance.” She shimmied her shoulders. “We can dance. They can look but not touch. Nothing wrong with that.”
I laughed happily. “Ryan wouldn’t agree.”
“Who?” She widened her eyes and pursed her lips. “Who did you just mention?” she asked caustically.
“Okay. Point taken.” Another message vibrated the phone in my pocket. Despite the dirty look from Jen, I pulled it out.
Julia, I’m done playing around. Tell me where you are, NOW!
I sighed. Who was I kidding? Ryan was clearly upset and I didn’t want to hurt him.
“What has Aaron said? Has he called?”
Jenna took a big swallow of her drink. “Oh, yeah. He seems a tad put out.”
“Ryan’s pissed.” I picked up my wine and almost choked as Jen grabbed my phone from me. I burst out laughing. “Oh my God!” I gasped. “Are you trying to get me in more trouble?”
“Hell, yeah!” She started typing and I tried to take it back but she held it out of my reach.
“No, Jen. Don’t.”
“Pfft. Lighten up, Jules.”
We’re at Goodlife. Julia looks hot. If I were you, I’d get your ass over here pronto. Jen.
She handed the phone back and I breathed a sigh of relief. It could have been worse.
“I’d say we have about thirty minutes to get drunker and find some victims to dance with. No way in hell are they walking in here to find us sitting alone. Uh uh.” She picked up her glass again and clanked it against mine. “Cheers!” She tossed back her drink and waved the barmaid over for another round. Dancing sounded fun…but part of me was reluctant. What I really wanted was for Ryan to take hold of me for the rest of the night.
“Holy hell,” Jenna groaned in disgust as she looked across the bar.
“What?”
“Ugh. Just that dipshit that’s always chasing after your man.” My head snapped in the direction Jenna was looking and my stomach clenched. “Joy.”
It had to be Liza. Strawberry blonde hair, pretty features, thin figure. “Oh.” My mouth formed the word, but nothing came out.
“No
shit. Well, we’re safe enough until Ryan walks through that door.”
“Why?”
“That girl is like a bitch in heat where he’s concerned. She’s made many pathetic attempts to get him in the sack. She’s sad.” I visibly stiffened and Jen noticed. “Julia, don’t worry. Ryan never touched her, but you need to be thick-skinned. That bitch is relentless. Can you handle it?”
“I think so, but that will depend on Ryan.”
“Let’s have some fun with it. He’ll own you when he gets here, trust me.”
“I hope he brings Aaron. This was supposed to be for you, too.”
“Ryan will insist Aaron come along. He’d never leave me here alone when he hauls your little ass out.”
“He won’t haul my ass out,” I mocked.
“Remember, Caveman Ryan is hotter than hell, and have no doubt…he will. Either that or Liza will finally get an eyeful.”
“Surely he’s told her.”
“That bitch is deaf and dumb. Aaron said she practically stalks him on campus,” Jen said, sarcasm lacing her tone as her expression hardened.
I took another sip of my wine, thinking maybe I should switch to something stronger. Liza’s gaze raked me from head to toe. I resisted the urge to get up and pirouette. I started to silently seethe. It was stupid. I didn’t even know this woman; Ryan wasn’t even here, but I hated her on sight.
“Why is she staring?” I asked Jenna loudly. I had to practically yell, the music was so loud.
“She knows who you are and there is that big rock on your hand, Julia.” Jen mocked in false exasperation before she smiled happily.
“Oh, the same one that you wished I didn’t wear tonight?” I teased.
“Yeah. Let’s go dance!” A particularly rhythmic song was pumping through the sound system as she tugged me toward the dance floor.
“But…without guys?”
By the time we got on the floor, a new song started. Several men were checking us out as I cocked an eyebrow at Jenna. She was grinning and nodding, clearly aware. I had to admit, it was flattering and fun. Girls being girls, I let myself start to move to the music.
I was lost in the music, the alcohol haze dimming my common sense and thoughts of any consequences of my actions. The men at the far table whistled and sent cat calls our way. I just laughed. Jen flirted with them a little until suddenly Aaron appeared in between us and grabbed her by the arm. “Jenna! This shit is not happening!” he yelled, his face angry.
My eyes searched for a set of burning blue ones.
Ryan was standing at the table that Jen and I had vacated, clued in by the purses and blazers on the chairs. His face was hard as he stared at me.
“What the hell?” Jen said to Aaron behind me. “Did you miss me or something?” The noise in the club muted her words.
Jen and Aaron’s arguing dimmed when someone grabbed my hand. One of the men from the table on the end was standing in front of me.
“Want to dance? Looks like your friend is busy.”
“Uh…thank you, no…” I’d barely begun when a steel band wrapped around me from behind and my left wrist was grasped in an iron vice. “Oof…” I grunted as the air was knocked from my lungs. Ryan’s cologne engulfed me when I sucked in my next breath.
“See this, dickhead?” Ryan growled. He shoved the hand with my engagement ring up for the random man at the same time as he turned me back toward the table. “Are you fucking blind?” he spat out.
“Hardly. Dude, look at her. Any man would be stupid not to try.” Ryan’s face flushed and he looked at the shorter man sternly.
“Uh, no. Stupid would be if you don’t back the hell off and fast. This is over.”
The situation just struck me as funny and I burst out laughing. Ryan continued to walk to the table, my feet dangling off of the floor, finally setting me down.
“I’m glad you find this situation so fucking amusing,” he ground out. “What in the hell do you think you’re doing, Julia?”
I ran a finger down the front of his dark green, long sleeved t-shirt. He let it hang over the waistband of his jeans and I tugged at the hem. Looking up at him through half-lidded eyes, desire flooded through me; I wanted his arms around me. Now.
“Just dancing.” My voice lowered and my hand slid under his shirt to the defined muscles of his bare abdomen and the trail of hair leading down toward the waistband. His muscles contracted under my fingers as he sucked in his breath. “Jen is right.” Confusion flashed as his features softened slightly. “Caveman Ryan is hot. Soooo hot.” The corners of my mouth lifted in a soft, teasing smile and he finally slid his arms around me.
“Quit it. Flattery won’t work.” His mouth twitched with the effort of keeping his smile at bay and his eyes twinkled. “At least, not yet.”
“Mmmm…” I sighed into him, burying my nose into his neck and resting my forehead on the strong line of his jaw. “You feel good. You smell good. Bet you taste good, too,” I murmured happily.
“Julia, are you drunk?” he asked as he pulled me in between his knees. He pushed my hair off of my face to cup the side of my cheek and then slid his hand further around the back of my neck. He looked intently into my eyes, his long fingers stroking my skin.
“Only a little,” I said honestly. I couldn’t look away from those blue depths. I was completely mesmerized. “I’ve missed you.” I gravitated toward him, my nose brushed against his, his warm breath rushing over my face as he exhaled.
He nodded and swallowed. “I miss you like crazy, too.” His hands were roaming over my back and hips, pulling me closer into his chest, his fingers kneading, probing. I couldn’t resist, I let mine slide over his shoulders to the back of his head and into the thick hair. “Ugh, Julia. Why do you do this to me? I should be so mad right now, but I want nothing more than to kiss you senseless.”
My fingers tugged on his hair, daring him to bring his mouth to mine. “I want more than that,” I whispered against his mouth. “But, if kisses are all you’ll give me, I’ll take every single one.”
He resisted the kisses I was dying for, his mouth hovering over mine. The music beat out a rhythm as his fingers continued to knead my flesh. My pulse quickened. “Do you enjoy tormenting me?”
“There’s no need for it, Ryan. All of this stuff that has you in agony, you can have it. I’m right here in front of you…and I want you.” My voice was filled with sex and I meant every word as I continued to nuzzle into him. “Why won’t you do it?” The moment was so intimate it felt like we were the only two people that existed. I wanted to drown in him.
He groaned; the back of his fingers floated along the swelling flesh above the neckline of my top, his eyes following their path. “It’s not that simple. It isn’t just about what I want.”
“Yes it is. Don’t you know that?” His eyes rose from my breasts to my mouth and I closed my eyes. He was going to kiss me, finally. I waited, and then opened my eyes as he pulled away slightly and I moaned in protest. Ugh!
Ryan must have ordered drinks while I was still on the dance floor because the waitress walked over with four beers, another chocolate martini and a glass of white wine. He shifted me to one side, his arm still firmly clasped around my waist, and dug in his front pocket for his money clip.
“Hold this honey?” he asked. I took the money clip and he pulled thirty dollars out and handed it over before shoving it back into his jeans. He tugged on my arm gently and I fell to sit on his lap. I glanced back at the dance floor and Aaron and Jenna were making out with relish.
“Hey…wasn’t Aaron supposed to propose to Jen when you moved to Boston? I remember a conversation we had…you said not to mention it because Aaron wanted it to be a surprise.”
“I much preferred the conversation that just got interrupted,” he grumbled and picked up one of the beers taking a long pull on it. I smiled and leaned down to place a wet kiss on the sensitive place beneath his ear. I lingered slightly and touched the tip of my tongue to his skin. Maybe the alco
hol was making me bolder than usual, but I didn’t care. He moaned and turned toward me, finally finding my mouth with his own. The kiss was soft, teasing and nowhere near long enough.
My fingers brushed his jaw when I spoke. “Yes, but Jen has been sad. She wants to get married.”
“I agree he should marry her. She deserves it. She’s put in her time.”
I studied his face. “Is that why you proposed to me? Because I’d put in my time?”
His eyes settled and burned. “I proposed to you because my life began when I met you. I can’t live without you,” the words almost ripped from his chest and my heart swelled to bursting.
“Why are you trying to, then?”
“I’m not. I’m only trying to protect you and let you remember when you’re ready.”
I nodded. He was telling the truth and really thought he was doing the right thing.
“So does that mean you won’t make love to me tonight?” I smiled sweetly.
His eyes didn’t move from my face as I waited for the answer. “Julia, don’t torture us both. It will happen when the time is right.” My eyes stung and my throat tightened so much I had to look away. “I love you. You are the most beautiful, desirable woman I have ever laid eyes on. There can be no one else for me. Not in this or a hundred lifetimes.” His thumb nudged my chin up. “Hey, look at me. You know you’re it for me.” His lips lifted in a small smile. “I mean, I chased all over town looking for you and I’ve got the worst case of blue balls I’ve ever had. You make me want you much. You tease the shit out of me.”
I smiled despite myself.
“Don’t think I don’t know what you’re doing. The little outfits, the little touches…why do you think I live at the hospital? You’re killing me…I’m dying with wanting.”
“Hey Ryan, who’s your little friend?” a snarky voice broke into our Ryan and Julia bubble.
I didn’t wait for him to introduce us, my eyes meeting Liza’s without flinching. “I’m Julia. And you must be…Lola, right?” I widened my eyes and asked in mock innocence. Ryan’s head fell forward, his shoulders shaking. He was laughing his ass off.