I went to brush past him and he grabbed my arm.
“Honestly, don’t.” He said, his face looking pale.
Chapter Twenty
Shrugging off his hand I stepped inside and stood letting my eyes get used to the gloom. After a couple of seconds my eyes got used to the dim light and I walked further in. Sprawled on the stairs was a man holding an air rifle. He must have been coming down the stairs when Chris killed him. There was a door open to my right and I walked inside. Two men were dead in there both holding knives in their dead hands. The living room opened onto the dining room and I could see dirty clothes and bedding spread out all over the room. I could smell something cooking in the kitchen and it smelled bad.
Pushing the door open with my foot I caught a glance of blood all over the countertops. As the door opened further, I fell to the floor and screamed. Spirit’s dead eyes stared at me from her severed head. The rest of her been stripped of all her flesh. A huge pan sat on a large gas cooker that was fired by bottled gas. The smell seemed to get worse the more that I looked. Scrambling to my feet, I ran out the front door and fell to my knees and threw up. Chris stood a few feet away. My body kept expelling all the bile and food in my stomach till I was dry heaving.
Rolling onto my back, tears flooded from my cheeks and I cried. I lay there wanting to die. I had loved that dog and now some fucker had decided that she would make a nice stew. I wanted to kill them and felt like I had been cheated because Chris had had the chance to end their lives. Chris bent down and lifted me up so that I was sitting.
“Marc, we are going to have to move, mate. My shots will be bringing the infected.”
“I don’t fucking care.” I said, my grief taking over any kind of rational thought.
The now empty house seemed to grin at me with its open door. Inside was the one thing that I knew loved me without any thought of itself. Standing up to me what felt like an age, throwing up had drained nearly all my energy and I honestly felt like I didn’t want to carry on. Chris looked down the street and then back up watching for any trouble as we stood there on the overgrown front lawn.
“You got a flare?” I asked.
“Yeah!”
Reaching into his vest, he pulled out a small signal flare. I took it and headed back inside and down the hallway to the kitchen. Turning off the flame I walked over to where Spirit’s now severed head lay and placed a hand on her head.
“I’m so sorry, girl.” I said with tears in my eyes and huge lump in my throat. “Chris sent that bastard to hell for you, so that you can chew on his bones when they get there.”
Walking back to the gas canister I ripped the hose free and could hear the gas escaping. I walked back down the hall and at the front door turned and lit the flare. Tossing back down the hallway I ran from the building as a huge boom shook the house and shattered the remaining windows.
“Come on, let’s get back before the infected get here.” Chris said setting off down the street.
We crossed field that lead to the petrol station. I just stumbled along behind him with my mind running images over and over again. By the time I reached the car park Chris was talking to the others by the Land Rover. I walked over to the Land Rover and opened the passenger door and climbed inside. Sitting there looking out of the windscreen I heard a whimper from behind me and turned to see the pup looking back at me. I felt the lump in my throat return and turned back to looking out the windscreen.
Chris opened the door “You ready to head back?”
I didn’t even turn my head to acknowledge that he was there.
“You coming back on the ATV?”
I just grunted.
He looked at me and nodded before heading to the rear of the Land Rover. I glanced at the rear-view mirror and could see David, Amy and Chris talking. Mike was snoring in the back. I wondered if he knew what had happened to Spirit. Surely someone would tell him sooner or later. I saw Chris leave the others and come back to the front.
“Amy is going to take the ATV. David said you could ride in the Land Rover with him and Mike.” He said.
The driver’s door opened and David climbed in.
“I sorry for what happened to Spirit.” He said, settling into the driver’s seat.
I just looked out of the windscreen and said nothing. What I really wanted to do was to tell him to stick his ‘Sorry’ up his arse. Chris closed the door and headed to the ATV’s. David shook his head and started the engine. We sat until Chris gave him the thumbs up and we pulled out of the car park. Out the corner of my eye I could see a smoke rising. I had to force my eyes away.
David tried to get me to talk a few times as we headed back to the Bunker, but I just didn’t want to talk. After a while he stopped trying to engage me in conversation and we sat in silence. Sometime around mid-afternoon we stopped for food. Amy brought me a bottle of water and an MRE. When I didn’t pick it up she left it on the floor of the cab and walked back to the others. The food was still there on the floor as we pulled into the track leading to the bunker. As we came over the top of the hill, I was surprised at the work that had been done in such a short time.
The fence was fully up and one building with others in different states of build. The kids were playing outside and from what I could see, there were no infected standing at the fence. David stopped at the gate and it slowly opened letting us inside. People came and crowded the Land Rover and the ATV’s. That was when I started to get angry.
As soon as the Land Rover stopped I jumped out and ran for the bunker entrance running past people asking all kinds of questions. Inside, I stabbed at the lift button till the doors opened. I rushed inside and pressed the button for the fourth floor. Luckily the lift didn’t stop on its way down or I would have screamed at whomever it was trying to get in. The doors opened and I ran the length of the hallway and slammed open the door to my room. Closing it behind me, I leaned against it and slid down to the floor crying. Huge sobs escaped my chest and the tears poured from my eyes for what seemed like an age. I cried till I was exhausted and I fell on to my side asleep in front of the door.
Chapter Twenty One
I woke up on the floor shivering with a draft coming from under the door onto my back. I didn’t care how long I had been out for. Standing, I made my way to my bed and collapsed onto it. Lying fully clothed with my back to the door I tried to go back to sleep. After a while, I heard the door handle turn and someone came into the room.
“How you doing, bud?” Chris said quietly.
Without turning, I said “Fuck off.”
I heard him sigh and walk back out of the room closing the door quietly behind him.
The next few days were like this. I would wake up and just lie on the bed not moving. Someone came and put a tray of food inside the doorway but I never got off the bed to eat any of it. They might have begun to worry when I never touched the food after the second day because Chris and Amy came to visit. The door opened and they came in.
“Marc!” Amy said quietly.
“What?!” I mumbled.
“Come on, dude, look at us.” Chris said.
I rolled over onto my other side so that I was facing them.
“You look like shit!” Chris said walking further into my room.
“Everyone is worried about you.” Amy said.
I flopped on to my back and looked at the ceiling.
Chris walked over to one of the chairs and sat down before saying “Marc, stop being a tit and talk to us.”
“What the hell do you want me to say or do?” I said.
“We all know how much you cared for Spirit, but she was just a dog.” Chris said.
I was off the bed and was in his face faster than I ever thought I could move.
“She was more than just a dog!” I screamed into his face.
He shrunk back into the seat. Amy walked over a placed a hand on my arm. I shook her off and stormed back to my bed and threw myself back down.
“Let yourselves out and don�
��t let the door hit you on the arse on your way out.” I said, turning away from them.
“Come on, Chris. There is no point trying to talk to him like this.” Amy said.
I heard the chair creak as Chris stood up. The door opened and they walked out.
Before the door closed Chris said “Look, I’m sorry about that comment, mate. But everyone is worried about you.”
“Just fuck off, Chris, before I do more than scream in your face.” I said, turning to look at him.
His shoulders slumped and he walked out with his head low, closing the door behind him. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. I wished that I hadn’t let Spirit out of my sight and I blamed myself for everything that had happened to her. Just another death that I had caused since that night back in the lab. How many had died because of me? I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep. I woke up missing Spirit and looked round the room. In the corner was the two bowls I had used for her food and water. I felt a single tear run down my cheek before I dashed it away with the back of my hand. That dog and Amy had given me something to live for and something to protect and now I had neither.
It was stupid of me to try and take Benton on by myself but I felt that I needed to look out for everyone. Hitting Amy was probably one of the low points in my life. Before then I had never raised my hand to a woman no matter how angry I had gotten. With that one punch I had ruined everything that we had tried to build together. Then letting Spirit and the pup wander away from the petrol station was a major mistake. Looking at the door, I could see a tray with two bottles of water and a covered dish on the floor. Standing I crossed over and picked it up.
Straightening up, I walked over to the chairs and place the tray on the coffee table. Lifting the cover, I saw a small amount of bread and cheese. Eating the food didn’t take very long, and because my stomach had shrank, it filled me up. Opening a bottle I took a couple of sips before putting it back down on the tray. I wasn’t certain how many days had passed since my return to the Bunker, but I knew that I was sick of the place and all the memories that it held. Heading into the shower room I cleaned off the dirt and felt slightly better for it. Grabbing some clean clothes, I got dressed. Feeling slightly better, I pulled on my boots and headed for the door.
Opening the door was like pulling off a band aid, painful. The hallway was quiet and I headed for the lifts. Pressing the call button I looked back toward the safety of my room. The lift came and I stepped inside. My hand hovered over the button for the first floor and it actually shook as I pressed it. Chris and I had always carried some kind of weapon even when we were inside the Bunker, but now I had nothing but the jeans, t-shirt and boots on me. I really didn’t care what happened anymore. My last trip out had broken me inside. The lift stopped at the second floor. Tom was standing there waiting for the doors to open.
He looked at me “Erm… Hi, Marc!”
“Tom.”
Stepping into the lift he went to press the first floor button but stopped when he saw it was lit.
“Where you off to?” He said, looking down at the floor.
“Just going to see the Doc.” I said.
There was a pregnant pause and he said “Everyone’s been worried about you.”
“So I’ve been told.”
“Rosa was beside herself when she found out where you were going.”
“Really!”
He nodded his head.
“She could have given me some info before I went.”
“Look, she felt bad by not telling you everything.” He said, turning to look at me.
The door opened and I walked out, but as I stepped out of the lift I turned and said “And what was your excuse?”
Not giving him a chance to answer, I headed off to the office that the Doc had claimed. Pushing open the doors I was greeted with the sound of children talking. I had forgotten that they had turned half of the operations room into a school for the kids of the Bunker. I edged round the sides of the room trying not to be seen. The Doc’s door was closed and I could hear voices coming from inside. I couldn’t make out what was being said so I waited a short while before rapping on the door a couple of times.
“Come.” a muffled voice said from inside.
Opening the door I saw Chris sitting looking at the door and the Doc standing behind his desk.
“Ah! The very man we were talking about. Come on in, Marc.” The Doc said, waving at an empty chair in front of his desk.
I walked in closing the door behind me. I headed for the empty chair and said “Talking about me?”
“Not in any bad way. Just that there are a few people in the Bunker that are worried about you.” The Doc said, sitting back down.
“Well, as you can see I’m out of my room so people can stop.” I said, glancing at Chris in the other chair.
Doc placed his hands on the desk and leaned forward “It’s not just about you being holed up in your room. It’s about your frame of mind Marc.”
I leaned back in the chair “What frame of mind is that then, Doc?”
“Bud, you seem to have given up. You were never like this before Spirit died even after we lost people.” Chris said.
I closed my eyes to try and gather my thoughts before answering.
“The reason I am so down is because we have lost so many people and that is all on my shoulders. If it weren’t for me, none of this might have happened.”
“Benton was going to release the infection anyway. So it didn’t matter if you released it or not, the outcome would have been the same. The only difference would be that you may not have been here to save all these people and proved them this safe haven.” The Doc said before Chris could reply.
Chapter Twenty Two
It sounded right but in my heart it felt different. I suppose that since Jay was killed I blamed myself for much that had happened.
Chris leaned forward “Look, mate, the Doc is right. Even if you never let the cat out of the lab Bentons were wanting to destroy everything. I wouldn’t be alive today if I hadn’t met you and the same goes for more than half the people here. We just want to make sure you’re ok and that.”
Standing up, I paced the office “Look, if I stay here, more people will die.” I said, throwing my arms in the air.
“Ah! So now we are getting somewhere.” Doc said, sitting back in his chair.
I glared at him.
“You have what’s called survivor's guilt. You feel that if you had died instead of them, then everything would be ok. Sorry to burst your bubble, Marc, but those people may have died anyway and blaming yourself will do you no good. The community we have here has grown because of what you and Chris have done. From what I have gathered, you have never forced anyone to be here. They are here of their own free will and accept the risks that it entails. Yes, we have put you and other people in charge because you all seem to know what to do, but I don’t believe that you are to blame for any deaths or accidents that may happen to them and I think that they may feel the same.”
I stormed over to the door and put my hand on the handle about to storm out into the school area. I heard the children on the other side of the door and I stood there listening to them laugh and shout. My mind slowly processed everything that Doc had said. It was true we had never forced anyone to follow us and we had never forced them to do anything that they didn’t want to do. Chris, Jay and I had come here hoping to save people and in the most part we had. Yes, we have had our run in’s with nutters and other problems but we had managed to get through them. The core problem I had was that I blamed myself for everything and I began to realize that I had a choice like everyone else. Either continue to blame myself and slowly destroy who I was, or I could man up and accept that not everything was my fault and help the others survive this. With that thought running through my head, my shoulders slowly sagged and I turned back to see Doc and Chris looking at me.
“Ok, so what do I do to sort myself out?” I asked.
Doc smiled.
“Well, you have already taken the first step. Or at least I believe you have.”
I let out a half laugh “I might have been a bit of a dick.” I said, looking at Chris.
“No more than usual.” He said, laughing.
I shrugged my shoulders and went back to sit down in the chair. I felt like a right idiot because of everything that I had put my friends through. The worst of it was the fact that I had never listened to their advice. I had just headed off without even thinking. Chris smiled as I sat down. Doc leaned forward onto the desk again looking at me.
“Chris said that you encountered some new infected.” He said.
“It was when we were at the lifeboat station. They were faster and more intelligent than the older infected.” I said.
He cocked his head to one side “More intelligent?”
Chris leaned forward resting his elbows on his knees and answered the doctor's question “Yeah, they seemed to set up an ambush. We also had a visit from a few of the larger ones both at the lifeboat station and as we were leaving Hull.
“When you mean they set an ambush, what do you mean?”
“One minute they were milling round the lifeboat station, the next they had disappeared into the sand dunes. But they never attacked until we were near the vehicles. Talking of which, how is Mike?” I asked.
“He seems to be ok, a few cuts and scratches but nothing too serious.” Doc said.
I felt a little better knowing that Mike was ok. We sat there for a few minutes in silence before anyone said anything.
“So these fast intelligent infected, do you think that Benton has been messing around with the virus again?” Doc said, sitting back and tapping his fingertips together.
Chris looked at me before saying “It has to be them unless the virus is changing on its own, and if that is happening, then I am shit scared.”
I sat there trying to consider what might have caused the infected to evolve but everything we knew was in relation to what we knew about Benton.
Suicide Run (The Infected Book 5) Page 10