by Sasha White
“Super. Can you and L.K. meet me at the Salvation Center? I think we’re going to need beings who can counter spells.”
“I’ll bring along some support, then. Any suggestions?”
“Surprise me. Just make sure they’re powerful.”
“The Bard’s been complaining that no one ever lets him do active service. Want him along?”
“Sure. If we don’t do it right, we’re all dusted or minions anyway.”
“Love your sunny outlook, darling. Over but hardly out.”
Ralph and Benny didn’t look happy. “Why aren’t you pulling in trained witches and warlocks for this?” Ralph didn’t sound happy, either.
I rubbed my forehead. “You know as well as I do that the Count already has all of them working on counter spells. The few who showed up for the pre-Armageddon party are either hurt or back with the rest of their counterparts. They’re our last line of defense, so I’m not going to ask any of them to go to the front lines if I can help it.”
“Why Merc and L.K. then? Or Will?”
“Because Merc and L.K. are already deeply and willingly involved and both of them are really clear on the power of words. And we might as well have the best of the best with us, too, especially if he’s antsy to get into the action.”
“The Bard’s more of a lover and talker than a fighter,” Benny offered.
“Well, I’m hoping to have him focused on the talking side while the rest of us take on the fighting portions.” I tapped my wrist-com again. “Agent W-W-One-Eight-One-Niner.”
“Agent Wolfe, the formality, it’s almost heart-stopping.”
“Missed you, too, Count. Are Black Angels One and Two ready for action?”
“Yes, and impatient for it, as well.”
“Good. Have them meet me up at the Little Church of the Country as soon as they can fly by.”
“Any other directions?”
“Tell them to listen intently. They’ll know what to do when.”
“Does your love of mystery drive Agent Rogers mad with desire or merely to distraction?”
“Both. Count, I have no idea what she’s doing, just for the record.”
“Agent Wolfe keeps us all on our toes, doesn’t she? Anything else before I rush to comply with your demands?”
“Yeah. Please call the Chief and tell him I need a lot of black and whites standing ready. If I’m right, we’re going to need the police escort.”
“And if you’re wrong?”
“Really, how often am I wrong?” Ralph started choking. “I mean about things like this?” Ralph was up to gagging. He even rolled on his back, paws waving in the air. “Must dash, I need to put Ralph out of his misery.”
“Thank you for making eternity go by so quickly, Agent Wolfe.”
I rammed my elbow into Ralph’s side. “You’re not funny.”
He righted himself, doing that canine grin thing that looks so cute. “You were hilarious. ‘How often am I wrong?’ Wow. I’m sorry only Benny and the Count got to hear that one.”
“You know, this kind of attitude doesn’t get you past a hearty handshake.”
Ralph put up his paw. “I’ll risk it.”
I ignored the paw, stood up, and took a look outside. I could see the last vestiges of Dirt Corps heading back down the hill. There were SUV’s following them, more than I’d seen following us, so hopefully my subterfuge had worked. “Let’s get back into the car. Ralph, think you can hotwire it faster this time?”
“No,” he said flatly. “I’m not hotwiring it at all.”
I stared at him. “Oh. Right.” I looked to Benny. “Know how to hotwire an unmarked police car?”
“If I say yes will I be arrested?”
“Only if you say yes and then can’t actually do it.”
“Then, let’s go with ‘we’ll see’.”
We went back to the garage. I opened the door and listened.
“Sounds like pursuit is going away from us,” Ralph said softly.
“I agree. Turn your ears up, though.”
We both strained. “It’s faint,” Ralph said finally. “But I think you’re right – there are beings of some kind up at the Little Church. But why?”
The car started and we piled in. “See, this is why I don’t like to explain until we’re moving.” And because I still wasn’t sure. But cops never admit when they’re not sure, it’s bad for the longevity. “There was a bigger why that I’ve been trying to solve.”
“What was that? I thought we’d figured out the Adversary’s plans.”
“I think we have. But the bigger why is simply this – how did the Three A’s get past Jude? He’s one of the strongest angels in existence, and he’s on the convergence chasm solely to keep them out. So, why didn’t he even know they were around?”
“You think he’s a traitor?” The way Ralph asked, he wanted to hear me say “no”.
“No.” It was nice to see Ralph and Benny both relax. “I think there was a powerful spell put in place that blocked Jude’s abilities.”
“Come on,” Benny said. “You’re talking Judas, right? And that means his best friend, too, since they work together more often than not.” Ralph and I both turned and looked at him over our shoulders. “What? I told you I had a good friend who’s pretty powerful. So he let some things slip out of school. So what? As has been amply stated, I’m on your side.”
“Who is your good buddy the warlock? You never told us.”
Benny sighed. “You just talked to him.”
“The Count? He’s not a warlock!”
“No.” Benny grinned. “You forget – liches are dead spell-casters.”
“Monty? Monty’s your buddy?” I looked at Ralph. “Every hour, it’s new information. Am I the most uninformed being in all of Enforcement?”
Ralph shook his head. “Didn’t occur me, either.” He eyed Benny. “But I’ve also never seen any lich cast a spell…in over four hundred years.”
“You mean you don’t know that they’re casting them,” Benny said. “Look, kids, liches are powerful. But the ones on our side are smart enough to lay low.” He patted our shoulders. “You want me to tell you about the others?”
“What others? And why do you know so much more about the undead than we do?”
He shrugged. “Watch the road. I’m in real estate and I’m a fence. It pays to do your research in both cases. So, I researched. And by the others, I mean those undeads who have additional talents, more than their undead race would insinuate.”
I groaned. “Okay, this is information for another time, unless it helps us now.”
“Well, you already talked to one of them, if I’m not mistaken.”
I thought about it. “Merc and L.K. are also warlocks? As well as wraiths?”
“Let’s say they’re continuing to cast the same kinds of spells as undeads as they did as living rock stars, and leave it at that. The Bard, too.”
Ralph heaved the big canine sigh. “Are we the only undeads who don’t do all the fancy spell-casting?”
“Oh, any being can learn it,” Benny said cheerfully. “You just have to have an open mind and a willingness to experiment.”
“You a spell-caster, too?” Why not? Maybe everyone did it other than me and Ralph. It’d been that kind of week.
Benny snorted. “Hardly. But, as I said, if you want to be a good fence, you need to know what’s coming through, what it does, what it’s worth, who needs it, and who should be kept away from it.”
“You know,” I said to Ralph, “when this all started, I felt pretty competent.”
“I know what you mean.”
“So, you think someone cast a spell on Judas?”
“Benny, call him Jude, okay? It’s easier.” It also kept newer undeads of certain religious persuasions from attacking him before they understood just what his role in Yahweh’s grand scheme had been. “But, yeah, I think so.”
“I don’t buy it,” Ralph said. “Jude’s too powerful not to notice.�
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“Agreed, over a long period of time. Only, I don’t think it required a lot of time. A lot of effort, probably, but not time. It’s like when Nero escaped when we were here before. Everyone else was focused elsewhere, he slipped off quietly, by the time we caught on, he was long enough gone you couldn’t catch him.”
“Of course, Wagner let Nero get away.” Ralph wasn’t trying to hide the snide.
“I’m sure. Now. But however it was done, my guess is that Jude was blocked just long enough to cast the spells that blocked him and let Abaddon in. Then blocked again when Slimy showed up, dragging Apollyon and the Adversary along with him. That’s all it would take. Jude’s focused on keeping them out. Once they’re in, it’s our job to spot and stop them.”
“And we’re doing so well.”
“Why the sad dog face? We’re alive, we’re together, we have the bag of badness, and Benny the Know-It-All Fence. I think we’re doing pretty well.”
“Here’s hoping that can-do attitude helps us when it matters,” Benny muttered.
“No worries. We’re about to find out.”
Chapter 68
We reached the parking lot for the Little Church. It wasn’t blocked, but it wasn’t empty, either. There were a few nicer cars parked near the entrance. I pulled in next to what I was pretty sure was the S-Class we’d lifted. It was nice to have a semblance of confirmation that I was on the right scent.
We got out of the car, Benny clutching the bag of evil goodies. “What do I do if someone attacks me for this?” he whispered.
“Scream like a banshee, run like a werewolf, hold onto it like a miser.”
“You’re such a help and a comfort.”
“I do my best for all citizens of Prosaic City and Necropolis.”
Ralph sniffed. “How about for citizens of other cities and, I think, countries?” He sniffed again. “And these cars were at the cemetery the other day, at least some of them were.”
More confirmation. No conclusion, but at least confirmation. “Well, let’s just say that I think they’re going to be relieved to see us and leave it at that.” Honesty forced an addendum. “Or else they’re going to all try to kill us. But, you know, either way, we’re ready.”
“We are?” Ralph didn’t sound convinced.
“Yes. We have everything we need right here.” I hoped.
We entered the Little Church quietly. It didn’t look like anything had happened. “It was practically destroyed when I saw it Sunday,” Benny whispered in my ear.
“Some spells work faster than others,” I whispered back.
What the church wasn’t was empty. It was hardly filled to capacity, but there were at least a couple dozen people here. Which fit with the number of cars in the parking lot.
“Most of these were at the cemetery the other day, for that funeral,” Ralph said, sniffing up a storm.
“Isn’t that Reverend ‘Jeremiah’ Johnson?” Benny asked, nodding towards the good-looking man in the center of the group. “He must be sick about what’s gone on in his church.”
The base of my tail started to vibrate. “Benny, is he a good man or a charlatan?”
“Actually, he’s a good one. I know, hard to believe. But he does believe and he wants to help people. Very decent. Pity about his son.”
The base of my tail shared that it loved Benny and wanted to keep him around forever. “I know how they did it.”
“How who did what?” Ralph asked.
I didn’t answer. I was too busy looking for a minion. Of any kind. Only, none were in evidence. I considered the possibility that this was another trap – the possibility was high. Then again, we didn’t have a lot else to work with. Because if I didn’t get the beings responsible for the spell that had blocked Jude onto our side, pronto, we were probably going to lose.
There were two distinct groups of people in this church – those who clearly spent their lives preaching the Word in one way or another and what I was about a hundred percent sure were our favorite group of deaders’ nearest and reasonably dearest. They were divided, with the Right Reverend and his wife literally bridging the gap.
The humans were involved in what seemed like an animated conversation on both sides, but they noticed us, finally. A man dressed in what I was pretty sure were African ceremonial religious robes nudged Reverend Johnson and he gave us his attention. No toothy smile, though. None of the humans looked happy.
“Can we help you?” Johnson asked.
I strode forward, Ralph trotting next to me, Benny scurrying behind. “Detective Wolfe, Prosaic City P.D. I’d like to ask you some questions.”
The humans all looked at each other. Clearly, questions were not on tonight’s church social agenda. “What about?” Johnson asked. “And why do you have a…dog…in here?”
“K-9 unit. He’s trained to sniff out drugs, bombs and illegal immigrants.” Ralph started sniffing all the attendees. “Good boy. So, Anthony Tomio, how many of you know him? Oh, and protestations that you’ve never heard the name will be met by some nasty police brutality.”
“Brutality?” Johnson asked.
“I believe in truth in advertising. Now, show of hands, how many here know or have at least met Tomio?” I ensured my voice didn’t sound kindly and Ralph put on the low-level growl that all canines can do that shares said canine is considering the benefits of going Cujo.
Led by the few kids in attendance, all those in the relatives crowd raised their hands, some quite slowly. Seeing this caused a goodly portion of the religious leaders’ paws to go into the air, the Right Reverend and his wife included. With typical group behavior, finally all arms were raised. Minus one.
The one individual who didn’t raise a limb was small and mousy-looking, dressed like an old-fashioned Anglican minister. “I’m afraid I don’t know who you’re referring to,” he said nervously as I gave him the full benefit of my attention.
This time I didn’t even need to give an under-the-breath command. Ralph was on him faster than a starving dog on a week-dead possum. The little guy shrieked and the humans started to make a fuss.
“Humans – back off!” I barked, literally. I was louder that way.
The “little man” changed fast. He was still little, but a lot more powerful. I heard one of the women shriek. “He looks like Adolph Hitler!”
Ralph and Hitler boiled around each other. Ralph was doing serious damage, but Hitler was talking, and that wasn’t good. I desperately wanted to get in there and help kick evil warlock butt, but I didn’t think it was wise to leave Benny and the special bag unprotected.
Happily for all, Black Angel One and Two deigned to take an interest. There was a flurry of wings and then Ralph jumped back and out of the fray. He scrambled back to me and Benny. “That was gross. He tastes awful. Worse than the Adversary.”
We both gagged. “I didn’t think that was possible.”
“Are they winning?” Benny asked nervously.
I turned back and watched them rend Hitler limb from limb. I heard him begging for mercy. Miriam laughed, a very harsh, terrifying laugh. The humans huddled closer together, both groups mingling out of fear.
“Why are they being so…horrible to him?” one of them asked.
Magdalena looked over her shoulder. “Lord, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Then she went back to the task at hand.
Ralph went to the woman who’d asked. “He actually is Adolph Hitler. And before they were angels, before they had a place in the pantheon of the religions of this world, they were Jews. Think about it.” He looked around. “Anyone else with a stupid question?” There was a pleasant silence, if you didn’t count the sounds Hitler was making.
Dusting a powerful minion isn’t the same as dusting your average baddie on the street. As with fallen angels, warlocks require specific steps. We’d rarely had the time in the past. Yet Black Angels One and Two were well into the process and no other major minion, or even a minor minion, was on hand to try to stop them.
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I went to Johnson. “Why did they decide to sacrifice him to us?”
Johnson looked blank. “I’m sorry?”
“The missing bodies,” Miriam called. I really did idolize them, but they weren’t the most communicative operatives out there.
However, I had most of my puzzle pieces put together and that one fit in nicely into one of the holes in the big picture. “As Ralph said, the being our best teams are destroying there is really Adolph Hitler. He’s been the highest level warlock on the Prince’s team since he died on the Earth Realm. The Prince is evil incarnate. You’re all about to help bring Armageddon about, though I’ll wager you either think you’re stopping it or about to ascend in the Rapture. Which is it?”
Johnson shook his head. “We were warned that evil demons would come and try to ruin God’s plan.”
“Right. They did. And you’re working with them. You did some kind of prayer that blocked our agents and allowed some of the most evil of the Prince’s minions onto this plane. And you did it at least twice. I want to know what that spell was.”
Everyone was silent. Lots of foot shuffling and eye contact avoidance. Okay, it’d been a long week. “Fine. Ralph, Benny, we dust them all.”
“What?” Johnson looked horrified. “You can’t just kill us!”
“Can and will. If the Prince’s side wins, we’re all dusted or evil minions anyway. And despite the fact the bad guys showed you your loved ones, they’re dead and they’re not ascending to heaven, nor joining us on the undead realm.”
“I don’t believe you,” Johnson said calmly. “The Devil has an attractive face and tells beguiling lies.”
“That’s nice. I’m not Satan. He’s a cool guy. Not evil, just doing his job for Yahweh. That’s your god’s real name, by the way. I’d imagine he’d like you to cooperate. But here’s the deal – my soul belongs to him, and I’m charged with the destruction of any who would destroy all the planes of existence. You stand in the way of the safety of billions of souls, in this and a variety of other realms. So, good of the many versus good of the few. You pick.”
“Don’t bother talking to him.” I turned to see Sexy Cindy and Freddy coming up behind us. “Dude doesn’t see what’s right in front of him.” She went up to Johnson’s wife. “But she does, don’t you? You know why you didn’t see your loser son, when they faked that resurrection?”