by Trudi Jaye
She needed somewhere to be alone, to let out her emotions. A building loomed to one side, and she raced toward it, opening the first door she saw. A blast of cold air hit her face. She was in the ice arena.
It was a massive space, with high ceilings and an oval ice floor in the center. The ice itself was smooth and pristine, daring someone cut into it with skates. It was also completely empty. Missy wrapped her arms around her body and stopped at the ice barrier, leaning on the edge. Her breath puffed out in front of her. Tears threatened to fall, and she wiped at her eyes. But they escaped down her face anyway, her breath hitching raggedly.
She heard footsteps behind her and recognized Zeph’s heavy tread. “You didn’t have to follow me,” she said, wiping at the silent tears. She didn’t turn around.
“I’m doing it out of self-preservation. I need you around to help me, in case she really does try to turn me into a Ringmaster.”
Missy glanced over her shoulder at Zeph. “Since when do you need my help?” she asked and shook her head. “Anyway, I’m not going anywhere. I need this place, at least for now. I just needed to think.”
Zeph shivered and came to stand next to her, rubbing his hands up and down his bare arms. “Why is seeing your parents so bad?” he asked.
“I haven’t seen them in a while. I didn’t know they were here.”
“That much is obvious,” he said dryly.
Missy sighed and her breath came out as a small burst of white air. For a moment, she considered not telling him. Her fears that he would react badly to what her father had done were scrambling for top position inside her head.
But she wouldn’t back down from it. It wasn’t something she’d done; it had all been Christoph’s actions. “I’m angry at them,” she whispered. “Dad worked with the people who tried to destroy the Carnival, with Lucietta, the woman who tried to kill me. He was Abba’s best friend, and he helped the people who murdered him in cold blood. He might as well have killed Abba himself.” Missy had never said those words aloud, but they rushed out of her mouth like she’d been holding them back all this time.
Her father had essentially killed their much-loved Ringmaster through his actions, and she didn’t think she could forgive him for it.
But at the same time, she missed her parents. They’d always been so happy—at least in her younger years—and she’d thought they were close. More than anything, she just wanted to hug her mom. Maybe even have her mother tell her everything was going to be all right and it was okay she’d stormed out of the Carnival and renounced her position. To have her mother whisper in her ear it didn’t matter that Rilla and Jack had let her leave so easily. That they’d always be a family and they’d get through the tough times together.
Except it didn’t work like that. Not anymore.
She took a big gasping breath. Then another. The cold air hit her lungs with a hard smack, breaking her out of her self-pity. She looked up at Zeph and remembered Abba was important to him as well. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to talk about your father’s death like that.”
Zeph winced and then shook his head. “It’s okay. I didn’t really know him. All I remember is a big laugh and strong hugs. I used to love his hugs.”
Missy nodded. “Yeah, he was always good at hugging.” She took another deep breath of cold air and shivered.
“How did all this happen? I mean, wasn’t everyone at the Carnival always really close?” Zeph’s expression held confusion, and Missy realized he didn’t understand the undertones of what was happening.
“We should have been. But there was something disrupting our community, weakening our connections—and it turned out it was my dad.”
“Not just your dad, though, right? There were other people who were more intent on actually causing harm? This Lucietta woman for one.”
“I guess. But he knowingly helped Lucietta harm the Carnival. He chose her over his own family, out of some strange sense of guilt. I can’t get over that.”
“Sometimes good people do dumb things.” Zeph shrugged and huffed out a white cloud of breath. “It doesn’t mean he loves you any less.”
Missy scowled at Zeph. “You don’t even know my father.”
“You wouldn’t be this upset and hurt by what he did if your father didn’t mean an awful lot to you.” Zeph turned to look at Missy. “Did he say he was sorry? Did he try to sort it out with you?”
Missy paused, blinking slowly. “Yeah, I guess so.” She made an impatient gesture with her hand. “But that doesn’t change things. Our actions have consequences. I can’t just forget what he’s done. And I’m the one who’s suffered because of his stupidity, not him.”
“He couldn’t have known how it would affect you. And he was just a small cog in the bigger plans of Lucietta and that other guy, right?”
“But the fact that he’s here makes me wonder if he was such a small cog,” said Missy. “What if he was actually connected to Veronica? What if Tilly’s right and this place is the root of all the Carnival’s problems? That’s even worse than I thought.” Her fear must have leaked out in her voice, because Zeph moved closer and put an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her tight. She leaned in, both for the comfort and the warmth.
“I think we need to stick around for a couple days and decide for ourselves,” he said. “We could figure out the truth about your father’s involvement.”
Missy winced. “I don’t know if I can handle the truth,” she said.
“Knowing is always better than guessing. What if he has nothing to do with them? What if we can clear him of your suspicions?”
“What if we prove everything I’m thinking is true?” Missy whispered, her voice cracking in the middle.
“Do you really think your father would be involved?”
Missy shook her head. “But if you’d asked me before I found out about the sabotage, I would have said he’d never be involved in anything like that either. I always thought my dad was strong and noble. Not weak and pathetic.” The last words ended on a sob, and Missy buried her face in Zeph’s shoulder.
His hand gently smoothed over her hair. “It’s okay, Missy,” he murmured. “I don’t know what’s going on here, but if we can find out a little more information, it will help us to figure it out.”
“Maybe.” Missy gazed out over the pristine ice, her mind latching onto another problem. “If Tilly is right about Veronica, then why are they working against the Carnival? Hugo and Lucietta had personal vendettas, warped as they were. Why is Veronica doing all this?” Missy felt if she could only understand why, it would all make more sense.
Zeph shrugged. “That’s what we investigate.” He gestured with one hand. “It’ll give us something to do.”
Missy sighed. “Alongside my practice sessions with Alphonso. I have a feeling they’re going to be hard.”
Zeph smiled. “I have a feeling you’re used to working hard.”
“And what about Veronica’s plans for you? Do you really think she’s going to take no for an answer?”
Zeph’s eyes sharpened on Missy’s face. “What do you mean?”
“Veronica didn’t seem like the kind of person to give up easily,” she said.
“What I don’t get is why she’s so interested in me. What can I possibly give her that Lorenzo can’t?”
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “How much do you remember about the power of the Carnival? How it works?”
Zeph shook his head. “Not much. Mom didn’t like me to talk about it. But I remember the magic was there, part of everything.” He said the words softly, like he knew his mother still didn’t want him talking about it.
“There’s magic here, holding this place together, just like the Carnival. It’s become more obvious the longer we stay, but it has a sharper edge.” It was buzzing along Missy’s senses and had been getting stronger ever since they’d met Veronica. “I don’t know for sure, but I think you might be rather powerful, although it’s hidden at the moment. Your
father was the greatest Ringmaster we’ve had in a century, and Rilla has always been able to control a large amount of the magic we use.”
Zeph’s eyes were wide, and he didn’t say anything at first. “So she wants me for the power I can give her?”
Missy shook her head. “I just don’t know. It depends how their magic works. Our Carnival magic is about the community, our connection to each other. We’re stronger as a group, and when members of the group aren’t working together, it affects the overall magic.” Missy felt a twinge of regret. Her fights with Rilla and Jack had probably been affecting the Carnival as well.
“So what do we do about it?”
Missy gazed across the ice and thought about it. “I need to stay if I want to work with Alphonso and create the kind of show I’ve always wanted to. So far, we haven’t seen anything wrong with this place. I think we stay for now and just agree to keep an eye out. As soon as anyone does something we don’t like, we grab your mother and run.”
Zeph nodded. “Deal.”
Missy took another breath. “Maybe we should go back? Let your mother know we’re okay?”
“What about your parents?”
She hadn’t thought about that. “I… I don’t really want to see them.” Her breath caught on a sob, and Zeph tightened his arms around her. Missy sighed and took the comfort he offered. Before she knew what was happening, she was crying against his chest, and he was rubbing her back, offering soothing noises and telling her it was going to be okay.
“You’re going to have to talk to them, you know.” His words rumbled in his chest, and she felt the vibrations as well as the sound.
She nodded. “I know.” Sniffing, she pulled back and looked up into his face. “You hug like him. Like Abba.” She leaned her head back against his chest and let herself take comfort for a moment longer.
Zeph stiffened for a moment, as if the comparison wasn’t exactly welcome, but then relaxed again.
She sighed. “We better get it over with. They’re going to be wondering what we’re doing.”
“Let them.” Zeph tightened his arms, and Missy sighed again.
It felt so good, and she didn’t want it to end. Somewhere in that hug, she became aware of his body against hers, his muscles under her hands, and his strong arms around her body. All she wanted was to close her eyes and forget about everything. No more magic, no more parents, no more worries. Just skin against skin, heating them both until—
Abruptly, she pulled back. “There’s something wrong.”
As soon as she said the words, she could feel the magic—more powerful this time—cloying its way around them, trying to find its way inside.
Zeph frowned down at her. His eyes looked glassy. “What’s the matter?”
Missy swallowed over a suddenly dry throat. He was under some kind of influence—it was the same as the magic she’d felt buzzing around them earlier. “Zeph, wake up,” she said.
He smiled down at her. “I’m awake, silly.”
Missy clenched her hands against his chest, trying to figure out how to break him out. “Zeph, you’re under a spell. Wake up. Push out of it.”
“I know you’re upset, but it’s going to be all right. I promise,” he said softly. Zeph leaned in and kissed her gently on the lips, his breath warm against her cold skin. For a second, Missy leaned into the kiss, taking the comfort it offered.
But then she broke it off. It wasn’t real. It was time she admitted it. There was something very wrong with this place. She slapped Zeph on the cheek.
“Hey! What was that for?” he asked, his voice annoyed. His eyes lost that glazed look and sharpened on Missy.
“I was waking you up,” said Missy.
But even as she watched, the anger on his face turned back into a relaxed smile and his eyes became glassy again.
“Sometimes you say the strangest things,” he said.
Missy tested her own magical barriers. They seemed to be holding strong against the onslaught of the sleek magic surrounding them. She would have to be very careful not to get caught in the same web of power that was holding Zeph—and probably his mother.
Veronica was much stronger than she’d given her credit for.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
“Let’s go back to your mother,” she said to Zeph. She needed to figure out what was going on and how to break him out of the magic, if that were possible. And she needed to feel warm again.
They walked out of the ice arena and back into the sunshine, Missy squinting to acclimatize to the bright light. Zeph started whistling a chirpy tune. His large hand was clasped around hers, and she had to keep reminding herself it wasn’t real. He was just reacting to whatever kind of magic was controlling him.
No one at the Carnival could do anything like this. She wondered how many people it was actually controlling. Was everyone here living under this pervasive, oily magic? She shivered.
“You cold?” asked Zeph straightaway. He looked up at the clear blue sky. “I know it’s winter everywhere else, but L.A. is usually pretty warm.”
“I’m fine. Just worried about going back and seeing my mom and dad.” Missy tried to stay calm at the tone in Zeph’s voice. It was all lovey-dovey and nothing like his usual way of speaking. It was like he’d had a total personality transplant.
“Don’t worry. It’ll be fine. They’ll be happy to see you.”
Missy nodded. They probably would if they were under this magic.
He squeezed her hand, and Missy allowed herself to believe for a second that he really meant it, that he really did care about her. She sighed. It was a nice thought, to have Zeph on her side, helping her through life.
She blinked, suddenly understanding the power of the magic surrounding them. It was hacking into her daydreams, the secret wishes in her head. It kept pushing at her in different ways. She swallowed. It would probably find a way in eventually. If it tried enough times, statistically speaking, it would eventually find something she couldn’t resist.
It just meant she would have to be constantly on the lookout. They couldn’t win. She was used to being hardheaded. It was how she’d gotten to be so good at what she did.
Taking a deep breath, they paused at the door to the massive practice building.
“I told my mother to wait for us in here,” said Zeph. “I figured we should talk alone.”
“Thanks, Zeph. I appreciate it.” Missy pushed open the door and was immediately met with the same sense of rightness she’d experienced the first time. It was like a homecoming; she recognized this place from some former life. This time she felt the underlying current of energy making her feel that way.
She knew it was just part of the magic being used to brainwash them all. She narrowed her eyes and tried to see it for what it really was. But the same people, noises, and smells remained in the room. Maybe some things just always stayed the same.
Zeph’s mom was standing next to the closest ring, still talking to Alphonso. She turned as they came through the door and smiled at them both, waving them over. Missy looked around the room again, trying to decide if everyone was under the same magic. They stopped in front of Helene and Alphonso, and Missy narrowed her eyes at Alphonso, trying to decide if he was under the influence or not. Was that a fake smile? Was he sincere in the look he was giving Helene? Would she be able to trust him to catch her in their act if he was a zombie from the same stupid spell?
She just didn’t know.
“Mom, Missy would like to go and say hi to her parents,” said Zeph.
Missy made a face. She really wasn’t that excited by the idea. But Zeph was right to suggest it, even if he wasn’t thinking clearly. She sighed.
“Of course, Missy. I’ll take you over.”
They arrived at the base of the trapeze, where her mother was practicing, and Missy suddenly felt clammy. She hadn’t seen Barb since that night all those months ago when her mother had chosen to go with Christoph and leave Missy in the Carnival all on her own. They’d aske
d her to go with them, but Missy had been unable to tear herself away from her life there. She’d not been able to imagine a life on the outside.
Now she wished she had gone with them. Her life would be so much simpler now. At the very least, she wouldn’t have killed someone and she’d be able to get a decent night’s sleep.
“Barb!” Helene called out to the small figure standing on the high-wire platform, and Missy saw her mother glance down.
Missy lifted one hand and waved, unsure how to approach this. She didn’t know whether her mother was under the same spell as the rest of them.
Barbarina seemed to do a double take, peering uncertainly down at Missy. Then she lifted one hand in a wave before turning and racing down the ladder.
As her mother climbed down, Missy watched her closely, trying to see any changes. She gave it up as an impossible task. Her mother looked just the same as she always had. Small, lithe, and striking. Long greying hair down her back woven into a single braid. Clear green eyes that didn’t miss anything, including Missy’s hand in Zeph’s as she stepped lightly to the ground and came forward.
Missy dropped Zeph’s hand and stepped toward her. “Mom,” she said.
Barbarina raced forward and threw her arms around Missy, the tears already starting to flow down her cheeks. “Oh, my baby! I’ve missed you so much.” She leaned back, grasping Missy’s shoulders. “What are you doing here? What’s happened? Is everyone at the Carnival okay?”
Missy just nodded. “They’re okay. I had to leave. It’s a long story…” She glanced around. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Oh, certainly.” Barb nodded. She took Missy’s face between her hands and kissed her on the cheek. “It’s so good to see you. You look taller.”
Missy smiled shakily. “I’m not taller, Mom.”
Barb’s eyes shifted to Zeph and Helene. “I know Helene here. But I don’t know this young man you were holding hands with.”
Missy rolled her eyes. “Mom.” She turned properly back to Zeph and put a hand out toward him. “This is Zeph, Rilla’s brother and Helene’s son. He was worried about Helene, so we came here to look for her.” She paused. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”