The Robert Sheckley Megapack

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by Robert Sheckley


  “In that case,” Barrent asked, “what about Omega?”

  “I beg your pardon?”

  “Omega, the prison planet. You must have heard of it.”

  “I think I have,” Wonderson said cautiously. “Well, I should have said that crime is almost nonexistent. I suppose there will always be a few congenital criminal types, easily recognizable as such. But I’m told they don’t amount to more than ten or twelve individuals a year out of a population of nearly two billion.” He smiled broadly. “My chances of meeting one are exceedingly rare.”

  Barrent thought about the prison ships constantly shuttling back and forth between Earth and Omega, dumping their human cargo and returning for more. He wondered where Wonderson got his statistics. For that matter, he wondered where the police were. He had seen no military uniform since leaving the starship. He would have liked to ask about it, but it seemed wiser to discontinue that line of questioning.

  “Thank you very much for the credit,” Barrent said. “I’ll be back with the payment as soon as possible.”

  “Of course you will,” Wonderson said, warmly shaking Barrent’s hand. “Take your time, sir. No rush at all.”

  Barrent thanked him again and left the store.

  He had a profession now. And if other people believed as Wonderson did, he had unlimited credit. He was on a planet that seemed, at first glance, to be a utopia. The utopia presented certain contradictions, of course. He hoped to find out more about them over the next few days.

  Down the block, Barrent found a hotel called The Bide-A-Bit. He engaged a room for the week, on credit.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  In the morning, Barrent asked directions to the nearest branch of the public library. He decided that he needed as much background out of books as he could get. With a knowledge of the history and development of Earth’s civilization, he would have a better idea of what to expect and what to watch out for.

  His Opinioner’s clothing allowed him access to the closed shelves where the history books were kept. But the books themselves were disappointing. Most of them were Earth’s ancient history, from earliest beginnings to the dawn of atomic power. Barrent skimmed through them. As he read, some memories of prior reading returned to him. He was able to jump quickly from Periclean Greece to Imperial Rome, to Charlemagne and the Dark Ages, from the Norman Conquest to the Thirty Years’ War, and then to a rapid survey of the Napoleonic Era. He read with more care about the World Wars. The book ended with the explosion of the first atom bombs. The other books on the shelf were simply amplifications of various stages of history he had found in the first book.

  After a great deal of searching, Barrent found a small work entitled, “The Postwar Dilemma, Volume 1,” by Arthur Whittler. It began where the other histories had left off; with the atomic bombs exploding over Hiroshima and Nagasaki. Barrent sat down and began to read carefully.

  He learned about the Cold War of the 1950’s, when several nations were in possession of atomic and hydrogen weapons. Already, the author stated, the seeds of a massive and stultifying conformity were present in the nations of the world. In America, there was the frenzied resistance to communism. In Russia and China, there was the frenzied resistance to capitalism. One by one, all the nations of the world were drawn into one camp or the other. For purposes of internal security, all countries relied upon the newest propaganda and indoctrination techniques. All countries felt they needed, for survival’s sake, a rigid adherence to state-approved doctrines.

  The pressure upon the individual to conform became both stronger and subtler.

  The dangers of war passed. The many societies of Earth began to merge into a single superstate. But the pressure to conform, instead of lessening, grew more intense. The need was dictated by the continued explosive increase in population, and the many problems of unification across national and ethnic lines. Differences in opinion could be deadly; too many groups now had access to the supremely deadly hydrogen bombs.

  Under the circumstances, deviant behavior could not be tolerated.

  Unification was finally completed. The conquest of space went on, from moon ship to planet ship to star ship. But Earth became increasingly rigid in its institutions. A civilization more inflexible than anything produced by medieval Europe punished any opposition to existing customs, habits, beliefs. These breaches of the social contract were considered major crimes as serious as murder or arson. They were punished similarly. The antique institutions of secret police, political police, informers, all were used. Every possible device was brought to bear toward the all-important goal of conformity.

  For the nonconformists, there was Omega.

  Capital punishment had been banished long before, but there was neither room nor resources to take the growing number of criminals who crammed prisons everywhere. The world leaders finally decided to transport these criminals to a separate prison world, copying a system which the French had used in Guiana and New Caledonia, and the British had used in Australia and early North America. Since it was impossible to rule Omega from Earth, the authorities didn’t try. They simply made sure that none of the prisoners escaped.

  That was the end of volume one. A note at the end said that volume two was to be a study of contemporary Earth. It was entitled The Status Civilization.

  The second volume was not on the shelves. Barrent asked the librarian, and was told that it had been destroyed in the interests of public safety.

  Barrent left the library and went to a little park. He sat and stared at the ground and tried to think.

  He had expected to find an Earth similar to the one described in Whittler’s book. He had been prepared for a police state, tight security controls, a repressed populace, and a growing air of unrest. But that, apparently, was the past. So far, he hadn’t even seen a policeman. He had observed no security controls, and the people he had met did not seem harshly repressed. Quite the contrary. This seemed like a completely different world.…

  Except that year after year, the ships came to Omega with their cargoes of brainwashed prisoners. Who arrested them? Who judged them? What sort of a society produced them?

  He would have to find out the answers himself.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Early the next morning, Barrent began his exploration. His technique was simple. He rang doorbells and asked questions. He warned all his subjects that his real questions might be interspersed with tricks or nonsense questions, whose purpose was to test the general awareness level. In that way, Barrent found he could ask anything at all about Earth, could explore controversial or even nonexistent areas, and do so without revealing his own ignorance.

  There was still the danger that some official would ask for his credentials, or that the police would mysteriously spring up when least expected. But he had to take those risks. Starting at the beginning of Orange Esplanade, Barrent worked his way northward, calling at each house as he went. His results were uneven, as a selective sampling of his work shows:

  * * * *

  (Citizen A. L. Gotthreid, age 55, occupation home-tender. A strong, erect woman, imperious but polite, with a no-nonsense air about her.)

  “You want to ask me about class and status? Is that it?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “You Opinioners are always asking about class and status. One would think you’d know all about it by now. But very well. Today, since everyone is equal, there is only one class. The middle class. The only question then is—to what portion of the middle class does one belong? High, low, or middle?”

  “And how is that determined?”

  “Why, by all sorts of things. The way a person speaks, eats, dresses, the way he acts in public. His manners. His clothing. You can always tell your upper middle class man by his clothes. It’s quite unmistakable.”

  “I see. And the lower middle classes?”

  “Well, for one thing they lack creative energy. They wear ready-made clothing, for example, without taking the trouble to improve
upon it. The same goes for their homes. Mere uninspired adornment won’t do, let me add. That’s simply the mark of the nouveau upper middle class. One doesn’t receive such persons in the home.”

  “Thank you, Citizen Gotthreid. And where would you classify yourself statuswise?”

  (With the very faintest hesitation). “Oh, I’ve never thought much about it—upper middle, I suppose.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Dreister, age 43, occupation shoe vendor. A slender, mild man, young-looking for his years.)

  “Yes, sir. Myra and I have three children of school age. All boys.”

  “Could you give me some idea what their education consists of?”

  “They learn how to read and write, and how to become good citizens. They’re already starting to learn their trades. The oldest is going into the family business—shoes. The other two are taking apprenticeship courses in groceries and retail marketing. That’s my wife’s family’s business. They also learn how to retain status, and how to utilize standard techniques for moving upward. That’s about what goes on in the open classes.”

  “Are there other school classes which are not open?”

  “Well, naturally there are the closed classes. Every child attends them.”

  “And what do they learn in the closed classes?”

  “I don’t know. They’re closed, as I said.”

  “Don’t the children ever speak about those classes?”

  “No. They talk about everything under the sun, but not about that.”

  “Haven’t you any idea what goes on in the closed classes?”

  “Sorry, I don’t. At a guess—and it’s only a guess, mind you—I’d say it’s probably something religious. But you’d have to ask a teacher for that.”

  “Thank you, sir. And how do you classify yourself statuswise?”

  “Middle middle class. Not much doubt about that.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Maryjane Morgan, age 51, occupation school-teacher. A tall, bony woman.)

  “Yes, sir, I think that just about sums up our curriculum at the Little Beige Schoolhouse.”

  “Except for the closed classes.”

  “I beg your pardon, sir?”

  “The closed classes. You haven’t discussed those.”

  “I’m afraid I can’t.”

  “Why not, Citizen Morgan?”

  “Is this a trick question? Everyone knows that teachers aren’t allowed in the closed classes.”

  “Who is allowed in?”

  “The children, of course.”

  “But who teaches them?”

  “The government is in charge of that.”

  “Of course. But who, specifically, does the teaching in the closed classes?”

  “I have no idea, sir. It’s none of my business. The closed classes are an ancient and respected institution. What goes on in them is quite possibly of a religious nature. But that’s only a guess. Whatever it is, it’s none of my business. Nor is it yours, young man, Opinioner or not.”

  “Thank you, Citizen Morgan.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Edgar Nief, age 107, occupation retired officer. A tall, stooped man with cane, icy blue eyes undimmed by age.)

  “A little louder, please. What was that question again?”

  “About the armed forces. Specifically I asked—”

  “I remember now. Yes, young man, I was a colonel in the Twenty-first North American Spaceborne Commando, which was a regular unit of the Earth Defense Corps.”

  “And did you retire from the service?”

  “No, the service retired from me.”

  “I beg pardon, sir?”

  “You heard me correctly, young man. It happened just sixty-three years ago. The Earth Armed Forces were demobilized, except for the police whom I cannot count. But all regular units were demobilized.”

  “Why was that done, sir?”

  “There wasn’t anyone to fight. Wasn’t even anyone to guard against, or so I was told. Damned foolish business, I say.”

  “Why, sir?”

  “Because an old soldier knows that you can never tell when an enemy might spring up. It could happen now. And then where would we be?”

  “Couldn’t the armies be formed again?”

  “Certainly. But the present generation has no concept of serving under arms. There are no leaders left, outside of a few useless old fools like me. It would take years for an effective force, effectively led, to be formed.”

  “And in the meantime, Earth is completely open to invasion from the outside?”

  “Yes, except for the police units. And I seriously doubt their reliability under fire.”

  “Could you tell me about the police?”

  “There is nothing I know about them. I have never bothered my head about non-military matters.”

  “But it is conceivable that the police have now taken over the functions of the army, isn’t it? That the police constitute a sizable and disciplined paramilitary force?”

  “It is possible, sir. Anything is possible.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Moertin Honners, age 31, occupation verbalizer. A slim, languid man with an earnest, boyish face and smooth, corn-blond hair.)

  “You are a verbalizer, Citizen Honners?”

  “I am, sir. Though perhaps ‘author’ would be a better word, if you don’t mind.”

  “Of course. Citizen Honners, are you presently engaged in writing for any of the periodicals I see on the dissemination stands?”

  “Certainly not! These are written by incompetent hacks for the dubious delectation of the lower middle class. The stories, in case you didn’t know, are taken line by line from the works of various popular writers of the twentieth and twenty-first centuries. The people who do the work merely substitute adjectives and adverbs. Occasionally, I’m told, a more daring hack will substitute a verb, or even a noun. But that is rare. The editors of such periodicals frown upon sweeping innovations.”

  “And you are not engaged in such work?”

  “Absolutely not! My work is noncommercial. I am a Creative Conrad Specialist.”

  “Would you mind telling me what that means, Citizen Honners?”

  “I’d be happy to. My own particular field of endeavor lies in re-creating the works of Joseph Conrad, an author who lived in the pre-atomic era.”

  “How do you go about re-creating those works, sir?”

  “Well, at present I am engaged in my fifth re-creation of Lord Jim. To do it, I steep myself as thoroughly as possible in the original work. Then I set about rewriting it as Conrad would have written it if he had lived today. It is a labor which calls for extreme diligence, and for the utmost in artistic integrity. A single slip could mar the re-creation. As you can see, it calls for a preliminary mastery of Conrad’s vocabulary, themes, plots, characters, mood, approach, and so on. All this goes in, and yet the book cannot be a slavish repeat. It must have something new to say, just as Conrad would have said it.”

  “And have you succeeded?”

  “The critics have been generous, and my publisher gives me every encouragement.”

  “When you have finished your fifth re-creation of Lord Jim, what do you plan to do?”

  “First I shall take a long rest. Then I shall re-create one of Conrad’s minor works. The Planter of Malata, perhaps.”

  “I see. Is re-creation the rule in all the arts?”

  “It is the goal of the true aspiring artist, no matter what medium he has chosen to work in. Art is a cruel mistress, I fear.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Willis Ouerka, age 8, occupation student. A cheerful, black-haired, sun-tanned boy.)

  “I’m sorry, Mr. Opinioner, my parents aren’t home right now.”

  “That’s perfectly all right, Willis. Do you mind if I ask you a question or two?”

  “I don’t mind. What’s that you got under your jacket, Mister? It bulges.”

  “I’ll ask the questions, Willis, if you don’t min
d.… Now, do you like school?”

  “It’s all right.”

  “What courses do you take?”

  “Well, there’s reading and writing and status appreciation, and courses in art, music, architecture, literature, ballet, and theater. The usual stuff.”

  “I see. That’s in the open classes?”

  “Sure.”

  “Do you also attend a closed class?”

  “Sure I do. Every day.”

  “Do you mind talking about it?”

  “I don’t mind. Is that bulge a gun? I know what guns are. Some of the big boys were passing around pictures at lunchtime a couple days ago and I peeked. Is it a gun?”

  “No. My suit doesn’t fit very well, that’s all. Now then. Would you mind telling me what you do in the closed class?”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “What happens, then?”

  “I don’t remember.”

  “Come now, Willis.”

  “Really, Mr. Opinioner. We all go into this classroom, and we come out two hours later for recess. But that’s all. I can’t remember anything else. I’ve talked with the other kids. They can’t remember either.”

  “Strange.…”

  “No, sir. If we were supposed to remember, it wouldn’t be closed.”

  “Perhaps so. Do you remember what the room looks like, or who your teacher is for the closed class?”

  “No, sir. I really don’t remember anything at all about it.”

  “Thank you. Willis.”

  * * * *

  (Citizen Cuchulain Dent, age 37, occupation inventor. A prematurely bald man with ironic, heavy-lidded eyes.)

  “Yep, that’s right. I’m an inventor specializing in games. I brought out Triangulate—Or Else! last year. It’s been pretty popular. Have you seen it?”

  “I’m afraid not.”

  “Sort of a cute game. It’s a simulated lost-in-space thing. The players are given incomplete data for their miniature computers, additional information as they win it. Space hazards for penalties. Lots of flashing lights and stuff like that. Very big seller.”

  “Do you invent anything else, Citizen Dent?”

  “When I was a kid, I worked up an improved seeder harvester. Designed to be approximately three times as efficient as the present models. And would you believe it, I really thought I had a chance of selling it.”

 

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