by Mia Ford
He’s silent for a beat too long, making me wonder if I’ve made a mistake. I’ve been so logical, I’ve tried to be so careful with my words, but his understanding of my true nature just made it explode from me. I didn’t mean it to happen, it just did.
“Oh God, Tia,” he replies with a cracked, emotional voice. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that.” Relief floods me as I realize this must mean that he feels the same way about me. The tight knot in my stomach uncoils and I feel my pulse rate return to normal. Well, almost normal, this is still a huge, life changing moment after all. “I love you too. I’ve loved you for a very long time. You’re just… you’re everything to me.”
I press my lips against his, not too hard because I know that he’s still very fragile. I let the love flow from my lips to his, solidifying the union that we now share. I feel even more secure in what we have now. I feel like we actually will make this last forever. Maybe the way we met is a little crazy, but now none of that matters. Now we’re just us.
“Well, I think I better get a little more sleep,” Kian grunts while lying back. “And you probably want to get to writing, don’t you? I can almost see the ideas floating behind your eyes already. Your brain is all busy.”
I chuckle knowingly because he’s so right. I can feel an itch in the ends of my fingers, needing to get out. It’s a strong urge I’ve never felt before.
“You’re correct,” I tell him happily. I lean forward to place a kiss on his forehead. “You get some sleep, sweetie, and I’ll see you when you wake up. Love you.” My chest warms, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of saying those words.
“I love you too.” Oh, it seems I won’t ever grow tired of hearing them either. They make me feel so damn special it hurts. “Night.”
As Kian rests his head back on the pillow I step back from him and move over to my desk. When I moved to New Zealand in a hurry I left all my notebooks and writing equipment behind meaning that they’re still there now. The only good thing that my parents did was leaving my bedroom exactly as I left it. I don’t know how I would have felt coming back if that weren’t the case. With a pink notebook and a black biro, I sit at my desk and I let the pen flow without thinking about it. I don’t even consider the quality of the work. I know that the most important thing to do now is get the story out. Once it’s out there, on paper, I can edit it and make it so much better then. I might even change names and places then, to protect the real identities of people if they don’t want to be in it. Make it more of a fiction piece than fact, but for now, everything will be what it was:
The Princess Cruise was supposed to change everything. I wanted it to kick start my brand new life. I expected to find something aboard that ship, something that would steer me in a new direction and change the course of my current, very boring, existence. As I stared up at the grand ship, I felt a burst of excitement as I got the sense that nothing would ever be the same again.
It did change everything, but not in the way that I expected…
Chapter Twenty Three - Kian
I don’t know how to take Tia’s mom if I’m honest. I mean, she’s always been nice to me but I know from Tia that she hasn’t always been great. We have a stilted, slightly awkward relationship, but it’s okay for now. I’m polite because she’s let me stay in her house while I recover which is very good of her, but I know that she knew about her husband’s escapades and she did nothing about it. Stephen died because of that, which I cannot fully forgive.
Hopefully it won’t be too much longer. I’m getting ready to leave this house now, to restart my life. I’m itching to leave the confines of these four walls and to be me again.
“What are you doing?” I ask Tia while rubbing her shoulders. There’s a lot of tension there, she could use a good massage really. “You’ve been writing for hours now.”
“Hmm?” She looks up at me, bleary eyed and a little confused. “Oh I’m sorry have I been neglecting you?” She smiles thinly, blinking far too rapidly. “I’m sorry I keep getting sucked into the story line and getting lost. It makes me forget all about the rest of the world.”
“That’s good.” A bright, beaming proud smile spreads across my cheeks. I’ve never been so proud, it feels like Tia is finally flowing her dream at last and she’s really happy doing it. She’s only let me read snippets of the story at the moment, but it’s fantastic. She’s a true talent. I know she’s going to edit it to make it a mix of fact and fiction at the end to protect certain identities, but I think what he’s done is fantastic. It’s a real mood piece, a great way to remember Stephen. “I’m glad. That means it’ll be an amazing end product. You will have publishers and agents trying to snap your hand off.”
“Oh I don’t know about that.” She blushes coyly. “But I am having a very good time writing it. I forgot how much I like to write fiction. I mean, I enjoy my job at the paper and everything but this is just so much more me.”
“Good. Can I read some?” I reach forward to take a piece of paper from her but she snatches it away and shakes her head violently at me. “What? Why not?”
“I don’t want you to read it again until it’s done,” she says anxiously. “Your opinion and trying to please you is putting me off. Just let me get it done first.”
I’m not offended. I know what it’s like trying to do something creative. I don’t want anyone to hear my songs either until they are completely done. I take a step back with my hands in a surrendering gesture and give her a chuckle to show that I’m not offended.
“Alright, alright. Whatever you want. I’ll just be over here, waiting for you.”
She looks at me thoughtfully while tapping her chin. With her intense piercing gaze, I feel like she can see straight into me and she sees the things that I would much rather keep hidden. Usually I like that she can see that much of me, it makes me feel special that she knows me so well, but now I feel a little uncomfortable under it. It’s almost as if I have something to hide although I don’t know what it is.
“You are bored now, aren’t you?” Ah, that’s it. I don’t want her to know that I’m growing impatient to move on. Not when she’s in such a good creative place. “You want to leave here now.” I don’t say anything, but I guess chewing down on my bottom lip tells her everything that she needs to know. “I guess what we need to do is decide what to do next.” She cocks her head and gives me a curious look. “What are you thinking?”
I part my lips to speak, even though I don’t know what I’m going to say, but as it turned out I’m saved by the bell… or at least by the sound of my phone ringing loudly. “Oh, I better get this,” I tell her regretfully as I leave the room.
Once outside I press my back against the door and I close my eyes for a moment of relief. I know that I want to leave but I don’t know what I want to do. If I’m honest, there are other things that I’ve been keeping from Tia too and that’s musical job offers in America and New Zealand. Judging from the number that’s on my phone screen, this is going to be more of that.
“Hello?” I answer quietly. “Kian Jones speaking.”
“Hi, Kian,” comes the slick, smooth reply. “This is Bonnie from Mr. Beaumont’s office. I am just calling to chase you up, to see if you’ve had time to think about our offer.”
God the offer they’ve given me is good. Too good. It’ll catapult me to the rich and famous area of life I didn’t even know I desired until I performed that gig. I can close my eyes as I speak to Bonnie and I can see myself doing that for a living and making a whole lot of money as I do. Me and Tia would be set for life easily and it would probably be a whole lot of fun. Yes, it might be a little weird that it’s an offer piggybacking the controversial concert and it might also be strange that the Mr. Beaumont wanted to sign my brother too, but I’m trying my best not to think too hard about that one.
“I have,” I tell her sadly. “But I still don’t know what to do about it….”
“Is it more offers?” she jumps in, misinterpre
ting my hesitation. “Because we can go higher. Mr. Beaumont is more than willing to pay you whatever you want. You’re hot stuff right now. I’m sure we can work out a good deal for you.”
This is the thing that sickens me. I know I could be more successful in America, I know I could be rolling in all the money in the world if I took it, but the main reason they want me now is because my brother was killed and I was shot. I’m a news story. I’ve probably gone viral online, my story is surely everywhere. They want me like I’m a commodity and I don’t know if that’s what I want for my future. Life is too short to be unhappy.
Plus, it isn’t just me that my decision affects. I glance backwards towards Tia’s room and consider what she wants. Really, all I want is to be in the same country as her. What’s happened now has ensured that I definitely cannot live without her. She’s car crashed into my life, affected me deeply, and now all I want is to spend the rest of my life making her happy.
“I’m sorry, Bonnie,” I say smilingly while tugging the phone away from my ear. “I don’t know how to answer this question right now, I need more time. I know that probably doesn’t suit, but…” I hang up before I can finish my sentence, but I really don’t care anymore. I want to continue doing music, but I don’t want to sell my soul for it.
I glance at the screen of my phone and scroll to the text messages I’ve ben sharing with a music producer back in Wellington. It isn’t a big operation out there in New Zealand, it won’t make me nearly as much money, but I could be happier and freer. That’s another choice. Maybe that’s the one I really want to take, I don’t know yet.
I haven’t wanted to be truly famous for a very long time, I remind myself as I look at the screen. That hasn’t been in my plan for ages. Now I also have the woman that I love to consider. She has a life in New Zealand, and one here too.
It’s up to her, it has to be. With a loud, determined sigh, I push the door to her bedroom back open and I step inside to watch her happily squirreling away with her writing all over again. I tiptoe across the room, not wanting to disturb her, and I sit on the edge of her sheets just waiting for her to get to a stopping point. I know now not to talk to her when she’s in the middle of a sentence if I don’t want to be on the wrong end of her wrath.
I prop my elbows onto my knees and rest my head on my hands as I watch her. I’m glad that I can bend this way now. The wound has healed enough for me to move now but I’ll always have a big scar to remind me of that night… not that I think I can forget it anytime soon.
“Right.” Tia spins on her chair to look at me. I can see a fire in her gaze which makes me happy. She looks so damn beautiful when she has that spark within her. It always reminds me why I fell in love with her in the first place. She’s spunky, fun, passionate, ambitious, lovely… I just love everything about her. “Who was that on the phone?”
I guess it’s now or never. Time to just tell her everything. I haven’t wanted to hide it from her, I just haven’t wanted to pile the pressure on while she’s writing, but I know what Tia is like. She’ll be like a dog with a bone now that she suspects something. It’s time to just blurt it all out and be truthful with her.
“That was a record label,” I tell her with a blush. “In America. A pretty big one that wants to sign me up, help me to release some albums and tour.”
Initially her eyes widen with happiness, she looks pleased for me that my dreams are coming true, but before she can say anything it dawns on her the implications of this decision. She suddenly sees that this isn’t just a straight forward thing. “Oh,” she practically whispers. “Right, I see. And what do you think about that?”
“It isn’t the only offer I’ve had,” I admit. “And not all of them take place in America.” I give her a one shouldered shrug and fix my eyes on the ground while I continue. “Of course the ones that are better money are here, there’s no escaping that, but I have also been given opportunities in New Zealand. I guess with what you’ve just been saying, it’s time to decide what we want to do next.”
She pushes her chair back stands up, pacing the room with her hands clasped behind her back as if she’s really troubled by this information. “And what do you want to do? I mean, I suppose I could do my writing anywhere if you want me with you…”
“Of course I want you with me,” I insist with a chuckle. “I want to do whatever you want.”
She turns to give me an imploring look under her eyelashes, making my heart melt. “And what do you think would be best for you? What do you think your best option is?”
“Honestly?” I reply while grasping her hands. “I think I will be richer in America, but happier in New Zealand. Where do you think you could find the most happiness?”
She slumps against my chest and warps her arms around my waist. I envelop her in a hug while I wait for her answer. This is a big life decision that lays ahead of us. I don’t want her to make a snap decision while under pressure.
“I want to be in New Zealand,” she finally admits. “I don’t feel like I have anything but bad memories in America. I was lonely here, miserable, my father lives here. Even if he’s in prison, he’s still everywhere in this house. Plus Stephen died here, and you got shot. I just want to be in Wellington with my friends and my job… plus your parents. They don’t deserve to lose another son.”
I pull back to look at her seriously. “But what about your mother? Doesn’t she need you?”
Her face tightens, I can see anger flashing in her eyes. Maybe that was the wrong thing to say. “I love my mother, but I’m sure she will be just fine without me. She’s had me for some time, but she’s an adult and she needs to live with the choices that she’s made. I’m sure she’ll be fine anyway, she isn’t alone. She has friends. I need to do what’s right for me, and I think that’s being in New Zealand.”
I dip my head down gently kiss the top of her head in a loving way. “If that’s what you want then that’s what I want too.” My whole chest expands with happiness and relief, this is what I’ve wanted, I just needed Tia to agree with me before I could settle on it. “We’re going to be very happy me and you, I just know it.”
Chapter Twenty Four - Tia
As soon as the decision is made and I know that we’ll be leaving America soon, a freedom bursts in my chest. I push myself up onto my tiptoes to reach Kian’s high up lips so I can kiss them with everything that I feel for him. I’m so glad that he wants me because he’s all that I want too. I cannot imagine spending even one more day of my life without him.
I don’t want to remain in America, even if the opportunities are better. There are too many bad memories here that I never want to think about again. I would much rather be in my safe haven where all of this is miles away, with my friendship group and my happy life. However, if Kian had told me then that he wanted to stay in America, I would do it for him. I love him too damn much, I would do anything for this wonderful man.
My fingers idly trace up his stomach where I find the scar left behind from his injury. I delicately brush it, noticing for the first time in a very long time that he isn’t wincing from the pain. He must be on his way to getting better, fully better, which is awesome.
“How are you feeling now?” I mutter against his lips. “Are you okay?”
“Good enough for this.” His hands circle my waist and I start to feel the material of my top slide up over my head. There’s a deep passion as he curls his finger tips around the material which I haven’t felt in a very long time. I’ve been trying to contain myself, to hold the deep fiery need inside until Kian is better, and now finally it seems like that time has come. My heart beats faster as goose bumps prickle along my now, naked skin.
“Are you sure?” I ask breathlessly as I feel a deep throbbing all over my body. My core is already pulsating desperately and he hasn’t even confirmed that this is going to happen yet. “You aren’t still too hurt, are you?” I don’t want to hurt him more, even if I want it.
“I’m not too hurt for you, n
o,” he growls while nipping at my bottom lip with his teeth. “I have hated holding back. I don’t think I can do it for another second longer.”
With that it’s my turn to remove his top and as I do I allow my fingers to feel every millimeter of his strong, sculpted abs. I’ve missed this body so much that I could groan and pant all night long. As I’ve been writing, I keep getting distracted by the memory of how good it is to be with Kian, so I’m so glad I get the chance again.
Once Kian’s top is off I push him roughly backwards until his back hits the wall behind him. His eyes widen in shock which only causes a cheeky smile to spread across my lips. It’s ben far too long since we’ve been in this position and I damn well want to take full advantage of it. I walk towards him, swaying my hips as I go, which makes him lick his lips with anticipation. I like that look on his face, it makes my heart pound even harder.
As soon as I meet Kian’s body again I connect my mouth with his neck. I start by kissing him softly and gently while slowly trailing my fingers along the waistband of his boxers. There’s an intense heat coming from there, I can feel a steely rod inside, but first I want to make him wait until he can barely stand it anymore. I want to drive him crazy.
Eventually he grunts loudly, his thighs tense, and his fingers grip tightly into my hips. I know then that I have my moment. I clamp my teeth down into Kian’s neck, biting him and marking him as mine, all while dipping my hand into his underwear and wrapping my fingers around that thick, incredible shaft. His hot, thick, throbbing erection.