I woke up to Matthew’s voice in my ear. “Elena, it’s time to wake up.”
His front was to my back, and I could tell the air outside the covers was cold—the fire must have gone out—but Matthew was like a furnace. I burrowed my back into him, feeling guilty when I felt proof of his arousal. Guilt washed through me.
I rolled to my side and faced him. “You made me feel . . .” How did I describe last night? “Incredible. And although I don’t know much about sex, I do know that a man needs release.”
To my surprise, his face turned red. “Elena, my duty was to strengthen you and give you what I could.”
I tried to sit up. “Duty?”
He gently pushed me back down. “Honor. Privilege. Joy.”
I wanted to argue with him, but the expression on his face said he spoke true.
He brushed a strand of hair from my face. “How are you feeling today?”
I stopped to give it some thought. “Honestly, I feel really good right now. Well rested, and I don’t feel weak.” I paused. “What about you?”
A smile lit up his eyes. “Whatever happened to us didn’t make me weaker. Your fears were for naught. Did you give something of yourself away to me? Are you weaker?”
“No. You gave me something and made me stronger.” Which meant the thing in me probably wasn’t going anywhere. I’d secretly hoped we could appease it and leave it alone, but I could feel it inside me. Hungry for more. “If the priestess is right, there’s no getting rid of it, is there? I will forever be a slave to the magic inside me.”
Worry filled his eyes. “Oh, my little flower . . .”
I place a gentle kiss on his mouth. “I lost the ability to choose my own path the day I was born, Matthew. Don’t feel sorry for me.”
“But that’s not true, is it? You chose not to stay and marry Leonardo.” The corners of his mouth tipped up into a hint of a smile. “You chose to feed the orphans.”
“How could I not feed the orphans?” I scoffed. “How could I let them starve when I never have to worry about food?”
“The king didn’t concern himself. And neither did the queen.”
I frowned. He was right. “They had other things to concern themselves with.”
“What could be more important than caring for the innocent, who cannot care for themselves?” he asked. “Maybe that’s the most important thing.”
I’d never considered that.
“I was one of those orphans,” he said, then grinned. “Well, not one of those orphans—the ones you care for—but I was an orphan until I applied for an apprenticeship in the guard school.” His smile fell. “I lived a loveless, difficult life, Elena. My only hope had been the chance at an apprenticeship. I don’t know what I would have done if I hadn’t made it.”
I lifted my hand to his face, smoothing out his frown with my fingertips. “You don’t have to worry about the what-ifs, because you did make it.”
And look where that had gotten him.
His hand covered mine. “Only a few days after we were made your guardsmen, you came to the guards’ house and found us, then announced that now that you had your own guard, you were going to start exploring the village.” He chuckled. “Liam nearly crapped himself. He hadn’t been pleased about his assignment to your guard, even though he was happy we all stayed together, but he mourned the excitement we would miss being assigned to you.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “Be careful what you wish for.”
He grinned too. “But after the vows ceremony, something happened. He took our assignment much more seriously. So when you announced, as big as you please, that you were going to the village and we were welcome to come if we wished . . . it was nearly his undoing.” Matthew laughed. “Liam is all about planning, and he’d had no time to plan for all the possibilities of what could go wrong. And the fact you never felt compelled to stay with us . . . wandering off without giving us a backward glance. It was as though someone had taken off your leash and set you free.”
“And that’s exactly how it felt. I’d literally been locked in the castle for fifteen years, rarely leaving. I was ready to see the world.” I laughed. “Even if it was just the nearby village.”
“But when you saw the orphans.” His voice became quiet. “The horror in your eyes when you saw how they were living. How hungry they were. The way you handed out the little food your handmaid carried . . .” Adoration filled his eyes. “That was the moment I knew I loved you, Elena. You vowed on the spot that you wouldn’t fail them. And you didn’t. You went nearly every day, even after your father began to resent it.”
My eyes widened. Matthew loved me?
But Matthew mistook my surprise. “The people love you, Elena. You are the people’s princess. They know you care for them. Your father exploits them.”
“Your words are treasonous, Matthew.”
He chuckled. “I crossed that line days ago, my little flower.” Then he kissed me.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered when he pulled away.
“Why?” he asked in surprise.
“Because you love me.”
He shook his head. The love in his eyes took my breath away. “It’s a gift, Elena. I’ll bear any hardships willingly.”
I heard a loud thunk on the other side of the door.
Matthew gave me one more lingering kiss, then said, “Loving and defending you is my life’s purpose.” Then he got up and grabbed his pants off the floor. “Stay under the covers and stay warm. I’ll get your clothes.”
“Don’t be silly,” I said. “I can get up and get clothes out of my bag.”
“Elena.” His voice was insistent. “We need you to stay warm as long as possible. I shouldn’t have let the fire die out, but I smell the smoke of a fire in the other room. Stay under the covers, and I’ll be back.”
He was back only a few minutes later, with an armful of clothes. He shut the door behind him.
“Where did those come from?”
“The mistress of the cottage, I’m guessing,” Matthew said.
“I’m not stealing someone else’s clothes.”
“Her clothes are more suitable for the cold, Elena. Besides, she’s not here.”
“What happens when she comes back and finds her clothes are gone?”
He was silent, and from the look on his face, I realized he didn’t think she was coming back.
“Oh.”
I got out of bed, and I was surprised that he had quite a few layers of clothes. A new shirt. An underdress and an overdress. Undergarments. And most surprising, a pair of breeches.
“I think those will fit you,” he said.
I put everything on and grabbed the scissors out of my bag. I felt guilty destroying the woman’s dress, but maybe I could find a way to repay her, in the event she returned.
After I put on two pairs of socks, I stuffed my feet into my boots and slipped my knife into its now-familiar place.
Matthew frowned.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“While I’m glad you carry that thing, it also makes me feel like we’re failing you. I’m failing you. Especially after you were attacked.”
I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed him. “You are one of five, Matthew. My safety is not solely dependent on you.”
My words sobered us both. One of five.
His hands encircled my upper arms. “Once we leave this room, our time is done.”
A sad smile twisted my lips. “I know.”
“Thank you for this precious gift, my little flower. It’s more than I ever dared to hope for.” Then he opened the door and walked out.
It took me a second to pull myself together and walk out of the room, but I knew I couldn’t hide all day. To buy myself more time, I brushed and braided my hair and left it hanging over my shoulder. If I was going to try to pass as a commoner, then I needed to not only wear their clothes, but their hairstyle as well.
I walked out into the common area and found Tobias in front of the fire sharpening
his sword while Finn tended a pot over the stove. But then, the thing inside already knew they were there, just as it knew Dax and Liam were outside . . . and that Matthew had joined them.
“Good morning,” I said.
Both men turned to look at me.
“You look better,” Finn said.
“I feel better.”
His gaze held mine, but there was no judgment. I got the impression he was studying me to see if my words were true. He looked away. “I’m making oatmeal and hot tea. Liam and Dax are preparing the horses, and we’ll leave as soon as we finish eating.”
I nodded. “Can I help?”
He made a face that suggested my question was ridiculous, but I went to the cupboard and got out six bowls and spoons, then carried them over to the small table. Finn shot me a mock glare, then took one of the bowls from me, his fingers brushing mine.
The thing in my chest flared to life, and Finn’s eyes widened.
Horror washed through me, and I took a step back, dropping the stack. The dishes clattered to the floor, and my body heated with embarrassment—and if I were honest, hot desire.
What was wrong with me? I’d just shared the most intimate night of my life with Matthew, and now I wanted Finn. Tears stung my eyes. I knew what was wrong.
I rushed out the door, my breath catching when I hit the icy air. I was surprised to see several inches of snow had fallen.
“Elena,” Finn called, but I ignored him, lifting my skirts and running as fast as I could with the snow slowing my progress. There was a barn on the other side of the house, and I guessed that was where the others were, so I went the other way, toward a path in the barren trees that led over a small hill. I used my hands to help gain traction as I climbed, then nearly fell on my butt as I descended the other side. I saw a clump of pine trees that offered a break from the wind, and I headed for it, surprised to see steam rising from a small pool.
It was the hot spring Matthew and Dax had used to fill my tub.
There was a small snow-covered bench beside it, so I swept off as much snow as I could with my bare hand, instantly regretting my lack of foresight in not bringing mittens. Or a cape for that matter. My wet hand stung from the cold, but I sat on the bench and tucked it under my armpit.
I felt Finn before I saw him, the magic in me growing greedy. Maybe it was better to let me die. History was full of royal women accused of adultery, whether they’d committed it or not. How many had been hanged or burned or beheaded? If Leonardo found me and discovered my new nature, he would make his sacrifice and be done with me.
Could I blame him?
Finn quietly approached, or as quietly as the crunching snow would allow him. He sat down next to me and pulled my hand free from my armpit, then snagged the other one, tucking them both between his own. “Elena.”
I kept my eyes on the hot spring, thinking how smart the family was to build a house here.
He waited, but I didn’t want to talk about the reason he’d followed. How much humiliation could a person endure?
“When we reach the temple. . . ” I said, my voice small and raspy. I took a second and started again. “When we see the priestess, I think I should absolve all of you of your vows to protect me and stay there.”
“What?” His voice sounded so loud in the quiet forest, a flock of birds took off out of a nearby tree. “How can you say that?”
I looked up at him. “This isn’t natural. Finn. This isn’t right. You know that better than the others.”
“I’ll never condone letting you disavow us and staying at the temple. What is your end game? To become a priestess?” he asked in disgust.
I scowled. “I don’t know, Finn. Maybe.”
“You do know you have to be a virgin.”
I gasped and jumped off the bench. “I am still a virgin.”
My foot slipped on the snow, and Finn was instantly on his feet. He caught me and hauled me to his chest.
The magic inside me flared and felt the energy inside Finn, reaching out invisible tendrils in search of a way to reach him.
His hold was firm. He stared down at me, and I could see he was affected too.
“The thing in me wants you, Finn,” I said, placing the palm of my hand on his chest. The magic shot straight to my palm, anchoring it over his chest.
His body stiffened.
“I feel it in you, and it will make me do whatever I need to do to get it,” I said in a husky voice I wasn’t used to hearing come out of my mouth. “You say you can’t sleep with me, but we both know you want to.” It killed me to say it, but if I followed through with my idea to have my guards leave me at the temple, I needed an ally to fight with me.
“This isn’t you, Your Royal Highness,” he said stiffly, then took a deep breath as his fingers dug deeper into my arms.
“Are you so sure?”
“Yes.” He dropped his hold and took a few steps backward, looking like he wanted to run as far from me as he could get.
Tears stung my eyes again. I couldn’t believe I was doing this to him.
“Elena, don’t cry.”
He reached for me again, but I shook my head, wrapping my arms over my chest. “I’m hurting you, Finn. How can I not cry?”
“My pain is not your concern, Your Royal Highness.”
“If you really believe that, then you’re a fool,” I said. “Think about when you trained me when I was young. You were the first to rush to my side when I got hurt, but who was the first to rush to yours?”
His shoulders stiffened in annoyance. “Guards do not run to one another when they get knocked down.”
“I went to you,” I said softly.
“You are not a guard.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “No, I’m not.” I hadn’t meant for it to sound sultry, yet the magic was still greedy.
His eyes turned steely. “Maybe you are demon-filled.”
I’d been saying the same thing for days, yet it hurt to hear him say it so hatefully. “Then leave me at the temple.”
“I cannot.” He turned and started to walk away.
I heard the low growl behind me—a low vibration—and froze, realizing that the only weapon I had on me was the knife in my boot, but if the thing behind me was what I thought it was, that wouldn’t do me much good.
Finn froze and slowly turned around, his eyes wide, confirming my fear. He slowly drew his sword, the whisper of metal sounding louder in this winter wonderland.
“Elena,” he said so quietly I could barely hear him. “I need you to do exactly as I say.”
I didn’t dare move, but I hoped the expression on my face told him he’d get no argument.
He took a step closer, his sword drawn, and I realized he planned to fight it single-handedly.
“Slowly drop to a squat, Elena. Very, very slow.”
I did as he said, my thighs protesting the slow speed. I reached for the knife in my boot.
The thing behind me released another slow growl, and I dared to sneak a glance, confirming my fears. It was a nearly six-foot-long corsair, only it was stark white. Everyone knew that the snow corsairs had died out centuries ago.
Supposedly when magic died.
A new fear washed through me. Legend had it that snow corsairs could only be stopped with a mixture of blade and magic. Finn and I both had blades, but was the thing in me really magic?
The animal sniffed the air with its large nose, then turned to me, lowering his face to the ground and eyeing me as though planning his attack. He stared into my face and sniffed again. His nostrils flared and his back end rose as he prepared to attack.
“Hey, you filthy beast!” Finn shouted, clapping his free hand on his leg to attract the cat’s attention. “Come join a real fight!”
The creature turned his head slightly and gave Finn an appraising look. Then as though deciding he wasn’t worth the effort, the creature turned back to me and inched sideways, away from Finn.
“Elena,” Finn said, his voice tight wi
th fear. “I need you to slowly curl into a ball.”
The cat stared at me and licked his upper lip. I could swear he understood what Finn said. If he could understand, then I needed to do the opposite of what Finn suggested. Still squatted, I held the knife in my hand, ready to stab the creature in the neck if I could reach my intended mark. The corsair sprang off the ground, leaping for me with his three-inch claws extended.
I briefly considered jumping to the side, then prepared to dive forward instead, hoping the claws would get my legs rather than my head and shoulders. Just before it reached me, I froze, unable to move, and wished I could just sink into the ground.
The ground rumbled and my stomach dropped. I resisted the urge to scream as I felt myself falling. Then I was plunged into darkness. I would have wondered if I was dead, but I heard the corsair growling over my head.
I was in a small pit about six feet deep, and two and a half feet in diameter. I was now half standing, half squatting, and the snow corsair was above me.
I heard my guards shout my name—they’d obviously heard Finn shouting—and the corsair moved from its position over the hole and released a loud roar. Then I heard chaos—men shouting and animal snarls. But within a half minute, the corsair was quieted and I saw Liam’s face over the hole.
“Ellie?” he sounded terrified.
“I’m fine. He never touched me.”
Liam reached down for the blade I had extended over my head and tossed it to the side, then reached back in and hauled me out. When my feet were on the ground, his hands roamed my body, looking for any sign of injury. Once he was satisfied I was okay, his arms wrapped around me and held me close.
“What in the name of the gods happened?” Liam demanded, still holding me in a vise-like hold. “How did a corsair get within three fucking feet of her?”
I scanned my guards, making sure they were all okay. All their chests were heaving from their exertion, and Matthew’s arm was covered in blood.
I pulled loose from Liam and rushed to him. “Matthew. You were injured!”
Guilt filled Finn’s eyes as I walked past him to Matthew. I put my hand on his forearm as I took in the rips in his sleeve and the blood dripping to the ground.
“It’s just a scratch.”
Heiress of Light: Magic Reborn (Reverse Harem) Page 13