“Lexie, I know this is your tradition.” He began slowly, his usual speed when he was trying to say something without offending someone. He spoke slowly, thinking over each word. “But some of the others might benefit from this also.” I looked back towards the altar. I hadn’t thought about that. This was just something I did. But it did sound like something Asher would like. “Would you mind if I invited them out here? To light some candles?” His voice was pained. “If not, it’s okay. I’d understand. It’s extremely personal.” I smiled gently. Miles never asked anything for himself, it was always for someone else. It was one of the things I loved about him.
“If you think it would help.” He gave my hand a squeeze before letting go. He got up and walked to the foyer to make the calls. I went back to thinking about Dad and Mary Summers. I didn’t cry again; my crying was done for this year. I focused on the good things about Mary Summers, and the good times with my Dad. It wasn’t too long before the doors opened again. Heavy footsteps moved along the wood floor. I figured it was Asher and didn’t bother to turn around. The footsteps walked into the alcove. I kept looking at the front of the church, he didn’t need me watching him. Then I got a whiff of engine grease. Stunned, I looked over to see Zeke lighting two candles and blowing out the match. I looked back to the front of the church not wanting him to know I was watching. Zeke’s footsteps came towards me, I slid over in the pew to make room. He sat down next to me his hands on his legs. It was a few heartbeats before he said anything.
“Now what?” He asked gruffly.
“I think about my Dad,” I said quietly. “And let myself feel how much I miss him. I usually don’t-”
“Let yourself during the rest of the year.” Zeke finished for me, his gravelly voice quiet. “I do that too.” I didn’t say anything. There was nothing that needed to be said. I just reached over and held his hand like Miles did for me. Zeke's fingers gave me a squeeze. Over the next fifteen minutes, I listened to Zeke’s breathing change to a few shaky breaths to deep calming ones then back to normal. I don’t know if he cried, I didn’t look at him. I held his hand and gave him what privacy I could. “Every year?” He asked softly.
“Yeah.”
“It helps?”
“It helps me to do something to show I remember.” I shrugged. “It’s my thing.” He gave my fingers a squeeze.
“It’s better than anything I’ve come up with.” He said gently. I leaned my temple against his arm just below his shoulder. We sat in silence for a few minutes before I felt him lean down and kiss the top of my head. “Thank you, Baby.”
“Anytime Tough Guy.” The back doors opened again. Big footsteps moved across the floor, this time it had to be Asher. We both stayed put while Asher lit his candle. When he came out of the alcove, Zeke gave my hand a squeeze before he let go and got to his feet. Zeke met Asher at the side of the pew.
“Did one for Alice too,” Zeke muttered to Asher his gaze over Asher’s shoulder. Asher nodded. Zeke turned away and headed out. Asher took Zeke’s spot next to me. I knew Alice was Asher’s Mom’s name. I understood Zeke doing that, the woman practically raised all the guys, but both of Zeke’s parents were dead. Why did he only light two? I pushed the thought away, no point in wondering about it right now. Asher was sitting next to me staring at the altar up front.
“What do I do now?” Asher’s rich voice was quiet. I reached over and took his hand.
“Now, you think about your Mom.” I kept my voice quiet and gentle. “And let yourself feel how you feel.” There was quiet, then I had to admit something. “I usually end up crying, but that’s just me.” He gave my hand a squeeze, I squeezed back and kept my gaze ahead of me. Asher did the same thing Zeke did. He stayed quiet, only his breathing let me know he what he was thinking about. And just like with Zeke I gave him what privacy I could. I just kept holding his hand. When his hand clamped down on mine, I peeked at him. His gaze was on the floor and tears were running down his face. He was taking deep shaking breaths, but the tears weren’t stopping. Everything in me ached for him. It had been only two years; his loss was much fresher than Zeke’s or mine. I remembered how hard that second Christmas without Dad had been. I leaned against his shoulder and hugged his arm with my free hand. I didn’t know what else to do. Eventually, when he was ready, the tears stopped falling. I just kept holding on to him. When he sniffed, I pulled some tissues out of my pocket and handed them to him without a word. I kept my eyes on the front of the church and waited. Eventually, he took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“Thanks, Ally.” His voice was a thick. “This actually helps.”
“Anytime Ash,” I whispered back.
“Miles said you lit two?”
“Dad and Mary Summers.” I sighed. “Someone should remember her.” It wasn’t long after that, that Asher got up and left the church. I was half expecting the twins to show up. But it was Miles that came and sat next to me again.
“No twins?”
“No. They both still feel guilty over Sophia.” Miles answered quietly. “It was a car wreck, Maria was driving. But still...”
“Knowing in your head and knowing in your heart are two different things.” I finished for him. Miles gave me a small smile.
“Yes. They really are.” He was quiet for a few heartbeats. “Are you alright?” I nodded.
“Yeah.” I looked at him and gave him a small half grin. “Next year we can all come as a group.” Miles cringed. “What?”
“I staggered Zeke and Asher for a reason. Neither one of them will talk with any of the others around. It’s why I stayed in the foyer.” He explained. It made sense.
“Maybe one day, years from now when everyone is more healed up.” I offered. He nodded. I sat with Miles a little longer before I was ready to go. I gave him a hug goodbye and headed home. I didn’t think about telling Rory about my tradition until I was in bed. Next year. Next year I’ll bring Rory too.
Chapter 15
Wednesday
Christmas Day
On Christmas morning I had a small Christmas with Rory. We made chocolate chip pancakes and opened the presents we had gotten each other. I gave him a remote-control drone that he immediately started playing with, and he gave me a certificate for painting the Blazer. I knew what he was doing, but I loved it anyway. Tara wasn’t there, she was coming in the afternoon. I left her present on the tree. A gift certificate to the spa in Northridge she’d been wanting to go to for months. Rory helped me pay for it, thankfully. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to buy presents for the guys. When we were done, there were still presents under the tree. I looked and smiled.
“Rory?”
“What?” He answered from the kitchen. He was busy making cocoa.
“Did you get the guys presents?” I asked with a big smile. I turned to watch him come back out of the kitchen with two mugs.
“Maybe.” He had his shit eating grin on his face. I took my mug and sat back down in my corner of the sofa.
“I saw their names, Rory.” I pointed out. “That’s not a maybe.” Rory snorted at me.
“Yeah, I got them presents.” He admitted openly. “Those boys are good kids. And none of them has a dad worth a fucking damn.” He looked over at me and shrugged. “There are some things that a father gives their son that no one should miss out on.” My eyes filled at his reasoning. My heart warming as I smiled at him.
“Thank you, Rory.” He narrowed his eyes at me.
“You didn’t get any extra presents.” He shot at me playfully. I laughed, and my eyes stopped filling.
“They’ll really appreciate it.” I pulled my cell phone out of my bra. “Want me to have them come over to open them?” Rory grinned at me and shook his head.
“Next year, this year I want you to take them with you to Miles' house.” I nodded. Next year the boys would have to come over. I smiled. I realized I wasn’t expecting them to leave me anymore. It was progress on my shit. I spent the rest of the morning with Rory, watch
ing Christmas movies on television. Around noon I bundled on blue jeans, and a purple thermal. Loaded up the gifts from Rory into the back and headed to Miles’ house. I walked in the front door, closing it behind me.
“I’m here!” I shouted before taking off my coat. I heard something, a weird noise. It was too far away to figure it out, so I decided to ignore it.
“Living room!” The guys called back. I smiled and walked into the living room. Everyone was already there; the twins were even still in jammies. I frowned at them.
“What the fuck! We could have done jammies?” I asked annoyed at the twins. “I got dressed you fuckers.” The guys chuckled. I just sighed. I made a face at them before going around the group and hugging each of them, everyone got a kiss on the cheek today. Zeke didn’t bother getting up from this side of the left couch. He gave me a quick squeeze and didn’t seem to mind the kiss to his cheek. Asher got off the far end of the left couch and gave me a good hug, not minding the kiss either. Miles got off the hearth to get his hug, his ears turned pink from his kiss on the cheek. Then I looked at the twins, still in their jammies. I smirked before I rushed over and jumped into Isaac’s lap, he laughed as I gave him his peck. Then I shifted and did a fall turn into Ethan’s lap. He gave me a kiss back. Everyone was laughing at me as I stayed in Ethan’s arms and looked at everyone.
“So, are we doing presents or what?” I asked them in a cutesy voice. They all smiled and got up, I climbed off Ethan. Everyone was picking up their presents when I had to stop Ethan. “Ethan, your present is heavier than it looks,” I warned him, his eyebrow went up before he picked it up. When everyone was done stacking, we sat down. I sat between the twins the others were back in their spots. Then we all looked at each other.
“Go!” Miles said. Everyone laughed as we started opening presents.
“Oh, Ash!” I looked up remembering his present. Asher looked up at me. “Open mine last.” He smirked.
“You might want to do the same thing,” Asher warned. I raised an eyebrow curious now. But I didn’t ask. I opened Zeke’s present, it was my own Leatherman multi-tool. Sweetness.
“Zeke, this is awesome. Thank you, sweetie!” I didn’t bother looking up.
“Now you can stop borrowing mine,” Zeke mumbled loudly. I snickered as I reached for another package.
“Beautiful, what the…?” I looked over at Ethan. He’d just opened the box full of music composing paper. I bit my lip wondering if he liked it. I had ordered as much as I could, it was one thousand pages. The stack was four inches thick. “Did you buy out the store?” He looked at me smiling. I snickered.
“Nope, online shopping at its best. The mailman did not like me that day.” Ethan laughed, still smiling big. He leaned over and hugged me.
“Thank you, Beautiful.” He whispered to me. I smiled, happy he liked it.
“You’re welcome, Snoopy,” I whispered back. He gave me a squeeze before letting go.
I went back the gift in my lap. I tore into the wrapping. My mouth dropped open. It was the most awesome purse I’ve ever seen. The black leather was slashed to show the red fabric underneath, making it look like dragon scales. This was the kind of purse I would use.
“Miles! Holy shit, where did you find this?!” I looked over at him, he pushed up his glasses and smiled.
“I found it online, I thought you might like it.” He said simply. “Look inside.” I raised an eyebrow and opened the purse, inside was a black flowy scarf. I pulled it out and smiled a big smile. It had written in white, different equations, some chemistry, some math I couldn’t even recognize. It looked like a chalkboard, and I loved it. I got up and climbed over the back of the couch, then I was on Miles. Hugging the shit out of him.
“I love them! Thank you so much!” The guys were laughing at me as I gave Miles another kiss on the cheek, his face turned red again.
“You’re welcome, Lexie.” He mumbled as I gave him another squeeze. I let him go and climbed back into my spot. I put the scarf back in the bag so I wouldn’t lose it.
“Red.” I looked over at Isaac who had just opened my gift to him, he was smiling. They were new fighting shorts, with black and white Asian symbols up the side. “These are perfect, my old ones weren’t fitting anymore.” I snorted.
“I know, I’ve seen more of your ass then I need to.” I shot at him. The guys burst out laughing. He leaned over and gave me a hug.
“Thank you, Lexie.” He whispered, before giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“You're welcome, hon.” I went back to opening my next present. It was an iPod shuffle.
“Ethan...” I said smiling. He snickered.
“Your mp3 sounded like shit,” Ethan said pointing at the shuffle. “This will sound much better, not perfect but better.” I gave him a big hug.
“Thank you so much, Snoopy,” I whispered. He gave me a big squeeze.
“You’re welcome.” He pulled back and smirked. “I gotta take care of those ears of yours. Besides, I’m also taking you shopping for some jewelry. I owe you.” I chuckled. I was reaching for another package when Miles got to his feet and went to the big rectangular gift leaning against the corner of the fireplace. I bit my lip.
“Lexie?” Miles asked his voice curious. My stomach knotted.
“Just open it quick, before I decide it’s not good enough.” I shot at him my voice pained. Everyone stopped and looked up. I was biting my lip when he started pulling off the paper. There was a big weight on my chest. I watched as he stepped back and looked at the huge canvas. I had painted the Andromeda galaxy. The best I could anyway. I managed the swirls of gasses, but it was the colors that were a bitch. There was a specific pinky purple that I absolutely hated mixing by the end. There were lots of violets, orange, white and lots of dark. I figured I couldn’t fuck up dark. Then trying to get the positions of the stars right had been a huge pain in the ass. But I tried, I’m sure a few stars were missing, but I tried. I held my breath as he looked it over. Oh, please don’t hate it, please don’t hate it.
“This is amazing, Lexie.” Miles' voice was an odd mix of impressed and surprised. He liked it? Was it accurate? I really wanted to know, but I was afraid to ask. Have some balls Lexie. I took a breath.
“So, you like it?” I asked painfully. He looked back at me a stunned look on his face.
“I freaking love it.” He said emphatically.
“Oh, thank God.” I exhaled, my body going limp. The guys laughed at me.
“It’s beautiful. And amazingly accurate.” He said looking at the canvas again.
“Oh good. I was afraid I left out something important.” I admitted. Miles shook his head.
“You got all the major stars, the colors, and even the tilt right.” He assured me before coming over, Isaac moved so Miles could hug me. “Thank you so much, I love it,” I admit I clung to him a little in relief.
“You’re welcome sweetie.” Then Miles let go and went back to his pile. I was reaching for another package when I got hit with a ball of paper. I looked up to find Zeke glaring at me.
“You went over the limit we set.” He accused me. I gave him my innocent face.
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” I said picking up another package. He frowned at me.
“Lexie, I know what these gloves cost. You went over.” He said in his grumpy voice.
“I got them on sale.” I lied through my teeth. His eyes narrowed at me. I kept my face neutral.
“You’re a bad liar, Lexie.” He told me. I narrowed my eyes at him.
“You want to talk about going over the limit?” I challenged him. I held up the Leatherman he bought me. “I know for a fact this was over the limit.” The guys burst out laughing. Then I looked at each of them.
“So far, all of you have gone over the limit.” I pointed out. The guys all tried to look innocent. I wasn’t buying it. I pointed at Zeke. “So, no bitching.” He smirked and shook his head at me. “Will they work? They are supposed to have excellent dexterity.”
He sighed and nodded.
“They are perfect. Thank you.” He said sweetly, well, as sweet as Zeke gets anyway.
“What did she get you?” Isaac asked. Zeke held up the gloves.
“Mechanic gloves, so I can work in the garage and not freeze my hands off,” Zeke replied.
“Oooh, good gift Red.” Isaac sounded impressed.
“You’re welcome, Zeke.” I smiled at him and reached for another present. It was Isaac’s. To be honest, I expected it to explode or something. I opened it, and my mouth dropped open. It was a pair of MMA sparring gloves. The gloves were padded over the knuckles, the short fingers left the last joints of your fingers open so you could grapple.
“Isaac?” I asked looking over at him. Isaac looked up and smiled.
“Yeah, Red. You start sparring after New Year’s.” He told me excitedly. I leaned over and gave him a big hug.
“Thank you, sweetie.” I kissed his cheek and pulled back. Then eyed him. “I’m not sparring with you am I?” He burst out laughing.
“No, Zeke would kill me. There’s a girl just starting, and she needs a sparring partner too. The trainers set it up.” He assured me. I smiled and put them in my new purse. Then there was Asher’s gift.
“Okay Ash, it's time for yours,” I warned him.
“Hold on, I want to open yours first,” Asher told me. Those knots were back, and it made me want to puke. As I watched him pull off the paper, my chest grew tight and heavy. Oh, it was probably a bad idea. I should have gotten him something else. SHIT! I bit my lip and waited for him to get mad and tell me I crossed the line or something. When Asher finally had the box open, he went still. I stopped breathing. “Ally…” Oh, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was out of line. I’m an idiot. My hands were shaking as he looked in the box. I bit the corner of my bottom lip hard. A few heartbeats later and he was looking up at me. His eyes were bright as he put the box down and walked around the coffee table. Oh, he’s pissed. He’s gonna kill me. He was going to strangle me. Instead, he knelt in front of me and pulled me into his arms. Oh, he wasn’t mad! Yay! Relief swept through me as I hugged him back. I heard him take several deep breaths. I just held on tight and fought to keep from shaking. “Thank you, Ally.” He whispered to me. “She would have loved it.” I bit the inside of my cheek to stop myself from crying.
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