by KL Myers
Once my nerves settle down some, I immediately call a locksmith and pay him extra to come over quickly to replace all the locks. Every penny spent is well worth the peace of mind of not having to worry about him having access to my home, and thus me. I wait on pins and needles for the two hours it takes for the locksmith to show and complete the job.
With the worst behind me, I know the first call I have to make is to Jax. He has always been my rock, and I know I’ve let him down over the years because I refused to leave Colt. Just knowing that he will be ecstatic with my news heals a small piece of my heart.
“Jax, I did it. I finally grew a pair and ended it with Colt.” I can hear the heavy sigh that comes through the phone
“Hold on, Ry, let me pull over and then we can talk, ok?”
Jax is always so considerate of my needs. He will always make sure I have one hundred percent of his attention when he is on the phone with me. “You ok, kid?” he asks
“Of course,” I tell him. “I know it took me a long time to get to this point, but I’m here, and I’m not turning back.” A tear runs down my cheek as a wave of relief takes over, knowing my words are true.
“You don’t know how happy I am to hear you say those words, kiddo. I spent many a sleepless night worrying about you.” I can feel the emotion Jax’s voice is giving off. It’s relief. “Rylee, you know the last few years have been hard for me, sitting back and biting my tongue, but I did it for you, because I knew you needed to be the one to make this decision. I couldn’t make it for you. When you missed my wedding because of Colt, I let it slide, but the day you missed the birth of my daughter was my breaking point.” I can feel the tension coming through the phone as he continues, “I wanted to come to Arizona and drag you away from that son of a bitch. Hog tie you so you couldn’t go back, but Rosie said I needed to mind my own business and let you live your life.”
Tears are rolling down my face like a rainstorm at this point. I hadn’t realized I had hurt Jax so badly by staying away. It broke my heart when I couldn’t go to his wedding. How could I show up on my brother’s special day and ruin it because I had a black eye and a bruise the size of a silver dollar on my face from where Colt had struck me during our argument about why I couldn’t go?
Then, when Penny was born, I was too afraid to leave. Colt had made it clear that if I left, I’d come back to nothing. So I made excuses to Jax about how busy at work I was and that I couldn’t leave. I cried for hours the day she was born, wishing I could hold her precious little body in my arms.
“Sis, do you need me to come and spend some time with you? Are you honestly going to be OK?” I could hear the apprehension in the tone of his voice
“Nope, Jax, I’m going to be OK. You don’t need to worry about me. Please, promise me you won’t worry.”
“I will always worry about you, Ry, just promise me you’ll call me immediately if you need anything. You got it?”
“I promise I’ll call, Jax. I just wanted to let you know that everything was going to be OK. I love you, and I’ll call you later this week, all right?”
***
After cleaning up the house and making myself some breakfast, I pick up the phone to call Bailey. It’s been months since I’ve spent time with her, and I need her now. She’s been my BFF for as long as I can remember, and though I’ve alienated her over the last few years, I know she’ll be there for me. I hate it when I interrupt her time with Chris, but deep down I know she won’t mind.
After the last beating from Colt, she moved partially out and in with Chris. She said she couldn’t sit idly by and watch me destroy my life, or better yet, end up dead, so she packed a few of her things up over the following days and left. She’s been spending more and more time at his place than at ours, and I totally understand. Looking back, I wouldn’t want to be around me either.
“Hello, Rylee, please tell me you are all right,” are the first words out of her mouth, and I know I was right to make this call.
“Hey, Bailey. Yes, I’m all right. I just packed Colt up and pushed him out my door. I’m through with him for good.” I take a breath, waiting for the ache in my heart to start, but it doesn’t, and I’m surprised.
“I’m on my way over right now. Be there in twenty,” is all I hear from Bailey before the phone goes dead.
Sure enough, twenty minutes later, there is a knock at the door. I forgot to tell Bailey that her key won’t work anymore because I changed the locks. I immediately open the door and hand her a key as she walks in with concern in her eyes and a half smile on her face. I can tell she isn’t sure I’ve done it this time. It takes me about an hour to convince her that I did do it and meant it.
I break down and tell her everything I’ve gone through with Colt. I don’t think she ever really knew how bad it was or how bad I was. There are tears running down her face and weariness in her eyes as she looks at me.
“God, Rylee, I didn’t know it was that bad. I’d have been breaking down your door and taking you away had I known sooner. Why didn’t you call and talk to me about any of this? I would have been there for you, don’t you know that?” I can tell she is frustrated I didn’t confide in her, but how could I? How do you tell someone you’ve known for so long, who is like a sister to you, that you’ve become a shell of the person you once were? How do you tell them that you feel your life is worth less than the person hurting you and that you’re not important and that the world wouldn’t miss you if you were gone?
“Bailey, you’re here now, and that’s all that matters. I’m sorry I kept all this from you. I’m OK, and for the first time in a long time, I think I’m going to stay OK.” I smile when I say this, because deep down I know it to be true. Bailey is scanning my face for any indication that I am lying or that I’m going to shatter into a million pieces any moment, so I know I need to put her at ease.
“You know what I want to do today?” I ask. The happiness in my friends’ eyes tells me she’ll do whatever I want to do without any questions asked.
“What, Rylee? What would you like to do today? Because whatever it is, I’m in one hundred percent. I want to celebrate with you, so today is on me. Anything you want to do is on me.” I wrap my arms around her and just hold her, hoping she can feel how much I appreciate her.
“Rabbit, I want to spend the day getting beautiful. Can we do that?” She squeezes me back and says, “We can do that. I think that is just what the doctor ordered.”
We’re at the Montelucia in Scottsdale. I love the Mediterranean vibe they portray here. We scheduled a full day of treatments: facials, massages, waxing, along with manicures and pedicures. It’s been so long since I’ve pampered myself this way. It feels so good. Nothing can dampen my mood today. My muscles feel like rocks until the masseuse spends two hours just working through all the knots. I am so relaxed by the time she is done, my body feels like jello.
Being the considerate friend that Bailey is, she rented a cabana poolside for the day. I’m lying on a chaise in the cabana, just relaxing and waiting on Bailey to finish up with her pamper package when our waiter arrives. He’s about my age and totally fit, dressed in khaki pants that fit his ass perfectly, showing off how hard and firm each of his cheeks is. He’s wearing a white polo that is stretched tightly across his chest, and the sleeves are so tight around his biceps, you can see he takes care of his body. I can’t help but notice how insanely handsome he is.
“What can I get for you today, ma’am?” he asks with a smile showing off his perfectly straight, white teeth.
“I’m waiting for my girlfriend, but could you start us off with a fruit and cheese plate and a bottle of Pinot? Then we can go from there.” Feeling a little cocky, I give him a wink and my best sultry smile.
“Sure thing,” he responds. “Be back shortly.” I watch his ass as he walks off.
Bailey passes our waiter on her way over to me. “Holy hell, girlfriend, that guy is smoking.”
I have to giggle at her comment. “Yes, I believ
e you are correct in your assessment, but last I checked, you had a man waiting for you.” I love her response.
“I may be gloriously in love, but I am not dead, my friend. My eyes work just as well as yours, if not better. What’s his name?”
“Crap, I forgot to ask,” I tell her, and disappointment immediately covers her face.
“Well, that won’t work now, will it?” When Bailey takes the chaise beside me, our deliciously sexy waiter returns with our wine, cheese, and fruit.
“Hello, ma’am, is there something I can get for you?” he asks as he gives her that deliciously sexy smile of his and puffs out his chest. I honestly believe he is flirting with Bailey. He didn’t flirt with me. What is it about me that isn’t appealing to men? It’s like I have leper written on my forehead.
“Hi.” She points her finger at the waiter. “What’s your name?”
“Bradley,” he replies and winks at her. He winks at her! He is flirting with her.
“Well, Bradley, I think my friend and I are OK for now.” And with that, dear ole Bradley turns on his heal, winks again, and leaves.
Up until that point, it had been the best day I’d had in a very, very long time. I was so happy with my decision I had made to start my life over again, but now I am having second thoughts. What if Colt was the best I was ever going to get? Maybe I am pathetic and no one will want me again.
“Stop it right there, missy,” I hear Bailey say. “What’s wrong? One minute you were happy as could be, and now you look like you’ve just gotten the news you have terminal cancer.” She’s right. The happiness I was feeling has completely evaporated.
“What’s wrong with me, Bailey? Am I so hard to find attractive?” A look of disgust washes over her face.
“What the fuck are you talking about, Ry? You are one of the most beautiful people I know, so why are you asking this?” There is a sincere look of concern on her face now.
“Bailey, didn’t you see our waiter flirting with you? He didn’t flirt with me.” I know that sounds childish, but damn it, my feelings are hurt, and frankly, I don’t care.
“Christ, Rylee, listen to yourself. You are ruining our whole day because some ripped dude on steroids didn’t jump on your body and try to fuck you. Honestly, are you going to sit there and tell me you are unappealing because of that?”
OK, so when I hear it put that way, I can see I am overly dramatic. Just give me a crown now and call me a queen. “You’re right, Bailey, I'm being a drama queen over nothing. I’m sorry. Forgive me, please,” I beg.
“Rylee, you can’t act like every time a guy doesn’t drop to his knees and ask to lick your pussy that there is something wrong with you. You’re special, and eventually, Mr. Right will come along. Now, let’s drink and relax and forget this conversation ever happened.”
“OK, Bailey.” We spend the rest of the day having a good time just like we used to before Colt. I’ve laughed more in five hours than I have in two years. I’m sorry the day has to come to an end, but Bailey wants to get back to Chris, and I need to get ready for the new week. I’ve got two weddings planned, and the brides are driving me crazy with last-minute changes. Normally, changes so close to the event would drive me insane, but I’m on top of the world, so they don’t seem unsurmountable; that is until I hear that tiny little beep from my phone telling me I have an incoming message and see his name on my screen. All the comfort I’ve felt over the last five hours immediately leaves my body.
COLT: I’m sorry, Rylee, can we please talk?
ME: No, I’m done talking. Please don’t contact me again.
COLT: Please don’t be this way. I need you, and I want to be with you.
ME: Stop. Don’t text me again. I’m done and it’s over.
COLT: I know you don’t mean that.
ME: I do mean it. I told you this morning. We’re thru.
COLT: Stop being a bitch about this, Rylee, and get over yourself.
ME: Bye, Colt. I don’t want to hear from you again.
I turn my phone off, so I don’t have to deal with him anymore. Hopefully, that son of a bitch will get the message. At least I hope he does.
Monday rolls around and work goes well. I have no further contact with Colt. Tuesday turns into Wednesday, and still no word from him. I’m relieved that everything is quiet and he is not bothering me. Bailey and I have dinner on Thursday night, and Friday finds me sitting at home with a mind-blowing book. Before I know it, one book turns into two, then two turn into three. I love a really good romance, so when I find something I like, I obsess until I get the whole series read. There’s nothing I hate more than getting to the end of a book and find a cliffhanger, and I have to wait for five months until the next book comes out. Luckily, I stumbled across an older series, and all three books were already released, so I am able to read them back to back.
Saturday morning comes way too soon. I’ve got back to back weddings today on opposite ends of town, so I know I will be busy every minute of the day. I’ve been planning the first wedding of the day for over a year. The bride, her mother, and soon to be mother-in-law couldn’t agree on anything. Every time the mother made a suggestion, the mother-n-law found some reason to argue about it, and the bride broke out in tears. I know the bride was just trying to keep the peace between both families, but how selfish could these parents be? A wedding is the bride’s day, and it should be about what she likes and wants, not what the mothers want.
It’s days like this when I am happy I won’t ever have to deal with shit like this when I get married. My mom will have no part in it whatsoever, and honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all.
The second wedding was simple and easy. The bride and groom were easy. They agreed on everything, from the venue, cake, and food, to the flowers and photographer. They are truly happy; you can see it in their eyes. They’re soul mates, if ever there was such a thing. There are maybe seventy-five guests and family combined, and not one hiccup occurs.
By nine o’clock I’m done with both weddings, and everything went off without a hitch despite angry mothers and mothers-in-law. Both of the brides looked beautiful on their special day. I wonder if I will ever be one of those girls. Once more, my emotions are trying to get the best of me, and I’m questioning if I’ve done the right thing as I pull into my drive. Thoughts of Colt are running through my head as the evening rolls to an end, but I find a way to push them out of my mind, reprimanding myself for even giving him a second thought. I am right for doing what I did last weekend. My life will be so much better. But still, I wonder why he hasn’t reached out to me again. My insecurities are trying to get the best of me, and all kinds of thoughts are rolling through my head. I bet he has moved on with her; you know, the one he was cheating on me with. And again, I have to stop myself from thinking this way. I’m better than this, I’m better than him, and I’m better off without him. I keep telling myself that. It’s becoming my mantra.
Two weeks post Colt, and I’ve never felt quite so good. I’m happy, hungry, and rested, and life is perfect. However, perfection is an illusion, you do realize that. What seems perfect to one person isn’t always perfect for the other. Apparently, my view of perfection is me without Colt, while Colt’s view of perfection is me in his life to abuse. My reprieve from him is over when Sunday comes and goes with text after text of Colt telling me what a selfish bitch I’m being by not returning his calls. Apparently, I am only thinking of myself per his last text, and you know what, I am goddamned thinking of myself and only me, and he better get used to it. I’m not going down that rabbit hole again. I will no longer be someone’s punching bag and verbal lashing board. I’ve lived it with him for too long until I became a shell of myself, trying to rebuild my faith in humanity. I’ll never be that girl again.
***
Present Day
When Chris proposed to Bailey, she was over the moon happy. Neither one of them wanted to have a long, drawn-out engagement. Bailey was adamant that she wanted to get married within six mo
nths and asked if I could make it happen.
“Bailey, you give me six months, and I’ll have planned the most special day for you. Nothing less than perfection for my BFF,” I told her. It’s the least I can do for my best friend. Chris wasn’t involved in the planning part; he just wanted Bailey to be happy, so he left it all up to her. All he wanted to know was where to be on what day, what time, and what to wear. Bailey seemed to prefer it that way, saying it made it easier to plan it quickly if they didn’t have to constantly check with each other on decisions. When her parents mentioned she always wanted to get married in their orange orchard, I knew I could plan the best wedding ever. It would be like something you would read about in a fairy tale. I envisioned tables placed throughout the orchard decorated in white linen and silver accents and the trees decorated with twinkling lights for when the sun sets. In the center of the orchard is a clearing with an arbor, and Bailey and Chris would exchange their vows there. I’m a goddamned genius, if you ask me, when it comes to weddings.
When I met with Bailey last week, I could tell something was bothering her. It’s the first time in months that I have seen her look like she was ready to call the whole thing off. “Bailey, what’s wrong?” I asked her
“Rylee, I’m not sure if this is the right thing. Maybe Chris and I should just go down to the justice of the peace and avoid the whole ceremony and reception thing.” When the shock started to wear off, I said, “Are you crazy? What could you possibly be thinking? Your wedding has been super important to you, and now you just want to spend ten minutes exchanging tacky vows before a judge, and that’s it?” I could see the tears welling up in her eyes, and I couldn’t take it. “Talk to me. There isn’t anything that could be so bad that you would be happier going to the JP.” At least I thought there couldn’t be anything so bad until she opened her mouth.