by Gann, Myles
Marion had a smile on her face when he looked up again, but was shaking her head. “You’re downplaying. Even you know what you’ve done before now, and what you’re going to do now. Caleb, nobody has done anything like this.”
“Heh, yeah, true. Nobody has.”
“Howard told me about the war. How it really ended.” She laughed with more strength than before. “It really made sense, made a lot of things make sense.”
“How so?”
She stopped and turned to him as he slouched. “You always did have a power over people, and you gave it up completely. Who does that?”
“Nobody,” he said with a sly smile. “You look like there’s still something you want to get off your chest.”
“Where do I even start with that topic,” she said with an equating smile and stare. “We could talk forever about the logistics of this clearly new philosophy, or the fact that you look poised to make this country war-free for the first time in this century, or even that your subliminal message that’s seeping through everything you’ve done for the past year and a half is really starting to change people’s minds. Any way to boil that down into one question, smart guy?”
“You did get to skim the file after all.”
“The back few pages yeah. Did I miss anything?”
“That one big question.”
“That’s why I’m asking you about it.”
“There is a big, over-arching question, and there is even a simple answer for it. If you take away the rational world, the answers to every question become so crystal clear. You can’t ask why, or who, or what, or when, or even how; the remaining option is encrypted. On the largest scales of operation, people are pulled, rationally, to everybody, or somebody, but the constant, transcendental option is to live for nobody, which is the same as saying ‘To live is to live, and nothing else will be given without what is alive to give, including death.’ The only true question that will ever reveal the unfiltered truth is ‘Is life giving?’”
“Caleb.” He looked at her squarely, feeling his heart pick certain beats to pound louder within his chest. “Is life giving?”
“Constantly a chance for something amazing and lasting to happen.”
Marion nodded past his shoulder, causing Caleb to look back at Major Howard who wasn’t smiling. “We’re going to get the planning out of the way. We’ll have him right back to you, Madam Vice-President.”
Caleb smiled at Marion before fully turning and walking through the pulled back flap. Laid across the table were old outlines obviously penciled a long time ago, and surrounding the desk were just a few soldiers, the President, and the Major. Caleb walked up to the edge of the desk and began scanning while listening. “We’re keeping the plan basic and brief: our guys will be split into five groups. Ten will sneak to the gate here, thirty from west and east, then ten at each of these back corners.”
“No, Captain, you’re not in this to win it,” Stanley spoke up from a dark corner. He approached the desk beside Caleb and the Major. “If you create strong points all over, then Caleb might as well tunnel inside.”
“He’s right, Captain. You were told to develop a supplementary plan to allow Mr. Whitmor easier access to the gate.”
“I didn’t think you were serious Major, my mistake.” The man continued to grumble as he looked at Caleb. “Any input?”
He leaned down and traced along the wall with his finger. “You pick a wall and throw everyone at it, metaphorically. They focus on you, leave some weak spot, and we’re accomplished.”
“Brilliant, mastermind, except you’d never get by more than ten of their guns.”
“I’ve seen him catch twenty bullets then wrap the guns around the shooter’s heads. He’ll be fine, and it’s simple. Just what we need. I take it you’ll want to go in ASAP?”
“Tomorrow morning will be good. Leave at sunrise and catch a break maybe.”
“Any questions gentlemen?”
The Captain looked ready to protest before making eye contact with Caleb, and then subsided from whatever opinion he had on his tongue.
Caleb bowed out of the tent. “You continue to wow people, don’t you?”
He turned to his teacher. “That hasn’t changed.”
---
‘They’re walking over to sit down. They are old friends they probably have a lot to talk about, but still, so do we. Wait…he talked about a teacher. It is her. That’s the freaking one that tried to seduce him. Hey, don’t be jealous. Don’t even start. There’s nothing—she touched his hand. Is she seriously trying to make me mad? Caleb—what would he say if I walked over right now? He’d be a little upset, but would tell me to trust him. That’s the whole problem, though. Can I trust him?’
---
“I’m going to have to read your file to get any deeper than the skin on you aren’t I?”
He smiled and leaned forward on the hard bench beneath him. Her hand appeared on his shoulder as soon as he sat. “It’s not important.”
“That’s a yes, jeez.” She smiled and took her hand away. “Glad to see you still kept in shape though. Not many do after high school.”
“You haven’t changed too much.” He looked up at her shocked, yellow, haunting eyes. “You have changed your career, and maybe your outlook on life, but not the part that matters most. Some have. No games this time, sorry.”
He stood up and walked over to Alice’s side, hefting the huge carton of water bottles onto his back so that she could walk and pass them out effortlessly.
---
‘Now he thinks I need his help? Maybe I can’t trust him….’
- - -
Alice walked out of the medical tent and stopped just beyond the threshold. ‘Where’d everyone go? Did the military guys round them up? Wait, what’s that smell? Food, but where?’ She walked around to the far side of the tent. ‘They set up tables, that’s nice. Where’s…at the one surrounded by guards never mind.’ She walked between the tables and standing guards until she reached Caleb’s back. ‘He moved over for me. Plate already set up with a napkin over it. He remembered me….’
With a wretch at the bottom of her heart, she sat down next to Caleb and quickly passed her eyes across everyone, stopping momentarily to nod at Stanley across from her. ‘All my favorite things. Damn it Caleb.’ She picked up the small package of yogurt next to her fork. ‘He scratched off everything but the faces. He’s looking at my hand, trying to sneak a peek at my eyes.’ Her head turned sideways, to which his head reflected. ‘Why can’t I just say it? Why won’t you let me?’
She dropped the package and slowly scooped up her fork. ‘His eyes are still this way. No, don’t give in. Just eat.’
“Are you Caleb?”
Every face looked up and across the table at the short man standing between two guards. He walked up quickly with his hand extended from a rag that used to be a shirt sleeve. “Who are you?”
“Oh, I’m one of the people you picked up back at the town. I just never really got a chance to say hello yet.”
‘Lying. Caleb, he’s lying.’ Caleb set down his fork while the few guards circled around the President two seats away. “No you weren’t. You’re in your mid-thirties and jumpy, and way too eager to meet someone you shouldn’t know.”
The man pulled back his hand and smiled for a moment before quickly reaching into his pants and pulling a revolver to Caleb’s head. Every gun in the camp quickly converged as he shouted his threats of pulling the trigger in reaction to quarrelsome movement. “Are you Caleb?”
‘No, say no, please Caleb say no. We’ll all back you up and say he left already.’
She felt his leg start to lightly kick under the table. “You know the answer to that.” The hammer clicked back on the gun; echoes were heard around the table. “You don’t know why you’re here though.”
“I’m the assassin. I make sure you don’t make it to the sergeant.”
“No, you’re not.”
“You don’t know me.”
“What you are is the subtext of who you are. You are a man; there is conflict in your eyes that comes from inside of you, not from Stephen.”
“That doesn’t mean I won’t kill you.”
Caleb’s hands were folded and his back was straight. ‘His leg is still kicking.’ She placed her hand on it, instantly tranquilizing the rapid movement. “That’s true, but you always have a choice.”
“Don’t spoon feed me!”
“You could kill me, be welcomed back by Stephen and live, or you could not kill me, return and die. There’s another option.”
“There’s nothing else I can do.”
“The world is a very forgiving place. Your gun could be placed on the table, then you could turn and walk away and find a new life. Probably a terrifying concept, but your perfect option.”
“I’m not walking away from this no matter the option.”
“These guys won’t do a thing, will they Mr. President?”
Both gunman and victim kept their eyes locked as a stable voice said, “Not a thing.”
“There are a lot of factors you haven’t weighed here. Like the reward of killing you, the personal satisfaction of ending this bullshit once and for all. To show everyone that I was right to do what I did.”
“What did you do?”
“Doesn’t matter.”
“If it was right, then it matters.”
“You’re not going to get into my head.”
“You’ve already decided what you’re going to do. At this point, you’re just sharing what you’ve done with an interested observer.”
“I left the army.”
“Why?”
“Because they treated me like a dog. Like their little whipping boy. You think walking away will fix that?”
“The past doesn’t need fixing. Your past has led you here, and what’s wrong with that? Nothing. Did you leave the army because someone else did it?”
“No.”
“Because it didn’t feel right?”
“Not really.”
“Was it because you lost yourself?”
The gun didn’t waver. “Yes. I didn’t even exist there.”
“They forced you to be part of a group.”
“Like you know how that feels.”
“Right now, you’re forcing yourself to be part of a group. Did you even see active duty?”
“No.”
“You were terrified of saying the word ‘we.’”
“What?”
“If you say ‘I did something,’ then you have the total action under your control, but if you had to say something like ‘we were just following orders,’ well, then the guilt can still eat at your soul because you’re going off someone else’s judgment. A terrifying thought, and what you’re actively doing now.”
“I’m in control of me. Not him.”
“Then what are you doing here?”
“You want me to make a choice?”
“For yourself, yes.”
“For myself?”
“Yes.”
“Any choice?”
“Make the right choice for yourself.”
The hammer lowered back gently and without retort before the silver metal thudded against the plastic table. “Never done that before.”
“Yes you have. You’ve just forgotten how to.”
Digital camouflage parted slowly as the man retreated from the table, and all the interested observers slowly began to migrate back to their places. Alice squeezed his leg and received a half-smile in return. ‘He’s being like me now. We’re both so caged….’
Stanley flicked mash potatoes at Caleb’s face. “Somebody has to shoot you.”
Caleb smile and chuckled while Alice looked around. ‘They look excited. Even the President. That wasn’t even his power, guys. You just wait.’
- - -
Caleb poked at the small fire with a fallen stick. ‘It’s taller than me. Why such a big stick?’
“Is this big stick giving you ideas?”
Her head snapped up from staring towards the fire and her voice came out in shock. “What?”
“Nothing. Trying to be funny.”
“It was, but it surprised me. You haven’t tried to be funny in a while now.”
“Yeah,” he said while dropping the stick between them. Her heart began to sting again. ‘Look at the sun. Oh god it’s almost all the way down. It’s almost the night, then tomorrow. This isn’t helping. I need him and his eyes and his smile, but I can’t see them right anymore!’ “Kain? What brings you out here?”
The familiar face stepped forward and sat across the fire with smiles bounding to both of them. “The government.”
“Ah, the familiar face. Why you?”
“They wouldn’t give me a reason, but it looks like my connection with you is about it. This will make my career, so I didn’t protest too much.”
“Guess not.”
Kain took a notebook and folder from his satchel. ‘He’s going to use Caleb to catapult himself. Why are you letting him?’ “As a little side service, I did some research on a list of old friends they provided me with.”
“Drit?”
“Yeah. Would you like to know about them?”
“Who’d she give you?”
“Sasha and Alex?”
“What are they doing?”
“Sasha runs a computer company and Alex is the head of the accounting branch.”
Caleb smiled and stared joyously into the dirt. ‘What’s he imagining?’ “Who else?”
“Your old principal.”
“Same position?”
“Was fired actually because of the hail-storm of sexual harassment suits brought against him.”
“Poor guy.”
Alice leaned towards him. “Did he do that when you were there?”
“Only once, and it was hilarious at the time.”
“You’re nice….”
She watched as Caleb’s smile disappeared.
“I’ve got the latest on David, too.”
Alice turned her head back to Kain. “What happened to him?”
“They said that he had a mental breakdown in jail. A few inmates nearly beat him to death, but he’s okay now and in a safer place.”
‘Caleb was right. He was like that all along, and he realized it finally. Did I even make the right choice with Caleb? I could’ve said it over and over to David and he would’ve said it back. But…it would’ve been a lie. Why does that matter to me so much? He’s pounded it into my head!’
“He’ll be just fine. Don’t worry, Alice.”
“I’m not worried.”
“You look worried.”
She laughed lowly. “You remember how my faces look? How nice of you.”
Again she witnessed the crumple of Caleb’s confidence. “Caleb? Do you mind if I just ask some preliminary questions? I can be out of your hair in no time.”
Caleb squeezed hard on his temples. “Go for it.”
Alice kept her face down. “All right, first: Do you think this is more important than winning the war?”
“Yes.”
Kain waited a few more moments for elaboration before continuing. “Um, next: What makes this different from the war?”
“Nothing, fundamentally. There is an enemy, but people are finding out that the possibility of that enemy is always there.”
“You implicitly said there was a difference though?”
“The war was a symptom of something much larger. Stephen is the source of what is wrong in this world.”
“Which is?”
Caleb looked at the writing pad in Kain’s hand. “That there is this and yourself and nothing else. How many times have you heard that in your life? Even your dad probably told you at some point that you have to look after yourself, or that you have to devote yourself to something great to be great. Stephen takes himself to the clouds, and shows people that’s the only way to live. That’s not true. But people have to be shown that a
t the same level as him, or the idea won’t stick.”
“How do you expect people to sit back and understand that? I mean, I’m college educated and it’s still completely unreal what you’re doing here. What do you expect people to get out of this?”
Caleb smiled widely and breathed out a laugh. “When this first started, that question would’ve been loaded with answers. The people will sit and read about this between bites of a bagel or hear it hurriedly from a car radio, but it won’t stop their day. Not many will claim epiphany or adulation. Maybe what happens tomorrow won’t make any difference at all. How would that be different from any other day? It isn’t a special thing to be here now and there tomorrow, but what drives a person can be spectacular in presence. Those who do stop and those that do listen will question and question and question; the world has kept spinning without itself, and to the sky they’ve been screaming ‘why, why, why,’ but the question that has always needed its answer will rain back with a steady fall. It is not that destiny corners us, or that circumstance corrals our mind, it is that there was a choice to make between our eternal three options, and life to be lived through them. Just so happens that this choice was the perfect one.”
Alice noticed Kain’s face holding the same look as hers. ‘I miss that Caleb.’
“What about you? This is something else, this is…beyond all that. It’s got to be.”
“This will be.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“Because it needs to be done.”
“You could’ve lived, Caleb. You’ve got a girl that loves you two feet away. Why you?”
“Because no one else would. Nobody has had to.”
“Hey kids! We’re putting the generators out. Get some sleep for tomorrow!”
Alice and Kain stayed seated as Caleb began to stamp out the fire.
- - -
Alice heard a flutter against a dark bush. ‘Who else would be out here this late?’
“That you, Alice?”
Her heart skipped through the subsequent beats. “Caleb?”