by Sara Alva
Following their lead, I dumped out everything we’d found and frowned when it seemed so small inside the big bins.
“Kinda thought we had more than that,” I mumbled to Seb.
“It always seems like that,” chimed in a guy in a torn Lakers jacket. “But we keep on breakin’ our backs anyhow.”
I gave him a hollow, half-hearted chuckle as Seb and I got in line for the weighing station.
A man with rubber gloves took our bins and hefted them up on the scale. I didn’t bother looking at the numbers. Everyone before and after us had a lot more to recycle, and none of them looked like they were enjoying a very rich life.
He handed us a receipt and waved us on to the cashier across the way.
“Here you are,” the older woman said cheerily from behind her barred window. The winds picked up, wafting more garbage-smell and dirt into the air than I could handle breathing. “Six dollars and forty-one cents.”
I coughed into my elbow, trying not to suck in more polluted air.
Six dollars and forty-one cents. For a day’s worth of hard labor.
It wasn’t enough. It wasn’t nearly enough.
I crouched down to shove the money into my shoe. While my head was lowered I summoned every bit of strength and concentration I possessed, so that by the time I rocketed back up, there was an unshakeable smile on my face.
“Hey, that’s not too bad, huh. Maybe we should treat ourselves to a dollar sundae later.”
Seb smiled back.
And now it was all on me.
Chapter 25: Broken
We trudged back toward home as the sun closed on yet another day. I’d already started to come up with a plan, but I still had a lot of details to work out. Details I didn’t like.
I was going to have to leave Seb alone. I’d make up an excuse…maybe tell him I’d be scouring another area for recyclables. Now that we’d seen how easy the whole process was, I figured he could do it by himself. We’d just set a time to meet up later, by the empty strip mall, and he wouldn’t have to know where I’d actually be spending the day.
Which would be back in the ghetto I’d just run from.
I knew damn well six dollars a day wasn’t going to support us for long. What if one of us got sick? What if the dance studio closed, and we were out on the street in the wintertime? What if I got carried away and let Seb’s magical almond eyes coax me into buying yet another thing we didn’t really need?
I’d gotten us into this situation, and it was my responsibility to take care of us. And that meant going home and figuring out a way into the old business. I’d burned my bridge with Angel, but there was still Diego and all his connections to explore. There had to be something I could do.
It wasn’t an easy decision to make. I didn’t want to lie to Seb, or betray his trust. And I really, really didn’t want to leave him alone. But I had to do it. Had to do whatever it took so we could survive.
Just like Mimi had.
Fuck.
Seb’s fingers wiggled against mine right as a stabbing pain hit me between the eyes.
Thankful for the distraction, I looked up and noticed we’d drifted a few blocks west of the studio. The persistent roar of the surf could be heard close by.
“Hey, where are you taking us? It’s a little late for the beach.”
Seb shook his head and kept on going, crossing Ocean Avenue and zipping down the ramp that led to the sand. He hopped around on one foot and yanked off a shoe before I could stop him.
“You don’t think we’re actually going in, do you? ’Cause we’re not.”
He sniffed at me dramatically and then pinched his nose. But you stink.
“Look”—I chuckled through a fake-glare—“as much as I’d love to swim naked with you in the ocean…wait, no, that’s a lie. More like float naked with you in a hot tub…but in any case, we can’t just go in without suits, and we can’t go in our clothes. Maybe after we save up a little we can buy trunks, but for now let’s just make do with some soap and a sink.” I pointed to the public bathrooms a few feet away.
Seb heaved a disappointed sigh. Oh, fine.
The restroom was yet another place that stunk on our tour of unpleasant Santa Monica smells. After peeling off our shirts, we soaked wads of paper towel and added in few pumps of soap. Then we scrubbed ourselves as best we could, drenching the concrete floor and our pants in the process.
A man walked in to use the urinals, and he gave us a what-the-fuck-are-you-doing look. I just kept washing off my underarms, smiling at him coolly in the mirror.
He left in a hurry and I burst out laughing.
“Imagine if we’d been rinsing everything down. That woulda given him something to fucking stare at.”
Seb lifted an eyebrow with a devilish grin, then gathered some more sopping towels and ducked into a bathroom stall.
Was that an invitation? I tried to follow, but the door was locked.
Damn. He really was a tease.
Retreating to my own stall, I did my best to freshen up down below. I finished before Seb, and after emptying my bladder, I put on a different t-shirt from our backpack supply and waited out by the sinks.
Seemed like he had some other business to attend to, so I decided to use the time to lay down more details of my plan.
Now where had I left off? There was the excuse to get away, the meet-up spot, the decision to find Diego…and then that sudden realization…
I stomped on the thought to shut it down. I didn’t have time for guilt trips.
A click echoed in the room, and the door to Seb’s stall creaked open an inch. I waited a few seconds, but he didn’t come out.
This time it had to be an invitation.
Oddly nervous, I opened the door and rushed to close it behind me.
Seb was naked. His pants and boxers lay neatly at his feet, and his arms were folded as he leaned back against the concrete wall in a casual pose of seduction.
You’d think I’d have known better than to try to talk when Seb had that look in his eye, but I didn’t.
“In a men’s bathroom? Not that I don’t wanna, but isn’t that a little…sleazy?”
Seb tipped his head thoughtfully. Well, okay, if you say so. He bent down to grab his pants, then began slowly dragging them up his legs.
“Wait a sec, I didn’t say I wouldn’t…”
The pants plummeted back to the ground, and Seb gave me his knowing smile.
“You…you…” I muttered with mock-irritation as I drew closer. But then I reached his lips and I dove into them, ignoring the faint taste of soap that still clung to his skin.
His hands crept under my shirt and nails pressed into my back. Not too hard, though—just enough to make my pulse jump and my dick stand at complete attention.
Seb went in for the kill immediately. He was probably more aware of our limited time than I was—more aware of everything else, for that matter. When Seb touched me like this, I could barely tell what planet I was on.
Friction-warmed hands with those long, delicate fingers closed around me. As he stroked, the soapy scent from our freshly washed bodies filled the air. It was a welcome change of odors and I laughed against his lips, feeling the sound vibrate in his teeth.
A few strokes later, I shuddered and collapsed back against the metal siding of the stall. Seb ripped some pieces of toilet paper to clean us off, then gently tucked me back into my pants and swept in to kiss me again.
God, I loved him so fucking much. It might not have been the classiest place for that to hit me, but when he kissed me I knew I’d do anything I had to for him. Anything. Even through my post-orgasm haze, my plan to solve our money crisis cemented itself into a reality.
Seb reached down and began to pull up his pants.
“What? Hold it.”
He stopped and blinked curiously.
“You didn’t get all naked in here just to turn me on, did ya? I mean, don’t you want…”
Grinning, he walked his fingers up my
chest and tapped my chin. Why? Are you offering?
Of course I was fucking offering. I’d much rather drag out our sketchy men’s room hook-up than dwell on what tomorrow was going to bring.
I pushed him back against the wall with more force than I’d intended. He almost tripped with his pants still around his ankles, but I didn’t let my screw-up distract me. I went with the flow instead, kissing him hard and wrapping my hand tightly around him at the same time.
A rush of air left his mouth, and I was sure if he could’ve, he would’ve moaned.
“You’re always trying to take control with this,” I mumbled as I kissed down his neck, the tendons twitching under my lips. “But you know what? I can take control, too.”
Then I froze. Jesus Christ I was a fucking moron. What if someone else had been in control of him before, leaving him no choice but to go along with it? What if Seb took control now because he needed to feel that power?
Seb caught my chin in his hand and looked into my eyes.
“I…I mean…I mean, I want to…if you want to…”
Maybe he could read my mind, just a little bit. His brows drew together in worry, laced with sadness.
It’s okay. He brushed his fingers along my jaw and drew me in for a quick peck. Then he tapped his chest and mine. I love you. I know what you meant.
Light-headed, I licked my lips and nodded. “So do you want—”
His laughter was a burst of warm air on my face. Yes!
The relief was welcome, but a streak of guilt was left swirling in my stomach. Maybe I felt I still had some stupidity to make up for, or maybe it was regret for the things I had yet to do…but for whatever reason, I decided to push myself further than I had before to bring him pleasure.
I dropped to my knees.
Alex? He grinned down at me, eyes alit with cautious excitement. You don’t have to…
“I want to.”
Before he had any more chance to argue, I placed my lips right on his tip.
He writhed and there was a thump—his head hitting the wall.
I widened my mouth and took him in deeper, drawing in long breaths through my nose in an attempt to steady my frantic heartbeat. Seb threaded his fingers into my hair. I was afraid he might push me more than my gag reflex could handle, but he didn’t. He just let his hand follow the motion of my head as I moved in and out.
I had no training, and I couldn’t rely on sounds of satisfaction to help guide me. So the only thing I could do was keep my eyes wide open and focused on him. On the way his taut stomach quivered with shaky breaths. On the way his chest rose and fell unevenly. On the way his shoulders rolled back against the wall and his chin jutted up toward a flickering fluorescent light. On the way his eyes squeezed shut and he caught his lower lip between his teeth, bit down, released it, then caught it all over again.
I did that to him. And though I never wanted to take away any of Seb’s power, it was nice to feel some of my own.
His hands tugged at my hair. He was trying to pull me off.
I didn’t let him. I waited until his head jerked into the wall once more and his mouth opened, as if to let out a loud cry. But all he let out was a burst of come down my throat.
I ducked my head so he couldn’t see my grimace—it wasn’t the best thing I’d ever tasted. Still, it wasn’t going to make me puke, and I swallowed quickly so I could look back up at him with a smile of pride.
One more weak spurt hit me smack in the lips.
My triumph faded into a startled blink. Shoulders trembling with silent laughter, Seb pulled me up and quickly wiped everything away. But from the flush in his cheeks and from the way he yanked me into a heated kiss, it seemed I hadn’t done too bad for my first try. And I’d be even better the next time.
I wrapped my arms around him and slid them down until both palms landed on his ass. “Hey…you wanna go again?”
His eyes said yes, but he shook his head. It’s getting late.
I groaned. “Fuck. You’re right.”
So we’ll just have to postpone this until later. He yanked up his pants, smirking.
Right. Later. Because we had all the time in the world. How could I forget?
Seb finished dressing and we stumbled out into the darkness like we were both still a little love-drunk. The time really had gotten away from us during our sexual detour, so I took us down an alley instead of walking out to the main road to make up for it.
“Oh, um, about tomorrow,” I began anxiously, keeping up a quick pace.
I didn’t want to bring down my high…but I figured it would be a good idea to set my plan in motion while Seb was still feeling all warm and satisfied.
“Let’s split up.”
His eyes snapped to mine. Really? Why?
“I figure we can cover more ground that way. You should work the same parts we did today, then bring the stuff over to that center and get whatever money you can. I was thinking I’ll go a little further east. Santa Monica is full of hippies and they like to recycle…but there are other parts of West LA where the people don’t care as much. I bet I’ll have even better luck finding stuff there.”
He crinkled his forehead as he frowned. So why don’t we just go together?
“Look, don’t take this the wrong way”—I forced a little laugh— “but you sorta distract me. I think we’ll get more work done on our own. And we don’t have to work that hard every day…maybe just a few days a week. Just until we save up enough money for me to get a fake ID, remember?”
His eyes were still troubled. I guess.
Shit, I hated myself so much. But if I didn’t do it, he’d suffer. This way, I was the only one who had to live with the pain.
“I know. It’s gonna suck being away from you…but you know I’ll always be back, right? I made that promise to you once before, and I kept it, didn’t I?”
Grudgingly, his lips pressed into a smile. Yes.
“Well, there ya go. I’m a man of my word.”
I stopped walking to push Seb against a brick wall—unfortunately next a dumpster—so I could kiss him firmly.
“Hope you’re a man with money, you little poof.”
The unexpected voice with its lilting accent had me flattening out against the brick and covering Seb with my body.
“Leave us alone, you fucker,” I shot back without thinking, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to get off any more cocky remarks once the man crept out of the shadows.
He was tall and gangly, with dirt caked into the crevices of his tan skin. Black stubble dotted his drawn face, and in his right hand he held a switchblade.
“Let’s have it.”
I remained still. For all my belief in being a badass, I had no idea what to do now. The only time I’d ever faced off against a knife, Hector had been drunk.
And I’d been alone.
But Seb was beside me now, and with my arm flung protectively across his chest I could feel his breaths becoming shorter and shorter. He was scared to death.
“Now,” the man said. There was only a weak streetlamp to see by, and I couldn’t find any compassion in his sunken eyes.
“We…we don’t have any. We’re homeless,” I whispered gruffly. In a few seconds I was afraid my throat would close off completely, and I’d be left with silence, like Seb.
The man came closer.
Seb reached around and clasped my hand, drawing my gaze away from the knife for a terrifying second. Give it to him, he pleaded.
I shook my head, shock and fear clouding my thoughts. But we need it!
The knife hopped from the man’s right hand to his left, but that didn’t help prepare me for the punch that landed squarely in my stomach.
I crumpled to the floor, no air left in my chest for me to scream with.
Alex!
The despair in Seb’s eyes as he dropped down beside me was like a second punch. But it was nothing compared to the horror that seized my body when a boot connected with his face. He stumbled back against the
dumpster and then slid down to the floor, where he curled into a ball and lay motionless.
“NO!” My voice was back, fueled by rage for the man and for my own fucking uselessness. Another kick landed in my ribs. And then another and another, but I didn’t feel them anymore. I struggled to get into the backpack, unzipping it with desperate force and spilling my photographs into the stream of dirty run-off that trickled through the alley. My hand closed on the money—everything we had to our names besides the six bucks in my shoe—and I thrust out the wad without looking. “Take it! Take it! Get the fuck away!”
The cash was ripped from my fingers and the man fled, his footsteps fading into the night.
“Seb!” I pulled myself over to him, angry tears blurring my vision. “Seb, are you okay? P-please, open your eyes. Please, Seb. Please.”
I lifted his head into my lap and cradled it, stroking his hair clumsily as my hand shook. “Seb? Please. I need you. I need you to open your eyes.”
A trickle of red seeped out the side of his mouth.
“No…no. No don’t. Don’t do that.”
He was ashen beneath his tan, and the bright streak stood out sharply against his pale skin.
“No, no, please open your eyes. Please open your eyes, amor, I need you.”
His lids fluttered.
“C’mon. That’s it. You’re okay. You’re okay.”
I wasn’t sure who I was trying to convince, but I kept repeating it over and over, like a prayer.
“You’re okay, Seb. You’re okay.”
Finally, his eyes opened all the way, and he stared out into the dark sky.
“Thank you,” I whispered. To him and to God. Still frantic, I checked him over for injuries. His lip was split, but beyond that I couldn’t see any other damage.
“Where does it hurt? What should I do—should I go get ice? Should we go to a hospital?”
He didn’t respond. He just kept staring up at the sky. He blinked normally and breathed normally, but behind his eyes, there was nothing.