by Ward, Alice
I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “You’re right. I’ve worked hard for this. I should get to enjoy it.”
I hit my call button and Susan appeared almost instantly. “What can I get for you?” she cooed.
“I’ve changed my mind. I’d like a mimosa after all,” I told her.
“Make it two,” James said with a smile.
Susan quickly filled our orders and James and I put our headphones back on before Matt realized we’d taken our eyes off of our good luck charm.
***
“Oh my God, your room is just as gorgeous as ours,” Matt said, pushing his way into the bedroom of my suite. We had keys to each other’s rooms, but I hadn’t heard the front door open and his sudden appearance startled me. “Lucas is in the shower so I thought I’d come check out your place. Also, I need help picking out a tie.” He held up a lavender necktie and an aqua bowtie. Both were silk and either would have looked perfect with his khaki tuxedo.
“I love them both, but I’d go with the bowtie,” I told him. “I’m glad you’re here. What do you think of my jewelry?” I pulled back my long blonde hair, revealing flashy emerald chandelier earrings.
Matt let out a whistle. “Those are gorgeous. Where did they come from?”
“They were my mother’s,” I said, running my fingers down their length. “I’d never seen them before. Daddy gave them to me after the Derby. He said he’d put them away for a special occasion.”
“Stand up and let me look at you,” Matt directed.
I pushed my chair away from the vanity and stood up. I turned in a full circle, showing off the flowing skirt of my black satin ball gown.
“That dress is perfect, Willow,” he declared. “It hugs just the right places, but still leaves a little to the imagination.” He lowered his voice. “I don’t know how James will keep his hands off of you,” he added, a twinkle of mischief in his eyes.
I rolled my eyes. “I think James will manage just fine. He wouldn’t even be here if our parents hadn’t guilted him into it.”
“If you say so,” Matt sang in a tone that said he didn’t believe me for one second. “Where is the handsome bull rider anyway?”
“He’s in the shower too,” I replied. I sat back down at the vanity and started applying my makeup while Matt tied his bowtie.
“Have the two of you discussed your sleeping arrangements since you have to share the room?” Matt pressed.
“If you must know,” I said as haughtily as I could manage. “James volunteered to sleep on a fold out mattress in the living room.”
Matt raised one eyebrow, then wiggled both of them. “You know you could share the bed… for old time’s sake,” he suggested. “This is a huge weekend for you, Willow. I wish you’d just let loose and enjoy yourself.”
“I plan on having the time of my life,” I assured him, trying to act more confident than I felt. “But that doesn’t mean James and I should sleep together. No good could come of it, Matt. He’s made his feelings clear, and I don’t want to toy with them. Not when I don’t even know what I want myself.”
A smile flashed across Matt’s face. “I thought you were absolutely certain you didn’t want to be with him. You don’t sound so sure anymore.”
The truth was, I kept going back and forth between being certain that a relationship with James would ruin my life and being just as certain that I couldn’t live without him. When James looked at me, I wanted to fall into his arms. But then I’d think about Bradley, the McMullen brothers, and others of their ilk that would surely insist that our relationship was dirty and immoral. I was tempted to explain that to Matt, but in doing so I’d have to tell him about what had been going on with Bradley.
“Can we just say that I’m conflicted and leave it at that?” I asked. I looked up at Matt with desperate eyes. “Please?”
His face immediately turned serious. “Of course, Willow. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you.”
“It’s okay,” I assured him.
The bathroom door opened and James stepped into the room. He was wet and naked, save the towel wrapped around his waist. Beads of water rolled down his firm, muscular chest and I felt my pulse quicken. I looked away quickly, hoping that Matt hadn’t noticed my gawking.
“I’m sorry,” James mumbled, wrapping his towel tighter. “I thought you’d be finished in here by now. Just let me grab my tux.” He crossed the room and grabbed a black garment bag from the closet.
“I’m ready,” I said, applying one last swipe of mascara. “You can have the room. We need to be outside in fifteen minutes. Matt and I will go get Lucas and meet you in the lobby.” The sight of James in his towel had made me wet with desire and I knew if I didn’t leave the room, we’d end up in bed instead of at the Black Eyed Susan Ball.
I’ve got to keep it together. I can’t keep giving in every time he turns me on. I have to base my decision on more than physical attraction. Even if I do decide to be with him and risk telling people about us, this isn’t the time.
“I’ll be down soon,” James said as Matt and I left the room.
Matt turned to me once we were on the other side of the door. He raised a skeptical eyebrow again and stared at me in disbelief. “Seriously, Willow, I don’t know how you could turn that down. I don’t care if he’s going to be your stepbrother. That boy is fucking hot.”
“Believe me, I know,” I agreed with a frustrated sigh. “If he wasn’t, my life would be a lot less complicated.”
***
Our resort was located on the Baltimore coast, within walking distance to the yacht club that held the annual Black Eyed Susan Ball. It wasn’t an official Preakness event, but a local tradition that had been started by one of Maryland’s oldest racing families decades before. James met Matt, Lucas, and I in the lobby and a member of the resort staff shuttled us over to the party in a large golf cart.
“This is amazing,” Matt whispered out of the corner of his mouth as we stepped into the ballroom. “Look at all of these flowers.”
Decades before, someone had brilliantly suggested that Maryland’s state flower be the official bloom of the Preakness Stakes. Unfortunately, Black Eyed Susans don’t bloom until late summer and the race is held in June. Instead of designating a different flower for the race, the good people of Baltimore spent weeks painting black centers onto giant yellow daisies. The result was charming though not at all realistic.
We stepped up to the check in table and I gave my name to the woman sitting behind it.
“Ms. Rogers, it’s so nice to meet you,” the woman replied with a smile. “I’m Laura Fletcher, your mother and I grew up near each other. I hear you’re carrying on her legacy quite well. Good luck on Saturday.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “I’d love to chat later if you get a free moment.” I was always eager to talk to anyone who could tell me about my mother.
“I’ll come find you when dinner is over,” she assured me. She gave us our table assignment and we moved deeper into the room. As we moved through the crowd, I was careful to keep a respectable distance between me and James. We’d made it half way to our table when I noticed that Matt and Lucas were doing the same.
This is fucking ridiculous. It shouldn’t be anyone’s business what consenting, UNRELATED, adults do behind closed doors. Matt and Lucas shouldn’t have to hide. Neither should James and I. Nothing about this is fair.
“Ladies and gentleman, welcome to the thirty-seventh annual Black Eyed Susan Ball,” a man’s voice boomed throughout the room. I turned and saw a very tiny man standing on stage with a microphone.
Matt leaned down and whispered, “Is that Mark Fields, the jockey?”
I nodded as Mark continued. “I’ll be your host this evening. The kitchen tells me that our first course will be out shortly, so if you’ll all find your seats, we’ll get this party started. We have several surprises lined up for you tonight, starting with your dining entertainment. Please give a big round of applause for the first cha
irs of the Baltimore Philharmonic.”
The room erupted in applause as a small orchestra took to the stage. Uniformed waiters placed chairs behind them, and the musicians sat in unison and launched into a cheerful movement by Vivaldi. The lights dimmed a bit, and more wait staff filed through a swinging double door, their shoulders laden with large serving trays. We found our table quickly and sat down with our dinner companions. I was happy to see they weren’t strangers.
“Willow, it’s so good to see you,” Daniel Forrest said. “How’s your dad doing? I expected to see him tonight.”
“He’s doing well, Daniel, thank you,” I replied with a smile. “He’s flying in early Saturday morning. I don’t know if you’ve heard the big news, but he’s engaged.”
“You don’t say?” Daniel replied, his eyes wide with surprise. “Well I never thought I’d see the day. Who’s the lucky lady?”
“Renee Parker,” I told him. “This is her son, James. I’d also like to introduce you to my partner, Matt, and our friend, Lucas. Everyone, this is Daniel Forrest. He’s a fixture in the racing world.”
“I don’t know if I’d call myself a fixture,” Daniel laughed. “But I’ve been around awhile. Cole and I got to know each other during Aces High’s champion season. I had a horse named Firewalker at the time. I thought he had what it took to win the crown, but Rosie showed up out of nowhere and ol’ Ace left my poor nag in the dust.”
“You’re being modest,” his wife insisted with a loving grin. “Firewalker placed here and in Kentucky. And he came in third at Belmont.”
“You know what they say, honey,” Daniel said with a jolly smile. “Second place is first loser. Everyone, this is my lovely wife Louisa. She’s always been my biggest cheerleader. And these are our girls, Layla and Veronica.”
The girls blushed at James as we all exchanged polite greetings. A team of waiters appeared at our table, two with trays of food and one with pitchers of tea and water. “The bar is open,” one of them explained. “But it’s self-serve.” He filled our glasses and moved on to the next table while the other two men set plates in front of us. Our first course was gazpacho and crusty French bread.
Once the waiters had left, I turned back to Daniel. “I’m so happy they put us at the same table. I’m planning to expand my program. There are several horses I’m thinking of adding, and I’d appreciate your opinion on which bloodlines I should focus on.” I pulled my phone from my small evening bag and started showing Daniel pedigrees and photographs. It didn’t escape my notice that while we talked, Layla stared at James like a wild cat about to pounce on her prey.
How old are the Fields girls again? I think Daddy said they’re both older than me, but Layla looks like jail bait. And neither of them looks like they’d know the first thing to do in a saddle. No wonder Daniel leaves them at home when he visits us.
“So James, what do you do for a living?” Louisa asked.
“Lately, I’ve been helping Cole out on the ranch,” he told her. “But bull riding is my true love.”
“Ah, you’re an adrenaline junky,” Layla said. She shifted her body, pointing her cleavage at James. Her red cocktail dress clung to her curves and her dark hair fell around her head in wild, natural curls. “That sounds like an exciting life. Have you ever been hurt?”
“Not so badly that I haven’t gotten back on,” he said, his eyes sparkling with an infuriating and endearing blend of cockiness and charm.
“I’d love to see you ride sometime,” Layla replied, her voice low and sultry.
She may as well strip down and climb into his lap right here. How am I the only one seeing this?
I was surprised by how possessive I felt towards James. I wanted nothing more than to take his hand and make it clear to Layla that the only person he’d be riding was me.
This isn’t the time or the place to do that. Besides, she can flirt all she wants. It won’t get her anywhere. He only has eyes for me.
But as the evening continued, I felt less and less confident about that. I tried to focus on the conversation Matt and I were having with Daniel, but Layla’s overt advances and James’s encouraging replies kept distracting me. I was relieved when the dinner dishes were finally cleared and Mark returned to the stage.
“Coffee and dessert will be served shortly,” he announced. “But we’re going to go ahead and open up the dance floor. I think you’ll all be pleased with the group we’ve brought in for the second portion of the evening. Straight off of their CMA win for Best New Artists, please welcome Lead Pony.”
Country music’s hottest new act took to the stage and Layla shrieked with excitement.
“Oh my God, I love them! Come one, you have to dance with me.” She jumped up from the table, grabbed James by the hand, and pulled him from his seat. They were on the dance floor before I had a chance to protest. The band launched into their first number one hit, which happened to be a slow song. James put an arm around Layla’s waist and pulled her close. I looked away, fighting back tears. I prayed no one would notice, but I had no such luck.
“Willow, are you okay?” Daniel asked, his eyes narrowed in concern.
“I’m fine,” I insisted with a wave. “This song just reminds me of someone, that’s all.”
Matt pushed his chair away from the table and offered me his hand. “Let’s get out there and give you a better memory to associate with it.”
I felt bad about leaving Lucas alone with relative strangers, but I needed the escape. I stood and let Matt lead me to the dance floor. He wrapped his arms around me and I rested my head against his shoulder.
“Please tell me you saw it too,” I whispered into his ear.
Matt nodded. “You mean the way Layla was offering herself up to James? Yeah, I saw it. It makes sense, Willow. They’re two very attractive people. You told James the two of you can’t be together. He’s free to dance with whoever he’d like.”
I lifted my head and looked into Matt’s eyes. “So, you think she’s attractive. Do you think she’s hotter than me?”
Matt rolled his eyes. “That’s like comparing apples and oranges, Willow. You’re stunning in a very delicate, classy kind of way. You’re more Jennifer Aniston, and she’s a full blown Angelina.”
He spun me away and then pulled me close again. “But you’re definitely the better dancer.”
“I’ll take your word for it,” I groaned. I couldn’t bear to look back and James and Layla.
Matt held me close as we swayed to the music. He looked down at me, his eyes full of patience and compassion. “Willow, this is obviously painful for you. The mere sight of James touching another woman brought tears to your eyes. Have you stopped to think this hurts for a reason?”
I sighed and returned my head to Matt’s shoulder. “Of course it hurts for a reason,” I agreed. “I think… I think I love him, Matt. It hurts to be apart, but I have no idea how we could ever be together. If I put my heart first, I could lose my career. If I put my career first, I could end up miserable and alone for the rest of my life. I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do, Matt.”
The song ended and the crowd burst into applause. Matt released me and stared down at me with sad eyes. “I can’t tell you what to do, Willow. Not this time. But I promise I’ll stand beside you, no matter what.”
“Thanks, Matt,” I said, wiping away tears again. “Sometimes I wonder what I ever did to deserve you. You really are the best friend anyone could hope for. I love you, you know.”
He lifted my hand and brought it to his lips. “I love you too. Are you going to be okay?” he asked, throwing a longing look to Lucas.
“I’ll be fine,” I assured him. “This is your vacation too. Go, enjoy your boyfriend. Lord knows one of us should get some action tonight.”
Matt hesitated and bit his lower lip. “Are you absolutely sure? Lucas and I had planned on ducking out early tonight. But I’ll stay if you need me.”
I shook my head. “Enjoy your suite. I’ll see you in the mo
rning for breakfast.”
Matt gave me another hug and kissed my cheek as he pulled away. “If you need me, you know how to find me.” He looked at Lucas and tilted his head towards the door. Lucas excused himself from the table. He and Matt discreetly left the party while I scanned the crowd for Lauren Fletcher. I thought if anything could make me feel better, it would be a long talk about my mom. Lauren was nowhere to be seen, but in my search my eyes fell on Layla and James. The band was playing an up tempo number, and Layla was grinding her pelvis against James’s hip as her breasts heaved into his chest.
Fuck it, I’ll talk to Lauren at one of the other events. I can’t take this anymore.
I walked back to the table and retrieved my evening bag. Veronica had disappeared, but Daniel and Louisa were still seated.
“I have a headache creeping on,” I told them. “Would you mind letting James know that I’ve gone back to the resort? Tell him that I’ll see him in the morning.”
“Of course,” Daniel agreed, looking concerned.
“Feel better,” Louisa added.
I thanked them and left the ballroom without looking back at the dance floor.
***
I was in bed an hour later when I heard the front door of the suite open. Half of me hoped that James would check on me, the other half just wanted to be left alone. The first half was satisfied by a soft knock on the bedroom door. It creaked open and James peaked into the room.
“Willow?” he whispered. “Are you awake?”
“Yes.” I sat up and flipped on the bedside lamp. I’d been crying since I left the yacht club, and I knew the evidence was all over my face.
Concern filled James’s eyes and he crossed the room in two strides. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He took a seat on the edge of the bed and continued. “Daniel said you had a headache. Why have you been crying?”