by E. L. Todd
We’d been spending a lot of time together, and I was fond of her. But I didn’t feel anything more than that. That passionate and all-consuming love I felt for Skye hadn’t switched to Jasmine. I thought she was a beautiful girl and I enjoyed her company, but that was it. I didn’t feel anything.
Maybe I just needed more time. Change couldn’t happen overnight. It took time and hard work. We went out to dinner and to the movies, doing things normal couples did. But sometimes I worried Jasmine would fall in love with me when I couldn’t reciprocate that emotion. The longer I was with her, the more I feared it would happen.
Maybe everyone was only meant to have one real love and I already had mine. I fell in love with Skye and that feeling was unshakeable. Maybe I would never feel that way for someone else ever again.
That sounded depressing.
Jasmine lay beside me in bed, trickling her fingers down my chest. “I love your body. It’s so strong.”
I turned and leaned over her, taking a nipple into my mouth. “I love your body. It’s perfect.”
She moaned quietly while she felt me kiss her.
I ran my tongue in the valley between her breasts then lay back down.
“Skye is such an idiot. But I’m so glad she is.”
I didn’t like talking about her, especially in bed. So I said nothing.
Jasmine cuddled into my side, wrapping her body around mine.
I wasn’t a big fan of cuddling but I didn’t mind doing it with her. I knew it was important to women to cuddle after sex so they didn’t feel used. I would do whatever she wanted to make her feel better.
“Are you still in love with her?” she whispered. Desperation was in her voice.
“Jasmine, I think I’ll always be in love with her. I wouldn’t waste your time hoping that will change.”
Her fingers still stroked my chest. “Okay.”
“I’m sorry. I really am.”
“I know.” She fell silent, not saying another word.
***
I went to the library the next day and found a table in the corner. My back faced a bookshelf and I pulled out my books. I didn’t like to wear headphones when I studied because it was too distracting. I preferred the echoing silence of the library. It was large enough to get lost in the sea of books. And if I were home, I’d probably watch TV or play video games and not get much schoolwork done.
I was finishing my analytical chemistry lab report when I heard voices from behind me.
“Did you ask her if you could spend Thanksgiving with her?” a guy said.
Another man sighed. “I don’t see the point. She’s pretty adamant about not letting me meet her family.”
I recognized that voice because I hated the owner of it so much. It was Zack.
“She wouldn’t take me to this gala for her dad’s company even though I pretty much begged her to take me. Fucking annoying.”
I wasn’t sure what Zack was talking about but I didn’t care. I opened my backpack and searched for my headphones. I’d rather listen to music than his voice.
“I even dropped the L word to get her to take me. That bitch wouldn’t budge.”
My hands stilled. Did he just say what I think he said?
“That’s rough, man,” his friend said. “It’s sounds like she’s not really into you.”
“She’s not,” Zack said. “She tried breaking up with me twice but I persuaded her not to. But I’m running out of options. I just need to meet her parents and get her dad to like me. Then I can marry her then make sure there’s no pre-nup. Then I’m fucking set for life.”
My hands shook as I listened to him. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Zack was using Skye for her money. That’s what his game had been the entire time. He never loved her. He never cared for her. He had the most amazing girl at his fingertips and he didn’t even give a damn. My hands shook.
“And then one of her guy friends was trying to steal her for awhile. The pussy finally backed off. It’s just getting harder and harder to keep her tied down. Sometimes I lose sight to why I’m doing this but I have to remember to keep going. I want half of everything from her. I never want to work and she’s my best way to secure that.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. It was such a stab to the chest. My immediate instinct was to march over there and beat the shit out of him. But then reason took over.
I pulled out my phone then hit the record button. Then slowly, I turned behind me then tucked the phone between two books, catching their conversation.
“So, you don’t even like Skye?” the guy asked.
“No. She’s fucking annoying. I mean, she’s good in bed and has amazing tits, but that’s it. If she would just swoon over me and cooperate I could get this done quicker.”
“I’m sure her dad isn’t stupid. He would probably see right through your plan.”
“No,” Zack argued. “I’d tell him I want to be lawyer and politician. I’m sure he would like a man that could take his self-interest into consideration for congress.”
“And I’d doubt he’d let her marry you without a pre-nup.”
“I could talk her out of it. She’s not bright.”
It was getting harder and harder for me to listen to this.
“So, are you still seeing Vanessa?”
“Yeah. She hates this arrangement, but I keep reminding her that we’ll be filthy rich when this plan works.”
“Just don’t get caught,” his friend said with a laugh.
“Skye has no idea. She’s totally oblivious. Dumb girl.”
I snatched my phone and ended the recording. I had everything I needed. Skye didn’t need to hear him rip her apart even more.
I stared at my phone and sighed. I didn’t want to be the one to give this to her. I didn’t want to be the one to hurt her. She wasn’t in love with Zack, but I knew she would doubt her intelligence for not realizing what Zack was doing. Her confidence would be shaken, and she would be hurt.
Why did I have to be the one to overhear the conversation?
I sighed then grabbed my stuff. I headed the opposite way so Zack wouldn’t see me. He had no idea that his infuriating plan was about to fall apart. And when Skye told her dad what happened, he would make sure Zack never had a job for the rest of his life. He would make his existence so insufferable that death would be a desirable option.
When I was outside, I sighed then texted Skye. Hey. I need to see you. We hadn’t spoken in weeks. Our last conversation didn’t end well. I was staying away from her, avoiding her at all costs. Our relationship wasn’t the same and our friendship was ruined. It made me sad because I missed her like crazy, but I had to put myself first. I couldn’t stand to feel this pain anymore.
I’m at home.
I was glad she didn’t argue with me. I wasn’t sure how she would respond based on our last conversation. I’ll be there in 5 mins.
K.
I walked to her apartment on the other side of campus then knocked on her door. I didn’t use my spare key because it felt odd. Stress was eating away at me while I stood there. I didn’t want to show her this recording. I didn’t want to hurt her.
She opened the door, her eyes guarded. “Hey.”
“Hey.” I stared at her, noticing the deep color of her blue eyes. The freckle in the corner of her mouth caught my attention. I remembered the last time I kissed it, the last time I melted.
“Did you need something?” She didn’t let me inside like she used to.
“I want to talk. Can I come in?”
She stepped aside then closed the door behind me. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and faced me.
I noticed she was thinner than the last time I saw her. I didn’t like that. Her body was perfect and she didn’t need to change a single thing. A lump caught in my throat when I looked at her. With a sigh, I pulled my phone out of my pocket. “I have something to tell you and I really don’t want to have this conversation.”
“Why?”
>
“Because it’s going to hurt you.”
Her eyes flashed slightly. “Okay…”
“I was in the library when I overheard Zack talking to a friend. Apparently, he’s only been dating you because he wants to marry you. And by marry, I mean secure his financial future. He’s been trying to meet your parents so he can get their approval to take your hand. Then he was going to refuse to sign a pre-nup so he could take half your assets and never work again.”
She didn’t react as I said this.
I pressed the play button on my phone and didn’t say another word.
She stared at the ground as she listened to it. When the recording ended, she still didn’t react. Silence stretched for a long time. Her eyes were guarded and her lips were pressed tightly together.
I wasn’t sure what to do.
Then she sighed and covered her face with her hands. “I feel so stupid…”
I put my hands in my pocket, standing across from her.
“Now I know why he dropped the L word so randomly and so quickly. Now I know why he wanted to meet my parents so much. Now I know why…now I know.” She dropped her hands, revealing the coat of moisture in her eyes. “God, I’m so stupid.”
“You aren’t stupid. He lied to you. Just because you trust someone doesn’t make you dumb. It makes him a fucking asshole.”
She stepped away and turned around, walking slowly. She was wearing jeans and a purple sweater, my favorite color on her. Her long hair framed her shoulder, looking lustrous and silky.
The emotion overtaking me, I pressed my chest to her back then wrapped my arms around her waist, holding her to me. “Skye, I’m sorry.”
“I know, Cayson…”
“He doesn’t deserve you. He never did.” I pressed my mouth close to her ear, feeling heat spark in my fingertips.
“I can’t believe someone would do that…would trick me like that.”
“He’s a piece of shit, Skye. Don’t let him tear you down.”
She sighed, swallowing the lump in her throat. “He never showed any interest in me until we had a class together. When he heard my last name when the teacher took roll, that must have been when he decided to make his move.” She shook her head. “I’m such a sucker.”
“Don’t blame yourself. Getting hurt by someone doesn’t make you weak. It makes you stronger because you aren’t going to let it tear you down.”
She turned around, breaking my embrace. “Now I know why my father is the way he is. He never trusts anybody. He observes moments more than he participates in them. When he’s in public, he’s calculating and cold. Only when he’s behind closed doors with a security system does he thaw.”
I saw the change deep within her eyes. I grabbed her hands, feeling them in mine. “Skye, don’t let him ruin you. I mean it.”
“I’m not letting him ruin me. I’m letting him teach me.”
I hated seeing the pain on her face. It was unbearable. “Don’t change who you are. You’re such a beautiful girl with a beautiful spirit. You’re kind, generous, and warm. Stay that way.”
She closed her eyes and sighed, letting a tear escape.
My heart stung just from watching it. I rested my hand on her cheek then wiped away the drop with the pad of my thumb. She breathed heavily when she felt me.
“I miss you so much…” Another tear fell.
The words went straight to my heart.
“I miss this…I miss you.” She opened her eyes and looked at me, the coat of moisture shining in the light.
I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling the emotion move all the way to my stomach. “I miss you too.”
She moved into my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck, hugging me. My hands moved around her waist, feeling her petite frame in my arms. She cried quietly, using my body as a crutch. Listening to her cry was unbearable. I tried to tune it out so I wouldn’t cry too.
She cried for an hour, mourning her loss. I eventually moved her to the couch, lying with her. Her arm was around my waist and she kept her face buried in the crook of my neck. I rubbed her back, trying to calm her down. Eventually, her sobs turned into quiet tears. And then she fell asleep altogether.
My phone vibrated in my pocket. I checked the message.
Can I come over? It was Jasmine.
I couldn’t leave Skye right now. I have plans. Maybe tomorrow.
Okay. I miss you.
I didn’t say anything back. I tossed my phone on the coffee table and returned my attention to Skye, listening to her breathe. I wished I could make this better. I wished I could do something to eliminate the pain. But in the back of my mind, I kept thinking one thing.
If she were mine, she would never know pain.
Chapter Twelve
Skye
When I woke up the next morning, Cayson was still there. His face was close to mine and he was watching me. Judging the exhaustion in his eyes, he hadn’t slept all night.
His hand pulled the hair out of my face gently, touching me like he had a hundred times. “Would you like some breakfast?”
My voice came out coarse. “I’m not hungry.”
“I can get you some coffee.”
“No, I’m okay.”
“Okay.” His hand moved to the back of my neck and rubbed me gently.
“Thanks for staying with me…”
“Yeah.” Pity was in his eyes.
I wanted to stay on this couch and cuddle with him all day long. The pain didn’t seem so unbearable when his arms formed a cage around me. I felt safe, that nothing could hurt me. Even in my darkest hour, he made me feel strong.
“I hope you’re feeling better.”
Not really. “Slightly.”
His hand rested on my upper back and he looked into my eyes, the pain deep within.
I wanted to ditch class and stay like this forever. I wanted Cayson to hold me, to chase away all the dark thoughts. But I knew he couldn’t. He had class and other obligations. He had a girlfriend… “You should probably go…” I sat up then looked at the time. It was already after eight. “You’re already missing your first class.”
“I don’t care about my classes, Skye.” He sat up and looked at me. “I care about you.”
This was the Cayson I missed, the best friend that would do anything for me. “I know. But I’m going to mope around here. There’s nothing you can do.”
He sat close to me and took my hand. “I can mope with you.”
I rested my head on his shoulder and sighed. There’s nothing I wanted more than to crawl into bed with him and forget about the world outside my apartment. I didn’t want to think about what Zack did to me. I didn’t want to think about the pain. “Cayson, go to class. We’ll talk later.” I stood up then ran my fingers through my hair.
“Are you sure you’ll be okay?” He stood up and stared me down. “Because I don’t mind staying. I really don’t.”
“Yes, Cayson. Please go.”
Conflict was in his eyes. He thought for a moment before he came to me and hugged me. “I love you, Skye.”
The air burned my lungs as I inhaled. “I love you too…”
“Call me if you need anything.”
I felt his solid frame in my hands. He towered over me, and he was easily twice my size. His hard chest felt like concrete when he leaned against me. “I know.”
Then he cupped my cheek then pressed his forehead to mine. It was something we’d never done before. He closed his eyes and just held me, breathing hard. The intimacy we shared was foreign to me. We’d cuddled and touched, but this was something new. Then he leaned away and stepped back. “Zack fucked with the wrong girl.” He walked out and shut the door behind him.
When I was alone again, I sat down and felt tears flood to the surface. I wanted Cayson to stay but I wasn’t so selfish to ask him to. School was important to him, and I would never intervene in that.
All my blinds were shut so I was sitting in the dark. I had class today but I wasn’t in
the mood to go. I was too distraught, too hurt. It wasn’t just the fact Zack was cheating on me. It didn’t hurt me that he said he loved me when he didn’t. He hurt me when he tricked me, used me, and I had no idea. I felt like an idiot for letting a liar into my inner circle. I was ashamed of my stupidity.
The tears came again and I fought them back. Crying over a piece of shit like Zack was stupid. It was pointless. But I couldn’t help it. I was hurt. The past six months was a complete lie. It was bogus.
I grabbed my phone then searched for the name I longed to see. No one else in the world would understand how I felt besides him. He may not have experienced the exact same thing, but I knew him well enough to understand that he’d experienced a lot of pain and a lot of disappointment. I hit the send button.
He answered on the first ring. “Pumpkin, how are you?”
Hearing the love in his voice made me break down. The tears fell when I tried to stop them.
Alarm came into his voice. “Skye, are you okay? Are you hurt?”
“I’m okay…I’m okay.”
“Does someone have you? Is someone hurting you?” He always jumped to the worse possible conclusion.
“No, I’m safe. I’m fine.” I breathed through the sobs.
“Talk to me, pumpkin.”
“I just…I feel so stupid.”
Even though my dad didn’t know what was wrong, he was patient with me. “I’m leaving my office now. I’ll be there in two hours.”
“No…you don’t need to do that. Don’t leave work because of me.”
“Work doesn’t mean shit to me. I’ll be there in two hours.”
I knew I shouldn’t argue with my dad. And honestly, I wanted him to come. “Okay…”
“I love you, pumpkin. I’ll be there soon.”
“I love you too, Dad.”
He hung up.
I put my phone on the coffee table then curled up in a ball, trying to fall asleep.