by Vikki Vaught
Amazingly enough, Kathryn was actually enjoying her stay with her mother. Ever since Henry had her mother turn the running of the house over to Melody, she seemed to have mellowed, especially since she had moved to Bath. Kathryn had never been close to her mother growing up, so it was nice that they were getting closer now. She had finally accepted Kathryn’s desire not to marry and hadn’t brought the subject up again. Moving to Bath had been a good decision for her mother. She seemed much happier.
When Kathryn returned to the house, she went to her studio and put away the supplies that she had purchased. She touched her canvas and it was dry, so she applied the second coat of primer. Since she was doing such a large painting, she had a footman find her a stool. This was definitely going to be the most challenging project she had committed to do so far. She just hoped Jonathan would be pleased with his portrait.
After her talk with Jonathan yesterday, she realized she was a bit obsessed with her art, but it was all that had kept her sane when her uncle had been abusing her. Henry told her she would never have to worry about seeing her uncle again because he’d passed away this past winter. It was a great sense of relief to know that her uncle was no longer able to hurt her, or anyone else, ever again. As she gazed around the room, making sure that everything was ready for tomorrow, she noticed the time. If she was going to be ready for Lady Milsom’s soiree, she’d better hurry.
When Kathryn entered her room, Sarah had her bath drawn, and soon she was luxuriating in the tub as the bath water lapped against her soft skin. Bathing was such a sensual feeling, one of the few she allowed herself to experience. While she’d been out today, she’d purchased some lavender-scented milled soap and bathing salts, which were her favorite.
Ducking under the water, Kathryn came back up and lathered her hair as the scent of lavender filled the air. When she stood up, Sarah poured fresh water over her to wash the soap away. She stepped out of the tub and wrapped a big fluffy towel around her body, allowing it to caress her flushed skin, still heated from the warm bath. Once she was dry and dressed, she adjusted the skirt of her shimmering blue silk gown that she had purchased from Madame Bovary’s Boutique.
While she gazed at her reflection, she liked the way Sarah had arranged her hair with braids woven around her head resembling a coronet. She wished Jonathan would attend the soiree tonight, so he could see her in her new dress.
Goodness, where did that thought come from?
What did it matter what he thought of her gown?
Kathryn was a bit alarmed that she was thinking this way. She never had thoughts about any other man the way she thought about Jonathan. Thank goodness, he wasn’t going to be at the soiree. With thoughts like these, she could end up falling in love with him, and that could never be. Even if she were to fall in love, nothing could come of it, because she could never be intimate with any man. Since it was time to leave for the soiree, Kathryn went to the door and left her room to go downstairs.
When Kathryn and her mother arrived at Lady Milsom’s soiree, Lady Milsom immediately greeted them with a polite smile. “Welcome, Your Grace. I’m so pleased you’re able to attend my party this evening.” Then she turned to Katherine, “Lady Kathryn, you look marvelous this evening. I’m sure that all the gentlemen will want the opportunity to dance with you.”
“Thank you, Lady Milsom. I didn’t realize that there would be dancing this evening. I look forward to it,”
Lady Milsom turned to greet some new arrivals, and Kathryn glanced around the room. She knew Jonathan wouldn’t be there, but she could always hope.
Oh, goodness! She had to stop thinking like this!
The majordomo announced dinner, and everyone went into the dining room. Of course, her mother sat to the right of Lady Milsom’s husband since she was the highest-ranking person in the room. Kathryn was seated several places away between Lord Shelton and Lord Ellington.
As dinner progressed, Lord Shelton commented, “Her Grace told me you were coming for a visit. I hope you’re enjoying your stay in Bath. Have you met any interesting people?”
Kathryn glanced over at him and straightened her napkin before speaking. “I’ve met several lovely people, and I do like Bath. It’s one of the loveliest cities I’ve ever visited, and the architecture is incredible. Recently, I met the Marquess of Sutherland, and when Lord Sutherland found out that I was an artist, he asked me to paint his portrait, which I’m currently working on now.”
“I know Lord Sutherland quite well. We went to Oxford together, and I recently saw him at the assembly rooms the other week. That was the first time that I had seen him in about five years. Once I got married, I quit going out with the fellows, so we grew apart. Do you do portraits for other people?” Lord Shelton asked.
“Yes, I plan to open a studio in London in a few years, but for now I take commissions when people ask. After I finish Lord Sutherland’s portrait, I’ll be going to Bristol to do a portrait of his brother’s family, and in November I’ll be traveling to Devonshire where I’ll be doing a portrait of the Marquess and Marchioness of Ralston. I hope that when more people see my work, I’ll have more commissions.”
Lord Shelton looked appraisingly at her. “I’d be interested in seeing some of your work. My wife and I haven’t had our portrait painted yet. Do you have any work that we could see?”
Kathryn sat her wine goblet down as she enthusiastically answered him. “I just finished my mother’s portrait, and I have several miniatures of other members of my family that I would be happy to show you. Would you like to come for tea on Sunday, and I could show you my work then?”
“I feel sure my wife will want to see your work. I’ll introduce you to her when dinner is over, and you can ask her if Sunday is convenient.”
They talked a bit more, and then she turned to Lord Ellington, making sure she didn’t ignore her other dinner partner. Soon Lady Milsom led all the ladies to the drawing room and left the gentlemen to their port and cigars.
When the men entered the drawing room, Kathryn watched Lord Shelton approach with a lovely young woman, whom she assumed was his wife. He stopped in front of her. “Hello, Lady Kathryn. Please let me introduce you to my wife, the Countess of Shelton.” He turned to his wife and added, “My dear, this is Lady Kathryn, the daughter of the Dowager Duchess of Sanderford.”
Kathryn acknowledged the introduction with a smile. “Good evening, Lady Shelton. It’s a pleasure to meet you. Your husband mentioned that you might be interested in having me paint your portrait. Would you be able to come for tea on Sunday so you can see some of my work?”
Lady Shelton smiled pleasantly. “I’m pleased to meet you as well, Lady Kathryn. My husband mentioned that you have some of your work we could see. We would love to come for tea on Sunday. I’ve told him that we need to have our portrait done for several years now, so I’m sure that we’ll want you to do our portrait.”
“I appreciate your interest in my work, and I look forward to showing you several portraits that I’ve done. As I told Lord Shelton, I’ve just finished my mother’s portrait, and I have several miniatures that you can see. I look forward to seeing you on Sunday.”
Lord and Lady Shelton left Kathryn to join some friends of theirs across the room. When the duchess returned from the retiring room, Kathryn said, “Mother, I invited the Earl of Shelton and his countess to tea on Sunday. They want to see some of my work. They may want me to do their portrait. Isn’t that wonderful?”
The duchess sighed in resignation. “I am happy for you. I know how much you love to paint, but I’m concerned about you being paid for these portraits. You don’t need the money. What will people say when word gets around that you’re accepting money? You’ll never find a husband.” As Kathryn got ready to interrupt, the duchess hurriedly said, “I know…I know…you don’t want to get married, but you could change your mind, and then it will be too late. Just try to be discreet.”
Shortly after talking with Lord and Lady Shelton, the dancing starte
d, and Kathryn had a pleasant evening dancing with Lord Ellington, Lord Shelton, and several other gentlemen. Finally, her mother was ready to leave, which suited Kathryn just fine since her feet were tired from all the dancing.
As Kathryn was getting ready for bed, she thought of Jonathan. She would tell him about meeting Lord Shelton, and that he might want her to do his portrait. It bothered her that she wanted to share her good news with him. She was spending too much time thinking about Jonathan. They had agreed to become friends, but she had never thought of any of her other friends as she did him. As she drifted off to sleep, she wondered what it would feel like if Jonathan kissed her.
Friday was a productive day for Jonathan. He spent the entire morning riding his estate with Whetherby. As long as the weather continued to be fair, the crops should be excellent again this year, as they were last year. He had an invitation for a soiree at Lady Milsom’s. Even though he never attended parties, he was tempted since he knew that Kathryn would be there. Jonathan had to quit thinking about her so much. Kathryn aroused his desire whenever he was around her, and it was starting to alarm him since he knew nothing could come of it. Jonathan needed a woman very badly, but he couldn’t go to the brothel if he was going to think of Kathryn while being entertained by one of the Madame’s delicacies.
Maybe if I go and pick out a woman that doesn’t resemble her in the slightest, then surely I’ll be fine.
Yes, that is what he would do.
Thank God, because he really needed a woman badly.
He wasn’t used to going so long without sex.
While Lady Milsom’s soiree was going on, he went to town for a different reason. When he entered Madame Angela’s, she immediately greeted him, “Good evening, my lord. It’s a pleasure to have you here again. What is your pleasure tonight? Would you like Suzette again?”
“Ah…Good evening. I would like a brunette tonight. Someone petite, but plump in all the right places.” Jonathan scanned the room and saw a chubby brunette across the room and said, “Who’s that over there?” pointing to the petite brunette.
“That’s Diane. She’s new, just in from the country. I’m sure that she’ll be happy to entertain you tonight.” Madame Angela motioned for her to come over. “Diane, this is Lord Sutherland, and he’d like to have the honor of your company tonight. Please take him upstairs to your room and show him a good time.”
Diane smiled beguilingly at Jonathan. “I’d be honored to spend the evening with you, my lord. Why don’t we go upstairs to my room?”
Jonathan bowed. “Lead the way.”
Ah, this was going to work.
Diane didn’t look anything at all like Kathryn.
Once they entered her room, Diane gave him a sultry look. “What is your pleasure, my lord? Just say it, and I’ll be happy to comply.”
She approached, took her hand, and rubbed it over his chest and purred. Jonathan pulled her close and gave her a hard, hungry kiss. He ran his hands over her luscious curves and felt his desire rise. Diane took his hand and led him over to her bed. Picking Diane up, he dropped her in the middle as she pulled her chemise off over her head. Diane truly had a lovely body. Her breasts were large and plump. Leaning over, he suckled her nipple as he rolled her other one between his forefinger and thumb.
Diane pulled him down on top of her, ran her hands over his cock, and seductively unbuttoned his breeches. His shaft sprang upward when Diane squeezed it as she pushed his breeches down. He kicked them off the bed, pushed her thighs wide apart, and surged home. It felt so sublime to be inside a woman again.
Jonathan started stroking in and out, harder and faster. Over and over again, he pumped into her passage. He knew he was close to his release, and because he always made sure his partner found her release, he stroked her love bud. Once he felt her muscles tighten around his cock, he let himself lose control. He felt his sac contract, and just as he found his release, he called out, “Oh, my God…yes…Kathryn!” In shock, he quickly pulled out and rolled off Diane onto his back.
He put his arm up to his face, covering his eyes. “Who’s Kathryn?” Diana asked. “Is she your wife or a lost love? I could hear pain in your voice when you called out her name.”
Jonathan sighed. “No, she’s not my wife. She’s a woman that I’ve recently met, and I can’t stop thinking about her. She’s an innocent young lady, and since I have no intention of ever marrying her, or anyone for that matter, I have to stop thinking about her. She’s an artist, and I’ve hired her to do my portrait, so I’m with her several times a week. It’s killing me to be with her and know that I can never have her.”
“Why are you so determined to never marry? If you care for the young lady, you should pursue her and make her your own. Clearly, you have deep feelings for her. Would it be so terrible if you did marry?”
“I’m not good enough for Kathryn. She’s an angel, and I’m a drunken rake. She deserves someone far better than me. Besides, she says she doesn’t want to get married, since she feels that it would inhibit her ability as an artist. No, marriage is out of the question. Thank you for listening to me though. You’re very kind and quite lovely. I appreciate you sharing your time with me this evening. I’ll leave you now, and I’ll tell Madame that you were delightful. Here’s a bonus for you. Good evening.” Jonathan hurriedly put his clothes on and left.
Jonathan felt so ashamed about what had happened. This had to end. He couldn’t keep doing this. He had to find some way to get over his fascination for Kathryn. He now realized he couldn’t be with another woman until he got over this obsession. No sexual gratification was worth it, if he had these strong feelings of guilt afterwards. Until he could move beyond this, he would just have to live a celibate life.
That night, Jonathan had another nightmare. This pattern was becoming all too familiar. Shaking and upset, he went to his study to pour himself just one small drink. When Hatton woke him up the next morning, Jonathan knew he had again crossed the line. He looked over at the clock and realized that he was going to be late for his sitting with Kathryn. Then he remembered what he’d done the night before at Madame Angela’s, and waves of guilt washed over him. This was getting ridiculous. He wasn’t even involved with her.
Jonathan allowed Hatton to shave him, and he finished his morning ablutions. After retrieving Demon, he headed for town. On his way there, he began to feel a little better, but the guilt was still with him. He told himself again that he had to stop relying on liquor to deaden the pain and keep the nightmares away. Roderick was right about him either turning into a bitter old man or dying at too young of an age. He was only thirty, yet he looked closer to forty and felt even older. He would just have to be stronger and leave the liquor alone, at least for a while.
Jonathan was fifteen minutes late when he arrived at Kathryn’s house, and the butler immediately took him up to her studio. As he entered, he said, “I’m sorry, I’m late. I overslept this morning. I hope this doesn’t inconvenience you?”
Kathryn gazed at him with concern in her eyes. “If you feel badly, we can skip this sitting. I can tell you don’t feel well. Did you sleep poorly last night?”
Jonathan felt sick when he looked at Kathryn. She was so innocent and pure. How could he have thought of her while he was with a whore? He felt as if he’d defiled her, which didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t as if they were engaged, or married, or anything.
He had a hard time meeting her sympathetic gaze as he replied, “No, I’ll be fine. I did sleep poorly, but I don’t want us to get behind. Where do you want me this morning?”
“All right, if you’re sure you’re well enough. Please go over by the bookcase and the window. Can you remember how I had you stand last time? I’m going to start on the actual painting today.” Jonathan went over and stood in the correct pose. Kathryn walked over to him and handed him a book of poetry, and opened it up. “Please, hold this book as if you have just selected it and opened it up to your favorite part. Think about what pleasure you wi
ll receive when you read it.”
Jonathan tried to do as directed, but instead he thought about how lovely her violet eyes were. He wanted to bury his hands in her glorious red hair. At that moment, he realized…he wasn’t just infatuated with Kathryn—he was in love with her. He felt a sharp pain in his chest.
No wonder he felt so awful about last night.
God, he was such a wretch.
He wasn’t even good enough to wipe her slippers.
Even if he did ask her to marry him, she would refuse. She was determined to never marry. He pulled himself together and smiled as pleasantly as possible so she would think that he was doing as she asked.
“Ah, that’s perfect.” She went over to her easel and put on her smock, picked up her palette, and as she softly hummed to herself, she began to paint. She took his breath away—she was so beautiful. Jonathan knew that he would remember this moment for the rest of his life. He wondered what she would do if he went over there and kissed her. The very thought caused his desire to rise to fever pitch. He knew that he had to stop thinking about her, or she would notice the effect that she was having on him. He felt his breeches strain with his hard shaft.
Thank God, she was so absorbed by her art that she didn’t seem to notice.
As Kathryn painted, she asked, “How did your brother meet his wife? They seem quite fond of each other.”
Jonathan sighed in relief, hoping that talking would take his mind of his attraction to her. “We all grew up together. Allison’s father was the vicar of our Parish. Roderick and Allison realized that they loved each other while they were quite young. They were planning the wedding when Bonaparte escaped from Elba. When I decided to join the army, Roderick immediately said he was going with me, so they delayed their marriage until he returned. Allison knew he couldn’t let me go without him, and even though she was scared that something would happen to him, she still supported him.”