by Michael Todd
They stood there looking at each proudly, puffing out their chests with the knives on the front of their vests.
“It’s about damn time!” Derek’s face shone with pride. “How do I look?”
“Fucking badass.” Eric grinned. “And me?”
“Not entirely ridiculous, like you normally do,” Derek deadpanned.
“Hell, yeah.” Eric whooped, nodding. “We gotta get new sheaths for these beauties.”
“Yeah, we do.” Derek smirked. “And come up with names for them.”
“Mine is ‘Hell-Demon Slayer.’” Eric grunted to emphasize his manliness.
“Mine is ‘Theresa,’” Derek said, nodding wistfully.
Erik looked askance at him. “’Theresa?’ Why?”
Derek had a shine in his eyes “After this waitress I met in Tulsa one time. She was a ballcrusher in every fucking way.”
“Ohhh.” Eric chuckled in understanding. “Makes perfect sense when you know the whole story.”
“All right, big and ugly,” Calvin said, crouching and facing the demon. “Whatcha got for me, huh? You gonna eat me too?”
“I don’t like dark meat,” the demon growled. “But don’t worry, little black man. I’ll make sure you are a real ugly stain on the cement.
“Oh, okay,” he said in a high-pitched tone. “You’re going for the racial slurs. Hmm. Well, let me just tell you something, Colonel-fucking-Ward—race relations are a little different from the last time you came around.”
“Still black, still ignorant.” The demon sneered, waving a claw toward the rooftop from which Katie watched them. “Still a slave.”
“Awww, hell no,” Calvin said, lunging for the beast and swiping his sword across his shin. “We don’t have slaves anymore and Jim Crow is fucking dead, just like you are gonna be very shortly.”
Calvin lunged again, this time piercing the demon’s flesh with the blade. Steaming blood poured from the wound, but the beast dismissed it with a laugh. He swiped out with an arm, tossing Calvin across the alley and against a wall. Calvin groaned as he rubbed his chest.
“Damn,” he whispered.
Calvin got in several more licks, but nothing like what the demon did to him.
Above them, Katie/Pandora perched on the edge, looking down at the demon below. He was huge and misshapen.
I know this demon, Pandora told her.
I thought he was your brother? Katie was confused.
Him? No, Pandora scoffed. That’s one of his cronies, the greasy little fucker.
Katie sniffed. He doesn’t look so little to me.
Well, I was actually talking about what he has between his legs. You know, little fucker? Pandora managed to sound both sweet and acerbic. No?
Katie snorted. Tell me about him, and I don’t mean his goddamned pecker.
He is a weasel. A big one, but a rodent nonetheless, Pandora told her. He’s spent his existence chasing my brother and trying to be important, but he is nothing like him. He doesn’t have the speed, power, or size my brother has.
Well, that’s fucking reassuring. Katie sighed.
My brother probably sent him here to scope things out. He’s an ass. Pandora made no attempt to hide her derision. He probably figured he could come here and play out whatever plan my brother has. He always thinks he can outsmart T’Chezz, but this guy is dumber than rocks.
He seems to know his fair share of racist slurs, Katie snarled.
Pandora dismissed her anger. You know how that is—he just grabbed onto whatever he thought would make him feel smart, and there is plenty of that shit in hell. Where do you think it comes from in this world? I mean, shit…demons have been screwing with you guys for ages. They don’t really give two fucks about you, but they know if they pull you apart they can target you easier. There are all kinds of demons in your political closets.
That doesn’t really surprise me at all. Katie shook her head as she replied. I’ve been saying that for years; long before I knew anything about the Damned.
See, you knew all along! Pandora congratulated her. We are assholes. I was in politics for a while, but it kept pissing me off how everything was for men on this planet. I went back home instead and sat on my throne with my demon child servants.
What a lovely story about your home life, Katie gushed snarkily. Did you have Sunday beheadings?
Only once a month. Pandora‘s laughter chimed in Katie’s head.
That must have been the main event, Katie snickered, watching the beast’s moves. You know, your friend down there—he isn’t too bad at this, but he is mostly girth. Haven’t you guys learned that agility is much better than girth, unless you are going for smashing buildings and throwing buses? The rest of the time you get screwed by the smaller, faster people.
Pandora agreed. I’ve said that for years, but my brother is pretty much composed of testosterone, so he tends to build cock diesel fuckers and then watches them die when they can’t handle the weight of the suit. Katie felt the demon’s mental shrug. But I don’t give a shit. It’s their funerals, coming up here and trying to take over. They seriously underestimate the humans on this planet.
Well, don’t worry about that, Katie reassured her. That is all going to end very soon, and when it does, we need to be prepared to strike at the heart of this whole thing. I won’t be bullied by some massive hunk of stinky flesh, and I won’t fear for the lives of my people because those smelly monstrosities want to play puppeteer with our bodies. Fuck that!
That’s the best speech you’ve ever made.
I have a question for you, Katie began haltingly.
All right, Pandora replied. Hit me with it.
Katie winced and shook her head as Calvin took a particularly hard knock to the face. If your dumbass brother is eventually coming for me, don’t you think that we should start practicing like he is the one up here?
I see where you are going with this, Pandora purred. And I like every fucking bit of it.
Katie narrowed her eyes in determination. Then get prepared. I’m tired of this bullshit. If I need to use these powers to save my teammate and the city, Korbin will just have to deal with it.
That’s right, girl! Preach it! Pandora cheered.
There is a reason that the two of us were brought together, Katie said, stepping up on the ledge and breathing heavily. I think it’s because somebody out there knew we could kick some serious ass together.
Amen! Pandora sang, Ain’t nobody gonna break-a my stride…
Katie looked at the demon. Let me ask you…what are my chances?
I give it forty percent. Pandora sounded uncertain.
Katie pursed her lips, considering. Ooookay, and how confident are you that I’ll land where I should?
Pandora’s tone was airy. You know I don’t like to guess at those things, but think of it this way. You do it—you pull that shit off—and it will be the most epic moment. It will be one of those where if the humans win they will put it in the history books, maybe build a statue like. That kind of thing.
Riiight. Katie let out a short chuckle. I was more thinking a “thank you” from my teammate for saving his ass.
That might happen too. Pandora sighed. You humans are so boring in your aspirations.
Because kicking ass and saving lives is so boring, Katie retorted, pulling both her knives out and holding them to her side. Here goes nothing.
Katie’s eye’s flashed bright red and she stepped off the six-story building, falling toward the beast below.
Calvin groaned and lifted the collar of his shirt to wipe the blood from his lips. He folded it back down and looked at the front of it, which was now covered in blood. At least he had taken the jacket and tie off before he played with Demon Psycho 332, or whatever his name was.
Calvin rolled up the sleeves of his shirt. “You know, I paid like a hundred bucks for this shirt.” He lifted a foot and wrinkled his nose in distaste. “Not to mention my shoes; I won’t even tell you how much they were. Let’s just say
that it was Sunday church clothes kind of money on this one suit. Now you got fucking blood on it, and though my drycleaner Mrs. Wong is badass, she will frown at demon blood.”
“What about your blood?” the demon taunted.
Calvin gritted his teeth as the demon pulled a light post out of the ground, dragging the wiring out with it. Sparks sprayed onto the ground as he tapped it in his hand like a ballplayer with his bat.
The demon turned toward Calvin, his voice oozing contempt. “I bet this will bash your puny little head in pretty well.”
Calvin gave the demon a hard sneer of his own and growled, “Not that puny.”
The demon hefted the pole into position over his shoulder. “Well, you pint-sized pecker, you are the one bleeding, not me.”
“Oh, we can change that if you would like,” Calvin gibed. “I’m sure if I look hard enough I can find your demon balls to chop off and roll down the alleyway.”
“It’ll be hard to do that without a head,” the demon countered, smashing the pole down right next to where Calvin was standing.
“You motherfucker!” Calvin cursed, picking himself up from the ground. “You don’t like dark meat because we make you jealous.”
The demon roared in anger and pulled the light post to his side again, ready to sweep the whole alleyway clear. He pulled his arm back and Calvin winced, thinking about how badly it was going to hurt.
As the demon began to swing, Katie slammed down onto the demon’s shoulders. It felt to Calvin like the entire block shook from the shockwave. She landed hard and arced her arms down from behind her head, slamming her knives straight down through the demon’s skull into his brain.
“Holy shit!” Calvin jumped back, shocked by what he had witnessed. “That was fucking badass.”
“Thanks.” Katie groaned, holding on tightly to the demon’s head as he roared in pain and tromped about the alleyway.
Katie reached down and pulled her sword from her side.
“Don’t be lying about on the fucking job!” she screamed into the demon’s ear.
Katie used the sword to block the pole that he was still swinging around violently. She held onto the handle of one of the knives in his head tightly and blocked several rogue advances, while the demon was screaming in pain, thrashing around, and slamming into all sorts of shit.
His head was on fire, and she had Joshua and his knives to thank for that little fact. The demon wouldn’t even be halfway down by that point if it weren’t for the new weapons, and she wouldn’t waste the opportunity.
“Die, you bastard!” Katie stood back up on the beast’s shoulders and pushed the knife farther into his head.
The beast groaned and bucked, not wanting to give in, not wanting to let go of the body he had found himself in on their plane of existence. The demon shifted and Katie lost her footing, slipping down his back and onto the ground.
She sheathed her sword and growled, “Fuck!”
She kept dodging the beast’s maddened swipes. Calvin stood in the background, leaning against the dumpster and just watching the show.
Katie was pretty sure he was wishing for popcorn right at that moment. It probably was quite amusing to watch her struggle like that.
She rolled across the ground, dodging the beast’s pole again, and looked up to find a path back to her knives. She ran forward and catapulted herself off the ground from the demon’s arm to latch onto a handy metal pole sticking out of the wall, then turned her body, pushed off with her legs, and soared toward the demon. She grabbed her knife handles and planted her feet on his shoulders.
“Fuck you, beast,” Katie growled.
No! Pandora screamed. Don’t do it!
It was too late. Katie had twisted her knives and yanked them out of his head.
The demon’s eyes began to flash, and a deep chuckle moved through his body and out of his mouth.
Katie wasn’t sure what the hell was happening, but she jumped down and moved toward Calvin, looking back at the demon. He smiled one last time, and disappeared as if into thin air. Katie knitted her eyebrows together and started kicking the trash aside, looking for the demon or dust or anything that would show her where he had gone.
Pandora didn’t try to hide her outrage. Fucking hell! Great fucking job. Now he’s back in hell…with my brother. This will definitely not be the last we fucking see of him. What the fuck! That was so damn frustrating, Katie!
I’m sorry! Katie apologized. I thought he would turn to dust like the others.
You were dead wrong, Pandora grumbled, mollified.
Chapter Ten
“Shit.” Calvin groaned as he bent over and grabbed his notebook off the ground. “My back is killing me. That demon kicked my fucking ass.”
Katie patted him on the back, which made him flinch. “You gave him hell.” She chuckled.
Everyone came in to help clean up the area, but they kept the police presence light so they’d have fewer people to try to explain everything to. The incidents were getting harder and harder to cover up, especially since the demons were now the size of the Hulk and had a nasty habit of throwing their afternoon human snacks over the sides of buildings.
“All right,” Calvin announced to the assembled officers, “I need everyone to gather over here. I know a lot of you are mind-blown completely from what you saw today, and I know you have a serious desire to talk to someone about that. I get that completely, but you need to make sure the only people you talk to are the therapists specifically appointed by your police chief.” He looked from face to face. “This is not a game. This can change everything, if the word gets out. Your job is to protect and serve your citizens. It is for the greater good of San Diego that this stays under the radar.”
“Now,” Katie added, “if you spill the beans while you are drunk at a bar or freaking out at home with the little wifey, you will have a big problem on your hands. We have the power to make sure that you don’t remember a thing, and I don’t mean just the event. We can wipe years of your memories. I promise you will not remember the girl you’re dating, the one you just married, or the little baby you just had if you let this information slip.” She softened her tone just a touch. “We are not playing here. There is a reason that the Damned don’t really exist, at least not on paper. We are enigmas. People of the past, people who are dead to everyone who ever loved them. Our only objective is to protect you. We are the angels in the shadows, the ones who keep the cops safe while you officers protect everyone else.”
“Think about it before you open those lips, folks,” Calvin picked up the spiel. “Because we are always watching, and your faces? They are ingrained in our minds.”
“I have a question.” one of the officers said, raising his hand. “Can you make me forget my six-month marriage?”
Katie chuckled as she stepped forward with a butter-wouldn’t-melt smile for the cocky officer.
“Yes, Officer.” She made her eyes flash for a fraction of a second, just long enough to see the surprise ripple his confident expression. “It just so happens that we can.”
“Okay, then,” said the officer croaked, swallowing.
“I hate smartasses,” Calvin grumbled.
“Calm down. They are just making light of it to deal with everything,” Katie told him. “Not everyone is a superhero like you.”
“I wonder how much time we have before he comes back,” Calvin said, looking up at the roof.
You have at least twenty-four hours, Pandora told them, but after that it’s up in the air. Both of you need food and rest. He won’t come back the same.
“I don’t know.” Katie sighed. “But I do know he will come back stronger than before. We should get some food and rest before that happens.”
“You’re right,” Calvin agreed, limping toward the police car so they could get a ride to their SUV. “Come on, let’s go get some donuts.”
Calvin and Katie left the scene and headed to The Donut Bar, one of the best donut places in San Diego. Calvin and K
atie went inside and picked out a dozen rings of sugary goodness and sat down in the corner with them and their coffee. She bit into one of the crème brûlée-stuffed donuts and felt the sugar rush into her bloodstream.
Holy hell! Pandora exclaimed. This donut thing is fucking amazing. There is dough and sugar, and there is shit inside! How do they get it inside!
They squirt it into the hole, Katie replied, licking the dusting of icing sugar from the tip of her finger.
Heh heh heh.
You are such a child, Katie chided. Seriously?
I am impressed that you caught on this time without having to be told the meaning of life,” Pandora teased. “But seriously, my life was not complete until I tried this donut. Why have you hidden this from me?
Honestly, I don’t think I have ever eaten this kind of donut, Katie confessed. They aren’t good for you, so they were off-limits for volleyball, and when I was a kid my mom didn’t spend her money on things like donuts. We were too poor for shit like that. I guess because I hadn’t had them often, I never thought about donuts as an adult.
Pandora feigned a sob. Well, we have them now, and that is all that matters.
Okay, but we cannot eat like gluttons again. I’ll get fat,” Katie maintained. “NOTHING tastes as good as skinny feels.”
Pandora didn’t miss a beat. She grumbled, Except donuts. Donuts tell skinny it can go fuck itself.
Why do you want me to be overweight? Katie asked. I’d move slowly. Slow people become victims. Dead people can’t have demons inside them, so you will end up having a happy little family reunion with your brother, at least after you get out of the depths. Maybe he will bake you a fucking cake, too.
Still might be worth another of these donuts, Pandora grumped.
Katie had to restrain herself from slapping her forehead, settling for a sigh instead. You are hopeless, Pandora.
“So how does it work?” Liza asked Joshua. “Do you have to say spells?”