I opened my eyes as Joe moved on top of me, bracing himself on his strong arms while he looked down at me. His breathing was almost as rapid as my own. I felt the heat and hardness of his cock pressed against the wet pool between my legs. I wiggled against him impatiently. His hiss of pleasure made me grin.
"I don't wanna hurt you," Joe gasped as I ground against him even harder.
"You won't," I promised. I wrapped my legs around him, frantic for the feel of him inside of me. "Please Joe."
He moved at the same time as I moved. It happened so quickly, the satisfying slide of flesh into flesh, the heat and heaviness of him within me. We both groaned as Joe bottomed out. He stopped moving and dropped his head down to kiss me. We both moaned in unison as my muscles flexed around his considerable girth and.
The heat of him was incredible and when he pulled back slowly, every inch of his cock hit every nerve I had. This was a slow, delicious torture and I loved it. He was different from every other man I'd ever fucked; he barely had to move to make me know it.
My mind wandered even as Joe's kisses traveled down to the secret spot behind my ear. What made Joe feel different? It wasn't just the unhurried, deliberate tempo of his thrusts, or the way he knew instinctively where to kiss me, how to touch me. It was like when we were in bed together there weren't any secrets between us, no barriers to separate us.
Barriers. Holy Fuck. "Jesus, Joe," I cried out, panicked. I tried pushing at him, clawing at him to get him to move. "Stop!"
"What? What?" Joe froze, his own frightened expression mirrored my own. "Are you okay?"
"Yes, yes," I tried writhing out from underneath him so I could reach for the bedside table. "It's just that we forgot the condom." I felt colossally stupid. I never forgot the condom, except that somehow Joe made me forget a lot.
He leaned his forehead against my own and laughed. He was still buried inside of me, and his deep chuckle made his cock jump. My muscles clenched automatically around him, making us both gasp.
"It's a little late for that Rhi, don't you think?" Joe's voice was gentle but there was still laughter in his blue eyes.
I paused, leaving the drawer of the bedside table half open. I stared up at him for a moment before I remembered myself. My laughter joined his.
"I'm sorry," I apologized, when I could breathe again. "Force of habit, you know?"
Joe chuckled and moved, flexing his hips. He withdrew slowly and plunged back in with deliberateness. "I know."
It felt amazing, more than amazing. I was astonished at how different it felt without that thin layer of latex separating me from him. Everything felt more intense, more real. Maybe that was what was different about Joe, except that even the first time, even with a condom, it had still felt amazing.
"You feel so good," Joe muttered. "You have no idea how good."
I moaned as he increased the pace of his thrusts. I wanted to tell him he felt good too, but words didn't want to come. Or maybe they just couldn't get past the constant wail of pleasure he drew from me.
Everything centered on the push and pull of his cock into me. I felt myself coming apart, little by little, with each plunge. When he bent to take my nipple in his mouth it was all I could do not to scream my head off. My orgasm started in the middle of my body and spread outwards until even my toes tingled. Everything became a blur. I felt the short, quick jerks of Joe's own release inside of me. Just the overwhelming rightness of that sensation with no condom to get in the way made my muscles spasm again.
Contented, Joe rested his forehead against my own. His breath was hot and fast and almost as ragged as mine.
My hips ached and my lower back hurt, but I didn't want to move out from under Joe. I think I could have stayed there forever if he'd given me the option, but after a time Joe slid over to rest beside me. He lazily kissed the top of my head and snaked his arm around my waist.
"As good as you remember it?" I teased, feeling the need to lighten up the intensity in the room. I suspected we'd both shocked ourselves. I worried that I'd slip up and say something I shouldn't if I let the silence stretch on too long.
"Yup. Better," Joe replied and I could hear the smile in his voice without even looking over at him. My heartbeat took its sweet time to slow. I wiggled my toes experimentally to see if they were still attached. Everything tingled.
"If I asked you a question, would you be honest with me?" I asked. Joe tightened his grip around my torso and tucked me under his chin.
"I'll always be honest with you, darlin'."
I took a deep breath. "Would you still want to marry me if I wasn't pregnant?"
Silence.
The steady rise and fall of Joe's breathing didn't change even though his heart beat quickly against my arm . Once more I found myself wishing I could read his mind.
"Honestly?" Joe said after the silence had sat heavily between us.
I nodded.
He brushed a light kiss on the top of my head. "Honestly Rhiannon, I don't know."
I froze. It wasn't the answer I was expecting. He was supposed to say yes, to spout off a bunch of romantic crap about me being 'the One'. I hadn't expected uncertainty.
"I asked you to marry me, I'm not about to take it back. But the truth is, we barely know each other. And if we weren't in the position we are now, then who knows? I would have liked the chance to get to know you better, to see if we fit together. But there's no use in worryin' about that, since that's not the way things worked out."
Intrinsically it was the same answer I would have given, but it didn't make me feel any better. Why was I so disappointed that he said he didn't know?
"Let's just say we decide to do this," I ventured when my breath calmed enough to speak. "I mean, we're not in love. What kind of marriage would we have?"
"Have you ever been in love, Rhiannon?"
Joe's question took me by surprise and my mind whirled. I thought back over all the men who'd passed through my life. What had I felt for them? Attraction, infatuation, occasionally obsession, and usually lust, but love?
"No."
He laughed a little. The sound chilled me and said more than Joe ever could have expressed in words. I didn't know who she was or what she had done to him, but at that moment I hated her.
"Do you have plans for today?" Joe asked as he sat up and reached for his discarded boxers. "Are you workin'?"
I sat up a little more slowly, watching as Joe dressed. "No, not today. Why?"
"Come out to the farm with me, I want to show you something. And Rhi?" Joe looked over his shoulder at me but I couldn't read his expression.
"Yes?" I prompted, intrigued and more than a little nervous.
"Wear practical shoes for once."
Chapter Four
It was just a potato field as far as I could tell. The freshly tilled soil beneath our feet was a bright, rusty red that stretched in neatly spaced rows unbroken for a good mile in every direction. Joe stood beside me, his dirty old ball cap on his head and his arms crossed over his broad chest. His face revealed nothing, as usual.
"I-it's very nice?" I ventured after the silence dragged on a little too long for my comfort. "... well, as far as fields go, I mean. Not that I'm an expert."
Joe crouched down and scooped up a handful of dirt. He held it out to me as he stood again and I let him drop the clump of moist soil in my hand. It was cool and heavy.
"Joe?" I prompted when he remained silent. "What is this about?"
He didn't look at me, but turned his eyes again to the soft, undulating field. "We went to high school together, me and Susan." Joe cleared his throat but did not move. I stood frozen, unsure. "And I loved her, a lot. She was going to be my wife and we were going to live here, have a family here. It's what I wanted and I thought it was what she wanted too."
The odd ache in the back of my throat didn't let me speak. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it, but Joe carried on.
"She was an island girl, you know? This was the life she knew. I thought
I was givin' her everything she wanted, and when I proposed she said yes and I was so happy..."
He turned to me then, the hollow sadness in his sapphire eyes made my stomach hurt.
"And then one day she came over and brought me out here and told me that she wasn't going to marry me, couldn't marry me. She didn't want this. It was too much work for her, too much to be tied to, too hard a life. She didn't want to be married to a farmer and she knew I'd never be anything but." Joe paused and pushed the hat back off his forehead. "She said I loved the farm more than I'd ever love her. And then she left. Moved to Vancouver and never came back."
"Oh, Joe," I whispered. "I'm sorry."
He reached over and touched my dirt-filled hand. "This is all I am, Rhiannon. All I'm ever going to be and I don't see any shame in that. I meant what I said when I asked you to marry me. I want to do right by you and our baby but I'll understand if this isn't enough for you, isn't what you want. It's a lot to ask of you."
I was crying again; a constant stream of tears without sound. Between my fingers the damp soil lay heavy and strangely comforting. A seagull wheeled above us, turned, and then with a lonely cry headed again towards the ocean.
I knew what Joe was saying and part of me recognized the sense in it. Despite being friends with Lilly for so long, I really knew very little about life on the farm. What did I know about the intimate details and endless struggle of making a living off the land? And if someone like Susan who'd been born and raised to it didn't want that sort of life, how could I? I could never, would never, belong here. I wasn't a woman born to a life of hard work. I didn't know how to manage a household, a family, and a farm. I could hardly balance my cheque book. I held a clump of soil in one hand, and a Louis Vuitton handbag in the other. The irony was not lost on me.
"Go ahead and say no, Rhi. Just say no one more time so I can give up hoping that maybe, just maybe you'll say yes."
I should. I knew I should. But I couldn't. I opened my mouth but no words came out. Joe was the only man who'd ever wanted me—really wanted me—or at least made me feel that he wanted more than a night or two in my bed. I'd almost let myself believe that he could love me some day, that we could live the next fifty years together and be happy; or if not happy then at least content.
If I said no I knew he wouldn't ask again. He'd still be a part of my life, I could bet on that much. He'd never walk away and leave his child, but things wouldn't be the same. Our daughter or son would have everything they could ever want, my father's money guaranteed that. I'd bring our child here to the island every year, to idyllic summers with the Tanner family. The sort of summers every kid should have, filled with sunshine and sea air and Grandma's freshly baked cookies. I couldn't have asked for a better future than that for my baby. Only, a small part of me wanted it to be my future too.
"Rhi?" Joe sounded a little scared and I wondered if I looked as dizzy and ill as I felt.
"I-I think I need a little time," I whispered. "I-I can't do this now, here. I can't."
Joe looked stricken. "Please, Rhi. Just tell me what you want."
"I don't know!" I cried. "I don't know what I want!"
"You can't leave it like this," Joe said with an anguished grimace. "This wasn't how this was supposed to go."
I stared a little disbelievingly at him. "Did you bring me out here to scare me away?"
"No," Joe retorted quickly, looking shamefaced. "It's not like that, it's just that I hate not knowin', being kept waitin'. I don't like uncertainty."
My snort of laughter was derisive.
"Oh, you got yourself involved with the wrong woman Joe, if you don't like uncertainty."
"Yeah, I'm starting to figure that out. You know what? It's fine Rhiannon. I told you I'd live with whatever decision you made. I can't force you one way or the other." Joe shrugged, his biceps flexed and rippled underneath the soft fabric of his t-shirt. "I think there might be a statue of limitations on how many women you can propose to in a lifetime. I think two might be enough for me. I can't keep doing this. Maybe some people are just meant to be alone."
"Bullshit!" I spat out. "You know that's crap. What makes you think there isn't some woman out there meant just for you Joe?"
He just stared at me for a moment and the color drained from my face. I knew what Joe was going to say before he even said it.
"I think I know which woman is meant for me, only she doesn't seem to be able to make up her mind."
Oh dear Lord. I got dizzy. There was just so much earnestness in Joe's tone of voice for him not to be honest. It wasn't in his nature to be manipulative, to tell a girl exactly what she wanted to hear just to get his way. My hesitation melted away, as if it had never existed at all. This was Joe-fucking-Tanner standing beside me, the embodiment of everything I'd always dismissed, overlooked, belittled.
Joe pulled me into his arms before I had time to baulk. His kiss was different from the ones we'd shared that morning in my bed. This one was gentle, but beneath its sweetness lay a strong persistence that made my heart speed up.
"I can't say 'yes' but I can't say 'no'," I whispered. "What's wrong with me?"
Joe chuckled and smoothed my wind-ruffled hair before kissing the top of my head.
"There's a lot goin' on in your life," he conceded. "I guess if I have to keep waiting for an answer, then I have to keep waiting for an answer."
"Thank you." I smiled up at Joe and he kissed me again. I leaned into him and wound my arms around his neck, suddenly frantic for him not to stop. Joe's answering growl of pleasure deep rumbled against my chest. I had to keep myself from smiling at how much he wanted me. This was a different sort of want than I was accustomed to. Joe's was so sincere, seemingly without any ulterior motive. It was what it was: pure, simple, earthy need. Its straightforwardness was intoxicating.
I kissed him until I couldn't breathe, until we were both gasping for breath and clutching at each other. "We should stop," I laughed. "My place is forty-five minutes from here and we can't exactly have sex in the middle of an open field."
For a second Joe looked as if that was exactly what he wanted to do, but instead he chuckled and took a step back, brushing back my tousled hair with a calloused hand. We just stood there for a moment and smiled at each other, not saying anything.
My mind zoomed a million miles a minute trying to process everything Joe said. I couldn't believe I was standing there, thinking the way I was, contemplating the concept bursting into my brain. Usually conversations like the ones we'd been having all morning sent me running the other direction as quickly as my Jimmy Choo's allowed. Joe stood waiting patiently, as if he knew I had something to say. My hand curled protectively over my nervous, churning stomach.
"I can't believe I'm going to say this," I muttered more to myself than Joe. He'd been so nice to me, nicer than any man ever had been before, and even though I still wanted to smack him most of the time, I truly felt he deserved a chance. I did owe him something for putting him in the position I had, for being as difficult as I was. I had to bend a little.
"Look, Joe... maybe we could have a bit of a trial period thing before we decide on marriage or not... I mean, we hardly know each other and this is a pretty major decision to be making...," I paused, unsure. The expression on Joe's face hadn't changed, it was still patiently expectant. I rushed ahead before I chickened out.
"I know it would be a bit of an inconvenience for you to make the trip out here every day, but maybe you could move in with me for a while? You know, try this out for a bit before the baby comes...?" I trailed off.
Joe's silence made my stomach flip with uncertainty.
He kept quiet for so long, I couldn't stand it and babbled on. "I know it's a commute for you, but I don't think I'd be comfortable living with your parents..." I gestured over my shoulder at the little yellow house on the edge of the bluff. "It would be too weird," I laughed nervously. "Besides I take up too much room and I'm only going to take up more as the time goes by."
&n
bsp; Joe chuckled at that. "We don't have to live with my parents. I bought a house."
I stood in shocked silence, an event so momentous that Joe laughed harder. "It's not really a house," he explained. "It's a cottage. It's on the edge of the property. Charlene's parents owned it and they were going to just tear it down. I've always liked it, so I bought it cheap.
"Maybe it's not what you're used to," Joe continued. "It does need a little work and maybe a coat of paint. It's fine that you couldn't live at my parents, I wouldn't expect you to, but I don't think I'd last long at your fancy condo in the city. Maybe we'd have a chance somewhere new though..."
Just His Type (Part Two) Page 5