I nodded. Her words had eased the aching knot of uncertainty a little. More than anything I'd feared Mrs. N's censure and if it wasn't forthcoming that made things a little easier to face.
"I'm scared," I confessed. The moment the words were out of my mouth I couldn't believe I'd said them. I'd never admitted anything like that to anyone before. I learned a long time ago that showing weakness was dangerous.
Mrs. N. leaned towards me, this time her eyes were as kind as her smile. "I know, love, I know. Tell you what. I'll give you the afternoon off and you can go break the news to your fellow. Or if you'd rather stay here, you can re-price all the sale items. They've just been reduced by a penny."
I laughed through my tears. I hated pricing things. It was the most tedious job in the world. I almost thought I'd rather face Joe.
"We'll get through this, I promise you," Mrs. N. said. "No matter what happens Rhiannon, you'll always have me. Now help me find my glasses before you go."
~~~***~~~
I pulled into the driveway at the Tanner farm and turned off my car, but it was few minutes before I could get up the courage to open the door. Mrs. Tanner must have heard me drive in because she came out onto the porch with a dishtowel in hand and a big smile on her face.
"Rhiannon! I haven't seen you in ages," she gushed as I unfolded myself from the front seat. She rushed forward and gave me a big hug. "How are you? We missed you at Easter! Lilly said you might come for dinner, but I guess you had other plans."
I let myself relax into her motherly hug for a moment, although I had to bend almost in half to do it. How such a short woman birthed such tall sons, I'd never know. A little voice in the back of my head wondered if Joe's son would be as tall as he was?
"Come in, I baked cookies this morning. I'll put the coffee on and we'll have ourselves a good chat. You can tell me all about the new summer dresses you've gotten in the shop."
My stomach rumbled at the thought of home-baked cookies, still warm from the oven, and I would have walked across burning fucking coals for a cup of coffee, but I declined as politely as I could.
"Actually, I'm looking for Joe," I said and while Mrs. Tanner's sea-blue eyes widened, her smile never wavered at my odd request. I wondered if Joe or Lilly had mentioned anything to her about the fateful night her son and I had spent together, but judging by the welcoming expression on her pretty face, it didn't look as if either of them had.
"He's in the barn, Rhiannon, dear. He was planning on taking a look at the red tractor today, it hasn't been running right lately. Just to warn you though, he's been in a bit of a grump these past few weeks. I don't know what's gotten into him. Maybe seeing you will cheer him up."
I highly doubted that, but gave her my thanks and ambled slowly towards the barn while Mrs. Tanner went back into the house with a still slightly mystified look on her face. I guess she'd know the reason why I was looking for Joe soon enough. My stomach churned nervously at the thought of it.
I could hear Joe before I could see him. The old, dirt covered red tractor was parked in the open barn doorway where I supposed the light was better. He was making a terrible racket banging away at something. A few muttered curses drifted my way on the wind and I couldn't help but grin.
Joe didn't glance up as he rounded the front of the tractor, instead he continued to abuse the exposed engine with a huge wrench. I gave myself the luxury of watching him work for a while. We'd talked on the phone a few times, but I hadn't seen him since that morning at Lilly's apartment and I'd forgotten just how tall he was, how broad. His hat was pushed up off his forehead and his shirtsleeves were rolled up over greasy, dirt stained arms. I wouldn't have said he was handsome, but there was definitely something about him. Instantly, I could remember how his large hands had felt against my body, how he'd clutched at me, caressed me, growled my name. I could feel myself flush with the memory of his ragged breathing in my ear and the thick, hot length of him as he filled me.
I didn't think I moved or made a sound, but Joe looked up suddenly. Our eyes met. He didn't smile and my stomach lurched as I broke out into a sweat. I could feel my hands shake and I wrapped my arms around myself to hide their unsteadiness.
"Hi," I said, trying out a smile. It wasn't returned. I thought I might be sick on the spot, but just hugged myself tighter and tried not to think about that.
"Rhiannon." The greeting wasn't exactly curt, but it sure as hell wasn't friendly.
"I thought you'd be at least a little happy to see me," I said lightly as I approached closer. I gave him my best smile and although his expression didn't change his bright blue eyes flickered. He pulled his hat down low and turned back towards the tractor.
"How have you been?" I asked. He didn't answer.
My temper flared a little and my next few strides towards him were maybe a little more aggressive then I intended them to be. "Jesus, Joe! You could at least say hello to me."
"I thought we agreed we weren't gonna see each other."
His voice was soft and I had to strain to hear him over the sound of the wind. "Yeah, we weren't going to see each other," I stressed. "That doesn't mean I can't say hello."
He glanced over his shoulder at me, his face expressionless. There was a smudge of grease on his lower jaw and the urge to reach out and wipe it off was so strong my fingers actually twitched. I curled them into fists and tried to ignore how fucking much I wanted to touch him.
"You drove all the way out here just to say hello?"
"It's not that far," I said, trying the flirtatious smile again; it always worked on men, but apparently Joe was immune because he didn't soften.
"What do you want, Rhi?"
I opened my mouth but no noise came out. I didn't know where to start. Joe's grunt of dismissal didn't help matters any. "I – I think we need to talk," I said finally, when I could.
"Look, if this is about you and Lilly, I've already told her that you two are big girls and you'll have to sort it out yourselves." Joe's tone was indifferent and I wondered if he really cared that my oldest friendship had been greatly tested by that night he and I had spent together. Mind you, I was pretty fucking sure it was only going to be more of a test when she found out about the result of said night together.
"This isn't about me and Lilly," I said taking another step closer to him. "This is about me. And you."
I must have sounded unsure, because Joe's head snapped up and his eyes narrowed.
"There ain't no 'me and you'," Joe said coldly. "You made that perfectly clear two months ago."
"I thought that's what you wanted! We agreed on it together!" I shot back. Joe didn't respond and I waved my hand dismissively.
"I didn't come out here to argue about that. I came out here to tell you that—" I paused and a panicked wave of nausea hit me so strongly I wobbled a little on the spot as I fought it back. It made me dizzy and I leaned on the tractor as I tried to catch my breath.
"Rhi, are you okay?" Joe sounded worried and as I raised my chin to look him in the eyes I thought I could see a little concern reflected back at me.
"I'm pregnant, Joe."
He blanched slightly under his tan but his expression never changed. "Have you been to the doctor yet? Is everything okay?"
I nodded, taking a little comfort in his calmness. I had to admit I'd been worried that he'd throw the wrench he was holding at me. I didn't know him well enough to know whether or not I should be concerned that he appeared to be completely unruffled by the bomb I'd just dropped on him.
"I'm fine. The doctor says I'm as healthy as a horse."
"Well, I guess we do need to talk," Joe suggested. He put the wrench down and took me by the arm and led me into the barn. The heat of his hand against my flesh was incredible and I had to bite back a little moan. Jesus, how could I get worked up so easily when he was around? It was a little cooler in the shade, which I was thankful for. He sat me down on a rickety old bench by the door and settled himself beside me. We both stared ahead and I got the
feeling he was making a very conscious effort not to touch me or sit too close.
"When?"
His voice caught in his throat and the question came out huskily.
"When?" I echoed feeling confused. We'd only been together the one night; I didn't think it was likely he'd have forgotten about it.
"When are you due, Rhiannon?"
"Ohhhh—" I blushed. "Middle of February."
Joe took his hat off and rolled the brim of it back and forth between his large hands.
"Well then, that gives us time."
My head snapped towards him. "Time for what?"
He turned his chin and even in the half-light of the barn I could see how brightly blue his eyes were. There were creases around them that I'd never noticed before. The line of his mouth was grim. "Time to plan a wedding.”
Chapter Two
"No."
Joe scowled. I supposed the gesture was meant to be fearsome, but the dusting of freckles across his cheeks made it difficult for me to think so.
"What do you mean 'no'?"
I stood up and brushed off Joe's gentle grip as he tried to grab my hand. "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! We're not getting married!" I took a few steps out of reach and started pacing. Every footstep raised a little cloud of dust and I watched as it settled on my new suede boots. Vaguely, I remember once caring about things like that, but I couldn't find the energy to be bothered anymore.
"Yes, we are." The definite, stubborn edge in his voice made me pause to look down at him.
"No, we're not."
Joe stood and moved to tower over me. He had to be close to six-and-a-half feet tall. There weren't many men around who dwarfed me, especially when I wore heels. I raised my chin and tried to ignore how small he made me feel.
"Yes, we are."
"No, we're not.
"Yes, we are."
"Jesus, Joe! No, we're not."
He took hold of my arms and just the reminder of how gentle but strong his touch could be, made the prickle of tears spring up behind my lashes. I took a few deep breaths and tried to get control of myself. There was no way I was going to cry in front of Joe-fucking-Tanner.
"Do you not wanna keep the baby?" he asked. He sounded a little apprehensive and I swallowed the lump in my throat before I answered.
"Of course I want to keep it," I replied and as I said the words I realized that had been my intention all along. The shock of it rocked me and only Joe's hold kept me upright as my knees trembled.
"Well then, we're getting married."
I closed my eyes. I was tired, so fucking tired of worrying. It had only been a few days of knowing for sure, but it already felt like a lifetime. The weight of everything pressed down so heavily on me I didn't think I could stand much longer. All I wanted was to go home, curl up under my duvet and sleep until it was all over. Maybe I'd wake up and find it was all a bad dream.
Joe must have sensed my tenuous hold on my composure because he wrapped his arms around me, tucking me under his chin. He smelled like dirt and sweat and what I suspected was gasoline and God knows what else, but I didn't care. I curled my arms around his broad chest and gulped down a few shaky breaths of musty air.
"I'm sorry," I whispered.
His chuckle was dry. "There's nothing to be sorry for. These things happen."
"No. I'm sorry that I can't marry you Joe," I said as I pulled away. I brushed ineffectively at the dirt and dust which had settled like a faint, rust-colored cloud over my black blouse. "It's not that I don't appreciate the offer and what you're trying to do, but I'm not the marrying sort."
Joe snorted with derision but I chose to ignore the noise. Instead, I took a few steps towards the doorway where the bright summer afternoon promised warmth and light.
"Rhi, please. Wait."
I shook my head. "If you want to be involved, that's your decision and if you don't, that's fine too. I didn't come here for your help and I certainly don't need your money. I just thought that you deserved to know."
He followed me as I walked back to the car. I kept expecting him to say something else, to make a move to stop me from going, anything but just walk along silently behind me, his hands in his pockets, his chin down.
Joe stopped just shy of the driveway and pushed his hat back off his forehead. He had his expressionless face on again and it frustrated me to no end. Was he mad? Upset? What?
Joe's eyes narrowed a little when the car flared to life and I could swear he almost looked thoughtful as I pulled away. Halfway back to the city, I noticed the plate of chocolate chip cookies on the passenger side seat of my car. With a growl of satisfaction, I tore at the plastic wrap keeping them in place. The plate sat empty before I hit the city limits. I felt slightly better. Thank goodness for Mrs. Tanner.
~~~***~~~
Thursdays were one of the busiest days at the shop. It seemed to be the day most of the elderly female population of the city ran their errands. Sometimes I resented the crowds of cheap, finicky shoppers, but for once they were a welcome distraction. I let myself get caught up in serving customers, for the first time in a while I'd almost been able to forget about Joe and our predicament. Mrs. Nichol had discreetly refrained from asking how breaking the news to Joe had gone, for which I was very grateful. I didn't feel like I had the energy to talk about it.
The shop filled up with chattering women, gossiping and 'catching up' with one another as much as they shopped—maybe more. The elderly Mrs. McCready had engaged me in a somewhat heated debate with about whether she should go for the blue silk blouse or the green one, when the bell above the door tinkled merrily. Every mouth fell eerily and immediately silent.
I turned to the front to see whose entrance had caused such shock only to find Joe-fucking-Tanner standing in the doorway, disreputable, dirty hat in hand, towering a good foot taller than anyone else in the room. He looked very out-of-place and extremely uncomfortable. His eyes met mine across the room; I couldn't help but smile a little at how awkward he appeared in here—like a bull in a china shop, really. He hadn't even changed out of his work clothes; a trail of fine, red dirt settled behind him as he crossed the too-quiet room.
He obviously had something on his mind; he didn't so much as acknowledge the feeble greetings my shocked customers sent his way. But I knew it always took a lot for Joe to come to the city anyway, never mind in the middle of the day. My arms crossed reflexively over my torso as my stomach knotted. I'd been waiting for the other shoe to fall. I just didn't think it would so damn soon.
"Joe," I murmured as he approached. His bright blue eyes were steady, giving away nothing, but the stubborn set of his chin worried me.
"Rhiannon," he replied as he came to a stop in front of me.
"What are you doing here?" I asked in a low whisper. Every pair of eyes in the room settled on us and it made me uncomfortable.
"Doin' the right thing," Joe murmured just as quietly, and then he dropped to one knee, pulling a ring from his pocket. Every one in the room gasped, even me, and from somewhere in the crowd of women in the shop, I heard Mrs. N. chuckle.
"Marry me, Rhiannon," Joe said loudly enough for everyone to hear. I froze, pinned beneath his serious blue gaze.
I felt dizzy as he grabbed my hand. Coherent thought vanished; I couldn't even push him away. The ring slid on my finger perfectly. I could feel the warmth of the slim band, the alien weight of it, but I couldn't bear to look at it.
"Joe, I—" I fumbled with the refusal, but the gaggle of women around us had already broken into ear-splitting chatter.
Joe came to his feet with surprising grace for a man his size and leaned in towards me so he could speak softly without being overheard. He rested his forehead against my own and his eyes blocked out everything else. He smelled like sunshine, fresh sea air, and earth.
"Let me make this right, Rhiannon. Please. I'll never be able to live with myself if you don't."
I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths; neither
action calmed me. He said he'd never be able to live with himself if we didn't make it right. I wasn't sure I could live with myself if we did.
I don't know how I managed to lift my head and smile politely at the customers around me, but I did. I grabbed Joe by the arm and dragged him through the backroom, out into the alley behind the store where no one would hear.
"What the hell was that?" I hissed as soon as the back door to the shop closed behind us.
"What do you mean 'what the hell was that'?" Joe grumbled. "That was me askin' you to marry me. Again."
"You don't really want to marry me, and I sure as hell don't want to marry you." I could feel my temper crest and it made me sound much bitchier than I intended.
Just His Type (Part Two) Page 2