by E. A. West
Linda looked up from peeling potatoes and smiled. “Did Danny show you their pictures?”
“He showed me the family portrait in the hall,” Cindy said. “Your grandchildren are adorable.”
Linda’s face lit up. “Thank you. I tell my daughter all the time that she should move closer so I can spoil my grandkids.”
Danny chuckled and kissed her cheek. “You spoil them anyway. You just don’t get to see them as often as you’d like.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” She looked up at him. “Your father is hoping you’ll help him set up the grill out back.”
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “Let me guess, he wants to talk to me about something I don’t want to talk about.”
Linda gave him a sympathetic smile. “I think he does want to talk to you, but he didn’t say what about.”
Danny nodded and turned to Cindy. She read the concern and reluctance in his eyes as he moved closer. “You’ll be okay with my mom?”
She laid her hand on his chest and felt his heart racing beneath her palm. He was that worried about leaving her alone with his mother? Cindy gave him a reassuring smile. “I’ll be fine.”
He put his hands on her waist and gave her a kiss. “I’ll be back in a little bit.”
Cindy watched him go out the back door, and then she turned to find Linda studying her. What did the woman think of her son’s display of concern and affection?
Linda smiled and turned back to the pile of cooked potatoes. “My son’s quite taken with you. I haven’t seen him that affectionate with anyone since his high school sweetheart.”
“Has he had many girlfriends since then?” She had a feeling Linda was trying to get under her skin with the comment, but she refused to give the woman the satisfaction.
“Well, not that I know of. Of course, he nearly married Shannon.” Linda glanced over her shoulder. “Shannon is the girl he started dating shortly after we moved here during his senior year of high school.”
Cindy watched her peel another potato. Was Linda trying to find a way to make her break up with Danny? If so, it wasn’t working. “Why didn’t they get married?”
“You mean Danny hasn’t told you the story?”
“No, we’ve been focusing on building our relationship rather than dwelling on failed relationships from the past.” She leaned back against the counter, facing Danny’s mom. “Linda, I know you’re worried about Danny. I worry about him, too. But I’m not going to abandon him because of his problems. I’ve known about his struggle dealing with his time in the army since the day I met him. None of that is going to keep me from being in a relationship with him.”
Linda laid down her paring knife and potato then turned toward her. “Honey, I don’t know what Danny’s told you or what you think you know about his problems, but he’s not in as good a shape as he likes to pretend. Do you know what a flashback is?”
“Yes, and Danny had one the day I met him. Since then, I’ve helped him deal with a couple of panic attacks and floods of memories. That was all before I ever started going out with him.” Cindy took a deep breath to calm her temper. Losing it now wouldn’t help smooth things out. “Nothing you can say or do will scare me away from a relationship with Danny. I care about him, and I’m prepared to deal with whatever happens.”
Linda stared at her for a long moment then sighed. “I’m really not trying to drive the two of you apart. I just want to be sure you have a realistic view of what a relationship with Danny will be like. He doesn’t always do reality well, so you’ll have to be the strong one. He likes to think he can be an independent man who needs no one, but deep inside he knows that’s not true. Not now. Possibly not ever. He’s one of the minority whose PTSD doesn’t respond well to treatment.”
Her eyes filled with moisture, and Cindy gave her a hug. She’d guessed right; Linda was just a mother worried about her disabled son. “You don’t need to worry about how I’m going to react. Yes, it’s hard to see him struggle, but he knows he can count on me to help him any time he needs it. Believe it or not, I can count on him, too. He’s proven that to me already.”
Linda stepped back and drew the back of her wrist across her eyes. “What do you mean?”
“A couple of weeks ago, I was running late on finishing a paper for one of my classes. It was due at eight in the morning, and I barely had it started at midnight. Danny sat in the lounge with me while I worked on it, just to keep me company. I was exhausted to the point of tears by the time I finished it, but he gave me a hug and proofread it for me so I wouldn’t have to lose even more sleep to do it.” Cindy smiled with the memory. “For all of his problems, your son is really sweet. And he’s so gentle with me. I can’t imagine not dating him, no matter how hard it can be to know how to help him sometimes.”
Linda turned back to her potatoes. “Yes, Danny has always been a kind young man. It sounds like you’ll be good for him.”
“I hope so.” Cindy watched her finish peeling the potato and cut it into cubes over a bowl partially filled with potato pieces. “Is there anything I can do to help while I’m in here? I feel like I ought to be doing something other than watching you work.”
Linda laughed. “There’s a bowl of hardboiled eggs cooling in the refrigerator. The shells need to be removed and the eggs cut up into bite-size pieces.”
“I can do that.” Cindy washed her hands then went to the refrigerator in the corner and retrieved the bowl piled with lukewarm eggs. “What are the eggs going to be once I get them all cut up?”
“They go in the potato salad. Danny fell in love with this recipe one of the times we visited family when he was little. After he joined the army, I made a point to fix it every time he came home. He told me once that looking forward to my potato salad was one of the things that kept him going during the long times overseas.”
“Whatever works.”
Cindy joined her at the counter and went to work peeling the shells from the eggs. She talked with Linda while they worked, and she realized Danny’s mom wasn’t as cold as she’d seemed at first. Now that they’d cleared the air between them, the beginnings of a friendship formed over the bond of caring about Danny.
The two men walked into the kitchen as Cindy and Linda laughed over some of Danny’s childhood antics.
“You ladies seem to be having a good time,” Tom said, taking a seat at the table.
Cindy nodded. “Yes, your wife was telling me about Danny’s pet in Costa Rica.”
Danny grinned. “Guillermo was a great pet until he trashed the kitchen.”
“That’s why we said monkeys belonged outside.” Tom chuckled. “That monkey never did completely go back to the wild. The last time I heard from the pastor, he said Guillermo still hung around at the edges of the yard and joined the family for outdoor meals.”
Danny stepped behind Cindy and slipped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. “You’d love Costa Rica. It’s such a beautiful place with a rich culture.”
She leaned back against him, glad his parents were watching. “Maybe I’ll go there someday.”
“Maybe I’ll take you there and act as your translator.”
She caught sight of his teasing grin and laughed. “You are such a dork.”
“And yet you still like me.” He held her tighter and kissed her cheek. “There are a lot of places in this world you’d like, not just Costa Rica.”
“I’ve thought of doing some traveling after I graduate, but that takes money I don’t have.”
He released her and leaned back against the counter. “You’ll do some traveling when you get your speaking tour.”
Linda raised her eyebrows as she looked back and forth between them. “Speaking tour?”
Cindy shrugged, her gaze on Danny. “That’s a good question. What speaking tour?”
“I figure once you start getting your papers published, you’ll receive all kinds of invitations for speaking engagements.” He smiled, his gray eyes twinkling. “Yo
ur veterans paper alone could bring you national attention.”
“I haven’t even written it yet.”
“So? I have no doubt it’s going to be great.”
“What veterans paper?” Tom asked.
Cindy explained her term paper, relieved Danny’s parents seemed to think it was a good idea. She didn’t know why she was looking for their approval, but it seemed important to have. They were more relaxed than they had been, giving her hope that they wouldn’t try to drive a wedge between her and Danny after all. The straight talk with Linda had worked better than she’d hoped, and Danny’s talk with his father appeared to have had the same effect.
Cindy looked into Danny’s eyes and smiled. His tension lessened the longer they talked, and she prayed it was because he saw the change in his parents.
Chapter Thirteen
Cindy climbed out of Danny’s truck and inhaled the earthy scent of the surrounding woods. The leaves were just starting to change color, creating a beautiful tapestry of mostly green with splashes of red, yellow, and orange. Nestled in the midst of a tree-scattered clearing, the rustic log pavilion near the entrance of Mounds State Park glowed a rich brown in the afternoon light. She turned to Danny as he joined her.
“I can definitely see why you love it out here.”
When he took her hand in his, sparks of awareness raced through her. His eyes bright and clear, he smiled and nodded toward the trailhead. “It gets better.”
He led her across the grass and onto a trail in the woods that soon became a wooden boardwalk. They walked in companionable silence along the boardwalk, taking the stairs with ease, pausing at the scenic overlook to listen to the quiet burbling of the creek and the singing birds.
After Danny took a photo of a chipmunk that paused by the edge of the stream, Cindy leaned against his shoulder, feeling the tensions of school ease. “It’s so peaceful here.”
He put his arm around her and nodded, gazing in the direction of a sparrow perched on the wooden railing ahead of them. “Yeah, that’s one of the reasons I love coming out here. It’s great to get away from everything and just enjoy God’s handiwork.”
“Do you come here often?”
“That sounds like a cheesy pick-up line.” He chuckled and kissed her cheek. “But no, I don’t come out here as often as I’d like. School and various appointments tend to get in the way.”
“Appointments?” Although she had a good idea of where he went when he vanished from campus every once in a while, she hoped maybe this time he would open up to her. Ever since they started going out, she’d been trying to learn more about him, but she felt as though he kept her at a distance, as if there was something he didn’t want her to know.
“You know, random doctor’s appointments for routine stuff, counseling, things like that.” He took her hand again, more agitated than a moment ago, and headed toward the wooden stairs leading up to the next section of boardwalk.
She fell into step with him and wished such a simple question hadn’t stolen the peace of the moment. Was he embarrassed about seeing a counselor? The day he met her he’d admitted to having severe post-traumatic stress disorder and that counseling could help him improve. From the research she’d done on PTSD in veterans and the stigma of weakness still associated with seeking mental health treatment, he should be proud of himself for having the courage to get the help he needed. Countless others had waited too long to seek treatment and destroyed their lives before finally asking for help.
Shortly after they left the boardwalk and continued on the mulch-covered trail, Danny stopped and turned toward Cindy. He heaved a sigh and wouldn’t look at her. “I’m sorry. I just don’t like talking about my appointments and stuff. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it does.”
“Hey, it’s okay.” She reached out and rubbed his upper arm, hoping he’d take her acceptance and relax again. This was supposed to be an enjoyable afternoon of photography and fresh air before they returned to their classes tomorrow.
He shook his head and finally looked directly at her, his gaze shadowed with vulnerability. “No, it’s not. It’s something I’ve been struggling with, something I want to get over.”
“Well, you can tell me anything.” She slid her hand down his arm and grasped his fingers. “You know I won’t hold it against you.”
“There’s a lot you don’t know.” He looked around the trees. “The trail splits up ahead. Do you want to go the long way or the short way to the mounds?”
Changing the subject again rather than opening up to her — the same thing he always did whenever the conversation started to get too deep, but he had a lot of problems and would talk to her about what bothered him when he was ready… she hoped. “I’ll leave it up to you.”
“In that case, let’s take the short way.”
He kept his hand in hers as they walked, turning left when the trail came to a T, and she could feel the tension leave him. One of these days, she wanted him to feel this relaxed talking to her about uncomfortable topics. After all they’d been through since they met, surely he knew by now that she wouldn’t look down on him or turn her back on him. Yet his reluctance to trust her with some things, mostly his life while in the army, left her longing to know her boyfriend. As it stood, she felt she had only a superficial knowledge of who he was under the façade he put up for the benefit of everyone around him.
They exited the woods into a huge clearing dominated by the Great Mound. The large earthwork’s high outer walls were covered in uncut grass and had a few trees scattered here and there. A wooden fence surrounded the mound — the only mound in the park visitors weren’t allowed to walk on. Several people wandered around the clearing, and a pair of young boys chased a squirrel toward the woods while their mother called them back.
Danny guided Cindy around the back of the Great Mound to a short path with a sign that indicated they were visiting the Fiddle Back Mound. The trees briefly closed in around them, and then they were in the clearing with the smaller, fiddle-shaped mound. He led her onto the platform at the center of the mound, set his camera on the ground, and turned toward her, placing his hands on her waist.
“You know, even with all this natural beauty around us, you’re what I really want to see.”
She smiled and laid her palm against his clean-shaven jaw. “You’re just saying that so I’ll let you kiss me.”
“Hmm, maybe.” He pulled her closer and kissed her tenderly, then he leaned his forehead against hers, looking deep into her eyes. “But I doubt it. You’d let me kiss you anyway.”
She laughed softly and gave him a hug. “You know me so well.”
The teasing glint in his eyes faded, and the familiar haunted shadow took its place as he straightened. “And you don’t know me nearly well enough. I need to talk to you about a lot of things, but it’s hard.”
Could it be he was finally ready to open up to her at least a little? “Hard because it’s difficult to think about, or hard because you’re afraid of my reaction?”
“A little of both.” He drew in a deep breath and slowly released it. “My time in the army—”
The quiet thump of an approaching helicopter filled the air, presumably on its way to the small airport that backed up to the far end of the park. The change in Danny was alarming. He paled and started to shake, then he grabbed Cindy’s hand and pulled her into the shallow ditch between the center platform of the mound and the outer wall. He flattened himself against the ground, tugging her down beside him as the sound of the helicopter grew louder. “Stay down!”
Cindy’s heart raced as she lay in the grass beside Danny’s trembling form. He peered over the outer wall of the mound like he expected to see the enemy approaching. Suddenly he flinched and ducked, moving with surprising speed. Was he seeing someone shooting at him? She laid her arm across his shoulders and spoke into his ear, praying it would be enough to ease his fear. “Danny, it’s okay. That helicopter is probably just headed for the airport.”
He
closed his eyes and buried his face in his arm, his breathing ragged as the helicopter passed overhead. She continued to try to reassure him, uncertain if it would help, but it was the only thing she could think to do. What had caused such a violent reaction to a helicopter?
The thump of the rotor blades grew quieter then disappeared altogether. Danny still lay facedown, unmoving, but his breathing gradually evened out. Cindy sat up when he shifted beneath her arm, and she prayed he’d sit up and talk to her. He didn’t move at first and her hope waned, but then he finally rolled onto his back, his head beside her knee.
“I feel like an idiot,” he muttered, casting a quick glance at her before looking up at the trees above them.
Her heart went out to him, and she combed her fingers through his thick hair. Her touch caused him to close his eyes again. She stroked his cheek and spoke soothingly. “You don’t need to feel like an idiot. You’ve been through a lot, things you’re still trying to deal with.”
“You have no idea.” He opened his eyes again and stared at the leafy canopy. “Oh, Lord, why do You let me go through so much? Couldn’t You heal me now and be done with it?”
Cindy wasn’t sure how to react. He was praying with his eyes open while lying in a ditch?
He turned to look at her and cracked a wry smile. “God’s got a reason for letting me suffer like this, but I sure don’t know what it is.”
“Maybe to make you stronger?” She debated sharing her other thought, but it might get him to talk to her instead of keeping everything inside. “Or maybe to teach you to trust others.”
His smile faded, but he kept his gaze locked with hers. “Maybe.”
She stroked his hair again. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” He sighed and reached up to trail a finger along her jaw. “It’s nothing against you. I just don’t want to think about it. That chopper caused more than enough thinking for one day.”