by Emma Darcy
He nodded. “I see what you mean, but I honestly don’t think you have a lot to be afraid of with me, Nina. I can’t promise you I won’t make mistakes. This is new territory for me.”
“For both of us,” she acknowledged fairly.
He placed a gentle finger on her lips. His eyes pleaded for her belief. “I can promise you I’ll never knowingly make our kid feel she isn’t wanted or doesn’t belong. I’ve been through that myself. I sure as hell wouldn’t do it to my own kid.”
His sincerity was beyond doubt. Nina recollected what he’d said about nannies and the alienation from home life by being sent to boarding school at a young age.
“Don’t you worry,” he went on strongly. “Charlie girl is going to have a very special place in our lives. She’ll know it, too. Look at Spike.”
This last comment threw Nina. “What has our daughter got to do with your dog?”
“When I took him home from the animal shelter he was a cowed and beaten dog. Whoever his previous owner was had woefully mistreated him. Broken his spirit. I gave Spike confidence in himself. Now he thinks he owns the place,” Jack declared, proving his capability of restoring faith in a dog.
Nina couldn’t help smiling. “Charlotte isn’t a puppy, Jack. Human beings are a bit more complex.”
He gave her a wise look. “Maybe human beings make things complex when they should be kept simple.”
“Maybe. In any event, let’s give it some time. There’s no need for us to rush into marriage.”
His sigh carried reluctant resignation. “Living apart doesn’t give me the best chance to prove I can be a good dad, Nina,” he pointed out.
That was true, yet she couldn’t bring herself to make a commitment she wasn’t absolutely sure of. “Be patient with me, Jack,” she pleaded. “I’ve seen my parents go through the marry in haste, repent at leisure experience. I don’t want to be rushed.”
“Fair enough,” he agreed, kissing her lightly to show there were no hard feelings. He followed it up with a dazzling smile. “How about you and our daughter spending the weekend at my place? It lets me be a full-time dad for two days so you can judge how I’m doing,” he added persuasively.
Jack’s emphasis on the words our daughter was not lost on Nina. It would be an even better sign if he called her Charlotte, but Nina was content with one step forward at a time.
“Fair enough,” she agreed happily, reaching to pull his head to hers again and turning to feel the warm, wonderful length of his body against hers.
Jack needed no further invitation to resume lovemaking, and Nina revelled in every exquisite nuance of their intimacy.
One barrier gone, she thought exultantly.
She fiercely hoped Jack could remove the other.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
JACK learnt a highly sobering lesson the next morning. When it came to babies, triumph could be turned into disaster in no time flat.
There he was, thinking he’d achieved a great step forward. Charlie girl had slept right through the night, as her dad had tactfully suggested, giving her mum a good rest, not to mention the freedom to reacquaint herself with the highly pleasurable satisfaction of lovemaking between a man and a woman. A splendid kid, Jack had thought, one who knew the meaning of artful cooperation and followed it to the letter.
Then what happened? Because Charlie girl hadn’t woken for her regular feed in the wee hours of the morning, when she had called for it at the respectable time of sunrise, Nina’s breasts were so tight with milk, at the first bit of sucking it ran down the kid’s throat like the gush of a tap having been turned on full blast. Too much to cope with. She’d choked and spewed everywhere, distressing Nina and not feeling too good herself.
Jack could not have imagined such a little kid being a projectile vomiter. He took over the cleaning-up detail, relieving Nina of that mess. And he certainly had to admire Nina’s fast thinking. She figured out if she lay on her back and the kid had to suck up from her breasts, the flow wouldn’t be such dynamite.
It solved the feeding problem. Unfortunately, a baby’s stomach was only so big. It couldn’t take the double helping of milk Nina’s inbuilt maternal machinery had manufactured and stockpiled. Her breasts were still uncomfortably tight after the kid had filled up.
“I’ll have to use a breast pump, Jack,” she said worriedly. “Will you find a chemist shop and buy one for me, please?”
“A breast pump,” he repeated, incredulously thinking of the sucking contraptions stuck onto cows’ teats for milking. When he was in primary school he’d gone to a dairy farm on an education excursion and seen them in operation. Nina had to use something like that? The idea horrified him.
“Yes. I guess I should have had one on hand, but I didn’t expect Charlotte to start sleeping through the night this soon.”
Guilt writhed through Jack.
“I think there’s a twenty-four-hour chemist shop at Epping if you wouldn’t mind going for me,” Nina urged.
“Of course, I’ll go.” He checked his watch. It was almost seven o’clock, too early for normal business hours. They were only a couple of streets away from Epping Road. “Should be back in about twenty minutes or so. Will you be all right, Nina?” he asked anxiously.
“Yes. I’ll get you some money.”
“No. I’ll pay.” Apart from his desire to look after her, this dreadful outcome was his fault. “Take care now. I’ll be as fast as I can.”
“Thanks for helping, Jack.”
“Only too glad to.”
It was the truth. He’d bungled badly. Nina was right. Human beings were more complex than he’d thought. As he raced out to the Range Rover and hit the road, he castigated himself for not even realising the dire consequences ensuing from his initiative with Charlie girl. And the poor little kid—she couldn’t have realised, either. She’d trusted her dad and almost ended up drowning in her mother’s milk.
It was like the environment, Jack thought. If one little part of the pattern was changed, it set up a chain reaction that messed up everything. Big mistake! It was just as well Nina didn’t know about his father-to-daughter chat. He’d have a black mark against him.
She’d probably see it as selfish, cutting down on the kid’s needs to have more time with her. Which was true, in a way. But he hadn’t meant any harm. It was a salutory lesson. He’d be a lot wiser in the future about how he arranged things.
Luckily it was Saturday morning, and the traffic was light on Epping Road at this early hour. He made good time to the shopping centre. He found the all-night chemist and rang the bell for attention. A guy came to let him in, and Jack spelled out the problem. He was mightily relieved when the breast pump turned out to be relatively small with an easy-to-use hand pump attached to a suction cup and a little bottle.
“I’d recommend you buy a jar of wool fat, too,” the pharamacist advised.
Jack’s mind leapt from cows to sheep. “What for?” he asked warily.
“Your wife could get sore nipples from the breast pump. They’re probably sensitive anyway. If they crack it’ll be very painful for her. Wool fat’s the best to use on them.”
Cracked nipples! Things were going from bad to worse. Huge mistake!
“Right! I’ll take a jar,” Jack said quickly. “Anything else we might need?”
“No. She should be right if she takes care. If not, see a doctor.”
“I’ll see she takes every care,” Jack vowed, hating the idea that any action of his would result in Nina having to see a doctor.
Nothing was simple, he decided, paying over the money and collecting the goods. Babies could really complicate the normal run of life. He’d observed this with his friends without fully appreciating how complicated it could become. He’d always thought control was the key to keeping the little monst—uh, moppets in their place, but it was now clear that control was a very tricky business. He’d have to give it more thought, more care.
Having climbed into the Range Rover, he set off fo
r Lane Cove, determined to get on top of the baby game. No more finagling without knowledge of possible repercussions. He couldn’t afford to let Nina catch him out on too many mistakes. After last night, he was certain the door was well and truly open for him. He wasn’t about to shut it in his own face.
At least he had the whole weekend to make up for this mishap. If he ever met those parents of hers, he’d have a few things to say to them. Fancy not wanting Nina, giving her a hard time. He was lucky his own parents had only ignored him for the most part. Nina had had it much rougher than he had. No wonder she needed a lot of reassurance.
As for Charlie girl, Jack figured he had no problem there. She was a good kid. Listened to her dad like a little trooper. He’d have to find some private time to have a quick word with her today, tell her there was a new plan and she’d better get back to her normal schedule. They’d upset the applecart.
Tonight…well, maybe he’d just cuddle Nina.
Unless she wanted more than that.
In which case, he’d oblige.
He might very well take obliging to a new art form. The pharmacist had assumed Nina was his wife. Jack was going to turn that into a reality as soon as he could. It surely wouldn’t take long for Nina to see he wasn’t like her father. He wasn’t like his father, either.
All it would take was some mutual understanding with Charlie girl. She recognised a good deal when she was handed one. Kids knew instinctively which side their bread was buttered on. It was simple mathematics. A girl needed a dad, and he was obviously the right one to have.
Jack fiercely hoped it was simple.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
SOMETHING was badly wrong, and Nina couldn’t ignore it any longer. It was getting worse, not better. Much worse. Ever since the first night Charlotte had slept through, her breasts hadn’t felt right. This morning, both feeding times had been pure agony.
Over the past week she’d used the pump to drain off the excess milk. It hurt, but she’d persisted with it until yesterday. Maybe her inexperience was at fault there. Whatever the reason, her breasts now had a hard, hot, red lump towards her armpits and were extremely painful. She was definitely running a temperature. On top of which, Charlotte was fretful, as though she wasn’t getting enough.
It hurt to lift the capsule. Nina realised she wouldn’t be able to manage getting to her doctor on her own. Her head was in a swoon from the fever. It could be dangerous if she fainted. She took the most sensible course and rang Sally, who was close at hand and wouldn’t mind doing her a favour.
“It’s Nina,” she announced quickly, cutting through Sally’s customary greeting spiel. “I’m not well. I need your help.”
“Be right there.”
Nina put the receiver down with a grateful sigh. Sally never blathered on when action was required. She had a mind like a razor blade underneath her glittering sales persona. Within seconds she was at the connecting door, and she burst into the flat in a blaze of efficient purpose.
Nina turned groggily from the kitchen counter on which she had leaned to use the telephone. Sally took one look at her, grabbed hold and supported her over to the closest armchair. She clamped a hand on Nina’s forehead and started questioning.
“Flu? Gastric? What?”
Nina haltingly explained what was wrong.
“Mastitis,” Sally diagnosed. “Infection in your breasts. Might even be abscesses. My sister had the same problem. It can happen when you’re weaning a baby.”
“But I’m not weaning Charlotte,” Nina wailed.
“She’s sleeping through. Same thing. You’ll need antibiotics to knock out the infection. Maybe pills to stop producing any more milk. Best to get you to your doctor right now.”
Tears welled into Nina’s eyes. “You mean I won’t be able to feed Charlotte any more?”
“Depends on how bad the infection is. Babies do survive on bottles, Nina. This is no time to quibble about what’s best for them. We’ve got to do what’s best for you.”
Nina felt too weak and upset to resist as Sally moved into top organisation mode, calling her secretary, who arrived pronto with Sally’s handbag and car keys. Instructions were given to take business calls on the mobile telephone. The secretary was to stay in Nina’s flat and look after the baby. If any problem arose, Sally could be reached on her car phone or at the doctor’s surgery. Within minutes they were on their way.
“Does Jack know about this?” Sally asked.
“No.”
“You didn’t tell him you were having problems?”
“I didn’t want to worry him.”
The tears gathered again and started trickling down her cheeks. Jack had been wonderful last weekend, though he hadn’t liked her having to use the breast pump. She had seen the recoil in his eyes, the frown, the silent wish it wasn’t happening. She had given the excuse of a heavy workload to put him off coming to her flat the past two nights, not wanting him to see her discomfort.
He would undoubtedly blame Charlotte, and everything would start going wrong. Maybe it was cowardice on her part, avoiding problems that might put him off the fatherhood scene. Testing his resolve didn’t seem like a good idea any more. Making love had probably been a big mistake. She wanted him too much.
“Give me Jack’s number,” Sally commanded.
“What for?”
“You can’t manage this alone, Nina.”
“Other single mothers must,” she argued.
“What’s the point in hiding it? Jack’s either there for you or he isn’t. Better find that out now, Nina.”
Relentless logic.
The fear of losing him persisted. “It’s only about eleven o’clock. He’ll be busy at work, and it mightn’t turn out to be as bad as you think, Sally.”
Her desperate optimism earned a derisive snort. “Your temperature’s sky-high. If Jack won’t take over with Charlotte when you’re sick, he’s not worth having,” Sally declared, her vision unclouded by emotional bias. “She may have to be bottle-fed. And that means shopping for all the necessary stuff. Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party. Give me his number.”
Nina’s head whirled. Too much to do, and she was too weak and woozy to do it. Besides, Sally was only speaking the inescapable truth. If Jack couldn’t handle this, it boded ill for a future together. She gave his number, and Sally simultaneously pressed it into the car phone.
“Jack. It’s Sally. Don’t talk. Listen. We haven’t got time for unnecessary chat. I’m almost at the doctor’s surgery with Nina, and she’s in trouble. Running a fever and pain in her breasts. She might have to go into hospital.”
“Hospital!” Nina groaned, the future getting blacker by the minute.
Sally ignored her. “Are you okay to help with the baby?”
“Tell me what to do and I’ll do it,” came the quick, decisive reply.
“Go to a chemist shop and buy up whatever you’ll need to feed a newborn baby. Tins of formula, bottles, teats, sterilising solution. Ask the pharamacist. He should know everything. It might not be necessary, but it’s better to be prepared. You can always exchange these items for other stuff. Next feed is two o’clock, but Charlotte might want it before then.”
“I’ll go right now.”
“Hold it! If Nina has to go to hospital, can you step in and take over with Charlotte?”
“No problem. I’ll take her home with me. Nina, too, if the doctor only gives her medication. I’ll look after both of them.”
“Sure you can handle it?”
“They’re my family. Thanks for letting me know, Sally.”
“I left my secretary with the baby at the flat. I’ll report to her when I know more.”
“I’ll go to the flat as soon as I have the stuff for Charlotte.”
“Right. Bye for now.”
Charlotte. He’d called her Charlotte. Surely that had to be a good sign, Nina told herself. And the possessive way he’d said my family…Jack had the best of intentions.
She didn’t know why she was crying. The tears rolled from a seemingly unstoppable well.
“That guy is coming through really well, Nina,” Sally asserted as she drove her BMW into the parking lot behind the medical centre. “His heart is in the right place. Having met countless bridegrooms in my time as a wedding director, let me tell you Jack scores a high distinction in many areas.”
“Thanks, Sally.” Nina managed to choke the words out. She wished she’d consulted Sally before she’d reached this awful state.
“Now let’s get you inside to the doctor.”
It was out of her hands now, Nina thought. Fate had done it to her again, throwing her a curve she could never have anticipated. She couldn’t exercise any control over where it would end. It was all up to Jack to make it come out right.
If he had the heart for it.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
CHARLIE girl was yelling her lungs out and wouldn’t listen to a word Jack said. He walked her up and down Nina’s living room, rubbing and patting her back with no better result. The kid was beyond reason and comfort. Jack was desperate for news of Nina and more instructions when the telephone rang.
“I’ll answer that,” he shouted at Sally’s secretary, and quickly thrust the baby into her arms. “Take her into the bedroom and shut the door. I don’t want Nina hearing her over the phone and getting upset. Hurry!”
He grabbed the receiver the moment the door shut. “It’s Jack. How’s Nina?” he demanded anxiously.
“Worst-case scenario. Abscesses. The doctor’s given her intravenous antibiotics and booked her in at Royal North Shore Hospital. I’m taking her there now. A surgeon will see her this afternoon.”
“A surgeon?” Alarm shot through him.
“No big deal. It’s called incision and drainage. Nina will have a general anaesthetic.”
“That could make her pretty damned sick,” he said worriedly, his gut twisting at what she had to go through.