by Hattie Mae
“Are you awake Miss Rose?” Lizzy whispered from the other side of the closed door.
“Not only awake, but fully dressed and ready to shop.” Rose flung open the door. “Have you had your breakfast?”
“Yes. All of us have. Except you, but we can wait until you eat. Papa said we are in no hurry.” Lizzy tilted her head to the side. “You look pretty today, Miss Rose. All green and fresh.” She giggled. “Your shirt even matches your eyes. I wish I had green eyes. Not these old dirt eyes.”
“Why, Lizzy. You have beautiful eyes. Who in the world told you your eyes looked like dirt?”
Lizzy twisted her shirttail between her fingers. “Promise you won’t tell Papa?”
“Of course. Not if they hang me by my fingernails.” Rose smiled trying to make light of a subject that had turned serious all of a sudden.
“Mamma. Mamma use to tell me all the time she wished I had her eyes, they were blue like Bea’s. Mamma said mine didn’t have a shine, they were the color of dirt. She said I took after the LeBlanc family.”
“Ah honey, I’m so sorry, my mother use to say hurtful things to me too.” Rose sat on the floor and took Lizzy onto her lap.
“You know what I think of when I look into your eyes?”
“What?”
“Warm, rich chocolate. And you do have the LeBlanc eyes. Look at the picture of your grandmother that sits on your daddy’s desk. You have her eyes, Lizzy. Warm, friendly, and kind eyes. I think you are very lucky to have such beautiful eyes.”
Lizzy hugged Rose tight then gave her a wet kiss on her cheek. “I’m going to see that picture. You eat so we can go. She turned and ran back to Rose still sitting on the floor. “I love you, Miss Rose.”
Rose watched Lizzy skip down the hallway and heard her bounce down the stairs.
Parents say horrible things to their children. In one sentence they can mark them for life. If given the chance, she would do a better job than her mother, a much better job.
The four of them shopped and laughed, ate and laughed, held hands and laughed. Never had Rose felt more complete. Like a family. Today she would allow herself to pretend. Today she was part of this little family.
Bea and Lizzy came running up to them each holding an ice cream cone. Lizzy stumbled and dropped some of her chocolate ice cream on Rose’s white pants. “I’m sorry Miss Rose.”
Rose looked into the big tear lined eyes of Lizzy. “It’s just ice cream honey, it’ll wash out. And if it stains I will always remember this day every time I wear them.”
Lizzy smiled and she and Bea asked if they could go and play for a while. Sam agreed.
“Let’s sit here and let the girls run and play in the park. Here, you better see if you can get most of that off.” Sam handed her his handkerchief and motioned to a bench under a huge mimosa tree.
“Thanks for helping me. The girls are so happy with their clothes. I would never have thought Bea would choose something so bright. She’s usually so conservative. Jeans and a t-shirt, that’s her style.”
“Maybe she’s trying to grow up a little. This is a hard time for girls. A little girl in a maturing body. Changes. Get ready for the tears. The next eight years should be interesting. Lizzy’s the easy one. Let her dress like a princess. If it is shiny and it sparkles, then she’s happy.”
Sam sat staring at the woman who in a short time knew his girls better than he did. A tinge of guilt crossed his heart.
“You know them well, Rose. I should have been paying more attention.”
“No, Sam. I don’t really know them as well as you do. But I do think I have had the same feelings and needs.”
Sam watched Rose as she spoke so lovingly about his daughters. It was time to make a decision. A decision of the heart. He had to take Rose in or cut her loose. He had to decide what was best for Bea and Lizzy.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
The house had been in such a bustle all day. The preparation for the dance had excitement dancing through the air. Every nerve in Rose’s body was alive. This had been a strange week. Sam had worked very hard not to be alone with her, but flirted with her continuously. He had made her promise to give him the first and last dance.
Rusty was floating around the house with the knowledge that Sheila would be in his arms tonight and no one else.
Preston walked around the house singing.
Wilson smiled at Rose under sad loving eyebrows, and Aunt Odelia hugged her a lot. Love and secrets filled the air.
Sam took in the sight of Rose as she descended the stairs. The deep green sundress showed off her eyes and the bounce in her red curly hair gave softness to her face. A smile rested on her lips and a natural blush covered her cheeks. But it was the tilt of her head and the way her eyes held a confidence that took his breath away. “Wow, you look so…great. I mean beautiful. I want to take you in my arms and kiss you breathless.”
Smiling, Rose winked. “If you’re nice I might let you have a tiny kiss.”
Sam’s heart jumped. “You make me feel alive, Rose. So alive,” he said, his voice husky. “Let’s go show these people how to dance, because if I keep you to myself much longer, no telling what I’ll do. You have no idea what effect you have on me.”
“Oh, I don’t know Sam, if it’s anything like the effect you have on me then we might be in trouble.” Rose grabbed his arm and they all but ran outside to the large tent.
The tent housed a large dance floor with table and chairs. Food lined the back of the tent on a long table. The live band consisted of an accordion, a washboard, a singer and a beautiful woman playing a fiddle. Sam told Rose her name was Joelette and she was married to Mansir. The music started, and a few couples hurried onto the dance floor.
Rose glided into Sam’s arms for a perfect fit. She was sure her feet never touched the floor.
“Where did you learn to dance like this?”
Sam grinned. “Surprised? Mom taught all the boys but the twins. She believed that dancing was love in motion, and she wanted all of us to be able to do it well. Some of my best memories of my mother were our dance lessons. Every time I dance, I feel she left me with a part of her.”
Sam tucked Rose under his chin and swept her away. She could feel the rhythm of his heart as it mixed with hers. His arms held her tight, his feet driving them across the floor to the beat of the music. Every now and then, he planted a kiss on top of her head. This was a perfect night, a perfect time.
One song ended and then another. With the next song, Sam guided them into a more private part of the dance floor. He held her closer and began to sing the slow Cajun words of the song in a rich baritone voice. If she died tomorrow, she would die happy. His voice touched a part of her no man had ever touched. It was a song filled with words she didn’t understand, but the tone in his voice told of sadness and longing. Her throat began to close up and a hint of tears threatened. God how she loved this man.
At the end he leaned down and kissed her ever so softly on her lips. “Meet me after the dance in my room. Please.” His voice begged.
“I need to tell you something, Rose. Somehow we will make this thing between us work. You won’t be sorry. Meet me, Rose.”
“Yes,” was the only word she could say. “Yes, yes, yes.”
“Yes what, Miss Rose?”
Lizzy and Bea stood next to Rose and Sam, their world suddenly filled with other people.
“Yes I’m having a great time. Are the two of you having fun?” Rose answered.
“We want to dance.” Lizzy said.
“Dance with us Papa.”
“Why don’t we all dance together Lizzy? Me, you, Bea and Miss Rose?”
The music started and once again Rose felt a part of this wonderful little family. Their laughter rang out in unison as their feet went in different directions.
All of a sudden Bea stopped her face froze.
Rose followed Bea’s eyes as they glared at a woman standing near.
A woman no one could miss. She stood wi
th the light shining above her head, illuminating her golden hair and stunning face.
“Hey baby, got a hug for me?”
Bea glared at the woman, still holding onto Rose and Sam’s hands. Rose could feel her little body shaking.
Sam cleared his throat and took Bea by the shoulders and pointed her toward the beauty.
“It’s ok honey, go tell your Mom hello.”
Bea pulled back.
“It’s okay, I’m right here,” he reassured.
Rose’s head began to clear. The beauty standing with her arms open was Lisa, the girl’s mother. Sam’s wife. She let go of Sam’s hand and looked up at him. Searching his face. Hoping for instructions. He frowned.
“I’m sorry Rose.”
Sorry? Sam was sorry. Had she lost again? Yes, of course she had. But this time it hurt worse. Worse than she’d ever hurt before. Tears filled her eyes as she looked through them at Sam’s wife. Bea stood stiffly in her arms, Lizzy held onto Sam’s leg beside Lisa. Rose followed up Sam’s frame and settled her gaze on his face. A face so full of turmoil, she had to look away. Moments before she had felt the most happiness ever. Now she was empty. Spent. Totally alone. Unable to bear her sadness any more, she turned and fled to the sanctuary of the house. Away from the gaiety of the music and people. Away from the reunited family, Sam’s family.
Somehow she reached her room, she leaned against the closed door. Gulping back the sobs that raked through her body. Once a fool always a fool. How could one person always fall for the wrong man? How could one person always be the one to walk away empty handed? How could one person start to believe in happy endings, only to have them torn away and destroyed?
Rose spied her beloved snow globe, and in one swift motion picked it up and sent it flying across the room into the fireplace. The globe shattered into a thousand pieces. Rose bent down and through her tears picked up several shared pieces.
“Just like my life,” she whispered. Rose picked up the small plastic couple from the smashed globe in her hand.
“Just like my life,” she repeated.
Rose heard the soft knock on her door and the footsteps behind her.
“Ah, honey.” Trudy knelt beside her and put her arms around her. “I’m so sorry, Rose. No one thought she would ever come back. No one.” Trudy continued to talk to Rose in a very low voice, soothing, cradling her in a light rocking motion.
“Cry, Rose. You cry all you want. Life is not fair and you have had your share of the bad parts. So get it out, doll. Get it all out.”
Rose tried to talk but the words froze in her throat. “I don’t—” she gulped. “I don’t think I’m strong enough to put the pieces back together. Not this time.”
“I know that globe was important to you, but maybe we can glue it back together,” Trudy whispered.
Rose raised her head and looked at Trudy. “I’m not talking about the globe, Trudy. I don’t think I am strong enough to put my life back together. None of the pieces fit anymore. Don’t you see? Sam was the one. Sam was the only one that could have given me my happy ever after. So the pieces are shattered, and I can’t put them back. Not this time.”
Rose allowed Trudy to hold her for a while. So tired. Rose was exhausted. “I think I need to rest, Trudy. Thanks for the shoulder to cry on, but I need a place to shut my mind off. Do you mind?”
“Of course not, Rose. Take all the time you need. I’ll spend the night tonight, so if you need me just holler.” Trudy got up from the floor and helped Rose and then kissed her on the cheek.
“You are like a sister to me, so remember I love you and will always be here for you. Can I get you something before I leave? A drink, something to eat?”
“No, I don’t need anything. Thanks Trudy.”
Rose paced around the room in a trance. Her eyes hurt from the hard crying and the pain in her chest made her weak. She turned back the covers and crawled in to bed with her sundress on. Maybe, if she closed her eyes, all of tonight’s happenings would turn out to be a nightmare. But she knew as she turned off her lights tomorrow she would have to make plans. Clutching the plastic couple in her hand she sobbed into her pillow.
Sam paced outside Rose’s room. How could things have changed so fast? Three hours ago, he held Rose in his arms and thought he would still be holding her. After all this time, Lisa was back. A changed woman, so she said. She said she loved and missed the girls. But he’d also seen the lack of trust that showed in their eyes as they listened to her apologize and make new promises.
He would never forget the hurt in Rose’s eyes when she left the dance floor. He’d never meant that to happen. Never did he set out to be the bearer of such pain.
Sam moved in front of her door again and pressed his ear to the frame. Not a sound. Was she okay? He had to find out.
“Rose, are you awake? Rose,” he repeated.
He knocked softly.
“Go away, Sam,” Rose whispered.
She was at the door. He could feel her presence. “Please, Rose. Let me in. We need to talk, please.”
The lock on the door clicked and Sam entered the dark room. He could barely make out her small figure curled up in the chair beside her bed. He sat on the floor in front of her, willing his hands not to reach out for her. He reached up and turned on the lamp sitting on the table near her. As his eyes adjusted to the light, the vision he witnessed was that of a small girl who had been rejected too many times. Her head was bent her eyes closed. She looked so small. Remembering the happiness on her face earlier this evening when they danced, and seeing it red and swollen from her tears tore his heart out.
“Aw, bebé, I never meant to hurt you. Never in my life have I been the cause of such pain to another.” He reached for her hand but she drew back. “Please don’t think I didn’t mean those words tonight. I needed you Rose, I still do. If Lisa had not returned, maybe.”
“Maybe? Maybe what, Sam?” Rose met his look. Her eyes were cold, empty, abandoned. “What would you have done, Sam? If Lisa didn’t return?”
Sam searched Rose’s eyes for a clear answer. The lump in his throat grew with pain.
“I don’t know, Rose. How could I know? I never thought she would return. But now she has and I have to do what is right for the girls, I have to think of Bea and Lizzy.” He took a deep shaking breath and whispered. “If it was just me, Lord knows I would not even hesitate. But now I just don’t know.”
Pulling his eyes away from hers, he shook his head. He couldn’t stand to see such pain in those beautiful green eyes anymore, he bowed his head.
“I just don’t know,” he whispered.
Rose placed her hand on his head entwined her fingers in his hair and gently lifted his gaze to hers again.
Sam felt his chin quiver and as the tears slid down his face, his heart was breaking.
“Then I guess we have nothing left to say to one another.” She continued to run her fingers over his hair and gave him a weak smile. “It’s okay, Sam. It’s not your fault.”
Rose leaned over and kissed him lightly on the lips.
“Now if you would please leave my room, I have plans to make and I have to get some sleep.”
Sam continued to peer into her eyes. “Are you leaving us?”
“Please, Sam. If I stay here any longer I’ll die. Please? Let me go.” Letting out a long sigh she whispered. “You can’t have both of us, you know.”
Sam left Rose’s room with the weight of a heavy chain around his heart.
“How could everything have gotten so messed up? What will I ever do without you, Rose?”
Rose was up and packed before the rest of the house was awake. The night had held no sleep for her, and with the sounds of Sam’s pacing coming from his room, he’d been up all night.
A soft knock at her door broke her thoughts of Sam.
“Hi, hon. I thought you might be up and thought the two of us could have breakfast in your room.”
Aunt Odelia hurried in carrying a tray of food and cof
fee. Leave it to Aunt Odelia to know just what Rose needed.
As they ate and chatted neither mentioned last night.
The food had smelled so good when her aunt brought it in, but as Rose put it in her mouth, she couldn’t swallow the food as it stuck in her throat and her stomach churned.
“I’m sorry, I thought I could eat but I can’t.”
“Okay, drink your coffee and listen to me tell you a story. I know you are not in the mood, but this is something you need to hear.”
Aunt Odelia took a sip of her coffee and settled back in the chair.
“Wilson wanted to tell you, but I thought after what happened to you last night you needed to hear this from me. You remember Wilson telling you that your Mom had something to do with Wilson not coming back to me? Well this is the whole story. When he got wounded and was in the hospital in Washington, your mother went to see him. She told him I had met another man, married him and was happy. She convinced him I would be better off with my new love because he was a whole man. It didn’t take much convincing on her part, he already felt like half a man with a limb missing.”
“Why would she do that?” Rose with shaking hands put her cup down on the table. “Why?”
“Because your mother wanted Wilson. She always did. When he chose me over her she was livid. Why would he choose a plain woman over a beautiful woman like your mother?”
Odelia took another sip of coffee and wiped her mouth.
“Ruby went to see Wilson every day while he was in the hospital. Without his knowledge, she marked every letter I sent to him return to sender, unopened. When he was released, she helped him get an apartment close to the hospital so he could go to physical therapy. One night he asked her if he had gotten any mail from me, and she lied and told him no. That night he got drunk and they slept together. When he woke the next morning and remembered what he did, he asked her to leave.”
Odelia sighed.
“Ruby was so angry with him. He admitted he had made a terrible mistake and that he still loved me and would always love only me. She left cursing him and that was the last he had any contact with our family until you showed up at his house.”