by Shirley Jump
“No, but I can control my corner of it.” She swiped away the tears on her face. “And that’s why I came here today.” She swallowed, straightened her spine, resolve becoming her starch. “To say goodbye. Once and for all. I can concentrate on my job, like I always have.” She drew up, shaking off the emotion, slipping into her old self as easily as a coat. “It’s what I have to do.”
“What?”
He hadn’t seen this blow coming. Hadn’t expected it at all. He’d thought he’d call her on the carpet, tell her they needed to make a choice, finally go forward or decide to grow apart, and she’d see the light and dive fully into a relationship with him. After all, they were older now, and surely, after all that had happened in the past few days, she’d seen that they could have a future. “Goodbye? But—”
“I’m sorry, Nick. I really am. But it’s the smartest thing to do.” She gave him a half smile. “After all, someone’s gotta slay the dragons, right?”
Then she turned and left.
Telling Nick exactly what he hadn’t wanted to hear. That he’d been dead wrong about Carolyn a second time.
But that didn’t make losing her twice go down any easier.
CHAPTER TWELVE
EMPTY.
Carolyn went to work, buried herself in her job, came in early, stayed late every day, put in so many hours that three days passed without her seeing the sun rise or set.
And still it wasn’t enough. Not nearly enough.
To wipe Nick Gilbert from her system.
She asked her boss for more and more cases, until he started refusing her. “I’m ordering you to take a vacation,” he said.
“I can’t, Ken. I need to work.”
“No, you need to take time off. I know what you’re doing.” His light-gray eyes filled with concern. “I’ve seen it in myself. You’re trying to burn out.”
“I’m not—”
He put up a hand. “Don’t argue with me. You’re hoping that if you put in enough hours, you’ll stop hurting over whatever it is that’s got you in pain. I did it myself when my marriage started falling apart. And you know what happened? Things got worse. My wife left me, my kids stopped talking to me. Now I live with a dog that sees me only as his primary supply of food.” He ran a hand through his hair, prematurely gray at forty-five. “Don’t make my mistakes, Carolyn. Take some time off and fix your life. So you have one when you’re my age.”
She opened her mouth to argue, then saw the regrets and loneliness in his eyes. For the first time since she came to work at the city prosecutor’s office, Carolyn took a look around Ken’s space and noted the pictures. His ex-wife and two sons, happy and smiling on ski trips. On vacation in sunny locales. All this time, Carolyn had thought that these were family photos from Ken’s life, but now she realized Ken wasn’t in a single one of the pictures.
The truth slammed into her like a medicine ball to her gut. She was staring at her own empty, solitary future.
The other day she’d walked out of Nick’s office, said goodbye, and chosen exactly what she was looking at right now. These pictures—it wasn’t what she wanted.
But how to balance a life with the work that she loved? The work that meant so much? The work that had defined her very self?
And in doing so, take the biggest risk of all?
* * *
Nick had taken some big risks before, but now he stood on the steps of the courthouse, about to argue the most important case of his life and convince the most difficult juror ever.
A juror who had already made her decision and might not even be open to an appeal. But he wasn’t the type of lawyer who liked to lose, especially when it came to his own life.
Carolyn came through the double doors of the courthouse, a briefcase in one hand, a stack of files in the other. Mary flanked her on the right, chatting about where they should go to get a late lunch. Nick stepped in front of Carolyn and blocked her. “Miss Duff?”
Damn. Just seeing her had him ready to ditch his whole plan, take her in his arms and kiss her right here. He was sorely tempted to loosen her hair from the tight bun and run his fingers through those golden tendrils, to see the light in her eyes change from a bright green to the dark emerald of desire.
Carolyn drew up short and stopped. “Nick? What are you doing here? I thought—”
He grinned. “I’d like to present some testimony to you.”
“Actually, I’m leaving court for the day. I’m going on vacation.”
He blinked. “Vacation? You?”
“Boss-ordered.” A faint smile crossed her lips. “But I thought it was a good idea, too.”
“Do you have time for one more case?”
She took a step down, coming closer to him, sending his thoughts once again on a wild ride. “What kind of case?”
“I’d like to plead the case of you...and me.”
Her face fell, frustration rising in her features. “I thought we settled that one.”
A small crowd of lawyers had stopped what they were doing and were watching, making no secret of their eavesdropping. “Not to my satisfaction.”
Carolyn’s eyes widened, and for a second Nick thought she would protest, bolt, do whatever it took to upset his careful plan. But then the smile on her face expanded, just a little, and he knew he had a chance. “What evidence do you have, Counselor? Because I’m willing to consider an appeal, if it has merit.”
“First, this.” He stepped forward and stopped waiting to do what he really wanted to do. He took her in his arms, lowered his mouth to those sweet crimson lips and kissed her. She tasted of peppermint and coffee and of everything Nick dared to hope he could have again in his life.
The spontaneous gesture took her by surprise, and at first she didn’t respond, which made Nick wonder if he’d done the wrong thing. Then, just when he worried he should step away, should give up on this insane idea, Carolyn melted in his arms and kissed him back.
He kept their kiss short, relatively chaste, considering they were in front of the courthouse and surrounded by most of the Lawford legal community. “May I enter that into evidence?”
Carolyn grinned. A faint redness filled her cheeks. “I’m, ah, not sure how to classify that.”
He chuckled. “We can debate it later.”
“Sounds like a good idea.”
“My second argument,” Nick said, trailing a finger down her chin, wishing he could kiss her again, “requires a field trip.”
She arched a brow. “A field trip?”
He stepped back, put out a hand. “Do you trust me, Carolyn?”
A long second passed, and Nick wondered if he had lost her again. They still had a lot of unanswered questions between them. But he hoped that if he could show her this one thing, she’d understand everything about him, about what made him tick and about what was most important in life. And through that, maybe she’d find the answers to her own questions, too.
“Here, let me take these,” Mary said, stepping between them and unloading all the files from Carolyn’s hands and then slipping the briefcase out of her grasp. “That’ll make it easier. For you to go, Carolyn.”
“Well?” Nick asked.
“Okay. But...”
“No, buts, Carolyn. Trust me.”
She hesitated a moment longer, then put her palm into his. The feel of her hand in his was like heaven, but Nick didn’t count on it. Not yet. Nothing, he knew, was set in stone.
Together they walked down the courtroom steps and over to his SUV, parked in front of the courthouse. Illegally, but Nick figured one ticket was worth what he was doing today.
“Are you going to tell me anything about where we’re going?” she asked.
“Not exactly.” He fished in his suit pocket. “But there is a map.” He handed her a
piece of paper.
“What’s this?”
“A treasure map, of sorts. Only it leads to someone else’s treasure.”
She gave him a quizzical look, then scanned the document, terribly drawn, considering he had all the art skills of a duck. “This doesn’t tell me anything. There is a rule about evidentiary disclosure, you know.” She buckled her seat belt and gave him a curious glance.
“You can appeal later.”
She laughed. “You’re breaking the rules.”
“That’s my specialty,” Nick said, then put the vehicle in gear.
They wound through the streets of Lawford, soon leaving the downtown area behind. Nick’s gut remained tight, tension holding its knot. He had no idea if everything he had worked on would pan out all right or not. Or how Carolyn would react. He’d worked solely on instinct with this particular feat of magic, pulling it all off in a matter of days.
But if he knew Carolyn the way he thought he knew Carolyn—
Then this would be what she’d been searching for. What they all had been searching for. The closure she needed, the way home.
Finally they turned down a tree-lined street and stopped in front of a small Cape-style house with a detached garage. A lush green lawn marched up a small sloping hill. A trio of pink azaleas flanked one side of the front door, a row of hedges the other. It was a simple house, as far as houses went, but perfect in so many other ways. Only one other car sat in the driveway.
“Where are we?” Carolyn asked.
“At X.” Nick pointed at the treasure map, at the large capital letter that sat in the center of the paper, gave her a grin, then got out of the SUV. He came around the other side and opened the door for Carolyn. As he did, the occupants of the second car also got out. Jean Klein, Pauline Lester and Bobby.
“But...what is this?” Carolyn looked up at Nick, confusion knitting her brows.
The knot in his stomach doubled. Here went nothing. Either this impulsive plan went off without a hitch—or it all blew up in his face. During that weekend, he thought he’d gained insight into Carolyn. Insight he hadn’t really had in college because he hadn’t truly been paying attention. Back then, it had cost him—cost him dearly because he’d lost her.
This time he hoped he’d gotten it right, that what he had read in her, in the pockets of time when she’d opened up and let him see inside her heart, had allowed him to read what she truly needed. He took Carolyn’s hand, then led her up the small walkway to meet the other trio by the front door. “We have a ceremony of sorts to attend.”
“Whoa.” Carolyn stopped walking and jerked Nick to a halt. “You aren’t springing another elopement on me, are you?”
He studied her face, his breath caught in his chest. “Would you say yes?”
“Nick, that’s not even funny. What’s going on?”
“Trust me, Carolyn.”
Her gaze swept over his features. Then she looked to the house, to the other people waiting for them. “All right. But if I see a minister—”
“Would it really be so bad to marry me again?” he asked, leaning forward, whispering in her ear. Thinking of the first time he had proposed—badly, he thought—on one knee in the student union of the law school. Just thinking of that clumsy, hasty proposal had him cringing. The next time he asked Carolyn to be his wife, he’d make sure he did a much better job.
She turned to face him, so close they could have kissed. His heartbeat accelerated and everything within Nick surged with desire. Damn. What was it about this woman? She drove him crazy, absolutely insane. Yet he wanted her. More with every passing second, more than he had three years ago, more than he’d ever thought possible. He must be one hell of a glutton for punishment, because she’d just broken up with him for good four days ago.
“Let’s go see what’s behind door number one,” Nick said, then started walking again before he gave in to the urge to take her in his arms and kiss her. There were, after all, people waiting.
“Hi, Nick! Carolyn!” Bobby said when they reached him and his mother. Jean smiled at the two of them. “My momma is all better now. The doctor says she’s going to be okay.”
Nick and Carolyn looked to Pauline, who gave them a nod, her eyes filled with tears. Happy tears. Even Jean’s eyes were misty.
Relief surged through Carolyn. A happy ending. The one she had prayed for, the one she hadn’t even quite dared to hope would really come true for these two. “I’m thrilled for you,” she said to Pauline, then bent down to Bobby’s level. “And for you.”
“And she said this year, she can be my room mom in my classroom. That means she can come have lunch with me every Thursday. That’s pizza day. I love pizza.”
Carolyn laughed. Such a simple thing, an ordinary, everyday kind of thing, and now, this little boy would be able to have that gift. “That’s great, Bobby.”
He paused, then looked up at his mother. She smiled at him and nodded. “Go ahead, ask her.”
He turned back to Carolyn. “Carolyn, umm...would you come to my class someday? My teacher lets us have special people come and talk and well...” Bobby hesitated, toeing at the concrete for a moment, then his big brown eyes met hers. “Well, since your daddy died, too, I wondered if you could come when I talk about my daddy. Be my special person for that day. Because you know what it’s like to not have a daddy.”
The air around Carolyn stilled. Her heart squeezed. Then tears welled in her eyes and she reached out to Bobby, at first only taking his hand, but then that wasn’t enough, not nearly enough to tell him how much he had touched her, opened a part of her heart, her life, that she had thought was closed, and her arms went around him. Even as the tears began to fall, to finally fall, she pulled him into her chest, holding him tight, this kindred spirit who had helped heal that last scar in Carolyn. She nodded, her tears dropping onto his T-shirt, leaving fat droplets on the cotton. “I’d love to, Bobby. I’d love to.”
“Thank you,” he said, but his voice was a little muffled by the hug.
A long moment passed, filled with some sniffles from all the adults, before Carolyn rose. Nick cleared his throat. “Well, I bet you’re all wondering why we dragged you out here today.”
“Jean said it was something to do with the Buddy program,” Pauline said.
“In a way. Much more than being a buddy, though.” Nick reached into his suit jacket and pulled out a large manila envelope that had been folded in half. He opened it up, then handed the package to Pauline. “This, I believe, is yours.”
She looked down at the envelope, then back at him, confused. “Mine? But...what...what is it?”
“A deed.”
The two words hung in the air, light as butterflies. Then they gradually filtered into her consciousness. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropped, her body froze, as if she were afraid she’d move and the whole thing would disappear. “A deed? To...” She pivoted, one inch at a time and looked at the little white house with the dark-green shutters and the wide bay window. And she started to cry. “For me? And Bobby?”
Nick nodded, a grin spreading across his face. “Yes.”
Her hands went to her mouth, fingers shaking, shock all over her features. “Oh, my, no, no, you can’t be serious.”
Carolyn stared at Nick. A house? An entire house for Pauline and Bobby? This was way bigger than a few toys, some books from the bookstore. How had he done this and in such a short period of time? This wasn’t a magic trick. This was the impossible.
“Look in the envelope,” Nick said. “And find the keys to your new front door.”
Pauline’s hands were shaking so badly, Jean had to help her. The two of them reached inside, then slid out a keyring, with two silver keys hanging off it. Beside Pauline, Bobby finally started to realize what was happening. “Do we own a house, Momma? A real house? Just for us?”
Carolyn didn’t even realize she was crying until the tears choked her voice. “It seems you do, Bobby. This one right here.” She stared at Nick, who wasn’t providing any answers. He just grinned, lighting up the spark in his cobalt eyes and emphasizing the crinkles around them. She noticed something new in his face, something she hadn’t noticed before.
“It’s ours?” Bobby said. “Forever? We don’t have to give it back?”
“Yes,” Nick said. “It’s all paid for.”
“Paid for? All of it?” Pauline’s mouth opened. “How? Why?”
“My law firm, and a couple others in town, wanted to do a little more than contribute to a picnic or buy a few toys. So I made some calls.”
“But this is too much,” Pauline said, trying to hand the envelope back to Nick, force the keys into his hand. “We can’t accept this.”
Bobby stood before his mother, not saying a word. Holding his breath.
“You’ve been dealt a difficult hand in life, Pauline,” Nick said, refusing to take the envelope or the keys. “Accept this gift and make a new start. For you and your son.”
She shook her head. “There are so many other families much more deserving than I. I can’t do this, knowing that they need the money, as well. I’d much rather see you take what this costs and divide it among them.”
Nick smiled. “I figured you’d say that. And I already have an argument ready. You see, my law firm makes a lot of money. Too much. And they’d like a way to offset some of those taxes. What better way to do that than help other people?”
“That’s incredible, Nick,” Jean said, her face wide with shock. “Just so incredible that...I don’t even have words for what that’s going to mean for so many families in this area.”
Carolyn now realized what she was seeing in Nick. The passion he had in law school. That change-the-world belief that had attracted her to him. This was the Nick she remembered. This was the Nick she had fallen in love with.
This was the man she had been looking for over the last few days, and the man, she suspected, he had lost. He’d been merely looking for a purpose.