by Hattie Mae
As Trudy had promised she came and she and the girls looked like they were headed out to crab. “Hey, Sam. Want to come with us?” Trudy yelled.
Sam cut the motor and looked into the wishful eyes of his daughters. “I can’t, girls. But after harvest, I promise we’ll do whatever you want.”
“Okay, Papa, see you later gator.” Lizzy yelled over her shoulder as she skipped in front of Bea and Trudy.
“Trudy, thank you. You’re a good friend. I’ll repay you somehow, okay?” said Sam.
“What are friends for if not to help? See you later. Maybe we’ll catch enough for a big crab stew.”
Sam watched as the three of them laughed and walked toward the canal. Why hadn’t he felt something more for Trudy when he’d had the chance? But it was never more than friendship. Of course, he had felt what he thought was love or something for Lisa and look where it got him. Maybe a good woman, one he could please, was more what he needed? He had witnessed the love between his Mom and Dad and between Lewis and Susan. But he knew they all felt something for each other, and he would not settle for anything less. Without love and passion, he knew he would shrivel up and die inside.
CHAPTER FOUR
When Rose returned to the house, the stars were high in the sky. Clouds washed over them, blurring their twinkle. Weary from trying to force romance between her hero and her heroine in her book, she headed for the stairs. The sound of laughter coming from the living room stopped her. She sat the laptop and suitcase on the stairs and turned to the happy sounds coming from behind the slightly closed door.
Peeking inside she saw Bea, Lizzy, Trudy, Preston, and Sam playing a board game, all sitting on the floor.
“Papa, you missed the answer. You have to go back to start,” Lizzy said.
“No, I don’t. I didn’t hear the question right. Give me another chance.”
“Oh, no you don’t, big brother. Lizzy’s right. You have to go back to the start. You can’t talk your way out of this one.” Preston slapped Sam on the back and the laughter started again.
Rose stood hidden in her concealed place behind the door. Moving over to get a better view, she caught Sam staring at her. Quickly she moved away, retrieved her bags and hurried up the stairs. In the safety of her room, she flopped in the chair by the window.
She was scared. The editor wasn’t too happy with her, but had extended the deadline a month. Which pushed back her release date. This book could make or break her writing career. Her readership had just climbed with the last book and she couldn’t lose that momentum. This is what she did. This was who she was. She should be able to write here, especially here with all this beauty and space around her. Maybe when the harvest was over, she could find herself a little niche and write the day away. She sure wouldn’t go back to Atlanta. Ever.
Fatigue overtook her and she laid her head back and closed her eyes. How nice it would be to have someone she could lean on. Just once not have to make these decisions on her own.
She had to get a grip. A long time ago she’d made up her mind that if anything good were to happen for her, she would have to be the one who made it happen. But not always alone.
A knock on the door forced her from a slouching position to a sitting one.
“Come in,” she said in a weak voice.
Clearing her throat she repeated herself. “Please come in.”
Sam sauntered in and hovered over her.
“Sit, please.”
He continued to stand.
“You’re making me nervous, Sam, please.”
Sam sat in the chair on the other side of the small table between them. His eyes never left hers.
“I have something to say, Rose. I know that your intentions were good, but we have to set some rules. I can’t have my daughters upset and wondering if they did something wrong every time you take a wild hair to up and leave. I won’t stand back and watch their small worlds crumble believing they did something wrong.”
Sam pulled himself out of the chair and began to pace. He ran his hand through his hair.
A gesture that Rose had come to recognize as a sign of frustration. A sigh escaped her lips.
“I don’t understand, Sam, why are you so mad at me?”
“Why? Why, am I mad? You have got to be kidding right? You up and leave for three days and don’t bother to tell the girls, or me, and you have to ask why I’m mad? By the way I’m not mad, I’m concerned. The girls thought you were gone for good.” He lowered his voice and muttered, “So did I.”
Rose didn’t understand. His eyes turned a dark gray. Was he really concerned or extremely mad? She thought it was most likely the latter. She knew mad when she saw mad it was something she’d recognized all too often. Well, he didn’t own her. He could strut around like a bantam rooster and boss everyone else, but he was not her boss.
Her eyes burned with unshed tears. She jumped from the chair and turned her back to Sam. Rose would not give him the pleasure of seeing her cry. If she could help it, no man would ever have that pleasure again.
Rose clenched her hands at her side her nails biting into her palms. Gaining control.
“I will keep our agreement, unless you want me to leave and maybe that is what I should do. You haven’t wanted me here from the beginning.”
“Don’t even lay that on me, Rose. I never gave you any indications that I didn’t want you in my home.” A low growl slipped out of his mouth. “Why do women always do that? All of you have a way of turning things around so it becomes other people’s faults. You don’t fight fair. The facts are, you agreed to help your aunt and watch my girls and you left without telling me. I know you told Odelia, but I was the one that should have been informed.”
Rose turned her back and walked over to the window.
“Don’t turn your back on me, Lisa.”
Rose swung around. Sam’s expression of horror and hurt blanketed his face.
“I’m not Lisa, Sam. I’ll leave first thing in the morning. Give me enough time to talk to Aunt Odelia.”
Sam hastened to her side in two long steps. He reached for her but drew back letting his arms fall empty at his side. In a low, slow voice he said. “You don’t have to go, Rose. Lizzy and Bea are just getting used to you. And Odelia would be heart broken.” He stuffed his hands in his pocket. “I—.” Sam drew in a deep breath. “After the harvest if you need to leave, I’ll understand. I do need you to keep me informed if you feel the urge or need to leave again so I can protect Bea and Lizzy.” He let out a pent up sigh, “Please.”
Rose searched his face. Could anyone read this man? Did anyone know what went on in that head of his, or especially, in his heart?
“Alright, Sam, I’ll stay for awhile, and I’ll keep you informed. I, too, keep my promises Sam.”
Rose held out her hand. “Agreed?”
Sam’s hand grasped hers and held it tight. It wasn’t a handshake, but more like he needed to hold her in place.
“Agreed,” Sam said.
Eyes locked, hands held, had they both stopped breathing?
“Mind if I interrupt?” Trudy stood in the door they had forgotten to close.
Had everyone heard her discussion? Rose hoped not. Sam let go of Rose’s hand.
Tearing his eyes from Rose he ambled over to the French door. “Is that rain I hear?”
“Yeah, it’s been pouring for almost an hour. Didn’t you hear it?” Trudy smiled a wicked smile. “Maybe not, guess you were too busy.”
“It’s too late for you to drive home tonight. And that rain sounds like an all-nighter. Your room is always ready, and thank you for coming to my rescue once again, Trudy. Goodnight, ladies. I need to tuck my girls in and turn in myself. This has been a very long day. I’m beat.”
“Wait, I’ll walk out with you Sam.” Trudy tucked her arm in the crook of Sam’s. “See you in the morning, Rose.”
The silence in her room roared in her ears. Rose sat on her bed. What just happened? She put her head in her hands.
>
“Still being a disappointment to people, Rose.” The little voice of her mother rang in her head.
Sam threw the covers back off the rumpled bed. How could a person be so tired and their body refuse to sleep? If he could just shut his brain down and stop reliving the episode he’d had with Rose.
Why did he always have to be in control? He knew he had overreacted, but he had to for the sake of his girls, didn’t he? He paced back and forth in his room.
Not many women he knew could be trusted to keep their word. He’d done the right thing. Rose had to be put in her place. Didn’t she?
Then why did he feel so rotten? The look on her face had ripped his heart out. He knew she needed approval, he had heard Odelia talk about the little girl no one approved of for years. But Sam had lived by a code all his life and expected no less from others. One had to reap the consequences of ones actions.
Sam pulled on his jeans and walked down the hall to Lizzy and Bea’s room, they had shared since Lisa left. Opening the door, Sam smiled to himself. Lizzy had crawled into bed with Bea as she often did. She was pressed as close to her back as she could get.
Sam lifted his small daughter in his arms, her sweet breath blowing on his neck, and placed her gently in her own bed. Pulling the sheet over her and tucking her rag doll, Abby, in her arms, he knelt by her bed.
“I’m so sorry baby, I never wanted you to hurt, ever. I vowed to protect you and I failed. I’ll be more careful next time.” Sam brushed the soft curl off her face and kissed the place it had covered.
“Is anything wrong, Daddy?” Bea’s sleepy voice asked.
“No, little lady. I was just moving Lizzy to her bed to give you more room. Go back to sleep,” Sam whispered.
Bea closed her eyes as Sam kissed her forehead. “Night Bea. Love ya.”
“Night, Daddy. Daddy, is Rose really gone?” she asked.
“No honey, she came back. She had an important business trip she had to make but she’s back now. And she won’t leave again until after the harvest. She promised. Now go to sleep.”
“Lizzy will be happy, but I don’t think she will stay, do you?”
“I don’t know, Bea, maybe if she can she’ll stay.” He bent to ruffle her hair, but noticed she had fallen back to sleep. He closed the door behind him and headed back down the hall to his room.
Sam paused at Rose’s door and prepared to knock, but instead leaned in and listened for a sound. There was no light coming from under the door and all was quiet, she must be asleep.
What more did he have to say anyway? As much as he didn’t want to admit it, Rusty was right, she was getting under his skin, and he didn’t like it. It was time for him to get his head on straight. He would have to put to rest that conversation along with his tired body.
In the shower, Rose let the water flow over her body until it ran cold, and dried her body dry with rough quick strokes. She pulled on a pair of shorts and tee shirt and wrapped her hair in a towel. She was bone tired but knew that sleep would escape her. Maybe she could write.
“Rose, are you awake?” Trudy’s voice drifted through the closed door.
Rose opened the door to Trudy smiling as she held up two beers.
“Thought you could use a drink and a friendly face.”
“Trudy, you are a mind reader. Let’s take these out on the gallery I could use some fresh air.” Rose slid her feet into her fuzzy pink slippers, took one of the beers from Trudy and headed out the French door.
“Don’t you just love this place? I think it is the most beautiful place in the world. I wonder if the LeBlancs know how very lucky they are,” Trudy said.
“It is lovely. And to make matters worse I know I have to leave soon.”
Taking a big sip of the cold beer she shook her head.
Rose chuckled. “We are sure a sad lot. A single woman and a lonesome married woman sitting in the dark alone drinking and wishing in a house full of men.”
“Honey, I wished for so many years, and what I got was well worth the wait. It’s not perfect. I miss him so when he is gone. But I knew what he did when I met him, so there is no crying over his choice of work anymore.”
The two new friends enjoyed each other’s company when silence filled the air.
“Tell me, Trudy, how do you handle the loneliness? I don’t mean being alone. I know the difference. Alone I can take; I’ve learned to live with that. But I’m terrified of loneliness.”
Trudy didn’t respond, giving Rose the freedom to continue.
“Please don’t repeat this to anyone, but that’s why I don’t want to leave. This is the first place I’ve ever not felt lonely.”
“Do I ever know what you’re talking about, sister? I’ve been around the dance floor with many a partner, but I’d never felt the music until I met my Leon. You can trust me with your secrets, Rose, and if you want to share, I’m not the least bit tired. Tell me about the men in your life, and then I’ll tell you about mine.”
Could she share her hurts and humiliation with Trudy? She had never had anyone to listen to her.
Rose opened her mouth and the words tumbled out so fast she could hardly take a breath.
“I’ve been a disappointment to men all my life. I must have been a disappointment to even my father because Mother said he left right after I was born. She told me more than once I was the ugliest baby she had ever seen. What mother thinks that? What mother thinks her little baby is ugly? No wonder my dad left. She’s been trying to change me ever since.”
Rose drank the rest of her beer and sat the empty bottle on the small table between the rockers. Drawing her knees up to her chin she wrapped her arms around them and rested her head.
“But then I met Billy in high school. He was shy and tender. I loved him dearly. Against my mother’s wishes we became engaged, and I have no doubt, if he would have lived, we would be raising our family today. He was as close to happy endings as I’ve ever had. But life has a way of taking care of best-laid plans. After him, no man cared enough to fight for me. Of course, none of the men were of my choosing. Mother talked me into letting her pick out the perfect man for me. She set me up with men of importance, men of influence, men like her, perfect. Men who focused on my faults.”
Rose shifted in her chair.
“One after another came and went. Never really seeing me. Then came Ted. A hunk of a man, pro quarterback. Everyone loved Ted, so I thought I had to love him too. But I disappointed him so much he left me at the altar.”
Rose felt Trudy touch her arm and remembered someone was listening. She’d forgotten. It felt so good to empty her heart, free her soul.
“Trudy, I’m so sorry. Here I’ve been going on and on about my relationships. I’ve monopolized the conversation and not let you get a word in. You should have stopped me earlier.” Rose let out a long sigh. “I’m new to this friendship thing. Please forgive me.”
“Honey, there is nothing to apologize for.” Trudy stood and stretched. “You know what we need? Another beer. I thought my love life sucked, but you beat me by leaps and bounds. What you need is some good hard loving from a real man. What you’ve had so far is the pits.”
Trudy picked up her empty and headed for the door. “Let’s go see what we can find in the kitchen. Our pity party needs to move to a new level. Do you like fudge? I feel like cooking up a pot of fudge. Nothing beats chocolate for making a woman happy, even if we have to eat the whole pot.”
Rose was sitting on the cabinet eating warm fudge out of a bowl with a spoon, laughing at Trudy’s off color jokes when Preston and Randy stumbled into the room. Both looked as if they had just got out of bed.
“I told you I smelled fudge. Don’t ever question me about my knowledge of food, little brother.” Preston punched Randy’s arm.
“Hey beautiful ladies, care to share with two hungry men.”
“Maybe, but it might take at least three more compliments.”
Preston walked over and nuzzled his head on Trudy’s should
er. “Please you beautiful, sexy thing.”
“Oh, go on. Help yourself, if I eat anymore, I’ll be sick all night,” said Trudy.
Preston and Trudy took turns telling stories they swore were true. The four laughed, drank and ate until close to midnight.
“I could curl up on this cabinet and fall asleep. As much fun as this has been, I think I’ll pull myself upstairs and go to bed.” Rose stumbled as she got off the counter top. Randy caught her.
“Careful, little lady.” He picked her up and grinned. “Want me to tuck you in?”
“No. Put me down. This I can do on my own. Thanks guys. You have helped turn this awful day into one of the greatest I’ve spent.” Turning to Trudy she mouthed, “Thank you, my friend.”
Around two in the morning, Rose woke with her stomach doing flips. Dashing to the bathroom, she lost the beer and fudge. For what felt like hours, she hugged the toilet. Exhausted, she crumbled into a fetal position, laying her face on the cool floor and closed her eyes.
Rose felt strong arms carrying her. Forcing her eyes to open slightly, she stared into Sam’s face.
“No.” She groaned. “Oh God, let this be a nightmare. Please say you haven’t seen me like this. Please.”
“Hush, you’re not the first person I’ve rescued from the bathroom floor, remember I have brothers.”
He laid her on the bed and covered her shaking body then turned and went back to the bathroom. He returned with a cool washcloth and wiped her face.
“How did you know I was sick?”
“You left the French doors open and I came to check if you were all right. You weren’t in your bed so I went looking for you.”
“I’m sorry, Sam. You should have left me to die on the bathroom floor. I don’t know what happened. It felt so good going down. I guess fudge and beer don’t mix. You better go check on Preston, Randy and Trudy. They ate and drank more than I did.”