He needed the truth from his father.
Nick found him in the den watching the late-night news. “Dad? Can we talk?”
Dad switched off the set and waved him in.
Nick lowered himself onto the couch. He studied the lines on his father’s face. His skin was sallow, his normal healthy glow almost gone.
“Where on earth have you been? I thought you said you were coming back to the island yesterday, but you were nowhere to be found when I arrived this morning. I’ve been worried.”
Nick kind of doubted that, but appreciated the effort. “Sorry. I got back last night. I’ve been with the Carlisles. There’ve been some . . . developments.” He pushed his head back against the cushions, not sure how to say it. Best to just put it out there. “Dad?”
“What?”
“Did you kill Diana Carlisle?”
His father jerked in the chair like he’d been zapped with a bolt of electricity. “Excuse me?”
Nick lifted his hands. “I need to know.”
“Why the devil would you ask me that now, after all these years?”
“Because Lynette Carlisle thinks you did. And I’m not so sure I don’t believe her.”
A shudder ripped through Nick.
The truth was, he was afraid to hear the answer. Afraid to hear his suspicions confirmed. Afraid to hear his father finally admit it.
Anthony went to the bar and fixed himself a drink. Nick noticed the limp in his stride. Dressed in jogging pants and a light T-shirt, his weight loss was obvious.
“I’m dying, Nicholas.” He sat, breathed out a ragged sigh. “The cancer is in my liver. Spreading into bone. They told me I have a couple of months, maybe more, maybe less.” He took a gulp of the amber liquid, his cheeks pinking. “We should probably start talking to the lawyers. I want to get things squared away, while I can.”
“Dad?” Nick’s pulse accelerated with every word, acid twisting his stomach.
“Nick. I didn’t kill her.” He put his glass down and rubbed his hand over his eyes. They were wet. “Did I love her? Yes. Did I know it was wrong? Yes. God help me. After your mother left, I pursued Diana. I wanted a future with her. She wouldn’t leave Drake.”
He lowered his head. “I went to their house that day to get her to change her mind. We were arguing. I went after her . . . Her foot slipped at the top of the stairs. I tried to catch her . . .” Tears crept over the hollow crevasses of his cheeks. “It was an accident.” His father’s gaze was steady, unwavering. “An awful accident. But that’s what happened. I’d say you could ask Drake, but . . .”
Nick sat straighter. “Drake was there?”
“He came around the corner just before she fell. Tried to catch her too . . .” A strangled sob caught in his father’s throat. “He told the police it was an accident.”
Nick swallowed hard, memories jarring, taunting. “You guys were pretty good friends, weren’t you?”
“Until I crossed the line, yes.” Dad ran a finger around the rim of his glass. “He could have ruined me that night. It would have been his word against mine. But he didn’t. Even then, he . . . showed me grace.” He shook his head. “All these years I’ve blamed Drake for my own sins. I thought if I could get rid of that house, I’d finally be free of the memories. Make him pay for being the one she loved more. But he’s already paid that price. From what I’ve heard . . . they thought he did it, didn’t they? Those kids thought their father was responsible for their mother’s death.”
“Maybe.” Nick let out his breath. All the fight in him fled with the fear in his father’s voice. “Lynnie was the only one who knew you were there.”
“Let her think what she likes.” His father closed his eyes for a moment. “I may as well have killed Diana.”
“I knew about the affair. I kept quiet because I thought it was my duty to protect you.”
Dad sat silent for a long, painful moment. “I got it all wrong, Nicholas.” Harsh laughter caught in his throat. “Your mother said I’d regret the choices I made. She was right.” He stood and walked to the mantel.
The few family photographs Nick’s mother had left behind sat there. Nick never looked at them.
She’d given him a choice when she’d left. Come and live with her, what she wanted, or make his primary home with his father.
Nick chose to stay here.
Chose to stay with a man he was never quite sure cared either way. He wondered now whether that choice had been some sort of self-inflicted punishment or whether he hadn’t wanted to leave the family next door.
Dad reached for a silver-framed image with a trembling hand.
Nick’s eyes filled as he caught a glimpse of it. The two of them on a rare fishing trip together. He must have been about nine or ten. He held up his catch, grinning from ear to ear, while Dad stood beside him, one arm around his shoulder, pride in his eyes.
“That was a fun day.” Dad faced him, his face sagging. “I’ve done a lot of things in my life that I’m not proud of. But you . . . you’re different, Nicholas. Maybe I resented that a little. You always saw the good in people; always had this relentless desire to do the right thing. And you still do. I admire that now.” Dad put the picture back in place. “So I want to apologize for everything, while I still can.”
“Dad.” Nick raised a hand. He wasn’t ready for this.
“Hear me out.” Anthony coughed, rocked on his heels, and tossed him a timid smile. “My own father was never one to show emotion. He had a list of expectations that stretched from here to Florida and I did my best to meet every one of them. Everything I accomplished, I did for him. So he would be proud of me. Tell me how great I was.” His mouth pulled tight and he uttered a low curse. “He never did. Up until the day he died, I never knew how he really felt about me. And I repeated the pattern with you. I knew I was doing it. Hated myself for it, but I didn’t know any other way.”
He took slow steps until he came to stand in front of Nick. “I hope that one day you’ll forgive me for that. Forgive me for my failures. I may not say it, or show it, but I’m proud of you, son. I really am.”
Nick sat very still and let the words sink in. Thought about grace again, and what his life might look like, were he to truly embrace it. Finally, he nodded. “I forgive you, Dad. And maybe it’s not too late. Maybe we can start over.”
“Bah.” Dad waved a hand with a short laugh. “Don’t expect miracles, Nicholas. It’s too late for me. But you . . . I know you hate that job at the bank. You’re only there because I asked you to come back. I know you’ve always wanted to do something else. Architecture, right?”
“Yeah. A long time ago,” Nick admitted, his throat thick. “Doesn’t matter now.”
“Yes, it does. We’ll find someone else to fill your position.” Dad sat forward. “If you still want to, go back to school. Study what you wanted to in the first place. Make the choices that will satisfy you, son. Live the life you want. Not the one you think I expected.”
“Dad—”
“No. I want you to promise me. After I’m gone, you’ll follow your dreams.”
Nick blinked. Never could he have imagined sitting here having this conversation with his father.
“And marry that girl next door too. If you love her.”
He almost missed the wink Dad shot him, but caught it in time and smiled wide. “I do.”
“Well then.” Dad sat back, looking more at peace than Nick had ever seen him. “That’s settled.”
“Dad? Would you be up to taking a trip?” The idea came out of nowhere. Suddenly he knew time was short. And he very much wanted to know his father. “We could rent a private yacht, hire a crew. You wouldn’t have to do anything. We’ll go anywhere you want. I can take some time off. Leave Tucker Watts in charge.”
“Mercy.” Dad downed his drink in one gulp.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Nick waited two long weeks until they gave him the okay to go over to Wyldewood. With updates from Cecily and Evy, h
e kept up with Lynnie’s progress. He’d called her, but she hadn’t answered her cell. He wasn’t sure she really wanted to see him, but he and Dad were leaving in a couple of days.
He needed to say good-bye.
Gray answered the door, disheveled in shorts, a dirty polo, and bare feet, holding a little girl with curly blond hair and familiar blue eyes.
“Hey.” Nick spoke first.
“’Bout time you showed up.” Gray’s grin came out of hiding.
Nick looked at his feet a minute. “I’m sorry, man. It was a mess. I should have told her in the beginning.”
“You weren’t the only one who knew.”
Nick’s lips curled upward. “So, we’re good?”
Gray’s nod said it all. “We’re good.”
Apprehension slid away and Nick knew no matter what came next, he’d survive it.
“So. This is Tess.” Gray rubbed the little girl’s back as she gave a yawn.
“Hi, Tess.” Nick chuckled as she buried her head against Gray’s shoulder. “You’re not shy, are you?”
“Nah. She’s pretending. Give her two minutes. Come on in. Everyone else is down on the beach. We just got up from our nap.”
“Nice.” Nick followed Gray through the house. “So . . . you gonna marry that girl, dude?”
“Coop.” Gray laughed and kissed Tess on the head. “That would be rather conventional of me, wouldn’t it?” He stopped walking and turned to Nick. “I’m still working on getting my life back, but yeah. And when I do, I’ll need a best man.”
Nick put a hand on Gray’s shoulder. “I’d be honored.”
“Cool. Just take it easy with the speech.” He lowered his voice and winked. “Tori’s parents are just starting to like me again.”
“Okay.” Laughter felt good. “I’m really happy for you, man.”
Gray threw him his classic bad-boy grin. “Wouldn’t want to do it without you, Coop.”
They clasped hands and Nick allowed the memories to take one final bow.
It was time to move on.
As they walked through the house, Gray peered through one of the long windows in the dining room. “Lynnie must have come up.”
Nick’s gaze went to the window and his lungs almost bailed on him.
Lynette sat on the bench, head bent over a book. The breeze played with her hair and the wind chimes conjured up a lifetime of memories and a bucketful of feeling, ready to spill over and wash away all the grime and grit of the grisly scenes his mind kept replaying.
If only he’d let it.
He rocked on his heels, suddenly nervous. “Um . . . maybe I should—”
Gray rolled his eyes and opened the back door. “Lynnie, someone to see you.”
Lynette knew Nick would come eventually.
She looked up as he approached, unable to stop a smile. “Nick.”
“Hi, Lynnie.” Hesitation lurked in his gaze. “How are you?”
“You mean aside from being a little north of normal?”
Nick’s grin came and went. “I hear normal is highly overrated.”
“You might be right.” The hospital stay was the worst. Meeting with the doctors, rehashing it all. But now the memories brought clarity instead of confusion. And the future didn’t seem so far out of reach. “Thanks for the flowers.” Every few days a new arrangement arrived. “Want to sit?” She put her book down, shifted to make room for him.
Nick settled beside her and draped one arm across the back of the bench. His eyes searched her face, maybe wanting to make sure no more ghosts sat on her shoulders and kept her up at night.
“Did you meet Tess?”
“Yeah. Quite a surprise, huh?”
She laughed at his expression. “Nothing Gray does surprises me anymore. I’m just glad he’s finally decided to be a dad. He’s awesome with her.”
“I saw.”
“How’s your father, Nick?”
“He’s hanging in there.” Nick studied his knees, and when he looked up again, his eyes were a bit too bright. “The doctors say they’ve done all they can. It probably won’t be much longer, months at best. We’ve had some good talks the last few days. We’re taking a trip. He’s always wanted to sail the Mediterranean. We’ve got a boat and a crew. A doctor buddy of his is coming along. Leaving next week. I . . . would have come to see you before now, Lynnie, but they thought, I mean, I didn’t know . . .”
“You didn’t know if I’d want to see you.” She remembered her anger that night, finding out that Nick had known about the affair and kept it from her. But then she’d discovered David and Gray knew as well. “I needed some time to process everything. I know that you wanted to be here, I knew you were thinking about me.”
“You didn’t take my calls.”
“Nick. I’m sorry. My doctor thought, given the circumstances, it was better that way. But you’re here now.”
“I was really worried. But I get it.” He smiled then, and she felt better. “You look amazing, though. Your hair is shorter, right?”
“A little.” She enjoyed Nick’s obvious pleasure as he took in her new look. Liz practically dragged her to the hair salon, but once it was done, she liked it. “I figured it was time for a change. And it’s only been two weeks since you’ve seen me. But thanks. I’m feeling good.” She fiddled with the ring on her finger. “I’m glad for you, Nick, that you’re getting to spend some time with your dad. I hope it’s everything you want and more. You’ll always have those memories.”
“Yeah. Better late than never.” Nick stretched out his legs. “Oh, and get this. He wants me to go back to school. Become an architect.”
Lynette captured the joy in his eyes and felt it herself. “That’s wonderful! It’s what you always wanted. You’ll do it, won’t you?”
“Probably. Those details can be worked out later. But, yeah. It’s good.”
“It is. I’m excited for you.”
“Did you ever think about going back to college?” Nick asked, giving the smile she’d missed so much. “Getting your teaching degree? I mean, once things with your dad settle down, and the house . . . We could go together.”
Together. More laughter slipped out and she relished it. “Well, I can’t say I’ve thought about it lately, but it’s an interesting idea.” She clasped her hands and got on with it. “Actually, I’m going away too.”
“You are? Where?” His eyes were wide, perhaps a hint of regret tagging along.
So Gray hadn’t told him.
“I’m going back to Africa with Ryan. Gray bought me a ticket. My doctor thinks it’s a good idea for me to get away. Just for a while.”
“What about your dad?”
Lynette pushed her hair out of her eyes and nodded. She was learning to accept that aspect of her life as well. “He’ll be looked after. David and Josslyn are talking about maybe moving here, getting a fresh start. Josslyn could apply for a teaching job at the high school. I think David really wants to oversee the renovations and help look after Dad. I’m not sure what Liz is planning to do. I’m not sure she knows.” Tears pricked her eyes but she let them come. Avoiding the truth was a thing of the past. “He’ll get to the point where he won’t know if I’m here or not.”
“I’m sorry, Lynnie.”
She nodded, stood, and moved around the porch, picking deadheads off the potted geraniums and roses. When she trusted her ability to speak again, she turned around.
“Evy’s coming over next week, to go through Dad’s paintings with us. She’ll start brokering them and hopefully they’ll do well. We’re all pretty upbeat about the renovations and running the B&B, but you know, things don’t always go according to plan. If for some reason we end up having to sell the house, then we will.” She could say it now. Hear the truth without it hurting. “I realize now that it wasn’t so much about saving Wyldewood. It wasn’t the memories of the past I was desperate to hold on to, it was the past itself. The things I couldn’t remember. Things I knew and didn’t want to face.”
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Nick clasped his hands behind his head. “Should I have told you the truth, Lynnie? About our parents?”
“It doesn’t matter.” She shrugged, understanding the conflict. “I don’t blame you, Nick. You thought you were doing the right thing.” She’d had time to think, to pray, to process, to forgive. “And I think I needed to remember, to understand the truth of what happened, on my own.”
God had not abandoned her, even though at times she’d felt like it. He’d been there all along, guiding her, pointing her toward the doors she needed to walk through.
Now all she had to do was sort through her feelings for Nick.
She turned toward the sea. Nick’s steps came closer.
“Did Gray tell you I talked to my father?” He stood so close their arms touched. “About what happened the day your mom died?”
“Yes. And I believe it was just an accident.” Lynette shifted to look at him. “I don’t want it to be something that comes between us. I hope we’ll always be friends, Nick.”
“Friends?” Questions crossed his face, furrowed his brow. Questions she wasn’t sure she wanted to answer yet, but knew he would give her little choice, and she owed him that much.
“Let’s go sit over there.” She picked her way across the lawn and positioned herself on the wall, facing the ocean. Nick joined her and they watched the waves in silence.
“Gray and I used to do this all the time.”
“Yeah, me too.” Nick picked a small shell from the wall and tossed it toward the water. “Except he always tried to push me off.” They fell quiet.
Eventually she swiveled, swung her legs around, and planted them firmly on the grass. The windows of the house seemed to smile at her, gleaming in the sun. She could almost see the shadows on the steps, coming and going. But they didn’t haunt her anymore.
Nick got up, paced the perimeter of the wall, then walked back to where she sat. “What are you thinking?”
The Things We Knew Page 31