Silent

by Sara Alva

  My question was cut off when caramel-colored arms suddenly encircled her from behind, then whirled her around to sweep her into a kiss.

  “Heya, baby.” When he was through sucking on her mouth, Brandon draped his arm over her shoulder. “I see you met the new kid.”

  And that would’ve been the perfect moment for an earthquake. Not a really horrific one, of course…but just enough to knock Brandon flat on his ass and give me a chance to get the fuck away from my total humiliation.

  “Uh huh.” Laloni’s laughter cut sharply into my wounded pride. “He’s been really shy so I thought I’d talk to him today.”

  “I ain’t shy, bitch,” I snapped.

  Brandon stepped in front of her. “You better watch how you fucking talk to my girl.”

  She slapped his shoulder. “I told you not to call me that. I ain’t no one’s girl.”

  But Brandon kept glaring, and for once I actually felt like I needed to back down. Not ’cause I was scared of him, or anything…but I had a sister. I knew you weren’t supposed to treat girls like that.

  “Sorry, Laloni. I just didn’t realize you…you knew about me already.”

  “You mean that you a foster kid?” she asked.

  I gritted my teeth.

  “It’s okay. Obviously I don’t have a problem with it. I put up with this asshole.”

  Brandon made a hurt face. Laloni laughed and kissed it off him.

  I was getting sick to my stomach.

  “All right, so maybe I shoulda told you I knew who you was…but then I woulda missed your really sad attempts to flirt with me,” she finished with a giggle.

  Pretty sure the wanting-to-kill-someone look was back, I decided to cut my losses and leave. Maybe I could curl up in a cocoon of blankets and spend the rest of the day in bed, like Seb. It definitely would’ve been an improvement.

  “No, wait, Alex.” Laloni’s hand came down on my shoulder as I stepped away. “I’m only teasing. I just like to get to know Brandon’s foster brothers…see if they gonna be a good influence or a bad influence on him.”

  “I don’t have no brothers,” I growled.

  Her eyes fluttered up dramatically. “Whatever. You know what I mean.”

  I tried to keep walking, but Brandon’s hand came down on my other shoulder. “You know, you don’t always have to be such a dick to us. We really ain’t as bad as you like to think.”

  He ended by giving me a little pat, and I glanced back at him. His dimples were showing again, and the smile seemed pretty genuine.

  Why did he have to look so freaking good?

  I let my own expression melt into something reflecting grudging acceptance, and he grinned even wider.

  “So, Laloni…” I turned to face her again. “What’d you decide…’bout my influence?”

  She smirked and intertwined her fingers with Brandon’s. “Not sure yet. I’ll let you know.” Then she looked up at him and batted her lashes. “Walk me home?”

  Her eyes got all soft when she asked, and his responded the same way. “Sure thing, babe.”

  “See ya tomorrow, Alex.” She waved as they walked off.

  I watched them leave, hands still locked together, and besides being thankful the encounter was over, another sensation hit me. That way Brandon was looking at her…puppy-dog love mixed with regular teenage lust…shit, what I wouldn’t have given for him to look at me like that.

  But I squashed the thought as soon as it popped up. Jealousy didn’t suit me.

  Oh well. At least I still had the shed, the cigarettes, and Seb.

  ~*~

  “You coulda told me Brandon had a girlfriend,” I said to Seb that evening.

  Today he was refilling the little holes he’d previously made in the ground, smoothing out the dirt so it was nice and even again. He used the blank canvas to draw squiggles with his finger.

  “Not that I really mind, or anything…it’s just…well, for a minute I thought she was interested in me.”

  Seb’s hand made little pat-pat noises as he flattened another lump of soil.

  “She’s all right, I guess. You ever met her? Probably not, huh. I bet Ms. Loretta don’t let you guys have girls over.”

  I pulled a cigarette out of the pack, but didn’t light it up.

  “You ever had a girlfriend, Seb?”

  He was ignoring me more than usual today. Just more of the same turn-for-shit my life had taken…I couldn’t even keep a retard interested.

  I leaned back all the way to the ground, cushioning my head with my arms so I could stare up at the hazy-pink full moon. “Well, I have. Had a few. Was probably about to have another one right before I left…this girl named Blanca.”

  A shudder ran through me. She’d been so grabby and forceful. Probably one of those clingy girls…

  “Kinda glad I avoided that one.” I snickered.

  Seb looked over at me for some reason, and I automatically stumbled into an explanation. “Uh…’cause she was annoying.”

  He seemed to have just noticed I was lying down, and decided to do the same, scooting his body close to mine.

  “Do you want to have a girlfriend?” I asked, glancing over and catching the reflection of the moon in his dark eyes.

  He stared back, but of course, didn’t say anything.

  Such a shame he was retarded. Those wide almond eyes of his were actually pretty fucking amazing.

  “I don’t.”

  Had I just said that out loud? Jesus Christ.

  “I mean, ’cause, uh, it’s much better to be a free man, ya know?”

  Seb turned away again, the corner of his lip twitching.

  What the fuck was wrong with me? I was getting way too close to saying things that shouldn’t be said. Even though Seb couldn’t understand, it was a bad habit to get into.

  Would I have screwed up like this back home, too?

  An uncomfortable thought struck me. I tried not to let it take root in my mind, but the more I fought to push it away, the stronger it became.

  I didn’t have a social life here. I didn’t have a reputation. I didn’t have to be the same Alex I’d been before. It might be easier to keep my secret.

  And that notion filled me with an overwhelming sense of…relief.

  Chapter 9: Smarter

  “I have your in-class essays graded.”

  Mr. Salazar, my new English teacher, swept through the rows and dropped the stupid things on desks as he went. I’d decided I hated him in the first five minutes I’d known him. He was one of those educated Latinos who wasn’t gonna cut anyone any slack, ’cause if he could rise above, then all of us could.

  Fucking prick.

  English was always my worst class, and while some things in my new life had changed out of necessity, English was not one of them. So I knew what was coming before the paper landed in front of me.

  Lots and lots of red circles and scribbles, with a nice big F at the top of the paper. And, oh, fuck. What was that he’d written in the margins? See me after class.

  Not even a month in and I was already being ordered to see the teacher after class. Maybe new me wasn’t so different from old me after all.

  I waited until the room was empty to approach his desk.

  “Ah, Alejandro.” Mr. Salazar looked up. At least he could pronounce my name right. “I wanted to speak to you about the essay you wrote.”

  I frowned. “Yeah, well, I just got here. I wasn’t ready to write it, teacher.”

  “It’s Mr. Salazar, and I’m aware of that.” He met my eyes in a way that told me he was aware of more than just that.

  Did everyone at this school have to know I was a freaking foster kid?

  “That’s why I’d like to offer you the opportunity to do a make-up assignment.”

  Just what I wanted. More work.

  “I’m kind of busy.”

  He didn’t seem impressed with my excuse, and handed over a piece of paper with a prompt. “Due Tuesday.”

  When he turned b
ack to his computer, I stomped out, crumpling my failed assignment and the make-up prompt into tight balls. I was so pissed I rounded a corner at full speed and wound up smacking straight into Laloni.

  The papers scattered on the floor, and she bent to pick them up first. “Nice,” she remarked, unfolding one enough to catch sight of the flaming red F.

  “Man, shut up.”

  “You gonna do this make-up?”

  I snatched both papers back. God, she was nosy. There were way too many women in my life right now. Even my mom and Mimi had seemed like overkill, once upon a time.

  “Fuck no.”

  “I could help you with it, you know. English is my best subject. I help Brandon with his stuff, and he’s a year ahead of me.”

  “Look, no offense, but school isn’t really my thing.”

  She rolled her eyes. “’Course it’s not.”

  “Hey.” Brandon emerged from the crowd behind her, slipping a hand on her butt, which she immediately pushed off. “Second time I catch you two together…should I be worried?”

  She huffed, but opened her mouth obediently for him to stick his tongue into it.

  “I’m gonna go to class.” Suddenly queasy, I left them making out, and doubted they even saw me go.

  ~*~

  Suzie was sitting in the living room when I got home that afternoon. I didn’t bother greeting her.

  “Did you find my mom?”

  When her eyes got sad, I had my answer. “No, Alex. Not yet.”

  I nodded. “All right, then. I’m gonna go up and do my homework.”

  She swiveled around to watch me walk down the hallway. “I was hoping we could chat for a little while. I’d like to see how things are going for you here.”

  I paused with one foot on the steps. “If you have something to tell me, you can go ahead and talk…but I have nothing to say to you.”

  When there was no response—other than a sigh—I continued up to the room.

  I knew I was being a dick, but Suzie was really the only adult I could talk back to and get away with it. Had to take my wins where I could.

  Seb was already upstairs, in bed. I sat across from him and watched him sleep for a little while, noting that his lashes were much darker than his hair. They matched the undertone in his complexion better, and those black-brown irises.

  “Got my first F today…well, not my first ever, but my first here,” I said quietly.

  He didn’t stir. I closed my eyes for a second, trying to reason with myself. Why was I talking to him when he was asleep? Then again, wasn’t it just about the same as talking to him when he was awake?

  The thud-thud-thud of the basketball on the uneven pavement of the patio punctuated my thoughts. I should’ve been out there, hanging with Dwayne and Brandon, not upstairs discussing my continuing progress toward becoming a high school dropout.

  “Brandon’s girlfriend offered to help me with this make-up assignment…but I dunno.”

  The front door swung open downstairs. Ms. Cecily was home from work, and the boys were back as well. “Ms. Suzie!” they cried, footsteps scampering into the living room.

  I bet she loved that. Two sweet little boys, showing her affection and appreciation for what she did, instead of sulky teenagers giving her lip. And she probably deserved the thanks in their case. But in mine…

  “Do…do you think if I were smarter, I wouldn’t have ended up in this place? I mean, if I could learn to write stupid essays, I could probably talk better with adults…maybe lie better.”

  Seb’s eyes shot open. Wide open, without a hint of drowsiness in their black depths.

  “Hey!” I punched his shoulder, but only lightly. “You weren’t asleep, you little sneak.”

  He stretched and sat up.

  “So, help me out, dude. What should I do? Should I actually try to do that essay?”

  His long arm reached toward me, and I noticed he was staring down at my wrist. Only a tiny amount of white peeked out from under the cuff of my sweater.

  “It’s getting much better.”

  I let him graze his fingertips over the spot.

  “People’ve been through a lot worse.” Hell, even I’d been through worse. “I really shoulda kept it together better than I did.”

  Maybe some self-improvement was in order.

  Thwack! The basketball hit the siding of the house, fairly close to the window. I moved over so I could see what was going on back there and found Brandon staring up at me.

  “Get your butt down here!” he called out. The butt instead of ass probably had to do with the fact that Andrew and Ryan were standing beside him. “We’re gonna play Dwayne and the boys versus you and me.”

  “And I’ll still wipe the floor with ya,” Dwayne added.

  I glanced at Seb. “Should I go?”

  He just blinked.

  “Yeah, all right,” I yelled back. “Give me a sec to get out of my school clothes.”

  I changed quickly, before I could talk myself out of it, though I did hesitate when I realized I’d have to play in my Keds. I really needed to get some better sneakers…maybe Ms. Loretta would buy me some? I decided I’d ask about it later.

  I was already out the door of the bedroom before I thought of Seb again. When I turned around, I saw he was still awake, and still watching me.

  “Hey, if you’re not sleeping, why do you stay up in here all day?”

  No answer, of course.

  I backtracked and stood over his bed. “Why don’t you come outside? You could watch us play.”

  He didn’t move, so I reached down and shook his pale wrist. “C’mon. Get some sun. You could really use it.”

  My hand slipped from his wrist to his fingers, and I locked on to give him a gentle tug. “Come on.”

  He finally threw off the covers and stood.

  “Retard,” I said affectionately, then ruffled his hair and shoved him toward the door.

  I passed Suzie again on my way out, but she was talking to Ms. Cecily now so I decided to ignore her. Seb planted himself on the steps of the back porch while I continued down to the makeshift basketball court, where a second hoop had been rigged up to the fence beside the shed.

  Dwayne was warming up with Andrew, giving him very strict instructions, but the younger Ryan was just bouncing around aimlessly on his own.

  “Hey, Alex!” He ran up to me excitedly. “We gonna play blacks versus browns!”

  Brandon rolled his eyes. “Well I guess I can’t play, then.”

  “Huh?” Ryan looked over at him. “Whaddaya mean?”

  “’Cause I’m both, dummy.”

  I could tell Ryan didn’t get it. He grabbed Brandon’s arm, then mine, and squished them together.

  The skin-on-skin contact was a really nice sensation. Really nice. Maybe we could compare skin tones more often.

  “You closer to Alex than you is to me,” Ryan said.

  “Yeah, Ry.” Brandon pulled away, and I quickly refocused myself. “I’ll explain it to ya later. For now, let’s just play.”

  We walked over to the middle of the concrete, and Brandon clapped his hands in the air. “Let’s go, guys.”

  Dwayne scowled at me. “Didn’t think you’d come down.”

  Grinning, Brandon stuck an elbow in my side. “Told ya he would.”

  The ball bounced between them as they checked it, and Andrew and Ryan instantly went into hyper-drive, jumping around and waving their arms wildly. “Pass it, Dwayne, pass it!”

  He did, but only when Brandon had him cornered. I went to try to intercept, but I was up against a little kid for crying out loud. What exactly was I supposed to do? Once Ryan had caught it, I didn’t really feel right taking it away.

  The ball sailed back to Dwayne, and he made a basket on the far end by the shed.

  He turned around and did a little dance, mocking us. “Go ahead and add all the teammates you want, Brandon. Ain’t gonna stop me.”

  Brandon narrowed his eyes. “Oh, it’s on.” The
n he punched my shoulder. “We got this.”

  “But what do I do with the little kids?” I protested, both pleased with his vote of confidence and afraid of letting him down. “I can’t knock ’em to the ground!”

  “Play around ’em!” he shouted, and we were off chasing the ball again.

  I tried to take Brandon’s advice, but I was not and never will be much of a basketball player. The first time I had the opportunity to get the ball, I made a clumsy pass that Dwayne easily intercepted. The next time, it was freaking Andrew who managed to snag the ball from me, but I still blamed it on the fact that I couldn’t play all-out against a little kid.

  I found myself wishing Brandon had been my opponent instead, as that would’ve allowed for more accidental closeness. Not that Dwayne didn’t do anything for me physically, but the truth was I was a lot more intimidated by him. That probably didn’t help my game much, either.

  Seb kept his eyes on us the whole time, white-blond hair glowing under the direct sunlight. I hoped he wouldn’t get a sunburn…and I was sort of regretting asking him to come down, if all he was going to see was me making an ass of myself.

  But at least he wouldn’t show any disappointment on that expressionless face of his.

  I had to put up with quite a bit of Dwayne’s heckling before the game turned. Luckily, he was also at a disadvantage with the little boys thrown into the mix, and Brandon was an okay player. It was neck and neck right up until the end, when I finally got a chance to make a praiseworthy play. Brandon distracted Dwayne long enough for me to steal the ball, and I made a mad dash for the leaning hoop. Skirting around the speed bump that was a screeching Ryan, I managed to dunk it, probably only because of the fact the basket was, well, leaning.

  “Yes!” Brandon shouted. He ran up to me, clapping one hand on my back and the other on my chest. “We killed it!”

  Laughing, I thumped Brandon’s shoulder in celebration. I wasn’t sure if it was from Brandon’s arms around me or just the general excitement of victory, but I knew at that moment I was the happiest I’d been in weeks.