by E. L. Todd
“If we all pitch in and do the dishes, it’ll be over quick,” Uncle Cortland said.
“You know what I say?” Grandpa said. “Paper plates next year.”
“Dad, that’s tacky,” my mom said.
“Who cares?” Grandpa said. “My grandson just said he’s in love with pussy. You can’t get tackier than that.”
Uncle Ryan laughed. “That’s my boy…”
“I’ll help,” I volunteered. It was better than watching Cayson suck Jasmine’s neck all night.
My mom gave me that look she had since I was little. She knew I was up to something.
We cleared the table and started stacking the dishes.
“Can I say something first?” Jasmine said.
Everyone stilled, not clanking their silverware and plates. It was silent.
“I really appreciate you letting me spend the holiday with you. You’ve all been so wonderful to me and I really appreciate it.” Jasmine smiled slightly then looked down.
Ugh. It was getting harder to hate this bitch.
My mom smiled. “You’re always welcome, honey.”
“I’ll drink to that.” Uncle Ryan raised his glass then clanked it against Cortland’s.
We stacked the dishes then my dad started washing them in the sink.
“I can wash them, Sean. Don’t worry about it.” My mom rubbed his back gently.
“I got it, baby. You can stack them in the dishwasher.”
She gave him a firm look. “You work all week. Let me do it.”
He turned off the water and faced her. “You think making a home and raising my kids isn’t work?”
“Well, our kids are out of the house. I can’t take credit for that anymore.”
“Just stack the dishes, baby.”
“Why don’t I—”
He crushed his mouth against hers and silenced her with a kiss. He held it for a moment before he broke away. My mom saw stars in her eyes. “Now shut up and stack the dishes.”
She blushed. “Yes, sir.”
He smirked then turned on the water.
Ugh. No matter where I went, I couldn’t get away from love. Why couldn’t someone else be miserable like I was? I wanted to go in the living room with everyone else, but I knew Jasmine would be sitting on Cayson’s lap like a damn cowgirl. But I couldn’t stay there because I was about to get run over by all my aunts and uncles.
I decided to go into the living room and join everyone on the couch. I sat in the corner, as far away from Cayson as I possibly could. Jasmine was sitting close to him, her hand on his knee.
Did it make me a bitch that I wanted to yank her hair out of her skull?
Slade was drinking his brandy right out of the bottle. “Shit, that is good.”
“You’re going to be wasted before the night is over,” Silke said.
“That’s the point.” Slade took another drink.
Theo had his glasses over his head, and Thomas did the same.
Trinity kept staring at Slade, glaring at him.
“What?” Slade barked.
“Nothing. You’re just annoying,” Trinity said.
“I’m always annoying to you.” He rolled his eyes then looked away.
Cayson moved his hand to the back of Jasmine’s neck and rubbed her gently. “I told you it would be fun.”
“You were right.” She smiled at him, the love in her eyes.
His hand pulled a few strands of hair out of her face, just the way he did to me. I remembered the last night we slept together. He touched me just like that, lulling me to sleep. Now his hands were on her, touching and caressing her. It was making me light-headed.
“You know what I’m thankful for?” she whispered.
“What?” He lowered his voice.
“Finding you.”
I looked away, unable to bear it a second longer. I needed fresh hair. I need to breathe. I couldn’t sit there and watch them love each other. Why did it take me so long to realize how I felt? Cayson hadn’t had a girlfriend in years. Why did he have to get one when I finally realized how amazing he was? But even if he didn’t have a girlfriend, he still may have rejected me. Perhaps I was doomed either way.
Without saying a word, I left my spot on the couch then walked into the backyard. Snow was on the patio and the grass. It was so cold, I instantly saw my breath. But it was dark. Shadows covered me, making me feel calm. I could distantly hear the sound of voices coming from the house. When I turned and looked through the window, I saw everyone gathered in the living room, not even noticing my absence. The only person Cayson noticed was Jasmine. I was just a friend, a sister.
“Skye?”
I recognized my mother’s voice. I’d know it anywhere. Even if I couldn’t see her, I could feel her. Her warmth was a beacon like the sun, touching everything even if it didn’t want to be touched. “Mom?”
She came closer to me, her feet crunching on the snow. When she was close enough, I could see the features of her face in the dim lighting from the house. “Why are you out here alone?”
I tightened my arms across my chest, fighting the cold. “Just to get some fresh air.”
“In the snow?” she asked incredulously.
“It was a little warm in there.”
“I see…”
I turned my body, looking at the ocean even though I could hear it.
“Skye?”
“Hmm?”
“Tell him how you feel.”
I stilled at her words. She knew. How? “What?”
“Cayson. Tell him how you feel. It would be a lot more productive than standing outside in the cold.”
I didn’t see the point in denying it. She clearly knew. “How did you know?”
“I see the way you look at him. You’ve been doing it for a while now. But the look you gave him tonight really showed it. If you don’t want him to be with anyone, why don’t you just tell him that?”
“In case you haven’t noticed, he already has a girlfriend,” I said bitterly.
“They aren’t serious.”
“He brings her to Thanksgiving just because?” I asked incredulously.
“Cortland told me Cayson brought her along because her parents abandoned her and she has no living family. And he also said Jasmine isn’t the woman he’s going to marry.”
Now I felt like a bitch for thinking so many horrible things. “He said that?”
“Yeah,” she whispered. “I’m not sure how much she means to him, but he’s not in love with her. If you’re going to say something, do it now. Before his feelings change.”
I sighed. “I’m not going to intervene. They’re in a relationship and I would hate myself if I broke that up just to be selfish.”
“It’s okay to be selfish once in a while—and for a very good reason. Skye, are you in love with him? Or do I even need to ask?”
“I…I’ve never felt this way before. Every time I see him with her, I want to die…”
“Then that answered my question. You should tell him.”
“When I went to his apartment to tell him the truth…she answered the door wearing his clothes. I got too upset so I just left.”
“Try again.”
“Mom, I don’t think he feels the same way anyway. All I’ll do is ruin our friendship and make him awkward.”
“Isn’t your friendship ruined anyway—in a twisted way?” Her voice was gentle. Somehow, her presence kept me warm enough to survive the cold.
“I can’t do it. Jasmine seems really nice and sweet…and it’s obvious she’s in love with him.”
“But he isn’t in love with her. What if he does feel the same way about you but you aren’t saying anything?”
“If he was in love with me, he would have told me by now.”
“Or maybe he didn’t because of the same reasons you’re giving. Skye, I know you’re scared. I get that. But if this is the man you want, you have to do something. Let me tell you, relationships aren’t easy. What your father and I
have is a product of twenty years of marriage and ten years of friendship before that. We didn’t get here overnight. There was trial and error—over and over.”
“But that’s different. You guys are meant for each other.”
“And what makes you think you and Cayson aren’t? You’ve always had a very special relationship. We all know it.”
I stepped away. “Mom, I’m done talking about this. I appreciate you trying to help but there’s nothing you can do.”
“Skye—“
“Mom, I said no.”
She fell silent, moving close beside me. “Just think about what I said.” She turned around and headed back to the house, leaving me standing in the cold alone.
Chapter Seventeen
Cayson
“Thank you for bringing me to Thanksgiving,” Jasmine said as she sat on the couch. “It was nice not to be alone this year.”
“You’re welcome. I told you my family would love you.” I sat beside her in my apartment. The magical weekend was over and now we were back to reality. I enjoyed school, but whenever I was home, I never wanted to come back. “You’re welcome to come for Christmas.”
“I can only imagine how over-the-top that holiday is.” She smirked at me.
“It is pretty ridiculous. The adults buy all of the kids gifts and they usually can’t fit in the car.”
“You’re so lucky.” A twinkle was in her eyes.
“I know.” I always knew that. In a complicated way, I had ten different parents. Jasmine didn’t even have one.
She held my hand while we snuggled on the couch. “Everything okay with Skye?”
I shrugged. “She was acting very peculiar, wasn’t she?”
“It just seems like she hates me.”
“She doesn’t,” I said quickly. “I’m not sure what her problem was but it wasn’t that.”
Jasmine sat in thought for a long time. “The other day, she…”
I turned to her, listening.
She suddenly ended the sentence. “Nevermind.”
I let the subject drop.
“I’m glad your sister came around.”
I rolled my eyes. “Clementine is a diva. I hate her but I love her at the same time.”
“I think it’s cute. She’s just protective of her older brother.”
“And I think it’s annoying.”
“Why did she dislike me so much in the beginning?” she asked.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her. I already made her cry once and I didn’t want to do it again. “You’re prettier than she is.”
“I am not. She looks just like your mom.”
“My mom is pretty but Clementine is hideous. I’ve seen her first thing in the morning and at night when she puts this weird paste on her face.”
Jasmine laughed. “I’m sure you’re exaggerating.”
“Nope. It was like Halloween every night.”
She shook her head slightly. “I know I spent all weekend with you, but do you mind if I sleep with you?”
“No. You’re always welcome to stay with me.”
“Good. Because my heater is crappy and you do a much better job keeping me warm.”
“Oh, now I see how it is.” I smiled.
“And because I think you’re hot—no pun intended.”
I scooped her up in my arms and carried her to my bedroom. “I better get started on that.”
She giggled while I carried her. “I’m looking forward to it.”
Once we were in bed, we stripped our clothes off then combined our bodies. We hadn’t had sex over the weekend because it was too awkward being down the hall from my parents’ room. But now I was eager to be inside her.
She lay under me while I rocked into her slowly. She was always excited for me, gripping me and biting her lip while she stared at me. Even though I didn’t love her, she was definitely a good lay. I leaned over her and tapped my headboard against the wall repeatedly. I felt bad for my neighbors.
“I love you…” It was so quiet, it was barely a whisper.
I wasn’t sure if I heard it at all. Was that just my imagination? When I looked down at her, her face wasn’t any different. Maybe I conjured the entire thing in my mind. I kept going, pulling her close to me while I made her feel as good as she made me feel.
***
The following week was pure torture. After having a holiday break, I was eager for the semester to end entirely. But that wasn’t until Christmas break. I missed sleeping in every morning. Now I was back in class, learning about chemicals and making sure my lab book didn’t get stained with liquid bromine.
I didn’t see Skye on campus. She was usually in the library with Trinity or with one of the others. But we never crossed paths. As much as I wanted her out of my head, she would never leave. I remembered her odd behavior and couldn’t help but wonder what her problem was. The last time we were together, the closeness between us was paramount. She didn’t want me to leave her side and she slept with me three nights in a row. Now she was indifferent to me. Her unpredictable nature and ability to just disregard me hurt and angered me at the same time. What could I have possibly done to piss her off?
On Friday night, Roland had everyone over for poker night. Skye and Silke usually played with us while Trinity took care of the food. But when I showed up with a case of beer under my arm, Skye wasn’t there.
The guys were gathered around the table, the cards and shots on the surface.
“So, did you give her the slippery dolphin?” Slade asked. He winked at me.
I rolled my eyes. “If I did, I wouldn’t tell you.”
“So, that’s a yes,” Roland said with a nod. “Good job, man.”
I didn’t bother arguing with them. “Where’s your sister?”
He shrugged. “Off in her own world.”
“Why didn’t she want to come tonight?” I asked.
“She said she had plans,” Roland said.
“With who?” I asked.
He glared at me. “Are you a detective or something? What’s with the third degree?”
I rolled my eyes then sat down, getting the game started.
“Everyone liked Jasmine,” Theo said. “I know my parents did.”
“She’s a sweet girl,” I said. “What’s not to like?”
“She doesn’t have any family?” Roland asked.
I shook my head. “Her parents took off and she doesn’t have any living relatives.”
“Geez…that’s brutal.” Slade dealt the cards.
Trinity put chips and salsa on the table. “Does that mean Skye is history?”
Everyone stared at me, wondering what my response was.
I shrugged. “I don’t want to be in pain anymore. I just want to move on and forget about her.”
Silke sighed. “You’ve been saying that for years.”
“I know…” That knowledge just made me more depressed.
“Maybe you shouldn’t sleep with her three nights in a row,” Roland said sarcastically.
“I couldn’t say no, alright?” I felt my shoulders tense. “She asked me to.”
“Forget about her,” Slade said. “She just likes the attention since Zack isn’t around anymore. I don’t know what you see in her. She’s just a self-absorbed—”
I gave him a threatening look.
“Dragon,” Slade finished.
Everyone looked at Slade, confusion on their faces.
He threw his cards down. “It’s a long story. We don’t have enough time tonight.”
Everyone threw their cards down and took new ones. A somber tint filled the atmosphere, or maybe that was just me. I wasn’t sure. I tried not to think about Skye for the rest of the game. But of course, that never worked.
***
Another week went by and she and I didn’t speak. We didn’t cross paths. Every time an event was going on, she wasn’t there. She always mysteriously had other plans. But I didn’t know who with since the group pretty much stuck together.
I started to wonder why she was absent. Was something bothering her? Was something wrong? Did I do something? She told me everything and now I was trash to her. What was her problem? I did everything for her and this is the thanks I got?
I headed to the library but didn’t see Skye in our usual spot. She was never there. But I knew she had a break between classes so she had to be studying somewhere. The library was massive so I walked past the bookshelves, checking the other tables. By chance, I finally spotted her sitting alone, reading a textbook. If she was isolated like this, she was obviously avoiding all of us.
I threw my bag down then sat across from her.
She flinched at my unexpected appearance. Her eyes widened slightly before they dilated again. Within a second, she retained her composure.
“Why are you avoiding me?” I blurted.
“I’m not…” She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear then looked down.
“You just prefer sitting alone in a corner with cobwebs?”
“I study better without any distractions.”
“Is that what you’ve been doing for the past two weeks?” I barked. “Studying?”
“Yes…” Her voice betrayed her nervousness.
“Skye, what’s your problem? I take you to the hospital and look after you. Then I sleep with you for three nights, and now you’re acting like we aren’t even friends.”
“I’ve just been busy.”
“You didn’t speak to me once at Thanksgiving. And every time we get together, you’re never there. Did I do something to piss you off?”
“No, of course not.”
“Then what’s your problem? We used to be best friends and now you act like you can’t stand me.”
“It’s not you…”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I hated being harsh with her, but her childish behavior was really getting on my nerves. I isolated myself from her before, but I had a good reason. And I wasn’t rude to her. I still spoke to her and acknowledged her.
“I’m just busy…okay?”
“You’ve always been a terrible liar.” I stared her down, feeling my annoyance bubble.
She sighed then closed her textbook. “I have to go.”
“That’s convenient.”
She didn’t look at me as she packed her stuff. An indifferent look was on her face, like I meant nothing to her. She shouldered her bag then turned around.