“Sure,” I answer. “Just let me run inside and change out of these jeans.”
Reid nods. “So...was your appointment good? Everything go okay?”
“It was great. It went great,” I say, smiling back at him from the front porch steps. “I’ll be out in just a sec.”
I run up the stairs to my room and change into a yellow, knee-length sun dress, and a pair of metallic gold flip flops. After running my hands through my hair, I swallow one of the pills on my nightstand and head out to the lake.
I feel the wood of the wharf creak beneath my feet and smell the fishy lake odor that I’ve become so accustomed to. Ahead, I see Reid and Tillie laughing and teasing each other, and I know in my heart that having Reid here will be good for the both of us.
I’m getting over the initial shock that I felt when he first got here. With the help of the medication and talking to Cass and Dr. Benson, I’m able to see things more clearly.
“Ewww!” I hear Tillie yell. “Mommy, hurry! You have got to see this. Prince Reid just cutted the fishies head off!” she shouts, excited and a bit disgustedly.
Reid is holding the fish head out toward her, and she’s squealing like a happy little girl. It’s a beautiful sound.
“Hey, crazies,” I say, handing Reid a large metal bowl for the fish and a pair of skinning-pliers. “I hope you don’t mind if I just watch. Abbott always cleaned the fish. I’m a bit of a girl,” I say, crinkling my nose in disgust.
Reid shakes his head. “I don’t mind, Aunt Viv.” He takes the pliers and gets to work on the decapitated fish.
I watch the muscles in his forearm contract as he pulls the skin back. It’s such a disgusting task, yet here I am fascinated by the way his muscles flex with his movements.
I realize I’m staring and turn to watch Tillie playing with the container of worms. She definitely gets that from her daddy. I still can’t bring myself to touch the nasty little things.
“Hey, Reid?” I call out while staring absently out at the water.
“Yeah?”
“Would you mind not calling me Aunt Viv?” I cringe. “It just makes me feel old. Vivienne is fine or just Viv...Please?”
“Yeah, sure,” Reid answers, “No problem, Viv,” he adds with a wink. Damn those Parker eyes. This boy is gorgeous, and he knows it. He is going to be lethal to the heart of every female he encounters. Poor girls won’t know what hit ’em.
Reid
I see Vivienne watching me from the corner of my eye and damned if it doesn’t make my pulse quicken. I’m not sure what it is about her that has my dick stand up and take notice, but notice he does...and it’s fucking distracting as hell.
Vivienne is everything I normally steer clear of in a girl. She’s damaged and fragile. She cries all of the time, and I do not do tears. But I want to take away the pain. I want to make her feel whole and beautiful and wanted. Somehow, I sense that she needs that from me.
Maybe it’s the fact that her tears are not superficial. They aren’t a means to get something from me like every other female in my life. Vivienne is truly hurting, and I have this uncontrollable urge to make her smile, and not that half-assed, fake smile that she gives for everyone else’s benefit. I want to make her light up. In more ways than one.
I know it’s wrong to want her, but I can’t fucking help it. I would never betray Uncle Abbott that way, but showing her a little attention and lending her a shoulder to cry on is harmless, right?
I try to concentrate on skinning the last couple of fish, but my eyes keep wandering over to Vivienne in that short yellow dress. She’s standing a few feet away, watching Tillie pull worms out of the bucket, and that should totally be a turn-off...seeing her with her daughter. But everything about her calls out to me, even the way she dotes on her kid.
Hell, Vivienne Parker just fucking turns me on. Period.
I drop the last of the fish into the bowl with a splat. “Hey, ladies...all done here,” I call out, rinsing my hands in the lake water and then drying them off on my shorts.
“Oh, awesome!” Viv shakes herself out of her daze and rewards me with a huge smile. “Why don’t we go inside and I’ll make you two some sandwiches for lunch?” she offers, reaching out for the bowl. Her hand barely brushes against mine and the sensation is enough to set my soul on fire. “I’ll put these in the fridge and fry them up for dinner.”
She’s radiant this morning. It’s the only word I can find to describe her. This is a whole other level of attraction, and if I don’t watch myself, I could be in deep shit. I thought she was beautiful before—beautifully broken—but a smiling Vivienne, a happy Vivienne, is a sight to behold.
I catch myself staring at the freckles that dot her cheeks and give her a tense smile. “Sure, Viv. That sounds great. I’m just going to go grab a shower, and I’ll meet you and Tillie up at the house,” I say, already walking backwards away from Vivienne.
I place one hand on the shower wall and the other around my painfully hard cock. One touch from this woman and I need release. I stroke up and down, picturing that perfect ass. Those impossibly long legs. I allow myself to pretend that she’s here in front of me. I hike up that yellow dress, pull her panties to the side, and ram into her over and over. I squeeze my shaft as I pump harder and faster, imagining that it’s her tight pussy welcoming my every thrust. I feel the tightening in my groin as I cum...hard...with my aunt’s face on my mind.
Sick bastard.
Vivienne
The screen door slams shut just as I’m returning to the kitchen from putting Matilda in her room for a nap. “Hey, Reid,” I call out, “in here.”
I watch as Reid saunters into the room wearing gray cargo shorts and a light blue tee; the color against his eyes is striking. He has a presence about him that is welcoming and comforting. Maybe it’s just his likeness to Abbott, but now that I am over the shock and on my medication...it just feels good to be around him.
“Hey, Aunt—ugh, hey, Vivienne,” he chuckles. “That’s gonna take a little getting used to. Sorry,” he says with a guilty shrug.
“Don’t worry about it.” I wave him off, grabbing our plates from the counter. “Let’s have lunch out on the porch. It’s such a gorgeous day. Would you mind getting us each a Coke from the fridge?” I ask as I push the door open with my hip.
Reid grabs our drinks and follows me out to the table on the screened in porch. It’s a warm day, but there’s a nice breeze coming off the water, and the ceiling fans offer some added circulation.
We enjoy a comfortable silence as we eat our lunch, the only sounds coming from the whirring of the fans and the birds in the trees. I love that Reid can appreciate the beauty of our surroundings. I watch his profile and fixate on the movement of his jaw as he stares out at the water. There’s something magical about being able to offer someone peace with your presence alone. I’ve only ever gotten that from Abbott and Cassie. It’s nice to have another kindred spirit.
“So, when do you start football practice?” I ask once I’ve finished my lunch. “I need to make sure I work around your schedule with the camp.”
“Officially, practices won’t start until the end of July,” Reid says as he checks the calendar on his phone. “July 26th is when we have our first. We pretty much practice every day after that. Sometimes in the morning and others in the afternoon,” he says, placing his phone back down on the table.
“That’s the last week of camp. I can hire one of the neighbor kids to take the day shifts that week if you can still handle the Friday evenings.”
Our neighbor, Mrs. Sue, has a few high school aged boys that are always on the water. We’ve paid them to cut our lawn in the past. I’ll have to contact her anyway to set that up regularly now...since Abbott is no longer here to do it.
Abbott’s gone...
And that’s all it takes to kill the pleasant mood I’ve found myself in since returning home this morning. My hands begin to shake, and my heart suddenly feels too big for my chest.
&
nbsp; Reid notices the change right away, and I hate that just like that I’ve ruined our good time. I hate being so weak...so dependent. “Are you okay, Viv?” Reid asks as he gets up from his seat and walks over to kneel in front of me. “Did I say something to upset you?” he asks, placing his hand on my knee to stop it from shaking. I can see the wheels turning. Reid is frantically searching his head for a reason for my sudden change in mood.
I shake my head and squeeze my eyes shut tight, willing the dam not to break. Slow deep breaths do little to calm my racing heart, and when Reid wraps me in his arms, the floodgates open. He holds me tight against his body, and it feels so good to be held...to be wrapped in a man’s strong arms...arms that do not belong to Abbott.
My good friend guilt makes her appearance, and I am burning inside. My knees buckle, and I cry out for my husband. “Abbott...oh God...I need him. I need him, Reid. I can’t do this,” I cry, clenching the fabric of Reid’s shirt, pulling him closer...further incinerating my own heart while my conscience is screaming that I should be pushing him away. This is wrong.
“Shh,” he whispers, running a hand through my hair. “It’s okay, Vivienne. It’s okay...cry. Let it out.”
And I do. I soak his shirt and cling to the strength that he’s offering. I’m not sure how long we stand there like that...Reid supporting my boneless form as I spill my pain all over him...my heart and body at war with each other. Eventually, he carries me up to my room and sets me down on the bed.
Reid crouches down in front of me and takes both of my hands into his own, and I need this right now. I need the warmth and the kindness that his touch offers me. It’s an indescribable feeling when your body seeks comfort in the very place that’s filling your heart with gut-wrenching guilt. At this moment, my body wins, and I know that my heart will not go down easily.
“Do you need anything, Viv? Some water maybe?” he offers, grabbing the box of Kleenex from my nightstand and pulling a few from the box. He mops up my tears and then tosses them into the wicker trash bin.
I grab a few more tissues and blow my nose. “My, umm...my pills are in the drawer,” I say, pointing. I hardly recognize my own voice. It’s rough and gravelly from the workout I’ve just put it through.
Reid gets my medication from the drawer and hands me the bottle along with my water. I swallow a pill and pass both bottles back to Reid, who is still crouched before me. I’m embarrassed to have lost it like that in front of him. I’m sure that this is not what he thought he was signing up for.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
Reid pushes my tear-soaked hair behind my ears as he rises. “You’re welcome. Why don’t you get some rest, Viv? I’ll go watch TV in the living room and wait up for Tillie.”
Liquid gratitude sneaks down my cheeks. “I’m so sorry, Reid,” I say, feeling the heat in my face.
“You just lost your husband. I’d be worried if you weren’t a mess,” he says simply as he opens my bedroom door. “Get some sleep. You look exhausted. Don’t worry about Tillie.” Reid switches off my light and shuts the door behind him, leaving me to my thoughts.
After just a few minutes, I feel the ache in my chest subside as my heartbeat returns to a normal pace. The guilt is only a fraction of the weight it was just moments ago. It’s still there...always there, but I’m back to a place of rational thought. The pain numbs to a dull ache, and I’m tired. So very tired.
When I open my eyes, the first thing I notice is that it is dark outside. Shit. What time is it? It wasn’t even one in the afternoon when I came up to bed. I throw off the covers and sit up to see that it is almost seven o’clock. I’ve been asleep for six hours!
I go into my bathroom to pass a brush through my bed-tangled hair and brush my teeth. Then, I walk back out to my bedroom and take one of my pills. I can’t afford a repeat of this morning.
When I open the door to my room, I’m greeted with the smell of fried food. I hear rock music blaring from the kitchen and the sweet, sweet sound of my little girl’s giggle.
On tip toes, I creep down the stairs and through the house to the kitchen entryway. There’s a pan filled with fried fish and another with fries sitting on the island. Reid has Tillie kneeling on a stool beside him at the sink and they are...washing dishes? Well, Reid’s washing dishes. Matilda is dipping her hands in the water and waving them in front of Reid’s face to spray him with the droplets. The floor is full of soapy water, and he is dripping wet.
My heart swells.
I can’t believe he did all of this. I don’t know how to ever thank him for everything he’s done for me today.
I clear my throat loudly to get their attention and two-megawatt smiles trimmed in identical sets of dimples turn my way.
“Hey, sleeping booty,” Tillie says as she jumps off of the stool and rushes at me, slipping and sliding on the wet floor the whole way.
Reid dries off as best he can with a dish towel. “Ah, don’t worry about it. Dimples and I had a great time, didn’t we?”
Dimples? He gave her a nickname? Huh...I like it.
“It was so fun, Mommy. We played Barbies and Play-Doh...And Reid letted me play water guns in the house!”
Reid’s mouth falls open in mock surprise. “Hey, now...don’t go telling all our secrets. You trying to get me in trouble?” he asks, playfully swatting at her with his towel.
Tillie giggles. “Oops, I mean we didn’t did that, Mommy. I was just joking,” she says, attempting a wink at Reid but looking more like she is having a seizure.
“Oh, you two are trouble!” I laugh. “Dinner smells great, Reid. Thank you so much for cooking for us...and cleaning...and entertaining my daughter while I slept...and, well...for earlier, too,” I say, blushing.
“Pffft. It was nothing,” Reid says, waving me off. “Really. But if you want to do something to thank me...maybe you could give me my first pool lesson after Dimples goes to bed. You should be good to go for a few good hours now, right?” he teases, lifting an inquisitive brow.
“I’d love to,” I answer as I grab the mop and bucket from the closet and begin mopping up the water from the floor. “We have another pool table in the game room upstairs. Let’s play here since Tillie will be sleeping.”
After I’ve given Matilda a bath and brushed her teeth, I tuck her into her bed and climb in beside her. I’m taking what Dr. Benson said to heart and starting a new bedtime routine.
“How about instead of reading a story tonight we share some of our favorite Daddy stories?”
She looks at me with the hugest of smiles. “I like that idea, Mommy. How do we tell Daddy stories?” she asks.
“Well, you just talk about some of your favorite things you did with Daddy or your favorite things about Daddy.”
“Can you go first?”
I smile and brush my fingers through her hair. “Sure can...hmm...One of my favorite days with Daddy was the day we got married...” She is obsessed with weddings and loves to hear all about ours.
Tillie’s face lights up as she interrupts, “On the beach, right? You gotted married by the ocean!”
I smile at her and answer, “Yes, sweet girl, on the beach. The sand was white, and the water was crystal blue. And Daddy...Daddy looked like Prince Charming.”
“But he was Prince Abbott, right?”
“Right! Prince Abbott made Mommy feel like a princess, always. It was one of the most special days because it meant we would get to love each other forever.”
Little did I know how short our forever would be.
For some, love doesn’t come easy, but for us...it was effortless. Even if I had known how it would end, I’d still choose Abbott every time. Those precious years that we did have are worth more to me than a lifetime of mediocrity with anyone else.
I just wish we’d had more time...but no amount of time would ever be enough.
“And when you get married, you get to live in the same house together, right, Mommy?”
“That’s right, Tillie. Now it’s your
turn. What was one of your favorite days with Daddy?”
She considers it for a moment. “Well, my date was my bestest day ever! It was so fun. Daddy taked me to eat at Miss Donald’s and then we goed to the ice skaping ring and I gotted to see all of the princesses.” Then she gets a sullen look and says, “But then my daddy gotted dead. So that was not my favorite anymore.”
I pull her close and hug her tight as I place light kisses on her forehead. “I’m glad you and Daddy had a great date, sweet girl. You made him so happy. He sent me a picture before y’all left to come home. Do you want to see?”
I feel her nod her little head and pull my phone out of my pocket. I’ve missed a few texts from Cassie that I will need to respond to later. I bring up the picture and show it to her.
“We look so fwitty, Mommy,” she says, running her little finger over his face. “I miss my Daddy.” Her little body starts to shake, and her whimpers cut me deeply.
“I miss him, too, baby. So much. It’s okay to miss him. It’s okay to talk about him, okay?”
She lets out a huge yawn and nuzzles her head further into my shoulder. “Okay, Mommy,” she says between cries.
I snuggle with Tillie until her body goes limp and she’s breathing heavy. Once I’m sure that she’s asleep, I slip my arm out from under her head and slowly slide myself from the bed, careful not to wake her.
After shutting the door very slowly, I damn near have a heart attack when I turn around and bump right into Cassie. “What the hell?” I whisper-yell. “Cassie, you scared the shit out of me!” I shove past her, down the stairs, and into the living room.
She follows, hot on my heels, and chastises, “Well, so did you. I’ve been texting you all day, and you’ve been ignoring me. What’s up with that, Vivienne? I came over to make sure that you were all right.”
Vivienne's Guilt Page 7