by Shirley Jump
“Bobby—” Carolyn began.
“I want to watch the rest,” Bobby said, then he turned back and tipped his head upward, wrapped again in the show in the sky.
* * *
The hall clock was chiming eleven when Carolyn entered Nick’s dimly lit kitchen. She raided his refrigerator and assembled a midnight snack of cheese slices and fresh fruit. Nick had gone all out with Bobby’s arrival. Considering virtually everything in the refrigerator was new, Carolyn suspected Nick didn’t usually stock four different kinds of cheese, three kinds of grapes and every other type of fruit grown in the United States—and a few foreign countries, too.
As she loaded decaf grounds into the coffeepot and set it to brew, she thought about Nick. When she’d first known him, he’d seemed so easy to read, as clear as crystal. But now there were facets to him she couldn’t read. Had she been wrong about him before?
Or had she only seen the surface Nick and not looked for the deeper man?
“How’s Bobby?” she asked when Nick entered the kitchen.
“Still zonked out. He never woke up, from the minute we got in the car, and never even stirred when I carried him upstairs. He’s all tucked in, and he’s got that stuffed dragon right under his arm.”
Carolyn laughed. “He’s pretty attached to that thing.”
“I think he’s pretty attached to us.”
“He is, isn’t he?” Carolyn said. “Maybe we shouldn’t have done this. Knowing he has to go back home and someday maybe go to other foster homes, if his mother gets sick again. We won’t always be there for him, Nick. It’s not like Bobby is a neighbor’s puppy we can take back and forth whenever we feel like having him over.”
“At least we’re giving him some really fun moments that he’ll remember. That’s got to count for something, right?”
“It’s not enough. Not nearly enough.” She shook her head and paced a little.
“Carolyn, you worry too much. I’m sure Bobby will be just fine.”
She wheeled around. “And you worry too little. You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what again?”
“Pulling out just when someone needs you most.”
“I’m not doing that.”
“You are. Just like you did with me.” She shook her head. “You know, I was an adult. I handled it okay, but Bobby’s a kid. Don’t let him down.”
He scowled. “I’m not planning on doing anything of the sort.”
But she could see, in the way he turned away, how he put some distance between them, that she had nailed his intentions. Disappointment sank heavy in her gut. For once in her life, Carolyn didn’t want to be right. “Maybe you’re not, Nick. But just keep Bobby’s needs at the top of your list. I know what it’s like to be him.”
“And what is it like, Carolyn?” Nick asked, taking a step closer, the gap between them narrowing in the small kitchen. “Tell me.”
“You know. I’ve talked about my past often enough.”
“Talked, but not told me much. You accuse me of not getting involved, but how can I do that when you don’t let me in? You’ve only let me glimpse the inside of you, Carolyn.”
Carolyn didn’t answer him. Instead, she handed Nick a cup of coffee, then followed him as they walked through the kitchen and out to the screened porch. Bandit stayed behind, gnawing happily on a new chew toy.
Outside, the night birds called softly to each other, and far in the backyard, bugs hummed. The moon hung low over the trees, and stars sparkled in the sky, like leftover fireworks. “I don’t understand you, Nick.”
“What don’t you understand?” He shot her a grin. “I’m a guy. I’m a pretty simple creature.”
“Why do you own this huge house but have no kids of your own? You never married again.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time. The birds filled the silence with their own chatter. “I haven’t found anyone I wanted to settle down with, and either way, I’m not exactly the settle-down kind. Despite my temporary record to the contrary.”
“But...why buy the house? I mean, most people buy homes after they get married.”
“Yeah, they do. I guess I did it all wrong, huh?” He shrugged. “I saw this place as an investment. It’s in a great neighborhood, corner lot. Nice acreage. When it became available, it made sense to buy it. Someday I’ll sell and make a tidy profit. Like I said, it’s an investment, only with windows and doors.”
“That’s all?” It was the kind of logical argument a lawyer would make. Full of justifications, facts. But...it sounded so sad. So...empty.
“Yep. That’s it.”
“Why didn’t you ever remarry?”
The question, coming out of left field, did what she had expected—surprised him. But Nick recovered quickly. Clearly, like her, he was used to questions that rocked the boat a little. “Same reason as you, I’m married to the job.”
“Perjury is a crime, Mr. Gilbert.”
“I wasn’t aware I was on the stand.”
“And I never thought you’d lie to me.”
He turned away, cupping the mug in both his hands and straying to the screened windows, staring out into the deep darkness beyond them. “I’m not lying, exactly. Like you, I’ve chosen my job instead of a relationship.”
“But why?” Carolyn said, coming up behind him, so aware of their closeness. Of them being alone. Of the intimacy of darkness. She caught the scent of his cologne, inhaled it into her lungs, breathed until it was part of her. Her hand reached out into the darkness of the porch, but stopped inches away from touching Nick. “That wasn’t the way you used to be. I mean, you were never Mr. Career.”
“It’s the way I should be. I’m fine for this kind of temporary gig, but maybe I shouldn’t do it on a permanent basis.” He turned to face her, his catching a glimmer from the light inside. “In fact, I think it was best that we broke up.”
“Best?” Even though she had been the one to deliver the words across that diner table three years ago, hearing him say that now, stung in ways she hadn’t expected. Her hand dropped away. Cold air invaded the space between them. “How can you say that?”
“How can you be so surprised? You know me, Carolyn. I might have tried my hand at it, but deep down inside, I’m not a commitment guy, a family man. I’m the guy who makes people laugh, the one who has a good time, then gets out before things become too serious. Right?”
“And is that what you’re going to do here, with me? With Bobby?”
“Bobby staying here is temporary, though I’m sure we’ll still see him afterward from time to time.”
“You didn’t answer me.” Her gaze met his. Direct. Not allowing him room to escape. “Is that what you’re going to do with me?”
“Isn’t that what you want? Just like you did before?” He took a step closer. “You were the one who called it all off. You barely gave us a chance, Carolyn.”
“And how would we have worked out, Nick? Now you’re telling me that we would have come to the same destination regardless of what I said that day.”
“We probably would have. Don’t you agree?”
She wanted to scream in frustration. Nick couldn’t have been sending more mixed messages if he was a Morse code operator with broken fingers. “What is wrong with you? One minute you’re kissing me, the next you’re telling me the best thing we ever did was break up. What do you want, Nick?”
“What do you want, Carolyn? I can ask you the same thing you’re asking me. You’re here with me now, but why? Where do you see this ending?”
She saw the intensity in his gaze, how he sought hers for the truth, and knew she couldn’t demand it from him without giving it in return. But was she ready to admit how she felt? Doing so would mean traveling a road she couldn’t backtrack.
But, oh, how ea
sy it would be to just give up this fight. To close the distance. Her heart raced, her skin tingled with awareness and her hand curled at her side, fingers itching to touch the bare skin on his arms, the exposed vee above his shirt.
Instead she took a step backward, into the shadows. “I’m here for Bobby.”
“Perjury, Miss Duff,” he reminded her.
“I’m not lying.” Entirely.
“You’re not here out of curiosity? To see what might have been?”
“Is that why you’re here?” she countered.
A grin curved across his face. “Never have a love match between two lawyers. There are no answers, only one-upmanship in questions.” Then he paused and met her gaze again. “Tell me the truth, Carolyn, where is this going?”
Nick’s pulse ticked in his throat, a constant beacon, drawing Carolyn forward. She laid the coffee mug on a nearby table and closed the distance between them. The wildlife had gone so quiet, it seemed she could hear Nick’s heartbeat—or was it hers? She could measure his every breath, hear her own escape in ragged jerks.
And then she stopped resisting, stopped fighting a battle she wasn’t going to win, not while she and Nick were under the same roof. She reached out and touched him, her hand on his arm—warm skin, so warm—then his shoulder, then his neck, pulling him closer. “Maybe only here.”
She leaned forward, raising on her toes and kissed him, because it was a lot easier to do that than to tell Nick the truth.
That she had already started falling in love all over again.
CHAPTER TEN
NICK DIDN’T SLEEP.
He stared at his ceiling, then got up and paced the floors of his bedroom. Moonlight sent a slash of white across the hardwood floors.
He was in deep. Too deep.
In the morning he’d have to find a way out. Somehow he’d have to end things—sever the ties completely—with Carolyn. Find a way back to the life he’d had before, to a place with no commitment, no expectations. It was the only way to protect them both. To keep him from making the same mistake twice.
That day in the diner, when she’d left for Boston, it had taken him about five seconds to decide to go after her. He’d missed her in the airport and ended up on a separate flight. When he’d arrived in the city, however, he’d seen Carolyn in a different mode: the passionate, crusading spirit that would end up defining her career.
And he’d realized at that point that he would never be that serious about anything. That she was someone who dug in with both heels and held on tight. He had yet to find anything that mattered that much to him.
Back then, not even their marriage. They barely knew each other, had married on a lark. So he let her go. Didn’t fight her on the divorce. He’d simply cleaned up the debris of their marriage and moved forward.
Carolyn was right. What had changed between them, really? He hadn’t become any more serious now than three years ago. It was simply his own selfish heart still wanting her.
The best decision, Nick decided, climbing back into his bed, was to call it quits. Before anyone got in too deep. And hearts got broken.
Because his own was already beginning to ache.
* * *
On Tuesday morning the paper arrived with a slap on Nick’s front porch. Carolyn retrieved it, thinking how odd it felt to wake up in his house. As she made a pot of coffee and opened up the paper, she decided she would tell Nick that this grand experiment was over.
What had she been thinking last night? Kissing him? Entangling them even more than they had been before?
Today she’d move out. She’d still be here during the day for Bobby, but at least remove herself from the temptation of spending every night in Nick’s arms. Last night had been torturous. After that kiss, going to bed—without him—had been nearly impossible. She’d barely slept, acutely aware of his bedroom just down the hall. Worse, she’d been filled with the knowledge of what it had been like the few days they had been married. Her mind had teased her with images of how it could be again, if only she’d journey those few feet.
But no. Nick and she were as different as two people could be. He still didn’t know her, still didn’t listen. She’d reached out to him once during their marriage, asked for his help, asked for him to support her—
And he hadn’t heard her. She couldn’t risk her heart again. Only a fool did that twice when the answer was already there, right in front of her.
She redoubled her resolve. As much as she cared about Nick, the best decision was to walk away.
Nick entered the kitchen, fully dressed, with faint shadows beneath his eyes. Apparently she hadn’t been the only one missing a few winks last night. “Good morning.” He reached for the pot of coffee and poured himself a cup. “Thanks for making this.”
“No problem.” She sipped at the hot beverage, then decided to tackle the difficult subject before the day—and her courage—got away from her. “Nick, we need to talk.”
Bandit, who had followed along behind his master, a squeaky bone in his mouth, heaved a sigh of long-suffering doggie patience and slid under the kitchen table. The bone dropped to the floor by his paws.
“I was about to say the same thing.” Nick toyed with his mug. “This isn’t working out.”
“I agree. Us under the same roof—”
“Is too tempting.”
“Especially when we both know it isn’t going to lead anywhere.”
“Are you sure, Carolyn?”
With one word she could undo this. She could be back in Nick’s arms, just like last night. Longing ran through her, swift and painful, tempered by common sense. The urge to reach out, lay a hand on his shoulder and feel that strength beneath her palm, had her curling her fingers. “Yes, I’m sure.”
This was what she wanted. What she had always wanted. She would be back at work in a few days, and all of this would be nothing more than a memory. Just like before.
A wave of regret washed over her. But she brushed it off, forced it away. She had already survived a breakup with Nick once before. She could do it again.
She could.
The front door opened, which sent Bandit scrambling to his feet and running down the hall with a flurry of barks. In walked a man who looked like a younger version of Nick. “Knock, knock. I bet you forgot our golf game this—” He stopped short, one hand patting Bandit, his mouth agape, eyes wide, staring at her. “Whoa. You have company. I’ll come back later.”
“No, no, I’m not—” Carolyn felt her face heat “—company. I’m...Carolyn.”
“You’re Carolyn?” The other man stepped forward, a grin spreading across his face. “Well, hello. I’ve heard quite a bit about you. And I have to say, you are probably the last person I expected to see here, but—”
“My brother is going to shut up now,” Nick interrupted, “if he wants to keep his jawbone intact.”
The other man chuckled, then extended his hand. “I’m Daniel. The younger and cuter Gilbert son. And the one with all the manners, apparently.”
Nick shot his brother a glare.
“Carolyn Duff,” Carolyn said, shaking hands with Daniel. “And really, there’s nothing going on here. Nick and I are just helping out one of the kids from the picnic, Bobby Lester. His mom is in the hospital for a few days and he has no other family, so she asked us to take him in. Nick and I being together is just a temporary partnership.” Damn. She was babbling again. Take her out of the courtroom and she was a social mess.
Daniel arched a brow. “Temporary. Uh-huh.”
“Didn’t you have a golf game to get to?” Nick asked.
Daniel hopped over the side of an armchair and settled himself into the seat. “Kind of hard to play a golf match against myself. Besides, I’m not in the mood for golfing now. I found something much more interesting to
watch.”
Nick groaned. “You are a pain in the neck.”
“That’s what makes me kin,” Daniel said, giving his brother a teasing grin.
Bandit began whining and running circles around Nick’s feet. “The dog needs to go out. I’ll be right back.”
“Take all the time you need.” Daniel waved Nick off. “I’ll chat with Carolyn while you’re gone. Bring her up to speed on all your bad habits.”
Nick muttered a few choice words under his breath as he rounded the corner.
“Okay, so give me the straight scoop,” Daniel said, turning to Carolyn. “Are you and Nick getting back together? Because without you, the man has been as miserable as a monkey in a pool.”
Carolyn laughed. “No, we’re not. This is just for a few days.”
“I’ve seen the way you look at him. And the way he looks at you. What’s stopping you from getting together?”
“For one, we’re divorced. For another, Nick’s looking for different things out of life than I am. He always has been.” She shrugged as though it didn’t matter. As if it didn’t disappoint her that nothing had changed. “He’s not the settling-down, getting-serious type and I’m...well, I’m as serious as an encyclopedia.”
“Whoa, whoa.” Daniel put up his hands. “Where did you get the idea that Nick isn’t the settling-down type?”
Carolyn slipped into the second armchair and ran a hand over the faded tapestry pattern. “Daniel, everything about Nick screams not settling down. You know him.”
“Well, yeah, I do. And granted, he’s not exactly Commitment Charlie, but I like to think that’s because he hasn’t had enough incentive.” Daniel gave her a knowing grin.
“Don’t look at me. Nick and I already tried the marriage route and failed the test.”
“You guys were students. Immaturity comes with the territory.” Daniel waved a hand in dismissal. “You should try it again now. Considering you’re older and wiser.”