by Mia Ford
“Yeah, girl, he definitely isn’t yours,” Tia teases. “He just brings that glint to your eye for no reason. You’ll be married next and still not convinced that he is yours.”
There it is, another sign. It seems that everywhere I look there are indications of weddings everywhere. It’s almost as if the universe is telling me to just get on with it and marry Ben already, despite the short time we’ve known one another.
I would as well, I would marry him if that’s what he wants.
“What about you?” I can’t discuss Ben anymore, it’s making my head spin. “Are you with anyone?”
“Oh well, I was with this jackass, Mike.” Her expression turns sour, I can tell this isn’t going to be a story that ends well. “But as it turned out, he was also dating one of the girls who used to work here at the same time. A blonde, Jenny her name is.”
My blood runs cold. She can only be talking about my Jenny, but I don’t remember any guy named Mike. Then again I didn’t ever really get to know any of her flings. There were more late night hook ups and they didn’t stick around for long enough for me to speak to them.
I glance at Tia out the corner of my eye wondering if I should tell the truth. Will Tia blame me too if she knows I was Jenny’s roommate, probably at the time they were both dating the same guy. Oh well, judging by the timing, definitely at the same time. Then again, do I want to start our potential friendship on a lie?
“I erm, I used to live with Jenny.” Tia shoots me a look, one that isn’t very impressed at all. “But I don’t remember anything about a Mike.”
A thick silence clings to the air for a moment, I wonder if everything is about to dissolve as quickly as it began, but then thankfully Tia’s face begins to thaw. “Oh well, I’m not surprised that you don’t know him. Mike is definitely a late night sort of guy... not like your Ben.”
I breathe out a sigh of relief. “I’m sure Jenny didn’t know about you either. She isn’t like that.” I don’t think anyway. I’ve never thought her to be that sort of person. “And Mike sounds like a loser. You’re better off without him.”
“Yeah, tell me about it. Now I’m just single, but it’s okay. I’m loving it.... oh...”
Her eyes travel over to where Ben is and by the way her expression pales I can tell it isn’t good. I almost don’t want to look myself, but my head turns regardless as if my body has a mind of it’s own. There I see a sight that makes my heart stop dead in my chest.
“Holy fuck,” I mutter in shock. “What the hell?”
He has the most obviously beautiful red haired woman with massive round balloon type breasts pressed up against him. While Ben doesn’t necessarily look impressed by what she’s doing, he isn’t doing anything to push her off either, and judging by the way she’s touching him in a very familiar way it seems that she’s definitely touched him before...
Possibly in a sexual way.
I feel frozen to the spot as I drink this sight in. I guess I always assumed that he had an extensive past, but having his past thrust into my present isn’t pleasant at all. It makes me see all the other women that he’s probably been with, every single one of them more beautiful than me. My insecurities fly to the surface, I feel shitty, like I don’t deserve Ben which is probably the truth of it. I don’t think I’ve ever been good enough for him.
“Who is that?” Tia rasps next to me. “Do you know her?”
“No,” I reply with tears in my eyes. “No I don’t know her at all.”
I want to be strong. I wish I could just take this on the chin and not think anything of it, but I can’t. Sickness swirls inside of me so violently that I fear it might burst free from my lips at any moment. The walls are closing in on me, panic is tearing through my veins, if I don’t get any breath into my lungs soon then I might just explode.
“I have to go to the bathroom.” I push past Tia with my vision blurring. “I’ll be back in a moment.”
I don’t look at anyone as I race through the bar at a million miles an hour. I keep my gaze on my feet. I do notice the tears splashing downwards, hitting my feet as I go but that doesn’t make me stop. I need to get into the bathroom, I need privacy, to feel everything that I’m experiencing inside.
I push the door open, gasping loudly and I practically fall into a stall. Once inside with the door locked I let the tears stream down my face. I’ve been kidding myself, living in a fantasy world, believing that everything is perfect. Inside Ben’s home it is, it really is, but when we bring us out into the real world it just isn’t anymore. We can’t hide away, I can’t day dream about getting married when surely soon enough this might all crash and burn. I need to think with more realism in my heart. This isn’t some fairy tale, it’s real life. I need to remember that.
“Hey!” a brass voice calls out as the door swings open. I rapidly brush away a couple of stray tears and suck in a breath. “Bar girl. Serena, or whatever your name is. You in here?”
My heart hammers rapidly, I don’t know what to do. Do I answer this unfamiliar voice or do I act like I’m not here? I assume it’s the red head which could mean that I’m about to have a very awkward conversation. Then again it might teach me more about the real Ben, not just the one that I’ve built up in my mind. If I’m going to go into this properly, with all the information to hand, then maybe that’s something I need to face.
“Y... yes,” I stammer as I try and clear up my face with a tissue. “I’m here.”
“Oh good.” I hear her body slam up against the bathroom door which makes me automatically take a step back. “Because I have something that I need to say to you. My name is Marie, you might know me I’m quite a famous glamour model around here.”
“Yes,” I lie since I haven’t actually got a clue who she is. “Okay.”
“Right, well I’ve just been speaking to Ben, who by the way I have been dating for years and years.” She’s an ex? I thought he didn’t have any girlfriends. Then again, maybe he’s a liar, I can’t totally rule that out yet. “And we last hooked up a few weeks ago. Probably just before he met you.” That honestly makes me feel sick to my stomach. I wretch over the toilet, but nothing comes out. “And he still wants me. I’m sure you can understand that, I mean you have seen me.” She laughs in a way that suggests she really believes it. “Of course he still wants me. He always comes back to me.”
“I...” I need to say something to defend myself. I can’t just take this lying down. I might be a pathetic weakling, but I don’t want her to know that. “He’s with me now.”
“Oh yeah, he just told me that, but that doesn’t mean anything. He always comes back to me. Always.”
I can’t take it anymore, I need to look her in the eye. I don’t want her to think that she’s totally got me beat. Even if she’s right, which there’s a good chance she might be, I need to come out of this with some for of dignity.
I push the door open, knocking her backwards which shocks her a bit and I stare into her eyes with a fire burning from me. “I don’t know who you are, Marie, but I’m telling you now that I don’t care what you say.”
“Try saying that without a shaky voice,” she laughs nastily. “Then maybe I might believe you.” She steps closer to me, towering over me in her sky high heels, and I have to admit that her overt sexiness has me intimidated. I feel like nothing. “Little girl, you might think that you’re the one to tame Ben, but you aren’t. He will soon get bored of you because you’re drab. He needs someone like me, someone beautiful and willing to let him go to do what he wants. We’re both free to be with other people but we always end up back together. He just can’t resist these lips.”
She stalks away from me, confident and tall leaving me like a deflated balloon. I want to sag right down, to collapse to the ground, my shaky legs almost do, but I just about manage to keep upright.
My eyes flicker over to the mirror and I examine the mess that I’ve become. My dark hair is chucked back into a messy bun that takes no effort, I have no make up on,
my body is nothing like that of a glamour models... maybe Ben will get bored of me. Maybe he will go back to Marie, or someone like Marie. Am I kidding myself? Am I really being foolish?
It’s just lucky that I have my nest egg to keep me going if I need to move on. It isn’t much now, but it’s better than nothing. It’s a good job that I kept my position. If I had nothing then I would be really screwed right now.
I just need to get back out there with my head held high. That’s all. Screw Marie. I just need to look like I’m confident... even if I don’t feel it.
I suck in a deep breath and smooth my hair down, then I nod to myself. I have a job to do and it’s a job that I might need to keep more than ever. I need to just face the situation, whatever it might be.
Chapter Seventeen – Ben
Fucking Marie, honestly what a nightmare.
I shake my head as she finally climbs off me and on my command and walks away from me. It’s taken some real time to get her to realise that I’m actually with someone now and I’m not interested in her anymore. Even if something happened to destroy me and Serena I can’t see myself ever going back to her. She’s not attractive to me in any way now. I can’t see past the brashness and over the top nature of her look.
I take a massive swig and scan my eyes up to the bar. I hope Serena didn’t see Marie acting like a slut then, and if she did I want to explain so she doesn’t get freaked out, but she isn’t there. Tia is alone serving drinks. I don’t think too much about that, she could be clearing glasses, out in the cellar, or doing anything else... but then Marie swishes right past me with a smug look on her face.
“I guess I’ll be seeing you real soon then, Ben,” she purrs at me as she races past me in a cloud of overpowering perfume. “Real soon, judging by the conversation I just had.”
“What do you mean?” I call after her. “What conversation...?”
But it’s too late, she’s already gone, leaving me in a state of semi panic. Marie has a manipulative nature, she can twist anything into whatever she wants. I dread to think what she might have said... especially if she’s been talking to Serena who’s disappearance is now worrying me a lot.
I push my chair back and race to the bar to grab Tia’s attention. “Where’s Serena?” I ask. “I need to speak to her right now.”
The disapproving look that Tia gives me suggests that they both saw Marie draped all over me. That makes my heart sink even further. Things have been going so well with me and Serena, too well, the last thing I want is for this to mess things up.
“She’s gone to the bathroom. I think if you want to speak to her you should do so quickly before she gets even more upset. I have control of the bar here for a moment, go and make things right.”
I turn, just about ready to burst into the women’s bathroom without even thinking about it, but before I get anywhere Serena runs past me to the outside area. She doesn’t even look at me as she goes which suggests that Marie has said something terrible. I just hope that it isn’t completely unfixable.
“Shit,” I mutter, almost under my breath. “Fucking Marie.”
“Go,” Tia insists behind me. “Go now and make things right.”
I do as Tia commands, knowing that she’s right. The longer I leave Marie’s words to stew in Serena’s brain the worse they’ll become. As I move I curse myself for ever giving in to the primal urges that she used to have coursing through me. If I just ignored Marie all the times she followed me around and tried to get into my pants, things would be so much easier now. I can’t believe I ever let myself get with her. What a damn idiot.
“Serena!” I call out as soon as I reach outside. She isn’t anywhere immediately in sight, which I hope means she hasn’t run off too far. I don’t quite know how upset she is, I don’t know what’s been said. “Serena, where are you?”
I glance everywhere in sight, even peering behind the walls either side of the building. Finally I spot Serena slumped against a wall in the dark alleyway behind the club, weeping miserably. My heart bleeds, I hate that this has happened, and I like it even less that it’s my fault.
“Serena, oh my God, what happened?” I move closer to her and try to put an arm on her. She shakes me off quickly. “Serena, whatever Marie said to you... don’t think anything of it. She’s just bitchy like that.”
“Then why did you hook up with her?” She turns her head and gives me a sorrowful look, one that makes me hate absolutely everything that came in my life before her. “Is she right? Have you been together for ages?”
“Not together,” I close my eyes in frustration. “It isn’t like that. She just... we hooked up once then she started following me to events and...”
“But why did you continue to hook up with her? Is it because she’s beautiful? It is because she’s sexy? Is because she isn’t as boring as I am?”
“Boring?” I pull Serena around to face me and stare at her with utter seriousness. “Serena, I don’t think you understand, you really do captivate me. I don’t think there’s anything boring about you at all. I think you’re amazing.” I can tell that I need to be honest if I’m ever going to get anywhere with Serena. “Yes, I hooked up with Marie a few times, but that was never anything. There was never anything emotional there at all. She knows nothing about me at all. What we have is an emotional bond, you know me, I’ve talked to you about stuff. I’ve opened up to you. You’ve changed me for the better. What I feel for you is nothing like that... I think... I think I might...”
I can see her eyes widen in expectation. I want to say those three little words, they’re there, burning in the back of my throat, but something is blocking them from coming out. Maybe it’s just scary to finally open up that much... I don’t think I’m ready for it.
Instead I go in for a kiss.
At first, Serena seems resistant. She stands there with her hands firmly planted by her sides. I know she’s disappointed, I’m sure she wanted me to say those three words but I just can’t do it. I will, but when I’m ready. Eventually her hands move up my body and she plants them on my waist. She leans in closer to me and deepens the kiss. Thank God she’s forgiven me for whatever Marie said to her. It seems that she said Serena was boring and that I’ll always want her. Serena is about to learn just how wrong that is.
“Oh, Ben,” she murmurs as my mouth goes to her neck. I run my hands slowly up her torso and cup her breasts between my fingers. I squeeze lightly which causes her breaths to become shorter and more ragged.
I need her to understand, really understand, that it’s only her I want.
I slide one hand down, pinching her hip as I go and soon I make it to the waistband of her leggings. She rolls her hips towards me, pressing against my groin, seemingly totally unaware that we’re outside her work anymore. I don’t care, the more she forgets about the real world the better I can make her feel. All I want to do in this moment is make her feel amazing.
My fingers dip into her underwear and I brush past the hairs there edging myself closer and closer to the heat I can already feel emanating from her. My heart races as I wonder how soaking she is for me, the serene expression on her face suggests that she’s so turned on she could scream. There are people around us everywhere, but we’re tucked into a nook meaning that no one can see us. The risk of being caught is there without the actual threat. It’s the perfect, hot as hell, scenario.
I reach around and slide my fingers into her, pushing into her wetness until she gasps and clings to me. I know her body well now, almost better than I know my own and I know just how to turn her on. While I’d much rather spend a lot of time exploring all of her flushed, beautiful skin, I know that she needs to be quick because she needs to get back to work. I’m going to have to use all of my best tricks.
I flick over her clit with my thumb while dipping my fingers in and out of her. Serena’s walls tighten around my fingers, she grips onto me, keeping me there, encouraging me to move faster and harder inside of her. While the passion overcomes her, I
watch Serena’s face, admiring her beauty. She’s absolutely gorgeous, naturally so. She’s absolutely the most beautiful woman that I’ve ever been with. I want to keep her, I don’t want anything to get in our way, not even my own insecurities.
I need to say it, however terrifying it is I have to find the words somehow.
She grinds against me, her whole body shuddering as the pressure builds. I move my hand in the way I know that she likes and she stiffens just before the sensations claim her completely. As she shatters and falls apart in my arms I make sure to hold her upright. Her legs have jellified, she can barely hold herself upright, and the last thing I want is for that beautiful ass of hers to hit the dirty ground out here. She’s my princess, far too good for that.
“Oh God, Ben,” she gasps into my mouth once she’s done. “That was amazing. How the hell am I supposed to go back to work now, after that?”
I pull my hand away from her and allow her to adjust herself. My chest swells, the words fill me, I can feel them trying to burst free. I need to say it. I can’t keep it in anymore, it’s almost too much for me.
“I love you.” The fall out of my mouth rapidly.