“Taryn – there’s a question in there somewhere. What do you need? You’re mature enough to know when it’s too much. It’s me and sometimes we have to take the help when it’s available.”
“I want to get a private voice coach and a weekly session with a piano teacher. I have no clue of cost yet. I’ve just started to look. It has to be the right fit. I’m ditching field hockey dreams and I can get a little waitressing job to help out.”
“Done. Write it all up when you make decisions and shoot me a figure. A job may or may not happen. It’s not like walking into the café in Concord getting hired by the woman who has known you since you were knee high. I would rather see you excel at your studies.”
“I love you Dad. I want to make you proud and Mom too.”
“That’s already done Taryn.”
Taryn and Mr. Wright continued their walk. The sky was a brilliant cantaloupe with puffs of smoke from home fireplaces creating a familiar scent. The day was ideal. Just what Taryn needed to power through the remainder of her first semester.
She would see Beth and Jen that night and they would tell stories of their far flung experiences. Beth had found love in Ohio and Jen struggled with homesickness in Maine. Taryn worried about Jen’s dramatic weight loss. She had heard about the rumored ‘freshman 15’ but this went in the opposite direction. She would remember to check in on this matter over winter break. It was too personal. The mood was decidedly light and time was short. Brett would stop in and join the party with his own anecdotes. Brett and Taryn had kept in touch and seamlessly fallen to a flirtatious friendship. No feelings hurt and no burning desires.
Taryn returned to the Berkshires recharged.
****
Kyle felt better upon arrival back home. He was able to sleep most of the way when he was able to tune out Dad’s cacophony.
“Kyle! My boy. You got so big” Mrs. Caldwell hugged her son and squeezed his muscles which pointed to his work in the weight room.
“Hey Mom. I missed you a ton and I can’t wait for your Turkey – I can taste it already. Mom it feels so good to hug you. I missed this. Did you lose a few pounds? You look fit and healthy and you smell great.”
Lesson from Dad – be specific when you compliment a woman. It matters.
“Well yes, thanks Kyle.” She blushed.
“Hi Kyle!” Bree was becoming a young lady. His youngest sister beamed with pride. She knew he was astonished at her advancing age and noticed it.
“Hey peanut. You are lovely. Missed you little Nugget. I loved the care package you sent to school. I ate everything and your drawings are on my wall.”
“Keith will be home from D.C. first thing tomorrow. He’s taking the bus and you can pick him up downtown. It will give you boys time to catch up. I’m sure you both have some stories to tell that would not be welcome to the girl’s young ears.”
“Sure Mom. Hey where is Juliet? She’s probably hiding in her room. I’ll peak in.”
“No Kyle. If I’m correct I would say she’s with her boyfriend.”
“No!”
“Oh yes Kyle. He’s a freshman in community college. Love is in the air for you little sister. It’s very serious. Go easy on her.”
“Dad, I turn my back and little Juliet is dating a guy my age….too much.” He just shook his head.
“Oh, honey, I forgot to tell you she is traveling to Pennsylvania with the Gorski’s to the family Thanksgiving. She was invited by Mrs. Gorski, who called me to confirm and I said yes. It’s all set. They are staying the night and Juliet will share a bed with Brian’s sister.”
“Wow, things sure have changed around here.”
“Dad do you want to start the fire or should I?
“I’ve got it handled son.”
Kyle got the Afghan off the couch and claimed his spot on the carpet. It was strategically located so he could rest and still watch sports on T.V. They had an old red dog named Boom-Boom. She was a fixture in the Caldwell home. She was not the svelte Golden Retriever you saw in magazines. She was old, red and fat. She would offer extra warmth as Kyle recovered from hockey, his night out, and school in general. It provided the safety he was missing.
“Keith over here.” Kyle was picking up his older brother at the bus station. It was quiet as most travelers had completed their journey, and dirty – no surprise there.
“Kyle. You look great. Hockey suits you as always. You’re in excellent shape and you still have your teeth unless you have really good fake ones.”
Keith and Kyle were brothers of a different color. Choice of athletics, academics, music, food and women differed. They still remained close. Lifestyles differed but they had respect for one another which would only grow as the years passed.
“Yeah it’s still hockey, my thing you know. My grades are fair and I have no girlfriend but I’m still betting on my skates to be my future. The other stuff will fall into place.” Kyle had a brief flashback to the red head. Best to keep that one to himself.
“I’m still focused on dentistry. Sounds bizarre, but I love it. Looking at schools, mainly in the southeast. I’m thinking North Carolina but we will see how I do on my DAT’s. My girlfriend Sharon is planning on Penn, she’s a smarty pants.”
“Serious with Sharon are you?”
“Yeah, I’ll probably marry her. She’s the only girlfriend I’ve ever had and we have so much in common. School first though, you never know.”
“Dr. Caldwell. You must have Mom and Dad bursting with pride on that one. Good job man.”
“What time do we eat?”
“Whenever, I think five . Mom looks great. Don’t forget to notice.”
“Always Kyle, thanks for the heads up.”
The brothers talked freely about random topics they shared in common. They were raised well by adoring parents that was something all the Caldwell kids agreed upon. Neither could believe Juliet’s boyfriend status. They had a good laugh about that surprise.
The table was set and the home smelled other worldly to the hungry boys and little Bree. From the cranberry to the pumpkin pies it was all flawless. Mrs. Caldwell was teary on a couple of occasions. All the kids were healthy and accounted for and the love of her life was present – the architect of this beautiful perfect family. Every mothers dream come true.
Kyle’s phone chimed a lot and calls were usually ignored. Mark called and he would return the call in the morning.
After a pleasant long sleep and a hot shower he was ready to face the world again. Kyle had a couple of over-medium eggs and a sesame bagel and a poppy-seed bagel and coffee. A few hours passed in the kitchen that morning. Mom was out doing her thing. They could only guess. It was most likely an altruistic pursuit she had picked up. Surely it was something she did quietly. She never sought praise. Mrs. Gayle Caldwell was the strength that held them all together and she kept no payback ledger in her mind.
Juliet walked in. She was home from her overnight with Brian. She handled the questions and teasing from her brothers with good spirit. She was graceful. Juliet was a young woman now and she deserved their respect. It was not said but the implication was clear. If, Mr. College Boy, bruised little Juliet’s heart he would be hearing from them.
“Hey Dad. Gangs all here. Mom is off saving the world. What’s up? I’m going to Marks today if that’s cool. One night with the boys before I head back. Cool Dad right?”
“I’m glad you’re all here”
Kyle, Keith, Bree and Juliet sat quietly. Sam Caldwell appeared changed. The rock they always knew was absent. They were observant people and this was not good.
“Your Mother is sick. She has Cancer and it’s bad. She is out shopping for groceries so she can load up the freezer with pre-made fucking lasagnas and casseroles for Juliet, Bree and I. They have some god damn specials at the market. She needs to pick up some pretty hats at the thrift store. She starts chemo on Monday morning. I owe her everything. I can’t help. I don’t even know how to make coffee for myself.
&nbs
p; They were leveled.
“O.K. Dad I’m not going back to D.C.”
“I’m not leaving either." UMass, hockey, school – memories.
“Daddy” Bree was confused. She was way too young to bare this kind of news. Was there ever a good age?
Juliet sat silent. Mr. Caldwell, the grand patriarch was so fragile he appeared ready to shatter. But really no, he was already in a million pieces. His beautiful wife was his glue and she was in short supply.
“Boys, no. You are enrolled in University and that is where you will remain. We are a strong family living in a strong community. Your Mother has her faith and we will continue working, studying and playing hockey. Do it for Mom. Bree and Juliet will be here to help around the house. We have an excellent medical team in place and we’re exploring all our options. Medical insurance is there and I have a sizable nest egg I can tap into. Don’t look surprised I wasn’t exactly sleeping at the wheel. I invested properly in the 90’s and I ate up stock options as they were available. Juliet, you should know that Mrs. Gorski knows what’s going on and she has become a trusted friend to your Mom. She will help out when Mom can’t make it to school stuff. Hold on to that Brian his family is good.”
Seats were adjusted and long strong hugs were exchanged. Mrs. Caldwell had Ovarian Cancer. She had bad cramping by the time she went to the doctor. She had a hysterectomy that she explained as female surgery to the girls. With some clever maneuvering they were able to keep the girls safe from the truth. They were not lies intended to hurt the girls, rather convenient untruths to buy Mr. and Mrs. Caldwell time. They needed time to figure this thing out. Mrs. Gorski was there by circumstance. She was there when her new friend broke down. The dam broke. They bonded and a loyal partnership was formed.
Unfortunately the cancer had spread to other organs and they were hoping to slow its rampage throughout her body. Chemicals, sure that would be a toxic mess but it provided hope. It’s all they really had.
“When is Mom gonna be home? Do we act differently? Does she know you’re telling us? What can we do here? This is MOM. She looks so good. She lost weight because she’s sick. I feel like such an ass. I’m so damn self-centered. I thought I was good at reading signs. Is that why she was wistful at dinner. Was it some sort of farewell feast? I went on about hockey and school shit while she was saying goodbye. She’s mom.”
Kyle’s phone as buzzing in the back pocket of his jeans. Mark was calling and he answered out of habit. It was not a good time to hang with high school friends. He had always been a positive guy. Matters of this nature had never touched him so closely. Sure he had sorrow when his grandparents passed, but nothing of this magnitude.
“Hey, Mark”
“Waz up buddy? What, you too good to hang with us now that you’re a college boy? Get over here. Kyle, you sound weird man. You all right.”
“Mark I’m exhausted. I’m just gonna hang with the family and catch you at Christmas.”
The phone was ripped from his hands.
“Mark, Sam Caldwell here. Kyle is running late. He will be there shortly.”
Kyle was incredulous.
“Business as usual Kyle. Your Mom is out until three or so and you need your friends now more than ever. I’ve gotten immense support from friends. Your uncle is taking a week off to just come down and make sure I’m not alone. This is not some shameful secret. It’s O.K. to cry about this. You will be amazed how much support you receive. Your buddies love you. You’re growing up you’re going to experience loss and it’s not like getting a “C” in Algebra or losing a hockey game. Brace up Kyle. Go to Mark’s. Don’t shut down.”
Within 15 minutes Kyle was on his bike racing over to Marks house. Tears freely cascaded down his cheeks, drying quickly into streaks of salt down his face. He couldn’t pedal fast enough. He was trying to escape from his new reality. Faster, he flew to the safety of Mark’s basement.
“Sorry I’m late. Things at home came up.”
Welcomes were shared with honest bear hugs. It was a milestone they had conquered leaving home for the first time, each finding his or her own way. Some had changed outwardly. Nelson had two new tattoos he had picked up in Minnesota. One was peeking out of his t-shirt hinting that perhaps it’s led to something ominous below. Roger’s hair was longer and tinted carrot orange. Nathan, well he had no hair and seemed proud of his shiny dome. Mark was unchanged except for a few pounds. Kyle himself was bulked up but otherwise remained the same.
Mark and Kyle eventually got a moment to catch up on the previous month’s events. Mark was in Allegheny which was a pretty spot tucked away in Northwestern PA. Kyle went through with his Dad on a college tour swing. It was serene and only two hours away but with no hockey program it was not among his choices. The entire town population was less than UMass alone. It was great for Mark. He had decided to study international politics with a minor in Spanish. He was nearly fluent because he had an adopted sister from Mexico. His folks insisted she stay true to her ethnic heritage which resulted in his entire family being bi-lingual. Kyle had reason to believe he would be casting a ballot for Mark someday.
“Sounds like you’re living the life in Amherst. Good for you man. Good things are deserved. Are you happy, don’t mean to sound all mental but you seem – I don’t know. If you have something going on you know where to come.”
“Beer?”
That seemed to be replacing vitamin enhanced water in the basement. Kyle was unable to partake due to his recent experience with the stuff.
“No – I have pre-season games and practices coming up. I think I’ll lay off the beer for now”
“No prob. My Mom brought a couple of six packs. She would rather have me drink here than elsewhere.”
“Your Mom is great. Mine has Cancer Mark.”
“Oh, sorry. I had no clue. How long has this been going on?”
“September I think. A couple of hours for me.”
Kyle laid out what he knew. It was a story he would re tell to a lot of people. The words were a part of him now. He finished, speaking expecting more sorry and pity. He was alone in his confusion, left by himself to find his way. Things were different. It began a road for Kyle. One with people who really gave a shit and had experience in dealing with heartache and advice – a lot of that.
“Yeah, when my Mom had a mastectomy I felt helpless and disoriented. I needed someone to reach out to. It was my Aunt who had an instinct. She let me open up to her and provided unbelievable support. She died of breast cancer herself this past summer. You need to find that person – your true North.
“Mark, why am I just hearing this now? You’re Mom? Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I was 14 and I thought it was better kept as some sort of secret. You weren’t supposed to talk about breasts and death. It was personal. I’ve been there Kyle. If you need me at any-time I’m here for you. I can hitch a ride back here or come all the way to UMass. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Keep making Mrs. C proud.”
Crying, Kyle reached out and embraced Mark. He breathed – it had been a couple of hours.
“Hey guys. I’m gonna bounce. I’ll be in town more often so I’ll call when I’m around. No more tats Nelson – we get it. Christmas will be longer. No drop-outs yet so we must be doing something right?”
Kyle had a peaceful jaunt on his journey back to the house. Home was different now but it’s all part of it. He was ready to face what the future held. He has been blessed with an easy road up until now and he had what it took to be the man his parents raised him to be. Was there a choice? He thought of Coach who knew he was sick Last week but expected him to practice. Focus, what he had learned in hockey was necessary as his Mom struggled.
The Caldwell’s gathered together in their cozy nest for the rest of the weekend. Drawing on each other for strength and humor. They were a team.
“Mr. Cohen. Good to see you man. You look fat. What happened to keeping up with the puck? You said you would. Now it looks like you could use
the work-out. Seconds on the potatoes and pie?”
“Thanks Kyle. I’ve been busy with studying and shit. That is why we’re here? Last I checked it hadn’t changed.”
“Really Tru, it’s great to see you back. I still plan to hear where the hell you disappeared to the other night. Not nice to keep secrets from your roommate.”
“Whatever. Want to go studying to the library tonight.”
“Yeah, I have a game on Friday night. It’s pre-season but I’d love to have a fan out there.”
“Where else would I be?”
****
Across campus Taryn was filling the frig with leftovers sent by her Mom. There was a lot of stuffing and some coveted apple pie. She had a bag of sweets from the café she obtained when she stopped in for a visit. She had enough to share with the entire first floor. Blueberry bagels set aside for herself.
Hellos were exchanged by all. They had not been gone long but missed their new friends. It was chatty and not good a good atmosphere for prepping for tomorrows history of Jazz refresher quiz. It didn’t count for much but Taryn was a perfectionist and didn’t want to seem otherwise. She would hit the library.
She entered and immediately hit the eleventh floor. It was a stack floor with narrow book isles running from floor to ceiling with a study carrel pushed against the end of each one. They held a panoramic glimpse of the campus below and the surrounding Berkshire Mountains. The sky usually held clouds but it wasn’t cloudy. Hopeful blue or the black of night was always peeking through – an optimistic look of the surroundings. There was a monitor at a desk close to the elevator. He or she was likely a library sciences major fulfilling a work-study commitment. Their resources rarely needed they were like sentinels. Taryn liked the silence most of all. No One just ended up on the eleventh floor. It was a secret spot of hers. Phone set on vibrate she was set to find out what this Miles Davis was all about. Tomorrow’s jazz quiz would be a breeze.
Kyle took his usual seat on the first level with Di, Rosemary and this time they were joined by Stewie from hockey. He was tan due to his recent trip down to Florida to spend Thanksgiving with his Mom. He was involved in writing a psychology paper. His grades were above average and he was working hard to keep them that way. He had class. You would think it all came easy to him but he had obstacles to overcome like everyone else. He was one of the people often rooted for to make it far and it was suspected he would.
Icing Page 5