“There’s something…I need to tell you.”
“Me too. But in this case I’ll go first, okay? Some courage will be awesome at this point…wish I brought my hip flask,” he starts. I can feel his fingers twitch. And clam up.
“Jazz…I…I called you before…right before your wedding.”
“What?”
“I was working back then at a small deli on campus, and I used the break to see if I could breathe a little before going out to a hotdog eating contest and…”
“Wait, what? Pause for a bit Spencer. A hotdog eating contest? Really? You?”
“No, um…it was a friend of mine, Nicole and…you really think I’m that skinny?”
“I didn’t imply anything at all,” I say, hiding my blushing tone.
“Hmm…”
“Go on with your tale Spencer! Don’t let my face cool your boots down.”
“I’m still gonna…”
“Spencer…”
“Fine…so Nicole was going to the hotdog eating contest and I was at the back cleaning up. Then when I was done and we were about to meet up, I got a message on my phone. You see…I’d installed an app before to make sure even if you decided to call me I wouldn’t receive the call and you’d get me out of service and…it was a really long time ago, please bite my head off later?”
Oh I will…
“So there I was in the back of the deli. Confused of course. But I had to know if you were giving us a second chance. I just had to know. So I called you.”
He pauses and stares. It must be one of those memories that he never wants to remember, but would choose to forget if given the chance.
“Go on Spencer, what happened?”
“Your dad picked up. And he gave me the worst news of my life that day. And to add salt to the wound, you were there in the background.”
“What day was it Spencer? Was he in his study? Were we arguing again?”
“No…you were trying out dresses,” he says. Like a punching bag to the stomach, that really sinks deep. I remember it all. I was super excited to try something new that day, not especially since dad had given me his credit card and asked to max it out. Foolish, arrogant and naïve I was, to think that he would have wanted to hold on to my things and let his little girl spend her heart out for her wedding. He always did act fishy after that, but still…that must have broken young Spencer’s heart by the dozen. Now, as I contend with the finer than wine version of him now, I can only shudder at the pain I caused indirectly that day.
“Spencer, I know time has been our judge and executioner and decided to skip the jury bit. We, I…had no control over the madness that was my father. He saw an opportunity and took it, and as conniving as he was and still is somewhere in the bowels of hell, I know that this is not chance. I made my peace with my old man a long time ago Spencer. Please…I ask you to do the same, if not more.”
The silence in the visitor room is unnerving.
“I hear you…it really feels good coming out like that.”
“What? Unless you decided along the way to experiment with boys…”
“Oh wouldn’t you just love that Jazz? It’s one of those fantasies you wrote about in your book.”
“You remember?”
“How could I forget?”
“I suppose it’s my turn now, huh?” I ask. It’s a weird feeling to get to know what had been plaguing his mind ever since we unceremoniously called off our…bond. That just feels lazy to say out loud…union…yeah, union. Union sounds better if I don’t think too deeply about the rights and freedoms and…
“Jazz…?”
“Yeah?” I ask absentmindedly.
“You spaced out a little there,” he says with concern on his nose.
“I suppose…you’ve been wondering about me and my eight years, huh?”
With a quick side glance to the floor, he muffs his chin. “Every single day of it.”
“No one ever knew why I married Carl so soon. He was a dick in every single way, and I went for it instead of college or my dreams as a playwright. You wanna know why?”
His silence is my green light.
“When you left for college to do your thing, I was left to pick up the pieces. It was hard at first of course, but with time, after talking myself into it, I got used to it. Dad said the only way I could ever lead a normal life was to take the proposal and be a married woman to Carl. He said it was the only way…the …”
“Jazz…you’re crying…”
It’s apparent on the table. The sparkling salt water on the grey looks like stars in the fluorescent light. It’s amazing how bad can still be good; just the way stars could be the tears of a god somewhere up there. His hands are on mine, and in an attempt to calm me down, I twine my fingers into his.
“Spencer…it was the only way I could survive in this. Dad promised he would not help if I went my own way. And I’m sorry Spencer. I really am. All these years I have kept this from you for your own sake, but I realize now, just as I have all this time in here, that it is all futile, and I was selfish. You need to know the truth, and I pray you forgive me.”
“Jazz, you’re scaring me now. What did you do?” his eyes are horrified by what mine hold, but this truth, this scarring truth that was so beautiful to me and my life needs to be shared with my only other half. I sniff and blurt it out. It’s one way to rip of a Band-Aid. It’s another to rip a cast off a broken limb.
“I got married To Carl because I was pregnant with our son, Spencer.”
Chapter 24 - Spencer
“What?”
This…this…all these years…all this time…all of it…I spent my entire time away thinking the most God awful things about her, and now it turns out she had our baby. My baby?
“Spencer. I’m sorry….I, I tried calling you the moment I found out…but…b-b-but it didn’t go through. I…please…there was nothing I could do for myself. He threatened to make me leave the house and his name Spencer. And you were so far away and living your life the way you always dreamed.”
“Jazz, stop…just…stop,” I implore, hoping to get her to a state of ease. This time I got the key from the guard outside. Letting her off the metal and hearing it clang to the floor is the most pleasure I can afford right now. In my arms she falls hard. I hold her tight in my cocoon embrace.
“Who was I Spencer?” she asks, letting the pain ebb through her eyes.
“Jasmine…don’t do this to yourself.”
“Who was I to come and mess everything up for you and your mom? Spencer…you are the first of your entire family line to have made it through college. Would you have still loved me if I took that away from you?”
Through her words I can smell the fear, the pain, and the loss. I know that whatever hell she has gone through, even keeping away the news of my child from me was more than enough. I need to know more…
“Jasmine…is he still…does he know who I am?”
She stops indignantly and glows up at me. Her eyes are puff and veiny on the inside, covered in white and slurry of snot from her nose. Is it still odd for me to find her the most beautiful woman on the planet? Is it so wrong?
“No. I kept your identity safe. If…if he knew who you really were Carl would have killed him. I swear he would have Spencer…I swear he would have…”
“Jazz…”
I hold her tightly. My embrace is unmoving, unchanging. I need her to know how much I still love her. She gave to me what I never thought I would have. Life dealt me an eleven, but there was no way I was folding. My son was, is, my chance to double down. Now I know it’s weird – I’m thinking of cards.
Maybe it’s not so weird after all. I’ve spent most of my life wondering what kind of a dad I would be. In that fleeting high of existence, I never thought of it being this way. Picture perfect my idea was; to see him grow up. And I’ve missed that. Not all of it…but enough to curse Harvey Turner.
“I still love you, okay? Stop doing this to yourself…now sit,�
� her arms are weak, and her torso thinning. I need to get her out of here. This place…it takes me to nightmares I am never proud of.
“Spencer,’ she sniffs, trying her best to hold back her joy. Fingers wrung and hair tussled, she calmly brings it all back together. “Thank you.”
“Now…what’s his name? Please don’t tell me you named him after your dad…did you?” my face is in a cringe. That would be hell.
She laughs it away. From tears to an upside down frown, Jasmine Turner is a sight for any sore day. “No silly, of course I wouldn’t. You think I hate our baby that much?”
“Good…coz I think we would need to take him to church and get all that vibe from your dad out of him and…what?” I ask. Her face is crouching low, ready to smile and grin like a little school girl recently given the idea of her beauty by the coolest boy in town. I know that look; it was the look she had the first time we shook hands.
“You’re already thinking of raising him up huh?” she asks. I fold.
“Every single day since the one I met you in.”
“Aw, you silly romantic.”
“Is it silly if I’m still here after all this time?”
She twitches her nose. The air is dense with emotion. I can feel it too.
“What’s his name Jasmine? I would really like to know. You’ve kept him well away from this case, and even refused telling it to us during booking and incarceration. I thought you were hiding him from all this…but were you doing all to…hide him from me?”
“Yes Spencer. If you knew about him then…we wouldn’t be here now. Your heart would get in the way of your mind; I’ve seen you eat, man,” she throws back. Honestly, I’m not even mad. She’s right. I can only imagine what he looks like, and runs like and smells like and writes like and talks like and sings like and…
“Okay…okay…I hear you. I should get going now.” My business needs to be elsewhere. She still needs me, but I don’t…not like this. “The court has moved the hearing closer, and I need to track down Veronica. I need to get you out Jasmine, so that I can take that boy in and really get to know him.”
She rises up and pushes her chair back. It creaks loudly on the floor.
“His name, Spencer, is…”
The door unlocks behind us, stopping her midway from revealing who my bloodline is. A woman, almost middle-aged, brown in skin tone and fit in stature walks in. Her face seems young, and her lips puffed. I see she has a folder under her arm, and it makes the skirt suit she’s wearing look a tad creased. I’ve seen these guys before. The guard standing by the door locks it and she walks in. Her folder rests gently on the table. Her eyes fleet from one to the other. I feel judged.
“Good day to you both. Jasmine Glenn-Turner, Officer Winters, I’m Sheila Puckett under the Child Protective Services. I’m here under the order of the court to inform Mrs. Glenn-Turner here of the development in her child’s case.”
That throws us both off. Jasmine even more…
“What case? What happened to my son?” she asks, her voice rising.
“Nothing happened Jasmine, can I call you that?” she nods. “We’ve found out that Spence, your son, has been living with a Miss Henrietta down by the projects. She claims to be his nanny., and ever since the charges against you were hot he’s never visited you in here. Is this correct?”
Wow…she named him after me? My son…is …Spence. I look up to Jazz with a whole newfound respect. Carrying that name around Harvey must have pissed him the fuck off. I can only imagine him spinning in his grave; a thought that unsurprisingly brings me immense pleasure. Well played, Jazz, well played.
“…yes…so what? I trust her with my life as well as my son. I never wanted him to see me like this, okay? That kind of stuff scars a young boy for life, you know?What does this have to do with you guys?” she asks, bringing me back full circle to what is going on.
“Your son cannot stay with a person who is not a family member Jasmine. Those are the rules. I’m sorry, but we have to take Spence away and place him in a foster home.”
“Wait, what?” I ask. No way in hell is that happening…not my son. “You have to consider this case is about to be adjourned in a few days right? And you still consider bringing the matter to foster care when her mother is still here?”
“I’m not having it lady,” she defiantly says. Sheila sighs and places her hands on the table, bending her ass the opposite way and staring at us like children caught making out.
“My hands are tied, okay? If we cannot locate the nearest kin to Spence, then I’m afraid I will have no choice but to take him in.”
“I’m the boy’s father,” I suddenly burst.
Both women look at me. One with confusion. The other with sincere adoration. It fucking feels good to say that out loud. I’m Spence’s father!
“Is this…is this true Jasmine?” the confusion is rampant on Sheila’s upper lip and brow.
She stares at me with no thought of anyone else in the room. “Yes he is. Are you sure about this Spencer?”
With a nod and a breath so heavy leaving me, I smile at the concept of feeling lighter than air. “I have never been surer in my life Jasmine.”
“Well, this is completely unusual and off the books,” smiles Sheila. Finally I can see a little humanity inside of her. “We will of course need to do a DNA paternity test to confirm if these allegations are true. Don’t look at me like that; we need proof. ”
“It sounds okay to me, but um, Sheila, was it? Can I ask for a favor?” Jazz asks. The way she smiles ear to ear…damn.
Sheila is already by the door. As fast as they come is just as fast as they go; like ants. He face is on us, but her waist couldn’t be farther. “Yes?”
“Would it be okay if Henrietta brought Spence here today? I need to speak to him and make sure he understands what is going on. I don’t think shielding him from all the madness will be helpful either. Can you make that happen? Please?” Jasmine’s hands are by her chin; as if in prayer.
“It is unusual, but I shall see what I can do. Till the next time,” she waves with her eyes and knocks on the door. It swings open and she walks out.
It’s just the two of us left alone again in this full room. Objects are few, but hope eternal. Spence is gonna be here any minute, any day now and I’m going to see him. Finally, after all this…
“Why are you looking at me like that Jazz?” her baby blues tack onto me with adoration, kindness…and, regret?
“Spencer…you are mine and I yours. I can’t tell you how good it feels for me to finally admit to you that we have a son…but…”
It hits me.
“You don’t want him to see me yet, yeah?”
“I don’t mean it in a rude way Spencer. I need him to understand first, okay? I promise the moment he gets what all this is about…you tow will finally be reunited. Please don’t scrunch up like that…please? For me.”
“I understand Jasmine.” I walk to where she stands. My time is up. For now. Seeing her free is my priority now. My lips meet hers, and in a gentle breeze I leave her my calling card. “I’ll be back for you.”
The last thing I hear as I leave her hand hanging idly by and walk past he guard by the door, “You always will.”
Chapter 25 – Jasmine
“Hey baby! How have you been?”
“I’m alright mommy. But why are you wearing those clothes? They make you look funny.”
Of course they do. Kids never lie. Sheila pulled enough strings to get my son here, right here in the visiting room I’m about to call mine. He looks really full and happy, but the twinkle in his smile is fading. I haven’t been around to read to him as often as I would like…but, he’s here. It’s all a mother could ask for.
“I’ve missed you Gummy Bear. Have you been alright? Don’t worry about my clothes…it’s something new in fashion ha-ha,” I try to maintain, but his mind works just like his father’s.
“No mommy. I’ve missed you more. And you kinda look like a r
abbit with no big ears. Do they make you hop in here, for games?”
“Um, no sweetie. Could we sit down a bit? There’s something mommy needs to explain.”
I take him by the hand. Maggie was sweet enough not to cuff me today. I fear she knows what it’s like to be a hopeless mother; she hasn’t faced me in two days straight in the eye.
We sit. I lift him up and hoist him on the metal chair. Heavy. Good. His hair smells like soap and mint. Henrietta must be making him have it all healthy by now. I go across him and take my position facing him, but on my knees. I need to see him eye to eye.
“Sweetie, do you know where this is?” I ask. My voice is squeaky. I hate that. I need to be funny, not fearful. I draw out some air and cough it out.
“Um…jail…Henrietta mentioned it…but she said you didn’t do anything wrong mommy,’ he says, playing with his fingers.
“And do you believe what she said Spence? That mommy is innocent?”
My heart is pounding so close to my ears I can feel the song it plays. Of all people to believe in me, I wish him to at the very least understand what is happening.
He looks up to me and purses his lips. It’s his thinking cap going on.
“I believe that daddy was a bad man. He hurt you all the time. But I know you never hurt him mommy. You are a good mommy.”
“Aw! Gummy Bear,’ I exhale, hugging his little guts in. “I knew you believed me.”
His tiny hands press onto my chest, trying to push me away. I realize he’s slightly suffocating. It wouldn’t look good on the camera, would it?
“Sorry Spence,” I apologize as my body moves a little farther away.
“It’s okay mommy,” he sniffs. His fingers go back to playing with each other.
“Spence…I need you to know something. And it’s better if I told you now, okay?”
“Okay.”
I look around the room for fictional courage to follow through. Who would have guessed that a mother would be afraid of looking her son in the eye and telling them the truth of their lives? Better now than later I suppose…
“Carl was not your dad.” The wound is open now. He doesn’t flinch.
Triple Pass: An MFMM Reverse Harem Romance Page 54