I stand my ground, and breathe slowly, trying to remain calm.
I take a step forward.
Knox smiles, but unlike before, he’s not so sure. He watches Arno creep closer. ‘Keep that fucking mutt back,’ he says, and, as if he can understand, Arno bares his teeth and snarls.
Saliva drips from his jaws.
I’ve trained him well. He won’t go farther than I allow him to. I can’t risk Knox being savaged to death – that’s the least he deserves.
Bold, then, Knox walks towards me, but Arno barks at him and it’s enough to stop him dead in his tracks.
He looks at me. ‘Who are you?’
I stop. Am I not even worthy of being remembered? Somehow that hurts me even more.
I can’t let him see any hint of weakness. ‘Does it make a difference?’ I say and see he is taken aback, but I know he sees me as less of a threat than if I were a man.
‘What’s with the men’s clothes?’ he says, jabbing his hand in my direction, cigarette still in a pincer grip between his fingers.
A thin film of sweat covers my face. I’ve not bothered to cover up my scars with make-up today.
‘You obviously have something you want from me.’
I remain silent, trying to focus on what I’m about to do next.
I feel almost ashamed and realise this means he’s winning.
A new rage boils up inside me. The Stanley knife inside the pocket of the overalls seems to be burning a hole in the fabric, searing heat against my thigh.
In that moment I pull the hood of the overall back so he can get a better look at me and I see him smile, that mouth twisted at the corners, indifferent to everything he’s done.
Trivialising the moment when he took my innocence away from me.
‘I remember those eyes,’ he says, as if he can hear my thoughts clear in his own head. ‘If it’s any consolation,’ he continues, taking a step forward, dropping his cigarette to the ground, ‘you were my favourite.’
Arno growls at him and crouches down on his haunches, ready to do whatever I command. His teeth snap and Knox jumps, but still he looks at me.
I see his eyes glance over my scars and a smug look of satisfaction on his face.
‘Tell me, Raja, have you come back for round two?’
And there it is.
I am rendered speechless.
All the years I have dreamed of this moment, rehearsed the things I’d say to him, scream at him, until he had some idea of the pain and shame I have had to live with. All the misery he’s caused, robbing me of a life I could have had.
I see now, words mean nothing.
‘Arno,’ I say.
A flash of uncertainty flashes across Knox’s face.
Arno’s ears twitch, his eyes trained on Knox.
‘Fetch…’
Knox runs to his right and Arno gives chase after him through the trees.
I follow after them. I whistle and Arno knows what to do. He circles Knox, cutting him off, so he now has no choice but to back towards the trunk of a mighty tree rising from the ground, bark gnarled and twisted.
Knox’s back hits against it, making his body jolt.
I hear his breath come heavy and fast as Arno stands guard, jaws snapping. Before he can say a word I reach for the Stanley knife, extract the blade and lunge at him.
He doesn’t scream as the blade goes in, just gasps, sucking in gulps of air, shock registering in those hateful eyes of his.
One hand grips my left arm.
I follow his gaze down to where the blade sticks into his stomach. I look at my hand as it shakes.
‘Raja…’ he says, his face rising level with mine again.
My eyes never leave his.
I thrust the blade in further, harder, feel his fingers dig into my arm.
Then… Then I can’t hold back.
I stab him several more times, and as he slumps down to the ground, the more frenzied I am. Tears stream down my cheeks as the years of frustration are released from a dark place within me that I’ve always tried so hard to bury away.
*
I watch his mouth.
Stringy tendrils of blood stick to his lips as they part a fraction.
His breathing is laboured. It can’t be long now.
He’s dying, his body going into shock, and I know I must move fast before he becomes unable to feel what is yet to come.
I’m sitting cross-legged, watching his face. His eyes are glassy. His hands clutch at his stomach like it’ll make a difference.
I don’t know how long we have been sitting like this. In my world, ever since he stole my life from me, minutes seem to pass like hours, but we can’t have been here more than five minutes.
I could sit here for ever if it meant I could keep him in this moment, somewhere between life and death, realisation on his face that he didn’t want to die and that I’d made that choice for him.
Little me.
I kneel forward and his eyes track my every movement. I bring the Stanley knife up to his eyes. He says something to me, but I can’t make out his words.
Shame, because they are to be his last.
I press the palm of my hand on his forehead, and tilt his head back against the tree. I put the tip of the blade at the corner of his mouth.
‘My parting gift to you, Raymond Knox…’
It’s better you don’t see this.
The After
Innocence lost
Arno whimpers and licks the blood from my face, my hands.
I don’t recognise myself.
I thought it’d make me feel alive again, take away the years of pain, but inside I feel empty – more so than ever before.
I pocket the knife and take one last look at Knox and the lasting face he has been left with. I rise to my feet. Hood up, I give a low whistle, and Arno follows as we go back the way we came.
As I near the other side of this godforsaken place, I notice Arno follows at a distance behind me.
It’s like even he knows I’ve crossed that line.
The darkness called my name and I stepped into a world I can never escape from.
CHAPTER 70
Janet stared at Raja as the tears streamed down her pale cheeks.
‘That pain,’ Raja said. ‘That pain I thought would go, leave me when he died… It didn’t.’ She tried to wipe the flow of tears with the back of her hand. ‘It got worse, eating away at me. I tried to feel something, anything, but the last fragment of the real me, the part I had tried so hard to cling to these long years, it died. It died with Knox.’
Janet was stunned to silence. She looked at Raja as if she were something otherworldly, someone she never really knew.
‘You said you hired someone,’ she said. ‘You told Ffion you knew someone, from back home, you said…’ She trailed off, as tears choked her.
‘Someone from back home,’ Raja said. ‘Yes, and he would’ve done it for us, but that never felt right. It had to be one of us, don’t you see?’
‘No. We agreed it had to be someone else.’
‘But Knox didn’t do it to someone else, hack their face up, did he? He did it to us,’ Raja spat.
Janet shook her head. ‘Oh, Raja.’
‘I don’t want your pity.’
‘But I do pity you, Raja. Look what it’s done to you.’
Raja sniffed back tears. ‘I did this for Evie as much as for any of us.’
‘No,’ Janet snapped. ‘Don’t you dare try to bring her into this. You did this for you, no one else.’
Raja stared at her, incredulous. ‘You still don’t get it, do you? Why you’re here.’ She watched Janet’s face crumple in confusion. ‘I could’ve run, gone to ground by now, but I couldn’t … not until I’d finished with you.’
Claire swallowed hard, her eyes searching. Raja was not afraid to finish this.
Janet was shaking her head. ‘I don’t understand.’
<
br /> Raja sucked in a deep breath, pulled a face as if in excruciating pain. ‘Did you ever think what might’ve been if you had let Evie come forward all those years ago? With what happened to Evie, along with the others, the police could’ve caught Knox a long time ago, before he ever crossed my path that night… He wouldn’t have…’
She broke down, tears choking her words. She made herself go on.
‘If you – you, of all people – hadn’t convinced Evie not to go to make it official with the police, I would never have been attacked, had my face ripped open!’
Janet felt all her pain at once in that moment. ‘But Raja,’ she said, shaking her head, ‘Evie wouldn’t have been able to prove who attacked her. There would never have been any guarantee that Knox would’ve been caught.’
‘We’ll never know, though, will we? You need to be accountable for what you did. I always thought it was Evie who was the coward, never coming forward back when she could’ve made a difference, but it was you. After all these years, you finally admitted to us that it was all you.’
Anger surged through Janet then. ‘You think I don’t regret what I did? I regret that every damn day. Evie won’t forgive me, even now Knox is dead. She still can’t see I did it for her.’
Raja shook her head. ‘It was easier for you.’
‘She would’ve ruined her life,’ Janet snapped back. ‘She was drunk; no one would’ve believed she hadn’t consented. Evie was known for having a reputation.’
‘All this is on you. All this death, what I’ve been reduced to.’
‘You could’ve come to us,’ Janet said. ‘You didn’t have to go through this alone.’
‘How could I have done that?’
Janet looked beyond her, to the water, as light from the rising sun softened the horizon. ‘You robbed us all of a chance to move on. Had you stuck to the plan, Knox would have died, and we, finally, would’ve been free.’
Her words stung Raja. She went to speak, but couldn’t, not without breaking down completely and facing the truth of it all.
‘But he did die.’
‘By your hand, Raja!’ Janet said. ‘Look what it’s done to you.’ She bit her lip as if the next words would hurt her to speak. ‘Those women. Tilly, Helena… Skye.’
Raja remained silent, avoiding their eyes.
‘Innocent women, Raja,’ Janet said.
Raja rounded on her then. ‘Innocent?’ she sneered. ‘Helena Daniels, Tilly Hartley? Really? They worshipped Knox, what he did! Sick fucking bitches, wishing they were us, The Three. Knox saw us as vulnerable, pretty young things and he took us. Used us, mutilated us… and Helena, Tilly? They wanted to be like us. Be like me.’ Her stare was cold then. ‘So I made their wish come true. Now they’ll always be associated with Raymond Knox.’
Claire shook her head. She’d heard enough. ‘You’ve betrayed your own species.’
Raja breathed hard, fighting to contain her anger. She looked out across the lagoon, up to the mountainous landscape that rose up above the water.
‘You hear what I said?’ Claire edged closer to her. ‘You betrayed your own kind.’
Raja took a step back towards the water’s edge. ‘You think you know what it’s like to be one of us?’
‘Tell me,’ Claire said. ‘Help me understand why you felt the need to spill more blood.’
Raja dismissed her with a wave of her hand. ‘You’re here to arrest me. You don’t care why I did what I did, only the notoriety it’ll bring you when you bring me in.’
‘The car out at the front gates,’ Claire said. ‘That’s not how you transported them. You can’t have done.’
‘I used the work van that stays at the kennels,’ she said, almost triumphant. ‘Comes with the job. No one at the kennels ever uses it.’ Her thoughts turned back to Helena and Tilly. ‘You should have seen those two, though. They were all over Sean on social media, trying to get to know him, to get closer to me. It was pathetic.’
Claire frowned. ‘We never found any evidence you communicated with them online.’
She smiled. ‘I didn’t. They lived their lives on the net, told the world their every movement. All I had to do was stalk their posts, look at the backgrounds of photographs. They were prolific – it didn’t take me long to find out where they lived, what made them tick. When I came calling, they welcomed me with open arms.’
She smiled at the memory. ‘I remember Helena laughing and giggling when I knocked on her door, she was so ecstatic to see the real me. She practically fell over herself to get in my van. She wasn’t laughing when my dog almost ripped her throat out.’
Claire nodded. ‘The stray.’
‘Arno,’ she said. ‘My loyal friend. Is my boy okay?’
Claire remembered the dog being taken away to be cared for. There was hope for it yet.
‘Is he okay?’ Raja said again, a new sense of urgency about her.
Claire took another step closer to her and glanced off to the side.
Devon was there somewhere in the darkness.
Waiting.
‘Helena and Tilly,’ she said. ‘They never even blinked twice at you, did they? They never suspected a thing.’
Raja smiled. ‘Why, should they have? You didn’t, did you?’
Claire pressed her lips tight together at the deception of a woman who she’d thought she knew. She had come across as the victim, the battered and controlled wife of an abusive man. Raja Clarkson, always living in the shadow of the crimes of the Dahlia Rapist.
‘You had me fooled, I’ll admit that,’ Claire said. She gestured to Raja’s nose. ‘What you did to yourself, I suppose you think it was clever?’
Raja looked indignant. ‘It took a lot of courage to do it.’
A stillness descended on them then.
Sirens in the background splintered the silence, carried on the wind.
Raja turned to the water’s edge.
‘There’s no way out of this,’ Claire said. ‘Come in with me now. You can’t turn back the clock, go back and undo what you’ve done, but you can end the suffering for the families whose lives you’ve ruined.’
Raja looked back at her.
‘Come on, Raja. Make this right. You know more than anyone the pain they must be going through.’
Janet walked towards her, past Claire, and rested her hand on Raja’s shoulder. ‘Did you not think we’d understand?’
Raja looked at her, pain in her face. ‘He raped Evie. If you’d had the chance, and knew you could do it, do that to Knox, you would have done it, too.’
Janet shook her head. ‘It always had to be someone with no emotional ties to him, can’t you see that? Not even now?’
Raja wasn’t listening. ‘Everything ended when he took a knife to me. My whole life has been a mask, something that never felt real. The thought of killing him is all I’ve ever had to cling on to.’
*
From the darkness, hidden in the line of trees, Devon watched them. He concentrated on the blade in Raja’s hand. It looked like a Stanley knife.
He saw Janet edge closer to her, reach an arm out, a hand touch Raja’s shoulder.
Beautiful, forgiving Janet, even now, despite everything.
Devon saw the look on Raja’s face as the sounds of the sirens grew louder and knew he had seconds to move before something terrible happened.
He stepped out from the bushes.
*
‘Janet, come away.’
Startled by Devon’s voice, Janet turned her torch on him.
Before she could reach him, Raja pulled her back against her.
She held the knife to Janet’s throat.
‘Back,’ she said when Claire and Devon rushed towards them.
Janet’s eyes were wide as she gripped Raja’s forearm as it pressed across her chest, pinning her tight. ‘What are you doing?’ she whimpered. ‘Raja, don’t…’
Raja took several quick steps back, and w
hen Devon moved forward, Claire screamed at him to stop as Raja drew the knife across Janet’s throat.
Devon’s voice echoed around her head as Janet fell to the ground, hands at her neck.
Raja stood frozen. She saw Devon run to Janet’s side, then saw Claire edging closer.
She turned and ran as fast as she could.
Claire gave chase. ‘Keep pressure on the wound,’ she shouted back over her shoulder to Devon. ‘Help is coming.’
It was hard to make out much in the darkness, despite the sunlight beginning to creep up over the horizon, but Raja headed to the right, through the trees and scrub, away from the lagoon.
CHAPTER 71
Claire ran after Raja, and could only just make out where she was heading by following the sound of twigs snapping and feet hitting the ground.
From the layout of the reserve and the lagoon that Claire had looked at previously, she knew the area was much like Sundon Quarry, in terms of size, with steep, sloping hills, ravines and scrubland among dense thickets of trees and bushes meant to encourage wildlife to flourish.
Raja was running towards the right-hand side of the reserve, away from the lagoon, but nearer to the perimeter fence that ringed the ninety-acre plot.
As she ran, Claire aimed her own torch at the ground, making sure she kept her footing. To fall prey to a broken or twisted ankle out here meant an agonising wait until someone found her.
It also meant Raja stood a very real chance of getting away.
*
Raja squinted in the darkness. The low-hanging branches scratched at her face as she tore through the trees, but that didn’t stop her. She felt no sting of pain.
She saw the boundary of the reserve.
She slammed into the six-feet-high, chain-link fence so hard she rebounded off it. She pushed her fingers through the gaps, stopping herself from falling back.
She tried to get a foothold and haul herself up. She had almost reached the top to swing her leg over to the other side, but bright flashing stopped her.
She saw lights bobbing around to her left, coming straight at her – torches being held by officers running down the perimeter fence.
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