by T. C. Edge
When I leave her, however, the brief period of respite ends, and my mind fills once more with the questions that won’t budge. Not until they’re answered.
It’s the appearance of Mrs Carmichael that draws the end to dinner, coming to check up on things. She wanders in, clapping her hands and telling everyone to clear up and clear out.
As Abby scampers off, I look at the woman who raised me differently too. Everything I know, it seems, has now been cast in a new light.
“Ah, Brie,” she says, coming over to me. “I wanted to have a word with you…”
There’s some displeasure to her voice. Does she know I snuck out last night?
“Yes,” I say bluntly, her presence, given the many questions in my mind, drawing some displeasure from me as well.
“Hmmmm, I heard you were in a bad mood,” she remarks, noting the tone to my voice. “According to Tess you’ve been cranky all day. Anything the matter?”
I shrug and look away from her, my heart beginning to pace. A large part of me wants to confront her now, find out what she knows, whether she’s been lying to me my entire life. But I don’t, heeding Zander’s words once more.
Stay secret, stay silent. Say nothing about this to anyone...
“Nothing,” I mutter. “I just don’t feel well.”
“I see. Well a good night’s sleep will see to that. I just wanted to tell you, I need to pop out this evening, so I was going to put you in charge. However, given your state, perhaps I’ll ask someone else.”
“No,” I say quickly. “No, that’s fine. I’ll take care of things.”
“Are you sure? You know how unruly the kids can be when trying to get them to bed.”
“It’s fine. I can do it. So…where are you going?”
“Nowhere interesting. There’s a council meeting that I’m going to attend. It won’t last too long.”
“How long? When…will you be back?”
Her eyes narrow a little.
“Not late,” she says. “It shouldn’t go much past 11pm.”
I nod silently, my mind ticking over.
“Remember, the youngsters need to be in bed no later than 9pm. Don’t let them run rings round you, Brie. They respect you, so use that authority.”
“I got it,” I say. “Leave it with me.”
She peers at me a moment longer, then appears satisfied that I can do the job.
And when she leaves me, a smile creeps up in one corner of my mouth as I stand there, now alone, in the canteen.
I don’t need to ask her for answers. I don’t need to confront her at all. No, I can find out what I need all on my own…
***
The corridor is silent and still. The floors below equally so. The kids put up a bit of a fight, but in the end I got them all in bed a little past nine.
Inside my room, Tess is drifting off, ignorant of my plans and everything that’s swirling in my mind. Soon enough she’ll know the truth. For now, she needs to be kept in the dark.
Ahead of me, Mrs Carmichael’s office awaits. I creep forward and grip the door handle, pulling down in some vague hope that she’s left it unlocked.
Of course she hasn’t.
The handle stops half way down, the door fastened shut. I note the time – 10.15pm - and set about fiddling with the lock, quietly unscrewing the mechanism and removing it from the door.
It’s old fashioned, and easy enough to figure out, if a little time consuming. One by one, the screws come loose, and eventually I’m able to get inside and manually open the door.
I hear a little cough down the corridor and stop for a second in the shadows. The hallway is almost entirely dark as I stand there, watching as a door opens and one of the boys on our floor emerges. He turns the other way, moving towards the bathroom and disappearing inside.
I let out a long breath, open Mrs Carmichael’s door, and slip inside. Then I shut it tight and wait for the boy to reappear. Only once he’s safely back inside his own room do I flick on the light and begin my search.
The cluttered office lights up before me, stinking of smoke and stale air. I hastily move around to the back of the desk, a side I’ve never stepped foot, and take a seat in Mrs Carmichael’s chair. Before I do anything else, I scan the room carefully and note everything’s position.
I cannot leave a single thing out of place. I can leave no trace of my presence.
Once satisfied, I start by opening the drawers on the desk. I know Mrs Carmichael has files for each kid here, past and present, detailing where they came from, how long they’ve been here, their work duties and experience, and so on. When any kid leaves, she tends to continue to keep tabs on them, unable to let go as they fly the nest and strike off on their own.
She’ll have a file on me, I know she will. If she knows anything more than she’s letting on, then it’ll be right here in this room.
I go from drawer to drawer, sliding them open, gently perusing their interiors for what I’m looking for. The three down the left of the desk hold nothing of note.
I move to the right and continue my search. This side of the desk is different. At the top is a drawer, which I open up and shut just as quickly. Nothing.
Beneath it, however, is a little door. Behind it I find the safe that Mrs Carmichael uses to store her money, opened only by knowledge of a code. A code I don’t have.
The desk, it would appear, isn’t going to yield what I’m looking for.
So I turn my attention elsewhere, looking to the stacks of boxes that litter the floorspace to the left and right. For someone who has to manage so many kids, Mrs Carmichael’s filing system is, for want of a better word, shambolic. If she wanted, I’m sure she could afford one of the electronic tablets that would make her life so much easier.
Yet, old fashioned as she is, she prefers to keep paper records, something that’s almost unheard of across the city. I’ve always thought that she did so, partly at least, because of her mistrust of the authorities. Paper records, after all, are physical. Electronic records aren’t, and can be hacked.
Now, however, my mind grows with conviction that I was right all along. If she’s been hiding information about me, and perhaps others, then surely she wouldn’t want it floating around in cyber-space.
As I renew my search of the boxes, I quickly check my watch once more. 10.32. Time is ticking.
I have to act faster.
Scrambling more frantically now, I begin working my way through the boxes, uncovering promising looking files than turn out to be disappointing. Mostly, they’re admin based, noting various jobs that have been completed.
Soon, my confidence is waning as quickly as the clock is ticking. One box after another leads to dead ends. Decades worth of accumulated notes that might as well be chucked out but for Mrs Carmichael’s hoarding tendencies.
Then, as my hope fades, a fresh spark ignites. Hidden towards the back of a stack of boxes, I look upon a bunch of more tidily separated files, lined up one after another. I brush away the dust and see the faded letters scribbled onto the front – Resident Files.
Jackpot.
I pull out the first that my fingers can grasp and check the front. Jack Lawson.
I slide it back in and check the one next to it. Melanie Lester.
Yes! They’re alphabetical!
Now my heart is pumping, and my fingers are working at twice their usual pace. I flick along the list and come to the letter ‘M’. Pulling each file out, one by one to check the front, I quickly find a Phil Medvedev.
I grab the next, expecting to see Brie Melrose, my eyes half a blur as they take in the name.
A frown settles over my eyes.
Emily Merchant.
Huh…
I check again. I must have missed one, must have missed my file.
No, there’s nothing there. Medvedev to Merchant, with no Melrose in between.
Did she file me under ‘Brie’ instead?
I look to the Bs, pulling out another box that lists the fir
st 8 letters of the alphabet. I work towards the Bs, but again find no file with my name on it.
What’s going on?
There’s no file for me. No records at all. It’s as if I don’t even exist…
It’s no use, and there’s no time.
I stand from my crouched position on the floor, my back aching as I rise up to my full height and turn back to the door.
It’s open.
How did I not hear her coming?
“I thought this day would come eventually,” sighs Mrs Carmichael, shaking her head and looking at me through small, fading eyes.
She steps in and shuts the door, her eyes turning to the dismantled lock and screws that sit upon her desk.
“Sit down, Brie,” she says. “I think it’s time we talked.”
22
As I move back round toward the door and take a seat in front of her desk, she does the same, dropping into her chair behind it.
Opening up the top drawer on the left, her spindly fingers emerge with a cigarette. Lighting it up, she opens another drawer and comes up with her whiskey. And two glasses.
She fills them, and slides one over to me, despite knowing my distaste for the stuff. There’s a method to her movement that suggests I’m going to need it.
I take a sip to settle my nerves, and find that the liquid doesn’t burn quite as badly as last time.
An acquired taste indeed.
“I suspected you’d try to break in here tonight,” she begins, a swirl of smoke drifting from her nose. “I know you better than you know yourself, Brie Melrose. You were ever so eager to know how long I’d be out.”
Her choice of words is revealing. I’m sure she does know me better than I know myself…
“And you lied to me?” I ask. “You knew you’d be back earlier than 11. I guess it wouldn’t be the first time,” I say bitterly.
“And you believe yourself to be hard done by?” she asks. “Tell me, Brie. What’s prompted all of this?”
I think again of Zander’s words, warning me not to tell anyone. Much as I’d like to, however, I can’t obey him. Not now. Not here.
“I know the truth,” I say. “I know my parents were Enhanced. I know I’m a hybrid.”
I watch closely for her reaction. She barely registers one, and that alone confirms what Zander told me.
He was telling the truth.
“How did you find out?” she asks.
“Does it mater?” I counter. “You’ve been lying to me my whole life…”
She shakes her head, still calm. As she said, she knew this day was coming. She’s spent my entire life preparing for it.
Her croaky voice continues to break into the silence, smoke spilling from her lips and nose as she speaks. It’s the one thing that gives away the nerves inside her: her proclivity for smoking a little faster when under duress.
And as well as she knows me, I know her too. I can see through her external poise to the growing turmoil within.
“There’s a difference, Brie, between lying and withholding the truth. I have been doing the latter, and I’ve been doing it for your protection.”
“My protection? You don’t think I can handle the truth?”
“It’s not about handling the truth. It’s about staying safe. I’ve only wanted to keep you from harm, that’s all. The truth was only ever going to bring you pain.”
“It’s my pain, Brenda,” I say. Her eyes widen a little at the use of her first name. “It’s not yours to keep. And neither is the truth. Now tell me…tell me everything.”
My words fade into silence. A drawn out breath escapes her. I note the slightest tremble of her fingers as she raises her glass to her lips, and sinks its entire contents.
Mine remains before me, untouched but for a sip. I merely stare at her, awaiting her voice, my heart growing oddly steady as she prepares to speak.
“I knew your father,” she says finally. “He was a member of the City Guard, and would often patrol the streets around here. He was kind and friendly to the people, and was nice to the kids here when they were out on the streets. They were fascinated by him, as you would be...given his gifts. He was a Hawk. His eyes…they were just like yours.”
I feel a swell of sadness grip at me as she speaks, his eyes appearing before mine, as they so often do.
“And…my mother?” I whisper.
She shakes her head.
“I knew nothing of her. All I know is that she was from Inner Haven too, and that their relationship was illegal. Your father grew more interested in the academy as time went by, asking so many questions. I got the feeling he was trying to work us out, Derek and myself. Figure out if we were good people, good guardians.”
She takes another swig of whiskey, her eyes growing moist with a glistening of tears.
“One day, he came to us. He was…distressed. He told us about his relationship with your mother, something that they’d been trying to keep a secret. But…they’d been discovered, and had no choice. They had to give you up, Brie. So he brought you to me.”
Now it’s my eyes that grow wet. It’s been so many years since I’ve shed a tear, my heart growing cold to such emotion. Not today. Today I feel my cheeks grow warm, salty brine silently sliding towards the corners of my mouth.
“Your parents knew that you’d be hunted down if they discovered you. The last thing they wanted was to give you up, you must understand that. Your father made me promise to keep the truth from you…until you came calling for it. He knew, like I did, they this day would come.”
Now I can’t hold back. I reach for my whiskey and let the burning liquid fizzle in my throat, distracting me from my grief, if only for a moment.
“What happened to them?” I whisper. “After they gave me up?”
“I don’t know for sure,” she says. “I…I never saw him again. But…”
“You think they’re dead?”
She nods silently.
“And the picture?” I sniff.
“Your father brought it with him. He wanted you to at least know what they looked like, if not who they were. It’s all he could do. Anything else could have put you in danger.”
I take another sip of whiskey, and sniff away a few tears, wiping my cheeks with my sleeve. Mrs Carmichael reaches forward and refills my glass. I don’t object.
Then my mind turns backwards, and I think of Mrs Carmichael’s dislike for Inner Haven, her hatred of the doctrine sent down by the Court and Consortium. Such things must be rooted in what happened to my parents, the fate they suffered because their relationship was deemed illegal. We here in Outer Haven think we’re hard done by, but truly the Enhanced have it worse.
They’re little more than slaves to their masters, so entrenched in their world that they no longer know the benefits of freedom that we continue to enjoy. After so many years of indoctrination, they’ve learned to accept their place, living in an emotionless world of the Savants’ design.
My parents broke those rules, and they suffered for it. It breaks my heart to think of their pain at giving me up, knowing what I’d become should I take on their gifts.
But I haven’t. All my life I’ve been normal, human, just a regular Unenhanced living a regular life.
I look to Mrs Carmichael, sitting silently and watching my mind tick over. A question bubbles to my lips, but before it can fall, a realisation does so first.
“The pills,” I whisper. “I…I don’t have diabetes, do I?”
My guardian continues to look at me, her eyes sunken and tired and old. Her head shakes.
“The black market,” I continue. “You go there to get pills to suppress my gifts, to keep me human? You’ve been doing it all my life…”
“I had to,” she says, her voice a croaky whisper. “I had to keep your abilities from emerging, I promised your father I would.”
“And…is that what Drum saw,” I ask. “I heard you in here the other night, telling him to keep quiet. You’d taken him to the black market, hadn’
t you…and he’d seen something he shouldn’t have.”
Her frail fingers linger constantly around her mouth now, her lungs filling and emptying of smoke almost every other breath.
“I suppose you might as well know now,” she says. “I’ve been getting your medication from the Nameless for years…they manufacture it to help keep people safe, and to shield their gifts from the Consortium. Drum saw me with them. I doubt he truly knew what was going on, but I didn’t want him saying anything. I never wanted you to find out about this…”
“But I had to eventually,” I say. “What would you have done when I left this place and moved elsewhere, or found a man to marry?”
“I guess I thought I’d keep giving you the pills. Keep track of you. I want better for you than what happened to your parents, Brie. If you go off your medication, your powers will manifest, and you’ll be found out. It might take a month or a year or more…but they’ll find you eventually.”
She looks at me more closely again, the cogs ticking behind her eyes.
“Unless,” she continues, “you’ve already been found. Who was it that told you, Brie. Tell me.”
“I don’t know,” I say. “Just a boy…one of the Nameless. He’d seen me at the ceremony. He knew who I was…”
“But how? I’ve kept you hidden from them. They never knew who the pills were for…”
“I don’t know. We didn’t get to speak for long. We were…interrupted.”
She grits her teeth and narrows her eyes.
“Interrupted?”
“Stalkers,” I say, almost guiltily. “They found us…but he got us away from them.”
“Oh, Brie! That’s exactly why I didn’t want you going to that ceremony. I knew something was going to happen. I knew it would be a slippery slope…”
“Something did happen,” I cut in. “I found out the truth. And I’m happy for it.”
“You shouldn’t be. I can already see where this is going…you’re already falling deeper. You should forget all of this, Brie. Stick with your medication, forget who you are, and get on with your life. It’s what your parents would have wanted.”
“No,” I say quickly. “No…if my parents were killed for falling in love, then that’s not something I can live with. I can’t just sit back and do nothing…”