by Shirley Jump
“Not that far in the past, from what I can see.”
“Carolyn has moved on, I’m sure.” Nick was probing and he knew it. Shamelessly probing.
“No, she hasn’t. She spends every minute of her day working. Stuck in that office, poring over her computer, or in court. She has no love life, no life at all, really. She needs a man.”
And from the way Mary was eyeing him, giving him a visual résumé read, he’d apparently already been interviewed and hired for the job. But Mary didn’t know the history between Carolyn and him. There were some roads that couldn’t—and definitely shouldn’t—be traveled twice.
“I’m sure she’ll meet someone,” Nick said, then turned away, tearing his gaze away from Carolyn, even as doing so seemed to tear something in his gut.
But it was better this way. He knew it, knew it so well he should have written the words on the walls of his house. They were already scrawled all over his heart. He’d screwed up when he’d married Carolyn, rushing into a marriage he’d had no business proposing, because he was after the chase more than the big picture.
Even now, he didn’t have the desire to settle down fully. Really become a fully functioning grown-up who mowed the lawn on Saturdays, changed diapers on a regular basis and paid into a college fund. Until then, he should steer clear of women, especially women like Carolyn, who made getting serious into an art form.
“Nick, wait.”
He pivoted back.
“I promise, no more talk about your love life,” Mary said, holding up her hands in surrender. “This is about the kids. You did such a great job today.”
“Thanks.”
“You’re going to make a great dad someday.”
“I’m leaving that job to my sisters and brother. Plenty of Gilberts to go around already. I’m better in the indulgent uncle role.”
“Too bad,” Mary said. “Because I saw true parenting genius. You brought Angela out of her shell, got her talking her head off all day. Bobby had fun. It was incredible.”
Nick didn’t reply. If he was such great parent material, he’d have been married and had kids of his own by now. But he’d totally messed up his one attempt at marriage, and he wasn’t about to go running down that heartbreak hill, not again. “I should get going. Thanks for a great day. You pulled off a hell of an event.”
“Don’t go, not yet. Would you mind talking with Jean Klein? She works for the Lawford Department of Child Services. She and I were wondering if you could do us a favor,” Mary said. “Well, not us so much, but Bobby.”
“Bobby? Sure, just tell me what you need.”
“It’s easier if Jean explains.” Mary led him over to one of the picnic tables, where Carolyn was already sitting and chatting with another woman, whom Mary introduced as Jean. Nick slipped into a seat opposite the two women. Mary sat down beside him.
“First,” Jean began, “I wanted to say I appreciate your time and the time of all the other attorneys today. It was wonderful to see the kids so happy, but especially Bobby. He had a great time, engaging with other people. He hasn’t been adapting so well to the challenges of the last few months. It’s been really hard on him since his father died.”
“His father died?” Nick asked. He glanced at Carolyn, and saw a deep well of sympathy in her eyes.
Oh, damn. Of all people, Carolyn was the last person who should be sitting here, hearing this. Not after all she’d gone through as a kid. It had to be bringing up some awful memories. The sudden urge to shield her rushed over him. But she was an adult, and had made it clear that she didn’t need him—or anyone else. So he sat where he was and returned his attention to the conversation.
Jean nodded. “It was tragic. A drive-by shooting last year.”
Poor Bobby. What an awful thing for a little boy to have to go through. The urge to reach out to Carolyn again doubled. His hand snuck across the divide between them on the bench, there if she needed it, or not if she didn’t.
“To compound the boy’s difficulties,” Jean went on, “his mother has been in and out of the hospital.”
“He mentioned she’s sick.”
“Breast cancer. Though the worst seems to be behind her now, or we hope so. I think part of what’s making it so hard for her to win this battle is worrying about her son. Money was tight before Bobby’s father died, but afterward, there wasn’t any insurance, and with his mother sick, they’ve been living paycheck to paycheck in this tiny little apartment you can barely call a home. And when his mother gets sick, he sometimes doesn’t have anyplace to go.”
Jean drew in a breath, let it go. Her concern for the child was clear in her voice, her mannerisms. Nick’s respect for the case worker multiplied. He could only imagine how hard it must be for her to deal with this kind of thing every day, when all he worked with was business law. None of this heavy, emotional baggage.
“All the other times, Bobby’s grandmother was able to take care of Bobby, but now his grandmother is simply too old and recently had to be moved to a nursing home. The last time Bobby’s mother was hospitalized, we had no choice but to send him to foster care.”
“Foster care?” Carolyn repeated. “Living with strangers?”
Nick’s gaze slid again to Carolyn. He could see she understood far too well what that must have been like for Bobby. He read it in her face, in the concern in her voice. Although he knew, from what she’d told him, that life with her aunt Greta had been awful, he began to realize, just in what was etched in her eyes, how much he hadn’t known about his whirlwind wife, how much of her past he’d missed, in the rush to the altar. He hadn’t been paying attention then—but he was now.
“I’m sure Bobby didn’t do well there,” Carolyn said.
Jean shook her head. “Too many changes, too quick. It’s been incredibly difficult for him. He wants his family back, and well, that’s not going to happen. It’s hard for a child that age to understand that the world is never going to go back to the way it used to be.”
Nick swallowed hard. “Yeah. I understand.”
Carolyn was mute. But Nick could read, in the set of her shoulders, that she empathized with Bobby, probably more than anyone at this table. His hand snaked closer, inching across the rough pine surface, but still he was too far away from her, and she had drawn into herself, her body stiff, everything about her saying she was a sole sentry in her feelings.
“That’s why I was so amazed to see him smiling today,” Jean continued. “When I say I haven’t seen that boy smile in months, I mean it.”
“I had no idea,” Nick said. “So many of these children today have such difficult lives and yet they were happy, as if nothing had happened.”
This was a world Nick had never seen. It had always existed; he’d just been going along blithely with his life, never really seeing how others lived right alongside him. But now, to have it presented in person, with big brown eyes, made him sit up and take notice.
“They’re resilient,” Jean said. “And determined. The kids are the ones that make my job rewarding.”
“Hey, Mary, can I get a hand over here?” One of the volunteers shouted, her arms overloaded with leftovers from the food table.
Mary rose. “Sorry, I have to go clean up.”
“I’ll help,” Carolyn said. The two of them headed off to catch a teetering pile of bowls just before it came tumbling down. Nick suspected Carolyn had left the table, not so much to help, but because the subject matter was hitting a little too close to home.
He watched her for a minute and saw her slip back into being efficient, strong Carolyn. The woman who betrayed no emotion. Nick brought his hands together in a tight knot and let out a sigh.
Carolyn and her walls. If only she hadn’t had so many of them, maybe there would have been hope for them. For their marriage to survive.
Hell, w
ho was he kidding? He hadn’t tried so hard to scale those walls. Doing so would have meant buckling down, getting serious. Being the kind of man who really worked hard at his marriage. He’d gotten married on a lark. Then, when faced with the reality of what he’d done, taken the easy way out. Even now, three years later, Nick didn’t feel any more ready or prepared to make that leap than he had before.
“Anyway,” Jean said, interrupting Nick’s thoughts, “back to the reason I wanted to talk to you. I noticed that Bobby seemed to latch on to you. He opened up. Had fun.” Jean smiled. “That’s also something Bobby hasn’t done in months. We were hoping that for this weekend, maybe you would consider being his buddy.”
“Buddy?”
“It’s part of the Be-a-Buddy program,” Jean explained. “Sort of like the Big Sisters/ Big Brothers program.” Nick nodded his understanding. “You’d hang out with Bobby, like you did today, and take him places. Have fun. Let him be a kid. His mother’s not feeling well and having a rough time of it lately, so this could be the break she needs for a few days. Plus, Bobby needs a strong male role model. And, most of all, he needs to laugh.”
Nick shifted on the hard wooden picnic seat. He splayed his hands across the table. Strong male role model? Him? Ha, if only they knew him. He wasn’t anyone’s role model, more a model of how to be a cut-up in the classroom. “Jean, I’d like to help, but—”
“Don’t say no. He needs you.” Jean laid a palm atop his. “Mary told me you’ve undergone a criminal background check because you’re involved with a youth basketball program at the YMCA. That clears one hurdle for us already, and allows you to get started with Bobby immediately. And if it’s too much for you to do alone, feel free to ask a friend or family member to help you out. Sometimes that makes it easier to make that bridge with a child.”
Unbidden, Nick’s gaze sought out the one other person left on the picnic grounds who would understand Bobby Lester. Someone else who had lost a father...had her childhood ripped away. And someone who could...
Maybe be the ying to his yang. He’d always been the clown, where she’d always been the serious one. Maybe together...?
He watched Carolyn finish the clean-up of the food table, her movements stiff and severe. What had happened to the Carolyn he had met so many years ago? The woman he had managed to get to loosen up, to laugh, and then finally fallen in love with? The woman who had, for one brief moment in time, made him consider growing up, maybe take life a little more seriously?
Could he—if he helped her find her way back to those days—find where he had lost that thread in their marriage? Make up for the way he had messed things up? And maybe if he repaired that damage, ensure a better future down the road, for both of them?
He thought of Bobby. Of the laughter that had bubbled out of that boy today but had not entirely covered the deep dark sadness that lingered behind his eyes.
Nick might be the one who could provide the fun and games, but to truly touch Bobby’s life, he knew only one other person in the world who would understand that world. Who could reach into the gloomy spaces in that boy’s heart and really draw him out.
“I’ll do it,” he said. “But on one condition.”
CHAPTER SIX
“NO WAY.”
Carolyn stood in her office on Sunday morning, hands on her hips, refusing Mary for the four hundredth time. “Absolutely not.”
“One holiday weekend, Carolyn. Not a lifetime commitment. Think of it as a vacation.”
Carolyn turned away and sank into her leather chair. “With Nick? That’s not a vacation, Mary. That’s like one big—”
“Ball of temptation. I’ve seen him up close, Carolyn, and he is a hottie, in all capital letters.”
Carolyn shook her head. “And you are an incurable romantic. Seeing happy endings where there aren’t any. I have work to do. Tell Nick to find someone else. Surely the man has friends. And I know he has family.”
“He wants you.” Mary arched a brow and grinned. “Wants you,” she stressed again.
“I don’t want him.”
Liar, liar. Everything within Carolyn had wanted Nick yesterday. It had taken a supreme act of willpower not to give in to the desire to touch him. To feel the warmth of the sun on his arms. To curve against his chest, just as she had years before. Because her body didn’t forget. Her mind remembered every inch of that man’s body. Even if the rest of her knew better.
Knew getting involved with him, especially a second time, was a bad idea.
“Either way, you’re too late,” Mary said. “Because—” she paused a beat, long enough for Carolyn to hear the familiar ding of the elevator “—he’s here now.”
“He’s here? How could you do that? I told you—”
“Overruled, Counselor.” Mary grinned, then headed out of Carolyn’s office, leaving the door ajar.
Before she could react, Nick entered her office, and Carolyn’s breath left her. For a long second she didn’t see Bobby, didn’t see Mary pass by, wave and head downstairs, didn’t see anything but the vibrant blue of Nick’s eyes and the familiar curve of his grin.
He was here. Just when she’d thought he was out of her life again for good. And damn if her heart didn’t react as predictably as a moth to a bug light.
“Nick. I’m sorry. I just found out about—”
“Miss Duff...uh, Carolyn,” Bobby cut in. “Nick told me we’re going to the fair today. You’re coming, right? Nick said you’re really good at the games and he said you can win a prize for me.”
The boy’s eyes were wide, his smile full of hope. And Carolyn was caught in Nick’s already woven web. She shot him a glare. She thought of everything Jean had told them yesterday, and guilt rocketed through her. Bobby was relying on them, counting on Nick and her to provide a few of the good times his life had been so devoid of lately. There was no way out of this.
Still, she stalled. “A little pre-event disclosure would have been nice, Mr. Gilbert.”
“I didn’t want you to ready an objection, Miss Duff.”
“My docket is already full,” she said, indicating the pile of work on her desk. “I don’t have room in my agenda for extraneous field trips.”
Bobby looked from one adult to the other, completely confused.
“Counselor, I think you need a recess. It is Sunday, after all, and the courts are closed.”
Carolyn ran a hand over her face. Nick was not making this easy. Why wouldn’t he listen? Didn’t he understand? What if something went wrong? What if something happened? Didn’t he read the statistics about holiday weekends? The drunk drivers, the partyers starting fights, the fireworks accidents, the looters taking advantage of closed stores—
The nightmares ran through Carolyn’s mind at double time. “Nick, I don’t think you’re taking into account all the criminal element variables.”
“It’s a simple field trip, Carolyn. Not a foray into the depths of Sing-Sing.”
Her heart began to race, her lungs pumping faster. She rocketed back two dozen years, unable to stop the comparisons to her own life. What if?
What if something went wrong? What if she couldn’t stop it? What if Bobby got hurt?
Bobby stood there, wearing a short white T-shirt decorated with a flag, and little navy shorts. His hair was freshly combed, his old, nearly worn-through sneakers neatly tied. Trusting. Innocent. Again, she thought, what if?
“Nick, I really can’t,” Carolyn said.
Bobby’s face fell.
“Counselor, I request a sidebar. On behalf of my client.” Nick gestured toward Bobby.
Carolyn knew she wasn’t going to be able to get rid of Nick easily. That persistence had been what had worn her down all those years ago in college. She refused to let him win again this time, though. She laid her pen on her desk. “Bobby, would you l
ike to sit at the desk outside my office? It’s Mary’s desk and she has candy in the dish. You can have two pieces.”
A grin spread from one ear to the other, then halted. Bobby looked up at Nick, as if he was afraid someone would tell him no. Nick gave Bobby a nod, then bent down to whisper in his ear. “Go ahead. And if you take three, I won’t tell anyone. By the way, I bet that chair spins pretty fast.”
Bobby hurried through the open door and climbed onto Mary’s leather chair. A second later he was swiveling in a circle and sucking on a peppermint.
“Nick, I don’t have time for this. I have a plea bargain to work on, a bunch of depositions to review...” She waved a vague hand at her desk. Excuses, she knew, but valid ones. “You’ll do just fine with Bobby on your own.”
“We both know it’s not about your workload, Carolyn. What’s the real problem?” He leaned closer. “Don’t you want to spend time with me? And Bobby?”
She let out a gust. “Not everything in my life revolves around you.”
“Then what is it?”
“Don’t you read the paper? Aren’t you worried something might go wrong?”
“Something...” He stared at her. “What could possibly go wrong?” His old devil-may-care smile curved up his lips. “What, some rogue carousel horse might run amok?”
Carolyn paced her office, frustration pushing her steps. “I’m not treating this as a joke, Nick. A thousand things could happen.”
He got in front of her, preventing her from wearing any further path in the carpet. “You can’t live your life around the possibility of what might happen. You have to take risks.”
“With someone else’s child? What if—”
“And what if everything goes just fine? What if we all have a good time? What would be so wrong with that?”
She shook her head. Nick didn’t understand. He hadn’t lived through what she had. He hadn’t had a childhood where he woke up in the middle of the night, screaming from nightmares. She knew the dangers, understood what could lurk in the world. “You don’t need me to go.”