Bane

by Kristin Mayer

  “Bane, I get it. It’s okay. From the beginning you were upfront with me. I stepped out of line the morning before everything went down. That was my fault for not keeping my promise.”

  Her words hurt. Was I using Maren to replace Jasmine? No, I wanted to ask her to stay with me before we found out about the baby. I wanted Maren. Jasmine had been my past. Maren was my future. I’d come after her if I’d had the willpower to leave in the first place. Resisting Maren wouldn’t be possible.

  With her jaw set, I knew Maren’s mind was made up. Hell, if I was her, I’d believe I was a second place prize too. Shit.

  Taking my hand, she gently rubbed the scabbed knuckles. “We’re going to be connected for a long time. I want us to get along. For our child’s sake. Just let me know what you want to be involved in and I’ll make sure you have all the details if you decide to stay.”

  “Everything, Maren. I want to be involved with everything.”

  A beautiful smile graced her lips. While I was involved with the baby, I’d work on convincing Maren that I wanted her to. She was worth the effort to try and make a go of it. She was worth opening my heart up again to the potential of being hurt. The connection was stronger with Maren than it had been with Jasmine. If something happened to her, I’d be finished. There’d be no coming back for redemption.

  “Can we go back to Atlanta?”

  Panic set in. There was no way I could take a chance with Maren in Atlanta so close to where this all started. Eric and Sarge seemed to be telling the truth, but I’d been fooled by them before. “Not right now. I need to make sure the intel we got from Sarge and Eric is correct. Maren, I’m going to need to keep you close to me for a while. If there is still someone out there, I can’t take the chance with you.”

  “Or the baby.” Did she think this was only because of the baby? Of course she did. Maren’s hand touched the side of my face as she rubbed her thumb over my lips hushing me. “I get it. I’ll need a life of my own eventually, but for now while things are settling this will work.”

  The words stung, but were deserved. I was gnashing my teeth at the thought of some other fucker even daring to touch Maren. Calm down, Bane. This is going to take patience. I’m the one who fucked up.

  Not acknowledging having a life without me, I responded, “I think we’ll be able to leave tomorrow.”

  Maren stood and walked over to the chair by the side of the bed. “Where are we going? Please make it somewhere warmer.”

  “How does Brandon, Florida sound? It’s near Tampa.” I knew someone who had a place there. It wasn’t necessarily a safe house, but it was remote and would provide escape options. With the baby, Maren needed to be able to get to a hospital if something went wrong. Until it had been a few days without any spotting, I would be on edge regardless of what the doctors said.

  Maren yawned. “That works for me.”

  “I’ll work with Hampton to make the arrangements.” I breathed a sigh of relief. I’d have her with me for a bit.

  “Sounds perfect.”

  Slowly her eyes drifted closed as she held her stomach. We still hadn’t discussed how she felt about the baby. Hell, we still hadn’t discussed much at all.

  BANE AND I hadn’t talked about the obvious elephant in the room—what we felt about having this baby. He wanted to be involved, but was it out of obligation or because he wanted to be part of the child’s life? I hoped it was the latter. If not, the baby would be better off without someone who wasn’t truly committed.

  I wanted this baby. I loved this baby. It was a part of something special we’d shared together, created by the two of us.

  We’d touched down about an hour ago and were in another black SUV driving through smaller towns. The green of Florida was a welcome sight from the cold snow. Part of me missed the cabin. The other part was still healing from losing my brother. So many mistakes had been made through the course of all this. I’d never know why Frankie did what he did, but I knew he loved me when he died.

  People lose their way sometimes. Only the lucky ones find their way back. Before Bane, I’d merely been surviving and enabling Frankie in his gambling addiction. Now, I had a chance to reclaim my life back. A tear slipped out as I thought back to Frankie’s last moments. He had been the only family left.

  The past can’t be changed as it was set in stone. The future was a blank slate waiting to be etched in stone.

  Three men followed us who were part of a team Bane put together. His friend from a previous job, Jeremy, recommended them. They had one mission. Protect me.

  Even though the idea of being a mom was still new to me, I couldn’t imagine losing my child. There was a connection I felt, an indescribable love from someone I never met. I didn’t know the specifics of Jasmine and Faith’s murders, but to lose the love of your life and your baby at the same time explained why Bane was the way he was about commitment—keeping everyone at a distance.

  We drove passed a food stand. A little boy had a Popsicle that the mom handed him. It brought a smile to my face. That would be me soon. “Do you have another safe house here?”

  Bane was relaxed as he spoke. Only his eyes gave away how tense he was as he scanned the area. “No. This one is a friend’s. He owed me a favor. It has several escape options. We can get out easily by land, air or sea.” My stomach churned as I looked out the window. I hoped our running days were over. “Angel, there’s no reason to think anyone is still out there. I’m only doing this to make sure.”

  Hearing my pet name melted my insides and lowered my resolve. I had to remain strong. To enter in to this for the sole reason of a child would eventually make us unhappy. Two people should only be together for one reason—love.

  It took six years for Eric to reveal himself. How long would we have to wait? Honestly, at this point, I didn’t want to know the answer, but I needed an idea. “How long will we be here until you think it’s safe to find a place to settle? At some point I’ll need to find a job.”

  Bane’s eyes got wide. “Maren, you can stay with the baby. I can provide for both of you.”

  “Bane, I’ll need to provide for the baby too.”

  He didn’t say a word. I let it go. Eventually, when it was safe, we would have to discuss me having a life. The other day he’d ignored me when the mention of me working came up.

  We turned down a dirt country road. Orange groves lined the road. It was beautiful as I took in a deep breath and was rewarded with the orange smell. A white house with a front porch came into sight. It was well kept and warmer than the cabin had been. I missed the cabin. It became like a home as Bane and I pretended to be the loving couple. The memories stabbed at my heart like a knife. I distracted myself with talking. “This wasn’t what I imagined.”

  “It’s not a safe house, but it’s set up like one. Security is optimal for what we need. It’s not as rough as I go.” He chuckled. “I like to be completely isolated when I’m laying low. But, I think it’s best if we’re not.”

  “For the baby.” My hand came out and touched my stomach. I couldn’t wait to feel the baby kick.

  Bane looked at my stomach and a sweet smile graced his lips. “Yes, for the baby.”

  Tingles erupted over my skin at his loving voice, but I needed to know where he was with all this. “Bane, are we going to talk about what you think about all this?”

  “Yes.” That was all I was getting. This was frustrating. To my relief he continued, “Maren, I want us to be alone when we talk about everything. We’ve been surrounded by people or driving. This is something I don’t want you to think I’m taking lightly. I want you to see all of me, not the version I let others see.”

  Wow. I hadn’t been expecting that. Was it bad what he wanted to say? I touched my stomach. Little one, we’ll be okay if it’s bad news. I know how to survive. We’ll be okay. Even though Bane said he wanted to be involved with everything, it could have been the drugs talking. In the light of day, he may have changed his mind. Glancing back at Bane, he in
tently watched the road. It wouldn’t be long until all of our cards were hopefully out on the table.

  Bane parked the car. The swing on the front porch called to me. I couldn’t wait to sip tea and watch the sunset if that was allowed. “Let them check the house first and then we can get out.”

  I hated this part of going places. The same happened when we boarded the private plane to come to Florida. Watching other people disappear behind doors, expecting someone to be there, wracked my nerves.

  The three burly men got out of the car and proceeded to the house. Bane wore an earpiece that he communicated with the security team on. Nothing came from the house as I glanced back and forth. A few times he nodded to himself, gave instructions or confirmed something. My nerves were on edge as I acutely watched what was going on around me, waiting for someone to come out of nowhere like they had at the cabin.

  My hand gripped the door. A few minutes later the men came out. Bane grabbed my knee and I jumped letting out a yelp. “It’s okay, Maren. I didn’t mean to scare you.” I nodded. “We’re clear to go in. Are you ready?”

  “Yes.”

  Getting out of the car, Bane came behind me, putting his hand on my lower back. There was no doubt I missed his touch, the feeling of him inside me. Stop it, Maren. I could not continue the unhealthy relationship we had for a few orgasms. It wouldn’t be good for the baby when my heart broke from Bane not being able to give me what I needed—his love. I knew his heart belonged to someone else I could never be.

  The love of someone’s life could never be replaced. I didn’t want to replace Jasmine, but I didn’t want to live in her shadow either.

  I focused back on the house. This was my new home. My only home for the time being. I’d never go home again or see Frankie. It was all gone. It was hard to wrap my head around it all, but I had to be strong. All along I knew the time to leave would come when I was at the cabin. Reality of that decision was harder than I’d expected.

  The men greeted us on the front porch. “All is clear. Everything is as you instructed.”

  “Thanks, rotating shifts twenty-four seven. I want hourly reports for now.” Bane’s direct tone would have me shriveling in the corner. He’d always been warmer to me.

  The one with the lighter hair of the three stepped forward. “Yes, sir.”

  The men intimated me with their cold tones and gestures—almost like robots. Ushering me in the house, Bane closed the door behind us. It was as simple farmhouse with an open floor plan and warm colors. It smelled of a citrus cleaning supply of some sort. Good thing my stomach agreed with the smell. Breakfast on the plane nearly did me in with the smell of sausage.

  Walking toward the other end of the house there was a small hallway with four doors. Three looked to be bedrooms and one a bathroom.

  “You have new clothes in this bedroom.” I walked into the room Bane gestured to. It was the master bedroom. The light-pine furniture was sparse in the room. Walking over to the closet, I opened the door and found the clothes Bane referenced. They seemed to be comfy in nature and light fitting. It had been such a long time since someone truly took care of me.

  This is only because of the baby. Don’t confuse the lines, Maren.

  Bane’s body pressed closed behind, eliciting goose bumps that longed for his touch. I fought my body to lean into him. His body heat seeped into me. “I know you won’t be showing for a bit, but I wanted to make sure you were comfortable. If there is anything you need, I can get it for you.”

  “This will be perfect. Thank you.” It was amazing I hadn’t become a stuttering mess in my response.

  It was hard fighting my bodies reaction to want to turn into Bane’s embrace, but it would only lead to one thing—Kissing. The kissing would lead to another thing—clothes being shed. The clothes being shed would lead to—hot sweaty sex.

  Stop it, Maren!

  I needed to get my hormones in check. Hell, it wasn’t my hormones it was my attraction to Bane.

  Hot breath tickled my neck. “Want something to drink.”

  “Umm … yeah that would be great.”

  Hearing Bane leave, I sagged against the wall. Would one more time hurt? Yes, yes it would. Having a child, his child, growing within me would make sex different. It wouldn’t be sex for me. Taking deep breaths, I worked on calming my erratic pulse.

  I can do this.

  I pushed off the wall and headed to the kitchen. Bane had two glasses of ice water poured. Wordlessly he moved to the cream colored couch and placed the drinks on the pine coffee table. Bane sat in the middle of the couch which meant we’d be sitting next to each other regardless of what side I chose. It was too soon to be in that close. My newly built walls would surely crumble.

  Taking the glass, I sat in the recliner across the way. A frown formed on Bane as he nodded to himself. “Maren, I’m going to cut right to the heart of the matter. I know this isn’t what either one of us planned, but I am happy about this baby. That morning in the bedroom I wanted to ask you to stay, but my fucked up past kept me from doing so. This baby kept me from losing you. It’s been a long time since I’ve cared about anything.”

  Tears formed in my eyes as I heard the words, but the pain of rejection still scarred my memories. I mashed my lips together and wiped away the moisture that accumulated on the outside of the glass. If I spoke, I would cry.

  “Maren, you’re not a replacement for Jasmine. I swear. What can I do to convince you?”

  The sincerity in Bane’s voice seemed to ring true, but so had his words when he hadn’t wanted to continue the relationship. I was confused. Clearing my throat, I responded with a semi-hoarse voice. “Bane, I need time. I think you’re doing this because you’re scared of losing the baby. It won’t happen. I would never do that to you.”

  Bane stood, his muscular frame in control of his every movement as he moved toward me. He knelt in front of me. “I know you wouldn’t. I’ll prove it to you. I’ll convince you how I feel. Words won’t work right now.”

  There was nothing I could say as a tear slipped down my cheek. I hope he was telling the truth, but I didn’t dare hope.

  IT HAD BEEN a week since we’d arrived in Brandon, Florida. It was the middle of the night while the clocked ticked on the wall. Each night, I semi-slept in the recliner that faced Maren’s room. In the early morning hours, I’d go to the kitchen to make coffee after messing up the sheets in the guest room.

  All I cared about were keeping Maren and the baby safe. So far nothing happened that would make me think we were in danger, but I refused to relax this time around like I had before.

  Out here, in the living room, I could hear everything that was going on. Also, I didn’t want the nightmares to come back and disturb Maren. So far, they hadn’t come back since I’d begun sleeping with her in Colorado. Minimizing my sleep to only an hour or two at a time ensured that they wouldn’t return.

  I was miserable being away from my angel at night.

  So far, I hadn’t made much headway with Maren. Sure, we were friendly and talked about the baby. But, everything stayed on the surface level. Anytime I tried to delve deeper, Maren avoided the topic. Plus, she was incredibly tired. I’d studied up on the first trimester and knew it was normal, but I worried every second of the day that something would happen to either of them.

  I sighed as I watched her door, wishing I was in there with her. What could I do? Her walls were getting stronger every damn day. There was no doubt that she still wanted me. Attraction, desire, want, or caring wasn’t the problem. Trusting me was. I wasn’t sure what my next step should be so I treaded water. Staying in place wasn’t moving forward, but at least it wasn’t backward.

  My eyes grew heavy. If I only shut them for a little bit, I’d get the needed sleep to make it through the night. As my eyes drifted close, the door opened sending me into an upright position. Maren walked out toward the kitchen. There was no avoiding her seeing me in the moonlight. She froze. “What are you doing up?”

 
“I—I—I” Fuck, I was at a loss for words.

  Maren walked up to me, her bare legs had me wanting to run my hands up them to the core of her body while she writhed beneath me. “Are you sleeping out here?”

  “I wanted to make sure you guys are safe.”

  She knelt in front of me. “Bane, you have three guys watching this place twenty-four seven.”

  “I know, but I wanted to make sure. Out here, I can hear everything.”

  Maren’s eyes searched mine in the moonlight. I felt like she had a direct window into my soul. “Have you been doing this since we got here?”

  “Yes.”

  A long silence permeated the air. Maren stood and held out her hand. “Bane, you need to sleep.”

  I knew I was running on fucking fumes. “I will. I promise”

  Maren kept holding out her hand. I took it not knowing where this was going. Silently she led me to her room. “Do you want to stay in here with me? It’s nothing sexual, but you need your sleep. Will that help?”

  “Yes.”

  My body craved to be near Maren, let alone inside her. I missed her. Maren dropped my hand. “Let’s get some sleep.”

  Slipping into my side of the bed, I fought the urge to pull her to me. This was the most progress I’d made all week, and I wasn’t going to do anything to mess it up.

  Through the night, her sleepy voice wound through the air. “Night, Bane. Thanks for caring about the baby. I’m glad you want to be involved.”

  “I care about you both. I care about you, Maren.”

  A hand came out to grab mine. “I care about you, too.”

  I swallowed and knew what I needed to do. Before I had a chance to second guess myself, I spoke. “I was fresh out of Black Division. My first stop was Alaska which was where Jasmine lived. I’d met her in New York City when I was on a two week leave between assignments. The day I landed I found out Jasmine was six months pregnant. Our last time together, she’d gotten pregnant. There was no way to reach me with being on assignment and getting debriefed out of the division.”