Reid looks up and smiles, and I finally pause to take a good look at him...Dear God, he looks amazing in his tux with a fresh haircut and clean shave.
“Reid, you look so handsome,” I say, trying not to cry. It’s still hard sometimes to look at him and not picture Abbott, especially today.
Over the past twelve years, Reid has become a constant in our lives. The first few months were a little rough. There was a lot of resentment. Time lost that could never be reclaimed. But, he forgave me, and true to his word became a beacon in our lives. He has taken our son to all of his sports practices and has never missed a single game. He’s also been at every one of Tillie’s dance recitals, and today...today, he will give her away.
“Blake’s a good guy,” he says, trying to offer me some reassurance. “She’s going to be just fine. You know I wouldn’t support this if I didn’t truly believe that, Viv.”
I bite my bottom lip and nod, feeling my chest tighten. Then, shaking my head, I whisper, “But, Reid, she’s my baby.” I try so hard to fight back the tears, but there is just no stopping them. “He should be here. Today is hard. It’s so hard,” I sob. “Abbott should be here.”
“Shh, come here,” he says, pulling me into his chest. “I know, Viv. I know it’s hard.” I snuggle into his familiar embrace and allow him to comfort me. It’s a position I’ve found myself in many times over the years, and I don’t know where I would be without my family today. They can never replace Abbott, but for me, there is no greater therapy than love.
“Thank you, Reid,” I utter between sobs. “Thank you for doing this. For...for being here for my kids. Thank you for just...just everything. Your friendship. God, Reid, you and Julia. I don’t know where I would be without you.”
“You’d be just fine, Viv.” With his thumbs, Reid wipes away smeared mascara from beneath my eyes. “You’re stronger than you think, and you are one hell of a mother. You would’ve been just fine. But thank you for sharing them with us. Thank you for allowing me to love them.”
Our secret is one we will take to the grave. Some truths are better left uncovered. Instead of tearing us apart, it has created an unwavering bond. We are family, in every sense of the word. Reid is one of the strongest people I have ever known. It couldn’t have been easy letting AJ go, but since the day he learned the truth, Reid has never again referred to him as his own. It’s better this way. One slip up would blow all of our lives apart, but I know that it must still lie heavily on his heart.
Reid laces his arm through mine. “Ready?” he asks with a tearful smile.
I close my eyes and inhale deeply. “As I’ll ever be,” I say, opening my eyes and meeting his with a smile. “Lead the way.”
When we reach the entrance, I feel Reid’s body vibrate with silent laughter. “Did she have to go there with the pink runner?” he whispers out of the corner of his mouth.
I look down at the hot pink runner in place of the traditional white and grin. “Is that a serious question?”
“Nah,” he answers, shaking his head, “I guess not.”
He walks me down the aisle to my seat in the front pew where AJ, Momma, and Julia are already seated. Before he walks away, Reid whispers with a slight catch in his voice, “We’ve got this.”
And in this moment, I realize that I’m not the only one feeling emotional today. Of course he’s a little choked up. He is the closest living thing that girl has to a father. “I love you, Reid,” I whisper back. “It’s hard not having him here today, but we are so lucky to have you.”
“Thank you,” Reid says, his eyes glistening with unshed tears. Then, he turns around and leaves the way we came. The next time that I see him, he will be handing my daughter over to another man.
My eyes wander, admiring the beauty that surrounds us. It’s a fairytale brought to life, my little girl’s every dream come true. Pink and white roses fill every surface of the room. They drip from the ceiling and line every doorway and pew. The air is floral scented and the ambiance so serene.
The organ music begins, and every head turns toward the back of the church. The double doors swing open, and little Amelia steps through. She’s pretty in pink and looks so much older than her twelve years. It seems like Tillie was this age only yesterday. She’s met by her groomsman midway down the aisle where they lace arms and continue down to the altar together. Korie is next, followed by Sierra. Then comes Cassie, her matron of honor, and my girl is crying before she even makes it through the doorway. She’s the most beautiful disaster of a bridesmaid I’ve ever seen.
It’s not like I didn’t know it before today, but it touches my heart to see how loved my baby girl is.
Sierra’s daughter, Riley, is the flower girl, and just like her momma, she’s a little pistol. She flat out refuses to hold the little boy’s hand. Riley takes off, walking without him, tossing her pink petals and smiling like she’s in a Miss America pageant while poor little Owen crosses his arms on his chest and follows behind her, pouting the entire way, giving us all a good laugh. When they’ve finally reached the front of the room, the doors at the back of the church shut. The music stops, and the room goes completely silent in anticipation.
Here she comes.
When the first note of the wedding march is played, I reach out for AJ’s hand. Together, we rise, and holding onto my son, who is now taller than me, I watch my beautiful princess escorted by Prince Reid, as they make their way down the aisle. And, my God, she is the most beautiful bride there ever was. Her long, blonde hair lays in ringlets down her back, topped with an exquisite tiara. The skirt of her dress is compiled of layers upon layers of tulle, and I can’t even breathe because of how beautiful she is right now. She is a real life Cinderella, and my little girl is finally getting her ball.
Her eyes meet mine from across the church. Words aren’t needed to convey what we both feel in our hearts. I nod, just barely, and she does the same.
Tillie pauses when she reaches the front pew where I sit, handing her bouquet off to Reid. Then she melts every piece of my heart with the emotion in those baby blue eyes. “Momma,” she cries, falling into my arms. “Momma, I love you so much.” I feel her body tremble with tears and my heart nearly bursts.
“Oh, sweet girl,” I cry out, breathing in the sweet scent of her perfume. “I love you...more than life.”
We stand there holding onto one another and crying. I kiss her beautiful face and wipe away her tears. “It’s not too late,” I whisper, trying to lighten the mood.
Matilda Grace rolls her eyes and laughs. “Stop...”
“I mean it. We can run out of here right now.”
“I’m with Ma...let’s go,” AJ teases. He’s a boy, so he doesn’t show it, but Tillie leaving is weighing on his heart as much as mine. It’s been the three of us for so long. For all of his life.
Tillie just shakes her head at the two of us.
“Go get your prince, Bossyrella,” I say finally, and Reid links his arm with hers and leads her right into the arms of her soon to be husband.
I watch Blake’s face as Tillie approaches, and I remember a time when I saw that same look on the face of her father. Tears unabashedly fall from his eyes as he looks at my daughter like she is the answer to every question. Like she holds the stars in her eyes. If love had a face...it would be his. My baby girl is going to be just fine.
I wiggle my bare feet nervously in the hot sand. This is it. Today, I will marry Abbott Parker.
“Stop doing that, Vivienne. You’re going to mess up your pedicure. You can’t get married with fucked up toes.”
Oh, Cassie. I laugh. “Says who?”
“Says your best friend and wedding planner extraordinaire!” she huffs.
I still my toes while she fusses over my hair and makeup one last time. “You know, it’s not too late,” she offers. “We can hightail our pretty little asses out of here right now.”
“Really, Cassie?” I thought she was on board with this.
“Hey...I’m just che
cking off all of the boxes. I’m supposed to say that.” Cassie shrugs, nonchalant.
I shake my head and roll my eyes.
“For real, you can look it up,” she insists.
“I’m not changing my mind, Cassie,” I say seriously.
“I know, babe. I would kick your ass if you tried. You’ve got a good one. Now, let’s go make it official.”
I can’t believe how lucky I am, and I don’t know if I will ever accept that this is actually my life. “Let’s do this.” I lace my arm into the arm of my best friend and together we make our way down the sandy path. I’ve chosen Cassie to give me away. I know it’s not very traditional, but next to Abbott, she owns the biggest piece of my heart. There is no one else on earth that I would want to share this moment with.
As we draw nearer to my groom, my heart rate speeds up. By the time that Cassie places my hand into his, I feel like it may very well beat right out of my chest.
I look up into the eyes of my soul mate, and I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am making the right decision. I have never felt more certain of anything in my life. Abbott looks at me like I am the very air he breathes, and my heart comes alive whenever he is near.
I stand there in awe...in a love-induced fog. Vows are exchanged, and it all goes by in a blur, but I will never forget the moment when he takes my face in both his hands and places his lips to mine as husband and wife for the very first time. In that kiss, we communicate emotions so deep we could never find the words to describe it, and it feels like coming home.
He is mine.
I am his.
This is forever.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
There’s so much that goes into the process of writing a book. It’s scary and exciting. There are days when the words seem to fly right out of your fingertips and others when you can’t seem to string two words together. It’s such an emotional journey, and I could not have done it without the help of so many people.
First, thank you to my husband, Adam, for believing in me and for supporting my dream. Thank you for all of the times you’ve kept our six children for entire weekends so that I could work on this book, and for listening to me go on endlessly about the voices in my head.
A huge thank you to Shanora, Kate, and Edee for not only believing in me but for your constant support. You’ve been my biggest cheerleaders, amazing friends, and many times my therapists, as well.
Shanora, without your insistence, Vivienne would not exist. You saw something in me that I didn’t even see myself, and you’ve awakened a passion for writing that I otherwise may never have discovered. I can never tell you what that means to me.
Kate, my eggplant! The way you’ve embraced me throughout this journey and held my hand throughout the entire process is everything. You are so generous and supportive. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for everything, especially your friendship. Soul sisters.
Edee, I feel like I hit the jackpot on my first spin. You are so much more than an editor. You are a beautiful person inside and out. Thank you for going above and beyond the call of duty and for teaching me all the things!
Nicole...you are the other half of my brain, and I will never be able to thank you enough for the help you’ve given me. Thank you for your excitement, your encouragement, and your love for my characters. If there is one person who knows them as well as me, it’s you.
Thank you, Juliana for designing my beautiful cover. You captured my vision perfectly! You are a jack of all trades and have made this entire publishing ordeal so much easier for me.
To my beta readers: Shanora, Kate, Edee, Pam, Nicole, Selene, Karla, Megan, Ashley, Jessica, Sara, and The “Dude” Reviewer, thank you! Thank you for assisting me in making this book the best that it could be. It’s not easy to separate yourself personally and to provide unbiased feedback, but it’s so necessary, and I can’t thank you enough.
My book besties, Selene and Brandi, thank you for sharing this journey with me. From books and blogging to best friends. Your support is invaluable. I love you BBs!
Thank you to my author friends over at The Indie Squad; Shanora, Kate, Tina, Ava, Nicole, Rose, Mo, Emily, Leia, and Nevaeh . . . I am incredibly lucky to have you in my corner.
Thank you to the girls in my reader group, “Heather’s Hunnies.” I appreciate your excitement and that you’ve given me a place to share my thoughts throughout this process.
To all of my book friends I’ve come to know while blogging at The Real Housewives of Romance Book Blog, who have followed me and supported me in my writing career, thank you so much.
Thank you to my family and my closest friends for listening to my ideas and for never telling me to shut up when I’ve gone on and on about different stages of this process: Mom, Tasha, Sandie, Ashley, Krista, Liz, Karla, Candy, Jo, Julie, Leslie, Abby, Lindsey, and if I’ve left anyone else off, it wasn’t intentional and thank you as well.
To the readers and bloggers who I hope will read this book . . . thank you for taking a chance on my book baby, and I hope you’ve enjoyed the time you spent with these characters as much as I have.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Heather M. Orgeron is a Cajun girl with a big heart and a passion for romance. She married her high school sweetheart two months after graduation and her life has been a fairytale ever since. She’s the queen of her castle, reigning over five sons and one bossy little princess who has made it her mission in life to steal her Momma’s throne. When she’s not writing, you will find her hidden beneath mounds of laundry and piles of dirty dishes or locked in her tower (aka the bathroom) soaking in the tub with a good book. She’s always been an avid reader and has recently discovered a love for cultivating romantic stories of her own.
If you would like to connect with Heather M. Orgeron, you can find her here:
Website: www.heathermorgeron.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/AuthorHeatherMOrgeron
Twitter: www.twitter.com/hmorgeronauthor
Instagram: www.instagram.com/heather_m_orgeron_author
Email: [email protected]
Vivienne's Guilt Page 22