by Elliot Joyce
The troop had gone to a paintball center under the guise of it being some kind of team bonding exercise, but really it was just an excuse to take thirty boys and give them fake guns and let them work some of their aggression and anger out. Kyle, true to his form, had done really well right up until he jumped off one of the higher vantage points and twisted his ankle. He had since recovered, but the amount of headache and paperwork he had caused would no doubt be remembered for the next few years by Percy and just about everyone else who saw.
“It is gonna suck when you’re gone,” Kyle continued. “The soccer guys are great, but you guys are my bros. My dudes. My, like, comrades in arms or something.”
“Comrades in arms? I feel like that’s slightly more militaristic than we are,” Wren joked.
“You know what I mean, dickhead.” Kyle kicked him under the table, and Wren kicked back.
Travis cleared his throat as the server came back around, asking what they thought of their meal. Wren delivered a swift finishing blow to Kyle’s left shin right as Wren reassured the server that the food was excellent. The high-pitched yelp Kyle let out was perfectly timed, if Wren did say so himself.
The drive back home was quiet, Felipe being the type who preferred to focus on what he was doing. He played music from his favorite video games, though, claiming it was scientifically proven that video game music helped people concentrate when solving puzzles or completing quests. Wren didn’t know if that was true or not, but he was kind of starting to become a fan of Trevor Morris’s work.
“This was nice,” Wren said as they pulled up in front of his house. “Thanks for driving me, man. My dad really did not want to have to cart me around this weekend. He did a double shift.” Wren knew he was lucky that his dad wasn’t an ER doctor or anything like that with the really ridiculous hours, but sometimes he would barely see hide nor hair of Dad for a week. That was when Mom had to pick up the slack, but with her long hours, things could get rough.
It was good for everyone that Felipe was willing to drive Wren places and that the other siblings had friends with parents who could drop off and pick up kids from parties and hangouts.
“Yeah, no worries.” Felipe parked the car but didn’t look at Wren. His hands were tight on the steering wheel to the point where his knuckles were almost white.
“Is everything okay?” Wren asked, not about to just leave when it looked like Felipe was about to have an actual heart attack. Or a panic attack. Both?
Can someone have both at the same time? I wonder how unlucky you have to be for that to happen to you.
“I’m fine,” Felipe said, sounding very much not fine at all. He swallowed and flexed his fingers, taking them off the steering wheel and putting them at his sides. They were curled into fists, but Wren could tell he was trying not to shake. “I, uh, wanted to ask you something. Actually. Just really simple. Stupid question. It can wait.” Felipe forced a smile. “I’ll see you at the next meeting, yeah?”
“You can ask me your question,” Wren promised. He had no idea what could be making Felipe act like this, and he racked his brains for ideas. His stomach dropped when he realized Felipe must know that he had feelings for him. Was this it? Was this when Felipe told him that it was fine but that he didn’t want to be friends with someone who liked him? That Wren had to keep his hands to himself and stop hanging out one-on-one with Felipe?
Wren didn’t want to lose him. He’d do anything Felipe asked as long as they could still spend time together. It would kill him, but he could do it. He would have to.
“Doyouwanttogooutwithme?”
A moment. Wren didn’t think he heard Felipe right. There was no way he had understood what Felipe said. “I—can you say that again?” he asked. “I didn’t understand you.”
Felipe took a deep breath. He still wasn’t looking at Wren. “I asked if you wanted to go out with me. On a date. I would like to go on a date with you.” Felipe glanced up, those blue eyes flickering with doubt, before he averted his gaze once more. “I was thinking we could go to Castles N’ Coasters. I’ve never been before, but Manny got some passes from an event at school and said he’ll give them to me to go with some friends, and I just thought that you… might…. Wren, please say something? You’re freaking me out here.”
Wren realized that he was just staring, that he hadn’t moved or said anything. His brain was flying through the sky and his heart was racing through the streets, pounding as if it could fly out of his chest and do a victory lap around the neighborhood.
“Fuck, yeah! Of course. I’d love to!” Wren broke out into a huge grin, laughing at himself and in disbelief. “Fuck, wow, I didn’t think that you—holy fuck. You like me?”
Felipe nodded, rubbing the back of his neck as he turned in his seat, so he could face Wren a little. He seemed bolder now that he wasn’t being turned down, but he was still hesitant. There was still fear there, and Wren wanted it to go away. So he leaned forward and gave Felipe a kiss, except he misjudged the distance and ended up kissing him on the nose. Wren grinned and hoped it seemed like that was on purpose and not a complete accident caused by his lack of coordination.
“I’ve liked you since, like, ever. Oh God, I shouldn’t have said that.” Wren blushed and coughed, waving his hands. “We can—we can pretend like I never said that.”
Felipe reached out and grabbed his hands. He laughed nervously as he squeezed them gently. “It’s okay. I, uh, think you’re cute.” Felipe went red, the tips of his ears burning.
Wren thought Felipe was extremely cute but didn’t want to say it. Instead he just laughed and leaned forward, wanting a proper kiss. Felipe hesitated and, right as Wren was about to pull away and make a shitty joke, gave him a quick peck on the lips.
Felipe jolted as if shocked and his elbow hit the steering wheel, sending a loud honk through the neighborhood and just about giving Wren his second heart attack of the evening. Wren let out a flurry of curses, including some Spanish ones he had picked up from Felipe.
Wren and Felipe looked at each other and burst out laughing, the weird tension disappearing like mist on a sunny day.
“I can’t believe it took me so long to do that. Kyle’s going to laugh his ass off,” Felipe said.
“Wait, Kyle knows you like me?”
“Uh, yeah? He and Travis have been telling me to ask you out for ages,” Felipe admitted.
Wren just about pulled his phone out right that moment to yell at the two, but instead he just held his head in his hands. “God, we must be the stupidest two Boy Scouts in the fucking hellhole called Arizona. Kyle and Travis have been telling me this whole time that I should be asking you out on a date.” Wren leaned back, resting his head on the window. “I kept telling them that there was no way a straight Catholic boy would like me.”
He froze. Was Felipe justifying this to himself because Wren was trans and, therefore, wasn’t the same as dating a cis boy? Was Felipe going to act differently now that they were dating? Surely Kyle would have talked sense into him, but what if it only became an issue now?
“Uh, yeah, I’m not very straight. I’m pretty sure I’m bi. But, like, I totally see you as a guy.” Felipe coughed and let out a nervous laugh. “You know the last time we went camping, back at Aspen?”
Wren nodded.
“Kyle and I had a talk then. I, uh, found him, and on the way back to the campsite, he asked me about you and it became this whole conversation and… yeah. That’s why we were gone for so long.”
For a moment Wren thought he was going to strangle Felipe. Then he wanted to strangle Kyle. Instead he just groaned. “I can’t believe that you almost made us send out a search party because you couldn’t wait for five minutes.” Wren shook his head. “And you know what? I completely understand. That’s the worst part! I, too, would make poor life decisions because of a stupid crush.”
“Oh, so now I’m just a stupid crush?” Felipe teased.
Wren reached over and shoved him, rolling his eyes. “You’r
e stupid and I have a crush on you, so yeah, you qualify for the stupid-crush plan.”
“What are my benefits?” Felipe asked, waggling his eyebrows.
Wren rolled his eyes again and crossed his arms, pretending to need to think about it. “You get to go on a date with me.”
“That’s it?” Felipe frowned. “What else do I get?”
It took Wren a moment to realize he was going along with the joke. Once he did, he figured it wouldn’t do any harm to keep it going for just a little bit longer.
“Well, on that date, you and I will talk about other plans. There’s the best one and there’s the more popular one.” Wren swallowed as Felipe leaned forward.
“And can you tell me a little bit about those two plans now?”
Wren needed a few seconds to remember how to speak. “Well, the popular one is to decide that the original plan of ‘friend’ is the best for you. Which is totally okay, and your current plan can be changed to that one at any time, no extra fees.”
“What about the other one? The best one?”
They were a few inches apart now. Wren didn’t know when, but he had started to move forward, eager to get closer to those amazing eyes. Felipe’s mouth was slightly open, and Wren could just see the small gap between his teeth. It was ridiculous how cute Wren found that little detail.
“Well, that would be the ‘boyfriend’ plan. Not many people pick that one.”
“Really? Why not?”
The outside lights flickered on, and Wren threw himself back, shoved the car door open, and stumbled out of the car. He looked around, trying to see which parent was looking outside, and waved nervously when he saw Mom standing at one of the windows. She waved back before pointing at her wrist. Wren swallowed and glanced at the clock inside Felipe’s car. It was almost 9:00 p.m., which wasn’t too bad, but then he realized the barking he was hearing was Tary.
Shit, I woke everyone up, Wren realized, remembering how loud the car horn was.
“Hey, I’ll text you, okay? We’ll figure out the details later,” Wren said, looking back at Felipe.
“Yeah. I mean, yeah! Definitely!” Felipe grinned and turned his car back on. He laughed, shaking his head as the music began playing. “You know, this is the music for romance scenes in Mass Effect.”
“You know, you’re a giant fucking nerd,” Wren told him. He glanced back at the window, where his mom had disappeared. “Good night, nerd.” Wren ducked into the car, grabbed Felipe by the shirt, and dragged him into a kiss. Then he let go, slammed the door shut, and walked through his front door.
FELIPE SAT in the car for a moment in stunned silence.
Then he punched at the air and cheered. He pulled his phone out and quickly sent a text to Kyle and was entirely unsurprised when a reply came about half a second later.
my DUDE im so glad for yuo
*you
Wren just texted me too!
you two are gonna b gr8
There was then a flurry of emojis and about half a dozen other texts, all one after the other. Felipe found himself laughing half-hysterically, his heart pounding out of his chest as he just sat there. His phone was vibrating like mad, but he didn’t even pay attention to it, knowing Kyle would eventually stop and wait for a reply or give up and do something else.
I’m going on a date with Wren. I’m going on a date with a guy. It didn’t freak him out as much as it should have. There was fear—of course there was. They lived in Arizona, and even if his abuela was understanding, the majority of the state wasn’t.
“I don’t want you getting hurt,” Manny had said when Felipe came out to him. “I don’t get it, but you know what? You’re my little brother. Pequeño Felipe, who cried when we watched Bambi. And if someone tries to fuck you up, I’m gonna want to fuck ’em up back.” Manny had given him a good-natured slug on the shoulder. “So stay safe, okay, pequeño?”
I’ll stay safe, Felipe thought. I’m not going to let anyone mess this up.
THE REST of November and December passed in a blur for both Wren and Felipe. They were busy with finals, but they did manage to see each other outside of Boy Scout meetings, with Felipe driving as much as he could and Wren helping pay for gas, considering he couldn’t drive. Castles N’ Coasters ended up being both hilariously fun and an utter disaster since they discovered that Wren had a weak stomach and couldn’t handle anything that went upside down, too fast, turned too sharply, or just jostled him about too much.
The arcade was fun, and Felipe, in hopes of making up for the lack of fun rides, won Wren a shitty miniglobe. It was supposed to light up, and Felipe said it would help Wren with his inability to do things like distinguish between Uruguay and Paraguay and realize that Shangri-La wasn’t a real country.
Wren won Felipe an inflatable sword, so they were even in Wren’s mind.
Kyle gave the two of them endless shit for taking so long to start dating, though mostly he was just annoyed that he owed twenty bucks to Travis, who had correctly guessed the end of November or beginning of December for when they’d get together.
“I swear to God, that guy can see the future,” Kyle said.
“Then why did you take the bet?” Wren asked.
“Because I could. Duh.”
Some things about Kyle would never make sense, Wren decided.
For the most part, Felipe and Wren’s lives didn’t change. They still hung out as much as possible, and absolutely no one was surprised when they were seen together for the entirety of the winter camping trip. This one was up to Christopher Creek and a little more of a challenge since they had to hike to the campsite, but it was definitely worth the view. It was also nice because there was a limit on how much food they could bring, so Kyle couldn’t binge himself into a marshmallow-induced sugar-high and decide to get lost in the woods. That was a definite step up from the last trip.
“Hey, do you see those stars?” Felipe asked, pointing up at the sky. They were lying on their backs, the fire a dim orange as the last embers died out. Around them, most of the other Scouts were getting ready for bed, but a few were trying to make out constellations with one another.
Felipe’s other hand, the one he wasn’t gesturing with, was entwined with Wren’s. Hopefully Wren’s hand wasn’t as sweaty as it felt. If Felipe felt anything off about it, he wasn’t saying.
“I see a lot of stars,” Wren replied as he rolled his eyes. He really couldn’t tell patterns out of the chaos, but it didn’t help that he was too distracted by how close Felipe was. Even though it was hard to see anything with the lack of light, Felipe’s eyes still caught every bit of the fire’s glow and seemed to cut through the darkness more brightly than any star.
That might be the gayest thing I’ve ever thought, Wren told himself.
“Sorry, what were you saying?” Wren asked, realizing Felipe was waiting on him.
“If you’re bored we can talk about something else,” Felipe replied, shifting as if to get up.
“No, no, I’m good. I just got distracted.” Wren squeezed Felipe’s hand. “Tell me more about, um, Orion serving water to Zeus?”
Felipe laughed and corrected him, pointing out Orion’s belt. “He was a hunter, just like Artemis, and he was the only man she ever fell in love with. She was impressed by his skill, and apparently he was really attractive too, but all good tragic heroes are.”
“I thought Artemis’s whole thing was that she didn’t have a relationship with anyone?” Wren asked. He might not be a mythology buff like his boyfriend—and what a kick, to be able to call Felipe that—but he knew that much.
“Yeah, well, he was the exception.” Felipe wasn’t looking at him, but Wren thought he was blushing. It was hard to tell in the darkness. “The two of them went hunting together one summer and Artemis’s brother, Apollo, grew suspicious. He didn’t trust Orion or any mortal man with his sister, and so he came up with a plan to kill him.” Felipe hesitated, glancing at Wren. “The rest of the story is sad, but Orion dies and Artemis puts
him in the stars so he at least can be remembered.”
Wren frowned, thinking about it. “Well, if he’s dead, I guess it doesn’t really matter to him.”
Felipe shrugged. “I dunno. Being a constellation is pretty cool.”
“If you die an untimely death, I’ll be sure to come up with a constellation for you. Something like—like Felipe’s eyes.” Wren laughed, shaking his head. “Maybe you should get someone else to come up with it.”
“No, now I’m interested.” Felipe shifted so he was propped up on an elbow. He hadn’t stopped looking at Wren, their hands still together between them, but now he was even closer. “Why my eyes?” The blue was a little less bright at this angle, but Wren still felt like he could have seen them from a mile away.
“They’re just… really blue,” Wren said, realizing how stupid he sounded as soon as the words came out. Felipe chuckled even as Wren covered his face. “Ugh, I take it back. This was a horrible idea. You can dump me anytime now.”
“Nah, it’s cute.” There was a moment of silence, and then Felipe kissed Wren on the cheek, just once, before pulling away. “So if my eyes are gonna be a constellation, what is your constellation?”
Wren shrugged. “Probably something stupid, like my jacket.”
That just got Felipe to laugh more. “Felipe’s eyes and Wren’s jacket. I’m gonna have to see what stars are available, but that definitely is a new one.”
Wren shoved him over, though that only induced more laughter out of Felipe. “I’m going to sleep,” Wren huffed, standing up only to get pulled back on top of Felipe. “Come on, Feli. I’m tired.”
“But it’s so nice out.”
“I’m not sleeping in the dirt.”
Felipe made an aggravated noise. “Fine,” he whined, not actually sounding that put-out over it. “But tomorrow I’m gonna teach you how to navigate with the stars so you can always find your way back.”
“Maybe you should teach Kyle that,” Wren deadpanned, getting up and dusting himself off with his free hand. Felipe adopted a hurt look, and Wren realized he had messed up.