“You know,” I said as we parted for air, “you really need to stay out of my dad’s candy. He doesn’t need another reason to want to kill you.”
“Hmm, so I have to either give up the chocolates or kissing you? Wow, that’s a hard one.”
I punched his arm lightly. “I suggest you make a quick choice, before I decide you don’t get either.”
“Okay, okay, I’ll lay off his candy.” He gave me a quick peck on the cheek and then turned back to the movie.
I glanced at him, watching the way his eyes made tiny movements as they took in the action on the screen. He tugged me closer and I relaxed into his arms with a smile, thinking of how close I’d come to losing him for good. If Tonya hadn’t called, if she hadn’t gone to Trevor’s, there was a chance that I would have shoved my foot, okay feet, back in my mouth after seeing Nathan and Vivian together at the theater. I felt a nudge of guilt as Tonya came back to my mind, but it was done and I knew there was nothing I could do to change her situation.
“You know I’m sorry, right?”
He looked at me, an eyebrow cocked in surprise. “Excuse me? Did I just hear you say sorry?”
“Ha ha. This is serious. I’m sorry I blamed you.”
“What brought this on?”
“I just...” The words froze in my throat. Admitting I was terrified of how close I’d been to losing him would leave me open to that horrible vacuum of emptiness I’d been in without him.
My silence brought a smirk to his face.
“I know,” he said, “you couldn’t stand to be without this hotness again.” He flexed his biceps and then squeezed me close while we laughed.
When my giggles finally settled, I cupped his face in my hands and kissed him, trying to put everything I felt into it. I wanted him to feel everything I wasn’t ready to voice yet.
We stayed pressed to each other, taking in the other’s breaths until the sound of the door at the top of the stairs opening drew us apart. Nathan’s wandering hands came back to mine, and I slid my fingers through his.
“I’m sorry, too.”
“What for?” I asked.
“You were right that I didn’t believe you. Well, I did, but I didn’t. When it was stuff that wasn’t in my face, I didn’t have to believe it. Then when I finally saw Trevor in action, I realized that you’d been right. I hung out with the guy, and he seemed so cool.”
“He was. I just wish I’d trusted my gift enough to not have been sucked in to that side of him.”
“We all were.” He pressed his lips to my forehead, and I let my eyes drift closed, relaxing into the feel of his arms.
I woke an hour later, when Nathan shifted under me. I looked up at him and he had a decidedly guilty look on his face, and was staring over my head. I twisted around and found my dad gazing at us with an eyebrow raised. I shot to my feet, heat flooding my checks. I rarely blushed for anyone but Nathan, but having Dad catch me sleeping on top of my boyfriend was definitely a blush worthy moment.
“Hey, Dad. I...we-”
“Nathan, I think it’s time for you to be heading home. It’s a school night, and it’s getting late.”
Nathan stood and rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. “Yes, sir.”
I grabbed Nathan’s hand and dragged him toward the stairs. Once Dad was no longer visible, I gave a giggle, which got me a dirty look from Nathan.
“Phoebs, it’s not funny! You’re dad is going to kill me.”
I gave a full blown laugh this time. We stepped onto the porch and I turned to wrap my arms around him. “He won’t kill you. Now if we’d been naked...”
“Hmm... I think I might be willing to take that risk.” He wriggled his eyebrows and leaned down to kiss me. I met him halfway and pressed closer to him.
“That’s good,” I whispered when we pulled apart, “because Chloe said...”
“She said what?” No missing the hope in his voice.
“She said...” I paused and gave him a sweet smile. “She said, we’ll be waiting a long time.”
He groaned while I snickered at his frustration. I finally ended his wordless complaint with my lips. After a brief kiss, he moved back.
“I suppose I’ll just have to get by on my dreams of you and your hot pink panties,” he said and dodged my hand when I tried to playfully pinch him. “I’ll see you in my dreams.”
He took off for his car, and threw me a wave when he climbed in. I waited for him to drive away before I went back inside, making it to the top of the basement stairs before my dad’s voice stopped me.
“Phoebe, I’d like to have a talk with you.”
I turned back and went into the living room where Dad sat in his recliner.
“Sit down,” he said.
I barely held in my groan. This was not going to be a conversation I liked.
“Nathan is a good kid, and I know you like him a lot, but you’ve only been dating a short time.”
Oh, dear God. He was going to give me ‘The Talk’. This was going to be worse than I’d ever imagined.
Chapter 16
I swiveled my desk chair around, letting my eyes blur for a moment, the English essay I’d been writing forgotten on my computer screen.
School without Tonya was weird. She’d begged her gran to let her stay home until all of the bruising was gone, but news about what had happened had spread pretty quickly. It died just as swiftly, mainly since no one had really known Trevor, and Tonya wasn’t the most popular girl in school. Only our group of friends and my sisters knew what really happened.
With Tonya gone and Nathan and I back together, I’d almost expected Vivian to attack, but she hadn’t. For the first few days, I’d been on edge, waiting for her to strike. But nothing. I was really hoping she’d finally given up on the idea of Nathan dumping me and going back to her. I think Tonya was holding out hope that Vivian would bring back a little of the drama, although she didn’t mention fighting again.
I’d gone with her to a couple of support groups in the two weeks since she’d asked me to go with her, and I was glad I’d stuck to my word about going. It was really hard to listen to the things the people there described. I’d sat silent, simply listening and thinking about how difficult it must be to tell another person the things they were sharing, yet they did. Tonya hadn’t spoken at any of the meetings other than to introduce herself, and I was almost relieved. I didn’t really want to know everything Trevor had done, and I think me being there was one of the reasons she didn’t talk. Dad said she might be embarrassed about me knowing and that sometimes it’s easier to share those things with people who know nothing else about you.
She mentioned she’d been to another meeting on her own, and I was glad, because as much as I wanted to support her, she had to take the steps by herself. All she needed to know was that I’d be there to catch her if she needed. And I would be.
Going with her had helped me understand the cycle she’d fallen into, how she could have stayed with Trevor, and then gone back to him, even after what he’d done. And it made me appreciate Nathan’s imperfections all the more. He was late, a lot, and he didn’t call that often, and there was his obsession with chocolate, but he respected me and I thought he might actually love me.
So many times those three little words had hovered on the tip of my tongue, usually after he kissed me. But I always kept them in. I wasn’t really the touchy-feely kind of person, but Nathan always managed to make me go all gooey inside, almost to the point that I wanted to say them.
The very idea of love had me squirming with nerves. I sprung from my chair, paced the room a few times, and then headed down to Lily’s room. I pushed her door open and flopped, stomach down, onto her bed.
“Hey?” she said, staring at me from her computer desk, clearly confused by my abrupt presence.
“Hey.” I grabbed a magazine from her nightstand and began turning pages. It was some boring thing on art news. How did they even make a magazine about art news? At least it had some pret
ty pictures.
“Did you need something?” she asked.
I tossed aside the magazine and grabbed another from the overly organized magazine basket on the bottom of her nightstand. “No. Just thought I’d spend some quality time with my favorite sister.”
“Um, okay.” She turned back around and resumed her typing. She must have been working on her English paper. Even though I had English at a different time than her and Chloe, we all had Ms. Garcia, so we had pretty much the exact same assignments. Although, Lily usually didn’t leave things to the last minute and with the paper due in the morning, she was probably doing some extra credit work.
I glanced at the rapidly flipping pages before me. This one was slightly better with hot guys every few pages. My eye caught the word love, and I stopped. A love quiz. It was so stupid. Love. How do you put everything you feel for a person into one little four letter word?
It wasn’t a word I’d really thought of before Nathan. At least not in connection with me. I read the questions on the page. Favorite color? What are his dreams? Does he open the door for you? Is that really how I was supposed to define my feelings for Nathan? Did I even have to? He hadn’t said he loved me. Shouldn’t he go first? If I said it first, would he just do a pity return? Then again, what did it matter who said what first? Or even if we said it at all? It’s not like I was Lily. She was one of those emotions people, always wanting peace and love and understanding.
“Nathan asked me to junior prom,” I said. “I’m going to try and get Tonya to go shopping with me. She always finds the best stuff. It’s totally unfair.”
I looked up at her nodding head. She’d stopped typing and was gazing at a picture, which from my viewpoint looked to be of her and Dylan. I wish I could figure out what she saw in him.
“I think we’ll try and go into the city. The stuff they have in town is horrible. I saw Vivian trying on some of them, and she completely skank-tified them.” I turned a few more pages, leaving the stupid love quiz behind. “We’re probably going to go next weekend. I think it’s still too early to buy something. I mean, junior prom is over a month away, but Tonya is refusing to do last minute shopping with me. Hey, why don’t you come with us?”
At her lack of response, I sat up and scooted over to the edge of the bed. I waved my hand in front of the photo. “Yo, Lily? You still with me?”
“Are you and Nathan in love?” she asked, still staring at the picture.
Sometimes it was scary how the twin, or I guess the triplet, thing worked. Then again, maybe she’d been reading my emotions or something and decided to make me think about it all over again.
“Yeah, I mean, I guess we are. We’ve never said it, but it’s there, you know?” I gave her one of my half smiles. I wondered if my answer seemed as lame as it sounded. Maybe I was some kind of freak for not having told him yet. “Do you think that’s strange? Should I tell him?”
“No, not unless you really want to.” She glanced at me and tried to smile back. I rolled back onto my stomach, scrunching one of her pillows under my chest, while mussing up the comforter with my legs. I could practically see her calculating how many seconds it would take her to fix the bed once I left.
I considered what she’d said. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell him that I loved him, it was just that it didn’t seem that important to say the words. But maybe it was. Maybe he was waiting for me to say them first. But how?
“How did you tell Dylan?” I asked.
She looked back at the photo, probably reliving the glorious moment. She would have made it sweet and all roses and puppy dog tails. As she took her time answering, I decided right then that I would tell Nathan when I really wanted to. Anything Lily had done would just be too... well, too not me. I would tell him. Soon.
I glanced at Lily. She still hadn’t answered my question and she had a freaky look on her face, like she was about to tear herself apart. She’d been acting so strange lately.
“Lils? Come on, how did you tell him?”
She put down the picture.
“I didn’t.”
“What?” I nearly fell over in shock. She’d been dating Dylan forever. How could she never have said I love you? I’d only been with Nathan a few months and I was pretty sure I loved him. No, I knew I did. So how messed up was Lily?
###
The Touched Trilogy continues.
Keep reading for a sneak peek at
Heal Me
Chapter 1
Is it wrong to not love the person you’re with? I don’t know if that’s worse than not being with them.
I stared at the photo of Dylan and me, taken almost a year ago. We’d gone to Sea World with a group of his friends and someone had snapped the picture. We looked happy. In love. Everyone always assumed we’d be together forever. High school sweethearts. I had believed it. I had clung to it until it felt like it was going to swallow me whole. I’d thought that would be a good thing. I thought that was what love was supposed to do.
But things changed after that day. Dylan changed. I couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment or event, it was just a slow building of anger and pain within him. Not the physical pain that caused my stomach to clench in dread, but the emotional kind that burned my hands until I was desperate to relieve it. He even looked different now. Oh, the wavy hair was just a bit longer and he was still reed thin, but his face was now drawn tight, a constant signal to me that he was hurting. As if the heat in my hands wasn’t enough. It would have been easy to fix it if I had known the cause, but in all of the times I’d healed Dylan, I'd never been able to figure out the source.
“Yo, Lily? You still with me?” Phoebe waved her hand in front of the photo.
I tried to remember what she’d been talking about, something to do with junior prom. Something that I hadn’t even thought about yet. Maybe I should think about it. Dylan would want to go. He always wanted to go to those things, to be in the middle of a crowd and feel their energy. All I felt at those things was a suffocating sense of dissatisfaction drifting from the girls and boys who were finding that high school dances were a lot less exciting and glamorous than movies portrayed. But Dylan would want to go.
The photo wobbled in my hand and I blinked, trying to blend the Dylan of a year ago with the one I knew today.
“Are you and Nathan in love?” I asked, still staring at the picture. The question just popped out. I wasn’t even sure why I bothered to ask. I already knew the answer. Whenever she was with him it radiated off her, once I’d even managed to transfer a bit of it.
“Yeah, I mean, I guess we are. We’ve never said it, but it’s there, you know?” She gave one of her usual half smiles.
I wasn’t surprised by the answer. Out of the three of us, Phoebe always seemed the least likely to exhibit any ‘girly’ emotions. Although, since she and Nathan started dating she'd been a lot softer, even more now that they'd gone through the whole time apart thing.
“Do you think that’s strange? Should I tell him?” she asked.
“No, not unless you really want to.” I glanced at her and tried to smile. She rolled onto her stomach, scrunching one of my pillows under her chest, while mussing up the comforter with her legs. Visits with Phoebe tended to end with me having to tidy up either my room or hers.
“How did you tell Dylan?” she asked.
I looked back at the photo.
I had loved him. Once upon a time. A time that was getting harder to remember each moment I was with him.
When we started dating in seventh grade, he had been sweet and cute. All of the girls at school had been jealous, well except Phoebe. Every day, he would share the dessert his mom packed in his lunch with me, since my dad never thought about that type of thing. He’d walk me home, holding my hand every step of the way and then stay to help me with my homework.
It was like Phoebe had said. It was there, just never said. But now, there was nothing. I wanted to feel something for him, but he was surrounded by pain, anger, sorrow. And not
hing I did could heal him. I’d tried so many times that now I wasn’t even sure I wanted to love him again.
“Lils! Come on, how did you tell Dylan?”
“I didn’t.”
“What?” She nearly fell off the bed when she sat up in surprise, saving herself by grabbing the headboard and hoisting herself upright. “You’ve been with him for, well, forever. How could you not have told him?”
“Almost five years.” Nearly a quarter of my life.
“Whatever. Five years and you never said it? Not even once?”
I shrugged and shoved the photo back in my desk drawer.
“Do you love him?”
“Yes.” It was an automatic answer, one that I felt I should give. Why else would I stay with him for so long? I’d loved him once, part of me must still. Right?
“You’re lying.”
“I'm not.”
“Uh, hello? Truth Teller here.” She waved her hands, gesturing to herself. As if I could forget that lying to Phoebe was pointless. Since developing her gift just four months ago, she'd taken to testing pretty much everyone. Up until now, I’d been able to avoid anything that I would want to lie about.
“Lily, I might not like Dylan, but how could you let him think that for years? That’s kind of messed up.”
I looked at Phoebe. She blurred, filtered through the tears welling up in my eyes. She was right. I was messed up.
“Ah, Lils, I’m sorry…” Phoebe got up and awkwardly tried to wrap an arm around me. I brushed her off and went to my door, holding it open for her. She walked out into the hall and I quickly shut the door before she could say anything else.
I flopped onto the bed, then curled into a tight ball, making myself as small as possible. There must be some love for Dylan left inside of me, otherwise I wouldn’t be so worried about him. But whatever there was, vanished a little more each day. Messed up, maybe, but I didn’t want to hurt Dylan. He was already hurting so much. How could I add to what he was dealing with?
Lie to Me (A Touched Trilogy) Page 24