by Sasha White
“What? Why?”
“Ralph, the special werewolf suits, that you’re not wearing? The ones that change with us so we’re never butt-naked if we go human…that you’re not wearing!”
I managed to wrench my eyes up. He was turning bright red. “They itch,” he muttered.
“Poor baby. Back to wolf!”
“Sorry.”
I snorted. “Trust me. You have nothing to apologize for. However, any straight women or gay men who see you like this will ensure that you’re not spending any time fighting evil tonight, okay?” Nurse Nancy had not overstated Ralph’s endowment. I was managing not to drool only because time was truly of the essence. Okay, maybe a little drool.
He shifted and I could breathe somewhat freely again. “Sorry.” He sounded ready to kill himself.
“Ah, Ralph? Let’s just say that next time you should listen to Maurice and let it go at that. I’m not repulsed or horrified. But we’re in the middle of a situation, so now isn’t the time for me to realize the fantasies are true and all. Let’s get this handled, then get back to Enforcement Headquarters and get you some appropriate clothing.”
“I didn’t mean to flash you.”
“Ralph, really. Apologize to me later. Like, after you go to human again but before you put on the special suit.” My mind raced off and suggested Ralph change in my bedroom. I wrenched it back to the present. “Right now, though, we have to hurry.”
I took off, Ralph next to me, rounded the corner to the parking lot and, to my relief, the unmarked sedan was there, seeming unmolested. I took a careful look around. If we were being watched, I couldn’t tell.
“Sniff for bombs or whatever.”
“Why me?” Ralph asked. “You can sniff, too, you know.”
“Yeah, but you’re all set up for it. Be Mommy’s precious puppy and act like a K-9 cop.”
“Why?”
“Because there are humans around and I don’t know if we’re being watched.”
Ralph gave me a grumbling growl but trotted over and started sniffing. He wagged the “all clear” and I opened the driver’s door. To my total lack of surprise, the keys weren’t in the ignition. “Bite me.”
“Happily, but I thought we were waiting for a better time.”
“Ralph, you have hidden depths.”
“Supposedly. Where’s what we’re looking for?”
“I’ll get it. I was hoping to take this car with us, though.”
“Why?”
I didn’t have a great answer. Sentimental value. Prosaic City P.D. property. I didn’t want Jack to get it. “I don’t want Jack to get it.”
“Remind me to run if we break up. Uh, are we actually dating?”
“You are so cute. To think I’ve missed it all these years. I don’t know, do that growl-thing again.” He did. Didn’t change a thing that he was in wolf form while doing it. I was ready to go, in any form requested. “Yeah, if we live through this, we’re dating.”
I popped the trunk and got out of the car. Ralph trotted around back with me. “You know, the growl-thing, as you call it, is part of the overall werewolf mating ritual and dates back to the first known werewolves –”
“Ralph, honey, did Maurice suggest this topic as the way to go in the ‘getting to know you on an intimate level’ chit-chat category?”
“No. He said to shut up.”
“Listen to Maurice. He is your friend.” I breathed a sigh of relief. The bag was right where I’d stuffed it. I pulled it out and took a quick look. Bunch of scrolls, whacked out pseudo-guitar, a book, a knife, bag of marbles, an ancient record player complete with vinyl only a desperate DJ could love? Check. Hideous little statue that still made me shudder? Double check. “It’s all here.” And someone needed to help me figure out what this stuff was for and why it was important. “Can you hotwire a car?”
“Yeah, but I have to go to human form to do it.”
“Okay. Make it so.” I went back to the driver’s door and held it open.
“What part of I’ll be naked didn’t you catch?”
“None of it. I’ll cover you, so to speak. Sure, I’ll be staring at you the entire time, but I promise, I won’t let anyone else see.” I was kind of jealous that way.
“How would you manage that?”
“Big bag, I’ll hover so I don’t miss anything, and so on. Hurry up, I want to miss the minions, if you know what I mean.”
“I thought you said humans were around.”
He had a point. “Okay. In boy!”
Ralph glared at me, but jumped into the car. “Now what?”
“Hunker down, do the change, hotwire the car. Really, are you sure you’re Special Ops?” I got another glare as he did as requested. I got in, put the bag on the seat between us, and closed the door. “You know, you have a great butt.”
“I’d be flattered if you were telling me this when I didn’t have my face right by where everyone’s feet have been.”
“Why’s that?”
“I can still smell him.” The way he said “him” – snarling and with fangs clearly bared – I knew who he meant.
I sniffed. “I can too, but it’s faint.” I sniffed again. The scent was getting stronger. “Ralph, hurry up.”
“I am, but why?”
“You’re not smelling him from the car.” I looked around but I couldn’t spot where Jack was. However, the scent of him – him mingled with the Adversary – was getting stronger.
This being a police vehicle, it didn’t have power windows. While Ralph did the slowest hotwire ever, I made sure they were all rolled up and I locked the doors. This was absolutely no protection against anything determined to get us, let alone a major minion, but, like hiding under the covers, it made me feel better.
Right when I was going to suggest running like crazy the car caught. I flipped it into reverse so fast Ralph’s head slammed into my lap. “Go to wolf form.” It was all I could do to keep both hands on the wheel. That growl-thing was worth its sound in gold. Plus he had cool hair. And a truly awesome butt. But I needed my eyes on the road.
Ralph grumbled as our tires screeched and I got us out of there. I looked in the rearview mirror and saw a big SUV pull around the corner just before I turned a different corner. “I think they saw us.”
“I hope they didn’t see me naked.”
“Don’t whine to me. You’re the one who’s gone commando all these centuries.”
“It’s not funny.” He nudged the bag with a paw. “What are these things?”
“No idea. At all. But we’re going to go where I hope someone can figure them out.”
“Enforcement Headquarters?”
“Despite your needing an official, itchy, werewolf uniform, no. I don’t think we’ll find who we need there.”
“Sanctuary Center?”
“Much as I’d like the comfort of seeing Jude, no. I think we’re going to be there soon enough. No, we need those beings who live to figure things out.”
Ralph heaved the big canine sigh. “And we couldn’t get there by going through Necropolis?”
“No. I think we need to get there through the Estates.”
“Vic, that’s crazy. The minions are running the Estates. Us sliding to the University from there means any one of them could get these things from us. You know, whatever these things are.”
I hit my wrist-com. “Monty.”
“Here Vic. What’s up? Where are you and Ralph? Why did you run off like a rabid dog?”
“Only the canine side of the undead house gets to make the dog-jokes in times of great stress and danger, Monty.”
“Sorry. What’s going on?”
“I need Dirt Corps, in a very real and very immediate way.”
Monty and Ralph spoke together. “Why?”
“Because we’re going to war.”
Chapter 65
“You’re kidding,” Monty said. He sounded like he wasn’t totally sure, either way.
“Sort of yes, sort of no.
I really want the other side to think we’re going to war, how about that?”
“And you talk about me grandstanding,” Ralph muttered.
“Thanks to Sexy Cindy and your impressiveness from the other day, I now think of it as you being heroic and brave and all that.”
“I’ll take it.”
“I would,” Monty agreed. “But, Vic, while Dirt Corps always lies ready, do you think the minions are going to believe we’re going to war if they show up with you?”
“I think the minions are very clear on the idea of ‘cannon fodder’. Let them raise their evil dead to stop our good guys, okay? Seriously, I have a plan.”
“Not that I know what it is,” Ralph mentioned.
“I need to run this by the Count.”
“Monty, we don’t have time. The Count loves how I think on my paws. Just do it, okay? I need Dirt Corps to go to the Estates. They’re cover for us to get to the University.”
“Why don’t you just go through Necropolis?”
“You know, I asked that, too,” Ralph said. “I still don’t know why, and I’m in the car with her. All things considered, could you send some kind of backup? I’m not feeling confident we’re going to survive the drive, let alone any kind of fight.”
“You wound me.”
“No, I realize why Wagner always drove.” Ralph yelped. “I think we’re supposed to avoid hitting things like fire hydrants.”
“I didn’t hit it.”
“Only by the grace of the Gods and Monsters.”
“I think I liked you better when you just made sad puppy eyes at me.”
“I’ll keep it in mind.”
Monty coughed. “Are we through? Can I go now? Or do I have to listen to you two catch up on two centuries worth of romantic banter?”
“And here I always thought you had romance in your soul.”
“Vic, if you want to go ancient lich, I’m your being. However, I have an army to raise and all that jazz.”
“Fine, fine. Keep in touch.” My wrist-com went quiet. “We’re being followed, you know. That’s why I’m taking a circuitous route.”
“You mean that’s why you’re flinging us around corners in a pattern that makes no sense to any being, alive or undead?”
“I really liked you better when you were completely undercover and pining. You talked smack a lot less.”
“This from the queen of smack talk.”
“Flattery will get you everywhere.”
“Really? Hasn’t worked for two hundred years.”
“Bitter much?”
“No. Honestly, I’m worried.”
“I have a plan.”
“Vic, so do they. I promise you that. And their plan centers on you. On the plus side, they don’t want you dusted.”
“On the not plus side, they want you dusted with extreme prejudice.” My stomach clenched. “Ralph, really, why? I mean, why do they want you specifically dead? Is it that you’re the only werewolf left who refused to bow down to the fear?”
“Some of it’s that, I’m sure. But I was listening, even while I was getting beaten up. They’re really afraid of you mating.”
“Then why didn’t they try to dust Jude or Ken?”
“Mating,” he said patiently. “As in having a litter, puppies, babies, offspring, propagation of the species. Am I getting through?”
“Yeah, yeah. Again, why no dusting of Jude and Ken?”
Ralph sighed. “I have to keep reminding myself that you never got the full werewolf indoctrination and also remind myself that you never listened to a word I said before tonight. While we can make a werewolf any time we want with our bite, werewolves can only reproduce genetically with another werewolf. And we have to be in wolf form to impregnate.”
“Oh.” I truly learned something new every day. Recently every hour. It was a good thing I was a being open to learning. “So, they don’t want me mating with you?”
He coughed. “I think so. Might be with any werewolf, though.”
“You’re the only werewolf I know well enough to consider mating with.” I thought about this. It was true. “Ralph? Why haven’t I ever considered dating another werewolf? We have plenty around. And, by that token, why don’t we have more werewolves working with us? We have plenty in Enforcement, but they never team with us. You’re the only werewolf I’ve worked with in at least a century, maybe more.”
Ralph was quiet for a few long moments. “The party line is that we need to have a variety of beings in teams. And it does make sense. I think we fight well in mixed teams.”
“But?”
He sighed. “But a werewolf pack is unstoppable, and that’s not just rhetoric. The Adversary couldn’t claim you because Black Wolf and his pack arrived in time. Before you were made undead, that was what we werewolves did for the most part – we wandered in packs to protect the newly formed undeads, save beings from being murdered or dusted by the Prince’s minions, and so on.”
“So, werewolves were the guerilla fighters.”
“Yeah, we were. Most of us were in Special Ops. Black Wolf was one of the highest ranking officers in Special Ops. You joined Necropolis Enforcement, got your training, and then, if you were good enough, you moved up and over to Special Ops.”
“I’m not in Special Ops.” I tried not to sound disappointed.
“You’re too important.”
He said it like it was obvious. It was to me now, because of what had just happened, but the way Ralph said it, it was clear that it wasn’t a new idea to him. “What am I supposed to do? I mean my overall role in the grand scheme?”
“I have no idea. I wish I did. No one knows, really. But the Adversary wanted you too badly, and you stood up against him when it looked like your only option was to die horrifically. You have no idea how rare that is in any being, let alone a human with no training. To stand against ultimate evil and choose your God even though horrible death awaits you otherwise. It’s why more than just Yahweh watch over you.”
This was news. “I know Usen was there, because of Black Wolf. Is that what you mean?”
“I mean you’re special to all the Gods and Monsters and they all watch over you to some degree. Why do you think Jude took such an interest in you? He knew you were special. I think he started out like I did – staying close to protect you.”
“I suppose.” I let the obvious statements slide – Jude and I would always be more than friends and have to avoid each other for eternity because of it. I hoped it wasn’t going to turn out that way with Ralph. I also didn’t want to talk about how two beings who were supposed to protect me had fallen in love with me, and vice versa, as I thought about it. I wasn’t sure if I was in love with Ralph, but lust was by now a total given and realistically, the thought of him being dusted made me want to throw up in the same way the thought of Jude being dusted did. “Was Ken also on Guard Victoria duty?”
“No. Not that I know of, anyway.” Ralph sighed. “He’ll be a good replacement for the Count, but he still has years to go.”
“Let’s hope he gets them. Because I’m sure the Count is right after you on the minion’s hit list.”
“Most likely. Face it, they want all of Necropolis Enforcement neutralized.”
“And yet, they had their best opportunity at the Little Church and they didn’t take it.” I was heading us on a fascinating tour of Prosaic City. Sadly, our pursuers weren’t losing us. Trailing, yes, but not getting lost. Some days you just couldn’t get rid of a tail.
“Right. Meaning they need something else before they’re sure of victory.”
I looked at the bag on the seat. “They need what we’re carrying.”
Ralph nosed through the bag. He jerked back, growling – and not the sexy let’s-go-my-puppy-mamma growling, either.
“What is it?”
“No idea what’s important about the other stuff,” Ralph said, still growling. “But that figurine is the worst kind of bad news.”
“The little statue? Yeah
, it gave me the creeps every time I looked at it.”
“It should. It’s a representation of Adlet. I think it’s the representation of Adlet.”
“What is it with the Prince and minion names beginning with ‘A’? Couldn’t the supreme evil being get attached to any other letters?”
Ralph sighed. I got the impression our new relationship was going to involve a lot of sighing on his part. “Did you take any classes on undead history? Any at all?”
“I took the fun ones. And the ones that dealt with killing off minions. The Count said my scores were so good that I didn’t have to take any courses I didn’t want to in order to get onto Enforcement.”
“Must be nice to be everyone’s favorite.”
“It doesn’t suck. But that statue thing does. Who’s Adlet?”
“Every species, living or undead, has its originators, and the good and bad sides always exist.”
“Right. That’s in the orientation class, Ralph. Everyone takes that one.”
“But I have no proof you ever paid attention. Adlet was the eldest son of the first werewolves. He turned to the Prince before he was ten, but he married and mated before anyone realized it. Supposedly some of Adlet’s blood runs in the veins of every werewolf. Which is technically true, since we all have the blood of the originals in us, and their blood created Adlet.”
“I saw that statue. We don’t look a thing like that.” It looked like an inverted creature with a lot of its insides on the outside, loaded with claws and fangs. On my worst fur day, I didn’t look like that.
“We don’t, but the werewolves in Hell do. You just haven’t seen too many.”
“Have you?”
“A few. Our kind doesn’t seem to survive well in the Depths. No idea why.”
“Let’s hope whatever the reason for that is, that it affects Jack.”
Ralph jerked. “He was trying to mate with you.” He was back to angry growling.
“I call that rape, Ralph. You know, me saying ‘no’ and him trying anyway? What you saved me from? I wasn’t mating, I was trying to escape.”
“I know. But the position he had you in, what he was saying, you were both in wolf form – he must have been about to start when I showed up.” Ralph sounded angrier than I’d ever heard. “He’d have raped and impregnated you. That’s what they were waiting for, what they still want.” His voice was shaking. I risked a fast look. His whole body was shaking – from rage, I was pretty sure, at least based on his expression.