“It’s just a movie.”
“So, we’re just supposed to overlook these two inconsiderate jerks because the movie says they’re our heroes? We’re just supposed to pretend like they’ll walk out of that church, hand in hand, and everything will work out?”
“Yes.”
The guy kissed the girl, and, sighing, Hiro got up and left the room. The credits rolled, and Tia poked at her peapods, readying herself for his inevitable return.
“I’ll tell you what’ll happen next,” he said.
She smiled. “Do tell.”
“He becomes the next dumb jerk to be used up by this crazy chick, but he only realizes it when some asshole busts in on his wedding. And she runs off with that jerk to start the process all over again. And endless procession of aborted weddings and stupid movie endings.”
He turned away from the TV as if repelled by it.
“Sorry. Sorry. I know you like these things.”
“It’s okay.” She paused the movie, and the forgettable pop ballad stopped playing over the credits. She patted the couch beside her, and he sat, visibly annoyed.
He was so cool most of the time. She loved watching him lose that cool. It was why she loved making him watch these movies. It reminded her that, beneath all that suave ninja style, he was still human.
She also was a sucker for love conquers all stories, even with all their inherent flaws.
And she loved forgettable pop ballads.
“How was your thing with Connie?” he asked.
“Complicated,” she replied.
“I take that to mean more complicated than usual.”
“I think she’s in danger, and I don’t think she’s taking it seriously.”
“Can you blame her?” asked Hiro. “I’m trying to figure out why you’re taking it so seriously.”
“It’s hard to explain,” said Tia. “I know Connie gets out of life-and-death situations all the time. I’ve seen it hundreds of times myself. But this time, it just felt different. I don’t know. Maybe she’s right. Maybe I am making too much of this. It’s just . . . after getting stabbed like that . . . I don’t know. And her face after the psycho-whatchamacallit shorted out. Something feels wrong.”
“I would think Connie would have a better sense of that than you.”
“That’s just it,” said Tia. “Would she? I think she’s so used to looking death in the face that she can’t tell the difference between regular doom and inevitable doom.”
“There’s a difference?”
“There could be,” said Tia, “and if there was, I don’t think she’d notice it. Or she’d simply be too stubborn to back down.”
Hiro put his arm around her. “That’s her call, isn’t it? Not much you can do about it.”
“I can keep a closer eye on her. I can make sure she has someone to watch her back. Connie’s so busy saving everyone else; I’ll be the one to save her.”
“Honey, you don’t think maybe that’s putting too much pressure on yourself?”
“You don’t think I can do it?”
“I just know Connie and the situations she gets herself into. You’re a damned fine sidekick, but you’re still not Connie. You can’t afford to be as reckless as she is. You have to watch out for yourself.”
“If I’m not there to help, why go?”
Hiro took her hand. “Just promise me you’ll think twice before doing something stupid to save Connie from something she can probably save herself from.”
“I promise.”
“Okay, then. I’m sure you’re worrying about nothing, but if you need me—”
Tia perked up. “That’s it.” She poked him in the chest. “I do need you!”
He leaned in to kiss her, and she pushed him back. “Not for that. I mean, yes, for that. But later. But I’m talking about Connie here. You’re right that I can’t do this by myself. It’s too big a job. Why settle for one sidekick when you can have two?”
“Connie would never go for that,” said Hiro.
Tia’s eyes glinted with brilliant delight. Or it might have been the reflection of the television. Whatever it was, Hiro was uncertain how he felt about it.
“That’s the beauty of it,” she said. “She’ll never know.”
• • •
The airport buzzed with the usual airport activity as people marched to and fro. Tia and Hiro arrived early, waiting for Connie to show up.
“I think this is a bad idea,” said Hiro.
“I think it’s a great idea,” said Tia. She looked him up and down. “I’m surprised you didn’t wear black.”
“Rookie mistake. You wear what helps you blend in. A guy wrapped head to toe in black is going to stand out here.” He tipped his worn baseball hat. “I’m just a guy on vacation.”
“Connie already knows who you are. She’s not going to be fooled by a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.”
“It’s not for her. It’s for everyone else. First step to invisibility is to not be noticed by the crowd.”
“What’s the second step?”
She turned around, but he was gone. She scanned the airport crowd for any sign of him. He couldn’t have gotten far. She had specifically memorized the color of his hat and shirt to make him easier to find. After a minute of scanning, she came up with nothing.
“Damn, he’s good.”
“Yes, I am,” Hiro said from beside her.
She jumped with a squeal. The squeal pissed her off. Like a surprised child, not the hardened sidekick she was supposed to be.
“You love that,” she said.
“I do indeed.”
He was gone again. She didn’t bother looking for him. No normal person could find Hiro if he didn’t want to be found.
Connie showed up a little later, and Tia expected to be called out immediately. Connie didn’t say much as they were escorted to the private jet.
“I thought we were flying commercial,” said Tia.
“Larry wanted to send his plane. It’s just easier.”
And just like that, Tia’s plan had fallen apart. She watched the door of the jet close after boarding. Hiro was good, and she didn’t expect to spot him. But she thought she might see a shadow or a flitting shape as he zipped inside.
She saw nothing.
It didn’t mean anything. Hiro slipped in and out of places all the time. He’d once disappeared for three hours in the house while she was doing some housework, only reappearing once she’d put up the vacuum. But hiding in a private jet with Connie was a tall order. Even for the world’s greatest ninja infiltrator.
“Something wrong?” asked Connie. “You seem distracted.”
“What?” said Tia. “No. Nothing.”
God, this was horrible, a futile waste of effort. Connie was a master detective. She’d figure this out in another minute. Better to just confess now and get it over with.
“Connie—”
“I’m not an idiot,” interrupted Connie.
“I just thought—”
“I know it’s a bad idea,” said Connie.
Tia’s carefully worded explanation fell to the wayside. “What idea?”
Connie shook her head. “You don’t have to act like you don’t know it either. I know that I shouldn’t be doing this. It’s not my problem, right? I can’t save the world all by myself. Not every time, anyway. I don’t have to fix everything.”
Tia didn’t say anything. She thought maybe she should, but she wasn’t sure where Connie was going with this.
“You’re right that I’m probably just being stubborn about this,” said Connie, staring out the window as the plane taxied out of the hangar. “It’s a problem I have. When you’re ten years old and dangling from a cliff while rabid hyenas circle below, you learn to be stubborn. You can’t quit, because quitting isn’t an option. You dig your fingernails and pray that root doesn’t come loose. And if it does, you plan how best to fend off hyenas when all you have is a Pez dispenser and a priceless diamond in your pocke
t. I fight. It’s what I do. It’s how I survive. When people turn and run, I go forward. It’s kept me alive so far, but it’s skewed how I look at things.
“Somebody tells me I can’t do something, I want to do it more. Want isn’t a strong enough word. I need to do it. Give me that big red button labeled DO NOT PUSH in bright neon letters, and I’ll push it every time. Every goddamn time.”
Connie cracked her knuckles and gripped her armrest with tight fingers. She closed her eyes. “I think I’m screwing things up with Byron. He wants to be part of my life. Like you. But I keep thinking how often I’ve fucked up your life.”
“You’ve never fucked up my life,” said Tia. “You’ve complicated it, but that’s how every relationship is. For every kidnapping and life-endangering thing I’ve gone through, you’ve given me ten more things. Anyway, you need to get over yourself. You don’t think I haven’t considered how I complicate your life?”
“That’s crazy.”
“Is it? How many times did some sadistic villain or random booby trap force you to make a choice between saving the day and saving me? You want to talk about hyena moments? I was about to be squashed by a robot while you were fighting your way to rescue me, and I thought, I’m just getting in the way. I was just one more thing for you to worry about. You had enough responsibilities. You didn’t need another.”
“That wasn’t your fault.”
“No, it wasn’t. And it’s not your fault that you are an adventurer. And it’s not Byron’s fault that he worries about you. It’s nobody’s fault, but it’s stuff we all have to learn to live with.
“It’s all a load of crap,” added Tia. “You’re not worried about keeping Byron in your life. You just said it. You just don’t like being told you can’t do something. Someone tells you you’re fated to die if you push that button, you need to push it more. Byron suggests, even merely accidentally, that you could play it a little safer, you get more reckless.
“Relationships aren’t adventures to be conquered,” said Tia. “Byron is not a villain you need to outsmart. If you don’t realize that, you will screw it up.”
The jet rumbled down the runway for takeoff. Tia imagined Hiro hanging out in the wheel well. Did private jets have wheel wells big enough for a person to hide in? What the hell was a wheel well, anyway? Could a person freeze or suffocate in one? Did she just send her boyfriend to his death on some half-assed scheme to protect Connie from an imagined threat?
Tia hoped he’d realized how dumb her plan was and was now sitting in the airport bar, grabbing a drink, planning a jewel theft in the south of France. When she returned home, she’d hug him and apologize. If he wasn’t dead, his mangled body crumpled against landing gear.
When they were in the air, and after the captain turned off the FASTEN SEAT BELT sign, she excused herself to use the bathroom. She checked each seat as she passed, as if there were any reasonable place for Hiro to hide on this jet. When he didn’t appear, she went to the bathroom and closed the door.
“You were right,” said Hiro.
She squealed. Again.
“How did you . . . Never mind.” She wrapped her arms around him in the tiny bathroom and kissed him.
“What was that for?” he asked.
“For not being dead. You were right. This is stupid.”
“No,” he replied. “You were right. Connie is in danger. The flight attendant is a trained assassin.”
“How do you know that?”
“We went to the same school. She’s good. Valedictorian in assassination studies.”
“There’s ninja school?”
“It was more of a secret monastery where kids are trained from a very young age in the way of shadows. But if you get a bunch of kids together, you’re going to have cliques and drama and all the usual popularity problems. Akane was always stuck up. Never had any time for thieves. Always thought she was better than us.”
“I better warn Connie.”
He didn’t move aside. “And what are you going to tell her? A little bird whispered a warning to you?”
“I’ll just say . . . something. Like I thought I saw a knife.”
“That won’t work.”
“Well, can’t you take Akane out?”
“Unlikely,” he said. “She might have been full of herself, but she was top in her class.”
“Sneak up on her, use those knockout darts of yours.”
“I can’t just sneak up on her.”
“You can sneak up on anyone.”
“I appreciate the vote of confidence, but vanishing isn’t the same as stalking. If I make one mistake, Akane will spot me. Did I mention she was valedictorian? She’d kill me in three seconds flat, and that might be a tad generous on my part.”
“Then we’ll just warn Connie,” said Tia. “I’m sure she can handle it.”
“She’ll want an explanation,” he said. “And she’ll most likely see through any lie you try to tell her. You’ll have to admit I’m following you, and then what? Once she knows I’m here, she’ll be harder to follow. And I can’t help to keep her out of trouble if I’m busy trying to avoid being noticed by her. I can barely manage it when she isn’t looking for me.”
“We have to do something. I’m just going to tell her, and if she asks, I’ll admit the truth. She can’t get mad at us if it saves her life.” She squeezed past him and exited the cramped bathroom. “But stay out of sight just in case—”
She went to shut the door, but he was nowhere to be seen. She took a moment to check the bathroom again. She even checked in the small space behind the toilet before giving up and heading back to Connie.
Tia was still busy concocting a story about how she spotted an assassin when the flight attendant stumbled down the aisle. She brandished a dagger in her hand, and Tia reflexively jumped back, her arms raised. She had some self-defense courses, but her only chance in this situation was to hope she could fend of Akane long enough for Connie to rescue her. Tia punched the deadly assassin in the chest. It was a sloppy punch, but it connected. The dreaded ninja gasped and fell flat on the floor. She didn’t get up.
A dagger, the same style as the one in her hand, stuck out from between her shoulders.
Connie knelt down and checked the killer. “Don’t worry. She’s dead.”
“What happened?” asked Tia, as if she didn’t already know.
“She tried to kill me. Must’ve been sent by someone who doesn’t want me to help Larry.”
A few slashes tore across Connie’s shirt. Most of the cuts were shallow, though the one on her arm was bleeding badly.
“I brought bandages.” Tia rifled through her bag. “And antiseptic. Just in case.”
“Thanks.”
Tia bandaged the wound. “I can’t believe I missed the knife fight.”
“Probably better that you did. Tight quarters like this, she almost had me. She might have if she’d gotten the drop on me like she intended. But I spotted a Coalition of Assassins tattoo on her wrist when she was handing out peanuts.”
“Huh. You’d think assassins would avoid having distinguishing marks like that.”
“You’d think. I’m going to check the pilot and copilot. I’m fairly certain they’re just people, but it doesn’t hurt to take a second look.”
The pilot apologized for the inconvenience, but Connie assured them that these things happened, and if the worst that happened was a few cuts and having to get their own drinks, it was nothing to be concerned about.
Larry sent a car to pick them up. The driver said nothing beyond the standard greetings as he drove. Tia thought he might be another assassin. Connie didn’t seem concerned, but she rarely did.
“Are you all right?” asked Connie. “You seem on edge.”
Tia almost broke. Again. She’d never manage this. It felt wrong lying to her friend. It also felt more and more unnecessary. Connie wasn’t worried because she didn’t need to worry. A few close calls didn’t mean anything.
“I’m fi
ne,” said Tia. “Are you certain the driver isn’t a hired killer?”
“Certain? No. I’m never certain, but it doesn’t seem likely.”
The unlikeliness only bothered Tia more. Unlikely things happened more often than not where Connie was concerned, and Tia, who had been Connie’s friend for decades, understood it in a way she hadn’t ever before.
Tia had assumed since she’d been dragged onto adventures before that she got it, but Connie had adventures constantly, whereas Tia had a mostly normal life disrupted by adventures now and then. She also wasn’t responsible for much in those situations other than staying alive until Connie rescued her.
Sidekicking changed all that. She was no longer a passive participant. She was in the game, and her job was to support while Connie did the heavy lifting. Tia wondered if it wasn’t getting to her already. Maybe she didn’t have Connie’s talent for constant intrigue and adventure without falling into paranoia.
The driver didn’t try to kill them. He delivered them to Larry’s townhouse, an unassuming four-story domicile surrounded by equally unassuming buildings. Apollonia greeted them at the door. The statuesque Amazon appraised Tia with neutrality tinged with disdain, as if deciding whether to step on a tiny spider or let it pass unmolested.
“I wasn’t told you’d be bringing company,” said Apollonia.
“I’m the sidekick.” Tia tried to sound tough, but it was hard to intimidate while craning your head back. “I go where she goes.”
To Tia’s surprise, Apollonia didn’t break her neck. She pursed her lips and nodded. “I’ll alert the kitchen staff we have an additional guest.” She walked away without so much as a nod to Connie or Tia.
“What’s her deal?” asked Tia.
“Oh, her? She’s just standard-issue master henchagent. You know the type. All business. No sense of humor. But she’s keeping Larry safe, so she’s cool. Although I’m fairly certain we’re going to have to fight at some point.”
“Promise me you’ll let me watch when you kick her ass.”
“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.”
They were shown their rooms, across the hall from one another. Tia considered asking to be moved to the same room, just to be that much closer in case trouble popped up, but this was probably close enough.
Constance Verity Saves the World Page 12