Mum lowered her voice, nodding towards the policeman’s legs showing beneath the curtain. ‘There’s been a bit of a problem with my credit card. I think they’ve blocked it now,’ she mouthed. ‘Anyway, Gordon came looking for me and acted like Lord Muck, doling me out some dosh, making me feel like dirt. Still, he did come out with me to the airport and he said he’d keep in touch – but I think he was the one lying then.’
‘I’m sorry, Mum.’
‘Oh well. I’m just not lucky in love, am I? Especially not with that piece of rubbish, Mikey. Did he just walk out on you kids? Where is he?’
‘He’s in Scotland on a job, Mum. He never came.’
‘What? Well, we’ll tell that to that policeman lurking there. They want to pin all sorts of rubbish on me – child neglect, abandonment, whatever. I kept telling them till I was blue in the face that I’d never walk out on you kids. If I was that sort of mother, would I be frantic about my poor little Bliss? She’s been gone ages – what do you think they’re doing to her?’
Bliss came back at last, lying very still with her eyes closed, Headless tucked under her chin. Her leg was plastered bright blue, just as they’d promised.
‘Bliss?’ said Mum. ‘Oh, Bliss, baby, are you all right? Open your eyes and talk to Mummy, come on.’
‘She’ll be very groggy for a few hours yet,’ said the nurse.
‘I haven’t got a few hours,’ said Mum. ‘I’m going to be whipped off down the nick. Come on, Bliss, wakey wakey, I need to know you’re OK.’
She tickled Bliss’s tiny neck. Bliss twitched and mumbled, ‘I’m OK, Mum,’ without even opening her eyes.
‘There! Well, you be a good girl while you’re in hospital, darling. And Baxter and Pixie, you be good too and do what Lily tells you. You’re in charge, darling,’ Mum said to me.
‘But, Mum—’
‘Don’t worry, babe. It’ll all get sorted out soon, I swear it will. Just look after the kids and make sure you all stick together,’ said Mum.
‘Oh, Mum, don’t! Don’t go!’ I said.
‘I don’t want to go!’ said Mum, hugging me.
The policeman put his head through the curtain.
‘I’m afraid I’ve got to take your mum away to answer a few questions – but don’t worry, someone’s coming to look after you. Come on, Kate. I’ve kept my word, you’ve seen the little one’s safe and sound, all neatly stitched and plastered. We have to leave the moment the social worker finally arrives.’
‘No! Not yet. Look, give me a break. You’ve got it all wrong. It’s their dad you want to be nicking, not me. Isn’t that right, Lily?’ Mum said desperately, clinging to Baxter and Pixie.
‘Yes, it’s all his fault, he wouldn’t look after us,’ I gabbled. ‘Listen, you can’t take our mum away. She’s the best mum in the world. She didn’t leave us, I swear she didn’t.’
He nodded at me and said he understood how I felt, and he gave Baxter and Pixie some chocolate to stop them crying – but he wouldn’t seem to take me seriously. Then a social worker came, breathless and in a rush, smelling all sweaty. She tried to prise Baxter and Pixie away from Mum. They started screaming and Mum did too.
‘No, don’t! Mum didn’t mean to leave us! Why won’t you listen to me? She thought we were with Mikey. You can’t take her away now. We need her, Bliss needs her,’ I shouted, over and over, but it was useless.
Mum got dragged out of the hospital and we were left on our own.
‘It’s mad! They’re arresting Mum for leaving us – and yet they’re forcing her to leave us now!’
‘Come on, Lily, calm down. You’re frightening the others,’ said the social worker. She had a funny accent and moles on her face like little mushrooms and I hated her. ‘It isn’t just because your mum went off to Spain. They’re making enquiries about credit card fraud.’
It was like a slap in the face, but she still couldn’t shut me up.
‘They can’t pin something like that on my mum. It’s all her friend’s fault, she gave it to her. My mum hasn’t done anything!’
‘The police are just making enquiries, you know how it works. They’ll get everything sorted out with your mum. And meanwhile I’m going to take you three off and give you something to eat and then see about finding you somewhere to stay tonight, if Mum’s not back.’
‘We’re staying here! We can’t leave Bliss!’
‘You can’t all camp at the hospital, there isn’t room. The nurses will look after your little sister.’
‘I can’t leave her! She gets so frightened. She needs me. She needs all of us,’ I said. ‘We’ve got to stick together, Mum said.’
‘I’m afraid you’ve got to do what I say now. Kiss your sister goodbye and come along.’
I let Baxter say goodbye to Bliss first.
‘You tell those nurses I’ll come and bash them up if they hurt you, my Bliss,’ he whispered, patting the top of her head. ‘I love you.’
I lifted Pixie up onto the bed.
‘Love you, Bliss,’ she said, and gave her a big kiss on the cheek.
‘And I love you too, my Bluebell Bliss. Don’t you worry, I’ll make sure we’re together as soon as you come out of hospital. You’re such a brave girl, braver than all of us put together. We’ll see you very soon.’
Bliss reached out her hand and I twined my fingers in hers – but then I had to let her go. We were led away, Baxter, Pixie and me. The social worker took us to the hospital canteen and said we could choose anything we liked to eat. We were still so stunned she had to choose for us – fish and chips and peas. We couldn’t eat properly, not even Baxter. We just chewed a few chips.
‘Eat up, possums,’ said the social worker brightly, sipping her own coffee.
She got out her mobile phone and went and sat at a table by herself to make her calls.
‘Possums!’ said Baxter. ‘She’s stupid.’
‘Is she our mum now?’ said Pixie.
‘No, of course not. We’ve got our mum, silly,’ I said fiercely.
‘I want her back,’ said Baxter.
‘I know. We’ll get her back, you’ll see.’
‘That lady’s not looking. Shall we try to do a runner?’ said Baxter.
‘Yeah, but I don’t know where we could run to. Shh, Baxter, I want to hear what she’s saying.’
I couldn’t hear much. Three kids, a fourth in hospital – emergency foster care – perhaps we’ll have to split them up.
I stood up and went over to her. I grabbed her wrist.
‘You can’t split us up,’ I said. ‘We have to stay together. Put us anywhere, but we have to be the three of us, four when Bliss is better.’
‘I’m doing my best, Lily,’ she said.
‘Can’t we just go home? I can look after the kids. I’ve been doing it all week, it’s what I always do. Please.’
She looked me straight in the eye.
‘I can’t let you, Lily. I know you can look after the others, but it’s not allowed. I’m sorry. I’m doing my best to find you a suitable place. It might be just for tonight, until we know what’s happening about your mum. Don’t look at me like that. I’m on your side.’
She did try – but she couldn’t find anywhere that would take all of us. She found a place for Pixie first, a lady who took in babies. She didn’t usually take anyone over five, but the social worker persuaded her to take Baxter as well.
‘Couldn’t she take me too?’ I begged. ‘I promise I won’t be any trouble and I’ll help look after the kids. They’ll need me so. Pixie’s only little, she still likes me to carry her – and Baxter can’t bear to be without Bliss and he’ll start acting up if he’s not handled right.’
They wouldn’t listen. I had to hug the kids and then leave them with this woman in a funny little house the other side of town. The baby lady picked them both up when they started crying, even though Baxter weighed a ton. She looked as if she’d be kind to them – but she was a stranger.
‘How can you think
that lady can look after the kids better than me?’ I wept, back in the car with the social worker.
‘I know you’re wonderful looking after the children, Lily, but it’s not your job. You’re only eleven, you’re just a child yourself. Now, let’s try and get you sorted.’
No one seemed to want me. She phoned three different families and they all made excuses. I ended up in a children’s home.
‘It’s only temporary, Lily. Just until we know what’s happening with your mum,’ the social worker repeated. ‘Don’t look at me like that. I know this is very hard but I’m trying to do my best for you.’
So this was her best shot, a lousy children’s home, very run-down and teeming with strange kids, all yelling and swearing and fighting.
‘It’s a bit of a madhouse here,’ said Stevie, smiling at me. She was in charge, a big woman in a silly animal sweatshirt, with a very bad haircut.
There were eight or nine boys, all with bristly hair and wearing football strip. I couldn’t tell them apart even if I wanted to. There was just one girl, a little kid about Bliss’s age, but there was something wrong with her. She wouldn’t talk to me properly and when I just patted her on the shoulder she screamed, jerking away from me.
‘It takes Sharon a while to make friends, Lily,’ said Stevie. ‘She’ll get used to you. It’ll be nice for her to have you around, just like a big sister.’
I didn’t want her to get used to me. I didn’t want her for my sister, I had two of my own. I couldn’t stand to stay in the shabby living room with the cartoon channel blaring. I went and sat in my own room. It wasn’t much more than a cupboard, but at least I didn’t have to share with any of the boys.
I lay down on the bed with its horrible Spider-Man duvet and tried to make a plan. I’d watched all the road names from the baby-lady house to here, trying to memorize them – but we’d gone round the one-way system and I’d got muddled. Still, I could try to make a stab at finding my way back to Baxter and Pixie, and somehow rescue them. Then we’d have to go to the hospital for Bliss. She wouldn’t be able to walk yet. Maybe we could go to the park and find Pixie’s buggy? Then the four of us could go to the police station and tell them Mum never deliberately left us, and that someone else gave her the credit card – it wasn’t Mum’s fault, she hadn’t done anything wrong.
We’d walk out of the station hand in hand, all five of us, and then we’d go back to our flat and we’d have a celebration meal. We’d lie on the sofa, Mum in the middle of us, and I’d hold them all tight and never let them go. I never wanted to be Lily Alone ever again.
I stayed there in the tiny room, hanging onto the sides of the bed as if it was a raft. Stevie put her head round the door and suggested I join the other kids, but I shook my head and she didn’t make me. Then one of the boys came barging in, plonking himself down on the end of the bed.
‘I’m Ian,’ he said, bouncing.
‘Do you mind? Don’t sit on my bed.’
‘Ooh, Shirty Gertie. It’s not your bed, it’s actually my bed. I’m having to share with Duncan because you’re here.’
‘Well, I’m not here long, so you’ll get your poxy bed back, don’t worry.’
‘What you here for then? What you done?’
‘I haven’t done anything.’
‘Oh yeah? Come on, what did you do? Me and my brother Duncan, we kept setting light to the dustbins in our flats. It was wicked! Then one time we sprinkled a little too much petrol and kerpow – nee-na, nee-na, nee-na, four fire engines, and all these cops running around. Better than fireworks night, it was.’ He rubbed his hands together as if he was warming them at his stupid fire.
‘Pathetic,’ I said. ‘Pathetic and pointless.’
‘No it wasn’t, mate, it was awesome. If you didn’t do nothing, you must be here because of your mum or dad.’
‘I haven’t even got a dad.’
‘Stepdad then. Did yours beat you up?’
‘I’d beat him up if he laid a finger on me.’
‘What about your mum then? What did she do, wash her hands of you?’
‘No, she didn’t!’ I said, sitting up. ‘Clear off! Get out my room!’
‘OK, OK. I just came to tell you supper’s nearly ready.’
‘I don’t want any.’
‘It’s pizza!’
‘I don’t care what it is.’
‘You’re mad, you. Can I have yours then?’
‘Be my guest.’
Stevie made me come down to supper, and she told me I had to eat my own pizza, but she couldn’t make me.
‘Am I going to have to feed you like Sharon?’ she said, prodding my mouth with a forkful, joking around.
I heaved, so she stopped that trick pretty sharpish and let me be. The kids played a stupid indoor football game up and down the stairs after supper. Ian threw the ball at me, wanting me to join in, but I sloped off by myself and sat slumped against the front door. I wasn’t sure if it was locked. I sat there, waiting for my chance.
‘Hey, Lily,’ said Stevie, walking down the hall and hovering beside me. ‘I hope you’re not planning to do a runner?’
‘I need to go to see Bliss. She’ll be so scared, in hospital all by herself. Please let me go and see her,’ I begged.
‘I can’t let you go off by yourself, love, and I can’t take you, not when I’ve got all the other kids to look after. It’ll be after visiting hours at the hospital anyway, so they wouldn’t let you see her.’
I put my head on my knees.
‘Look, tell you what. Why don’t we phone up?’
I went into her office and she phoned the hospital. It took a long time to get through to the right ward – and then they wouldn’t let me speak to Bliss, but a nurse said she was doing well and was tucked up fast asleep now.
‘There! Happier now?’ said Stevie.
‘Well, I don’t know that’s right. The nurse could just have been saying that,’ I said. ‘And I’m still dead worried about my other sister, Pixie, and Baxter too, at this Mrs Robinson’s.’
‘Oh, I know her. She’s a lovely lady, wonderful with little kiddies.’
‘Yes, but Baxter’s not little, he’ll absolutely hate being treated like a baby. Can we phone them up too, Stevie? Please? Just to say goodnight and show them I haven’t forgotten them?’
‘Mrs Robinson will be in the middle of getting them all bathed and ready for bed right now. Maybe we’ll phone later.’
‘But they’ll be in bed then and she’ll say they’re fast asleep,’ I said. I was in tears now. ‘Please, Stevie. Please, please, please.’
So she phoned Mrs Robinson for me. Mr Robinson answered and said his wife was bathing the little ones. After a lot of begging he shouted out for Baxter and put him on the phone.
‘Hello, Baxter!’
‘Who’s this?’
‘Lily, you silly!’
‘Hey, that rhymes!’
‘Oh, Baxter, are you all right?’
‘Course I am. Uncle Ted and me are watching football on the telly.’
‘Who? You haven’t got an Uncle Ted. He’s just a temporary foster parent. You’ll be home with me as soon as I can fix it. OK? What about Pixie? How’s she doing?’
‘She’s in the bath with them babies,’ said Baxter. ‘She can’t come, she’s all wet.’
‘Well, will you tell her I called and that I love her and we’ll all be together soon, I promise.’
‘OK, OK. Got to go now. They’ve just scored a goal and I missed it.’
‘Oh, Baxter. Look, I love you too.’
‘Yeah, yeah.’ He paused. ‘Lily, do you think Bliss is all right?’
‘Yes, I phoned the hospital and they said she was fine.’
‘Honest?’
‘Yes, honestly.’
‘Good. Well, bye, Lily.’
‘There!’ said Stevie, who’d been listening. ‘He sounded perfectly fine, sweetheart, didn’t he?’
He sounded a little too fine. I was astonished he was alread
y calling a complete stranger uncle, and annoyed he wasn’t sticking close to Pixie.
I needed to be with them, with Bliss, with Mum. I was trying not to think about Mum because it was too terrifying. I saw her locked in a cell, screaming, with policemen shouting at her, slapping her around, making her confess. Couldn’t they see she wasn’t a bad mum? She loved us to bits, she always had. She was just so young and pretty she needed to go out sometimes. She hadn’t meant to leave us all alone. She thought she’d fixed it with Mikey. She was simply leaving us with a dad like millions of other mums. It was my fault I didn’t explain things to Mikey when he phoned. It was my fault Mum met Gordon in the first place. I had tried to stop Mum using the dodgy credit card – but that hadn’t been all her fault. She hadn’t stolen it. She’d been given it by that friend.
I’d tried to tell the nice young policeman with the brown eyes, but he hadn’t written it all down in his notebook.
‘Stevie, can I make another phone call?’
‘What? Oh, come on, Lily, you’re taking the mick now.’
‘I need to phone the police. I have to explain about Mum. Better still, I need to go down there, make a proper statement, show them my mum’s the best mum ever, and this is all a stupid awful mistake. I just have to tell them!’ I was shouting now, pounding Stevie with my fists.
‘Hey, hey!’ She grabbed my hands. ‘Calm down now. You’re getting in a silly state for nothing. You can’t go barging into the police station, telling them what’s what, not at this stage. I’m sure you’ll have your chance later. Your social worker will be having a long chat at some point.’
‘I need to sort it out now,’ I sobbed.
‘No, now you need to eat properly and catch up on sleep. Look at your little white face and those dark panda rings under your eyes! You need to stop worrying so. You’re safe, and Bliss is fine in hospital, and the other two sound perfectly happy – so you can take it easy now, sweetheart. You don’t have to try to look after them any more. You need looking after now.’
Lily Alone Page 19