She was up and out the door and Mason wondered how much more he could take.
***
Tears came so easily now, she didn’t care who saw her cry.
Mikala rolled onto her side and stared at the pink diamond glittering in the sunlight on her bedside table, reaching over she shoved it behind a book out of sight.
Yesterday would have been their wedding day, instead she spent the day in bed crying and alone just the way she wanted it.
There was no one to blame but herself for her unhappiness, she chose to cancel the wedding, it was all her doing. In a moment of self-pity, she forced Mason to call everyone and tell them the wedding was off. Mason was hurt at first, but soon got over it after finishing a mickey of Jack and spending the rest of the day passed-out in the hideaway.
A black dress bag hung from the door frame of the closet, her wedding dress sealed inside, she forced herself off the bed and hung it in the back of the closet and closed the door. She slumped back against the door and slid to the floor as new tears replaced the tear stained lines on her face and she sobbed her heart out.
Knowing it wasn’t the worst thing in the world not to hear, she simply couldn’t deal with the fact that she wouldn’t hear Mason when he vowed to love, honor and cherish her. And worse still, she wouldn’t hear her own voice vowing the same. Therefore it made perfect sense at the time to call it off, to give Mason the reprieve he needed to walk away from a life of caring for an invalid.
He was so angry after making the calls to cancel everything, that when she shoved him away, he scribbled his message and stormed from the room, she felt the vibration of a door slamming.
You’re not a fucking invalid sugar, everything else works just fine, quit the pity party and accept that I’m not going anywhere. If you never get your hearing back, I don’t care. I want you, all of you, the good, the bad and the parts that don’t work like they used to. Give me a few years and I’m sure there are parts of me that won’t work that great either. Marry me or don’t I’m not leaving. You can’t push me away.
Mikala caught a glimpse of her reflection in the standup mirror and cringed. Her hair was matted and dull, her already pale face was white like a ghost, her eyes were circled in black and her cheeks were hollow from the pounds she had lost from not eating. She touched her fingertips to her bare lips, the color missing, now dry and cracked and licked moisture back into them with her tongue.
Crawling on her hands and knees closer to the mirror, she sat and stared into her own eyes. They were empty pools of green, sad and vacant, her sparkle was gone and the whites of her eyes were so bloodshot they looked like they had been bleeding.
Her eyes moved down to the ratty t-shirt, tea stained and wrinkled beyond belief, she tugged at the hem and smoothed her hand over her chest but the wrinkles wouldn’t leave, memorized into the fabric. The cut off sweatpants, resembling shorts, were two sizes too large and her legs looked skinny and unkempt. She hadn’t bothered to shave, or apply lotion to her dry skin, and she hadn’t used deodorant in so long she was offending herself. The bright pink nail polish on her toes was chipped and in dire need of repair and a trimming.
“You’re a mess,” she whispered against the mirrors surface leaving a cloud of condensation on the glass.
She crawled into the bathroom and climbed into the shower without undressing. She sat on the floor allowing the hot water to soak into her skin. She thought of all the ways she pushed Mason away, including letting herself go and realized it hadn’t worked. He was still there, still fussing over her and loving her even as she attempted to reject him.
He really wasn’t going anywhere.
Mikala rose to her feet, stripped from her clothes and reached for the shampoo bottle. Tears streamed down her face as she cleansed her body, her mind and her soul and vowed to give life a second chance without the aid of sound. She deserved that much and Mason did too.
***
Mason stood at the sink washing out his coffee cup when a pair of arms wrapped around his torso and a soft warm body pushed against his back. He caught the scent of pears and dried his hands, clasped onto Mikala’s hands and spun her around to face him.
He beamed at the sight of her in one of his dress shirts, with her hair pinned up and bright red lipstick gracing her beautiful full lips. He held her arms out and looked her up and down, tapping his big toe to the side of hers noting freshly painted toenails and a silver toe ring she hadn’t worn in forever.
Releasing her hands, he fisted the lapel of the shirt and yanked her forward, his fingers trailed along the white pearl buttons and he grinned into her face before tearing his fists apart and watching pearl buttons scatter to the floor.
Naked beneath the shirt, he slipped it over her shoulders and let it fall to her feet. She was perfection, her porcelain skin was covered in a layer of goose bumps, her nipples puckered, a silver chain hung around her waist with a tiny set of handcuffs dangling from it. Mason swirled it around his index finger and smiled into her eyes. He hadn’t seen it in a very long time, he had actually forgotten giving it to her, she wore it always until her belly swelled beyond its length and she was forced to take it off while she was pregnant. She wore it as a submissive would wear a collar for her master, a symbol that she belonged to Mason alone, no other man could claim her. She was honored to wear it and here it sat around her waist again. She handed him a paper from the shirt pocket and smiled as he read it.
You remember the chain as do I, today I return it to my waist and wear it with pride to tell you I love you and I am forever yours.
I may not hear the words when you say them, but I remember the sound of I love you leaving your lips and always will.
Forgive me for my stupidity.
I love you.
They didn’t need words as Mason lifted her onto a stool and pulled his t-shirt over his head. It landed in the dirty dish water as did his sweatpants. He stood between her legs in nothing but a pair of socks, dipped a single digit between her folds and groaned when he discovered how wet she was.
“I need you now,” Mikala whispered, in fear of being overly loud and embarrassing herself. She rarely muttered a word for that very reason.
He pinched her chin between his fingers and mouthed, “I need you too, baby.”
Mikala wrapped her legs around his hips and moaned as the head of his cock slid easily inside her. She was so wet and ready.
His lips pressed to her ear and she could tell he was speaking, she could feel his hot breath against her ear, though she couldn’t hear a thing.
“Oh my God sugar, I’ve missed the feel of you.”
The feel of her muscles as they grasped onto his cock and he slipped deeper into her felt like heaven, Mason’s eyes closed as he threw his head back and waited for her to adjust. She pinched his nipples and laughed when his head jerked forward and he sucked a breath through his gritted teeth.
“Fuck,” he growled, drew back and rammed into her.
“Fuck,” she moaned, sinking her nails into his shoulders.
Pain for pleasure wasn’t his thing but at this moment, he was as turned on as he could get. Mason palmed her butt cheeks and lifted her into the air. Still buried to the hilt and growling like a wild animal, Mason backed her to the heavy plate glass window in the living room and heaved her against the glass.
Her arms spread across the glass, her fingers squealed down it as she fought to grasp onto something while Mason thrust rough and hard into her. Her body slipped easier up and down the glass as a thin layer of perspiration coated her back. His rhythm was fierce, uncontrolled and feral and her panting and gasping for air only egged him on more.
She wished she could hear the desperation behind heavy breaths to reach orgasm, the whimpers he let out as the last of his climax shot from him and the soft humming sound he purred when he was well sexually satisfied. But as each thrust increased in pace and she felt him thicken as he neared climax, she could only imagine him breathlessly saying, “Are you there?..
.I’m going to cum.”
Mason thrust forward and held deep inside as his seed filled her, he pulled back repeating the motion, Mikala could feel his cock pulsing and then they slowly glided to the floor. Mason cradled her as they sat with their legs tangled together, his hands grazing up and down her spine, her hands raking through his hair.
Still seated deep within her, their intimate connection holding them in place, he pulled back enough that they sat gazing into each other’s eyes, lost in the moment. Mikala brushed back droplets of sweat trickling from Mason’s hairline with her palms and smiled. He leaned in for a kiss and whispered I love you against her lips. Her tongue licked across his lips as a tear ran down her cheek.
“Baby, what’s wrong, what’s with the tears?” Mason asked, capturing a tear on the tip of his finger and studying it.
No reply.
Lifting her chin so she had to look at him, he asked, “Sad?” and made a pouty face.
Mikala giggled, shaking her head and then nodded a yes.
Confused, he lifted her from the floor and carried her back to the kitchen setting her on the counter and handing her a board and marker.
Mikala blushed and wrote. I couldn’t hear you cum.
Mason shook his head and laughed as he wrote. But didn’t you feel me cum?
Yes.
I don’t understand. He furrowed his brow.
There’s just something about the sound you make when you cum that tells me I’m enough for you.
Mason wrote. Maybe this will convince you that you’re more than enough for me.
The board flew across the room and Mason clasped Mikala’s face in his hands and planted the most sensual, breathtaking, smoldering kisses of all time on her mouth until he pulled away and she was gasping for breath.
He cocked a brow and tipped his head, his smile one of great accomplishment when she grinned into his face and she fanned herself with her hand.
“Actually baby, I’ll never get enough of you,” he confessed, though she couldn’t hear a word he said.
He scooped her into his arms, made a beeline for their room and threw her onto the bed. He wiggled his brow and stroked his manhood until she held out her arms with heavy want in her eyes and he proceeded to make love to her three more times before the sun rose.
There was a time when the expression, silence is golden rang true. And there was a time when Mikala would have given her eye teeth for a bit of peace and quiet. But when you lived in a world of constant silence, it was anything but golden.
Mason left a note on the board in the kitchen with, I’ll be gone a few hours, love you, written in pink with a smiley face. Mikala stared at the words then wiped them away.
She sat at the kitchen window with a coffee, watching a truck delivering large boxes to the building at the back alley. The three men heaving them about were yelling with wild hand gestures and full belly laughs, and all the while it was inaudible to her.
It was the most frustrating, exhausting and truly exasperating thing, not to hear. It affected every part of her life. She hadn’t realized that without hearing there was no speech, fine for everyone else around her, they didn’t have to put up with her cursing, though that’s all she wanted to do.
Funny how other senses took over when one was missing. She could smell the hops from the beer each time a lid was popped from a bottle and she knew what the lunch menu was before seeing it each day, just by the smells wafting from the kitchen.
As she sat looking around the room, she played the memory game for each item. The clock hanging by the stove with its second hand counting away the time, that made an annoying tick for each second, it was now gone. The whoosh from the fan blades over her head, it was also gone and the iPod sitting in the docking station on the counter could have been playing at full volume, but she’d never know it.
Standing in the kitchen, she reached over and turned on the tap watching as the water poured from the spout onto the stainless steel sinks surface, it should have sounded like a small steel drum. She pushed the button on the dishwasher and watched as it came to life, she hit the power on the iPFod and turned the volume full. Even the timer on the stove as it wailed was silent. As if on a strange mission to hear something, anything, she plodded on through the apartment turning on whatever made sound. The vacuum came to life as the power head moved forward across the carpet all on its own, Maury Povich and his beeping tirade of guests appeared the TV screen and she watched the green line on the screen lengthen as she turned the volume full. The red rows of lights on the stereo danced up and down to the beat as it played, dancing higher as the volume increased. There was one thing she did notice though. With all the sounds came vibration, she could feel it in her feet. And when she touched her hand to the surface of the stereo, she felt its beat surge through her body to her chest, but even as she closed her eyes and imagined it, there was no sound.
In the washroom, she turned on the shower and stared at the water rushing from the rain head into the drain. She flushed the toilet watching the water swirl away. The hairdryer, her electric toothbrush and the water as it poured into the bathtub, all played on in a teasing hush.
She dropped to her knees beside the tub and allowed the flood gates to open, she was tired of crying but that’s who she was now, a huge sobbing mess.
***
“What the fuck?” Landon yelled.
The apartment overhead was roaring with noise, it had awakened him from a sound sleep. He raced up the stairs three at a time and burst through the door. He followed Mikala’s path of appliances and gadgets, turning each off. The tap running into the sink, and timer, the dishwasher and i-pod, the vacuum and stereo and TV, he silenced them all. Once he came to the washroom and found Mikala slumped on the floor, he understood, she was having a personal meltdown.
He turned everything in the bathroom off before walking over to the tub and turning the tap, startling Mikala when he did.
Landon smiled down at her and held out a hand. “Oh princess, what are we going to do with you?” he said, helping her to her feet. He sat on the tubs edge and offered her his lap, she sat and he rocked her gently while she sobbed into his t-shirt.
“My butt hurts, let’s go sit in the living room?” he said, lifting her into his arms and carrying her to the sofa.
There were notepads with a number of pens and pencils and colored markers with dry-erase boards all over the apartment, it wasn’t hard for Landon to locate one.
You’re very noisy this morning, what’s up? He wrote.
I’m not going to apologize.
I did not ask you to.
Good.
You need to do something constructive with your time.
Like what.
I do not know.
Well genius you’re helpful.
I can leave.
No.
Princess, consider the pity party over.
Pity Party? She wrote and raised her eyebrow to dramatically highlight her words.
You can’t hear, I get it, but you are being a nasty bitch with everyone.
Now I’m a bitch?
Yes.
Thanks.
UR welcome.
Is there anything else you’d like to say before I kick your ass?
Landon laughed. Tough bitch. He wrote.
You have a way of making me feel special.
You have friends remember?
I only need Mason.
What are you scared of, that we might find out you’re deaf?
I am deaf.
So.
She scowled. So? So it sucks.
Sure it sucks, but life goes on. It’s not like your life is over.
It may as well be.
I could take you over my knee, you’re being selfish, life isn’t all about Mikala Santino, there are other people all around you that love you and you’re pushing them away with your self-pity bullshit.
Why don’t you leave? She pointed to the door.
Because I care about y
ou.
She cocked her brow and laughed.
You know what I think you should do? He wrote.
What?
Write your wedding vows.
Duh! Not getting married, don’t need vows.
When you come down off that ivory tower of yours, remember a certain man named Mason hasn’t walked away, yet!
What does that mean? She glared.
It means, Mason loves you, he hasn’t given up on you and he wants nothing more than you two to get married and get on with life.
As she started to write Landon put his hand over hers and wrote. Write your vows.
He nodded with a smile and brushed his knuckles across her chin and tapped his fingers on the last words he wrote.
“See you later, princess,” he said, even though she wouldn’t hear. “Hopefully you come to your senses, sooner rather than later.”
As the door closed, Mikala rose to her feet and walked to the bookcase where she pulled out the latest copy of the Elisabeth Grace novel she was reading. She fanned to the center of the book and removed several loose pages. She made another coffee and sat at the kitchen table reading them over and over.
I don’t want mushy vows full of bullshit promises and endless what-I’ll-do-for-you’s.
I just want to tell you that I love you.
I love you because you love me.
Because you see me as no one else can and you accept me with all my flaws, my imperfections and my filthy mouth.
I look forward to the ups and downs.
The rainy days and lightning storms.
The times we may not agree and the fights over nothing.
I look forward to disappointments and struggling to get through tough times,
To battles for bathroom space and being woken up at crazy hours for no reason at all.
To dirty cups in the sink and the toothpaste squeezed from the middle.
Mikala's Passion (Pulse Series Book 2) Page 33