Table of Contents
Title Page
Other Books by Pamela Sparkman
Quote
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Bonus Scene
Acknowledgments
A Message from the Authors
Excerpt
About the Book Designer
Copyright Notice
formatted by E.M.Tippetts Book Designs
Other Books by Pamela Sparkman
Stolen Breaths Series
Stolen Breaths
Shattered
Book 3 (Coming 2015)
Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light.
~ Helen Keller
Maggie
I sat in the airport waiting for my flight, only marginally aware of the activity around me. Business men in suits, carrying briefcases and rushing to make their flights; families embracing to say goodbye as their loved ones passed through security; happy moms and dads with excited children, holding hands and laughing. I saw and heard them, but they seemed far away. An illusion. It was strange to me how the world could keep turning, like nothing had changed. I guess for them nothing had, except in my world, everything had changed. So much so, and so quickly, that I was having a hard time separating my nightmares from reality. The last few days have been layered with a blackness so thick I don’t think I’ll ever be able to cut through it.
I looked down at my hands because that was all I seemed to be able to bring into focus. They were shaking and they somehow didn’t even look like my hands. Focusing on them, however, made me feel a little more grounded. I rubbed them together thinking that warming them up would help. I felt tears threatening at the corners of my eyes, wondering how there could be any left. Fear and uncertainty was trying to creep back in, fighting to take up permanent residence in my mind. I wanted to run; I didn’t want to face this.
I closed my eyes, shook my head, and breathed. No, I won’t let that happen.
I’ve made it this far, I’m not turning back now.
Talking to Lily last night had helped. It wasn’t easy for me to open up that much of myself to her, even though we’d been best friends since college. I’d never let her see so much of my soul. Opening up to her, confiding in her about my feelings and my fears, about how frozen I felt on the inside, it gave me a sense of relief and courage that I never expected to find because she gently reminded me that it had already let go; or rather, I had let go of it. She also reminded me that I had already fought that battle and won, and it wasn’t one I needed to face again.
She was right, I had recently faced things that I thought I never would and I had come out on the other side, realizing that I was a lot stronger than I thought. For the first time in my adult life I was truly happy and ready to make a major change; a major move.
That’s the funny thing about life... sometimes it has other plans for us.
Joe
Five Months Ago
“I’ll have another,” Hayden said, finishing his second beer.
I looked up and continued to wipe down the bar. Hayden didn’t bother looking up; he just continued staring at his empty bottle. I grabbed another beer, popped the cap, and set it down in front of him. “You gonna tell me what the hell is wrong with you?”
“What? Nothing’s wrong with me.”
“Right,” I said, tossing his empty bottle into the trash. “And I’m Mother Theresa.”
“Dude, it’s nothing. Just in a bad mood. Don’t wanna talk about it.”
“Alright, fine. Although you’re depressing my other customers. You’re gonna make me look bad in front of the ladies.” I looked over and winked at some blonde chick who I knew had been staring at me since she sat down. “Everyone knows bartenders are shrinks with shot glasses. Now, either tell me what the hell is bothering you or at least pretend you’re not in a foul mood. Your bad vibes are acting against me here.”
“Mind telling me what the hell you’re talking about?”
“You. You might as well be wearing a sign on your back that says ‘Keep the hell away from me.’ How am I supposed to keep my other customers happy if no one wants to get within ten feet of you?” I made a point to glance on either side of him to show him that no one was sitting anywhere near him. There were at least three empty bar stools on both sides of his brooding ass.
Hayden glanced around, shrugging. “I hadn’t noticed.”
“Well, I’m not afraid. I’ll sit beside him.”
I’d been so zeroed in on Hayden, trying to figure out what his problem was that I hadn’t seen her walk in. She not only sat down next to Hayden, she put her hand on his shoulder and patted it twice. “What’s up big guy? Who kicked your dog?”
He actually smiled the minute she sat down. It was the first time he looked happy since he walked in an hour ago.
How’d she do that?
“Well, I’ll be damned.” I made a dramatic display of throwing my hand towel down on the bar. “I’ve been trying for an hour to make this boy crack a smile and you walk in and accomplish it in five freakin’ seconds. I even used some of my best jokes.”
“She’s cuter than you are and smells nicer,” Hayden quipped.
“That hurts, bro. You used to like the way I smell.” I placed my hand over my heart and pretended to wipe a tear from my eye.
“Shut up, dude.”
“No, you said you loved me. I’m done. I can’t do this anymore. You’re breaking my heart, man.”
Hayden grinned, and she looked amused.
“You boys are too much,” she said. She looked up at me. “I’ll have what he’s having.”
I wanted to stare. Her green eyes were so – damn. I looked away and reached for a beer bottle, popped the cap and set it down in front of her. “Here you go, Maggie. Anything else?”
When she looked up and her eyes found mine again, I grinned. She quickly turned away. Shaking her head she said, “Nope, this is good.”
I stepped away to help another customer at the other end of the bar and then made my way back down to where Hayden and Maggie were sitting. She had gotten him to loosen up some because he was actually talking now, and that put a smile on my face, so I wanted to put on smile on hers.
“Hey, Maggie, why does a seagull fly over the sea?”
Hayden rolled his eyes and Maggie’s green ones once again met mine. “I don’t know, Joe. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?”
; “Because if it flew over the bay, it would be called a bagel!”
Maggie laughed and even Hayden managed a weak chuckle as he shook his head at me.
“Ah,” Maggie said, “I’ve heard about your jokes.”
“That I tell the best jokes on the planet?”
She grinned. “Not quite.”
I gave her a wink.
A couple of older ladies took a seat on the other side of Hayden and continued their conversation rather loudly. By older, I mean, like grandma’ish, and apparently hard of hearing since it seemed necessary for them to shout their conversation.
“I called to make my payment over the phone,” one of them screeched, “and he said that because I made my payments on time each month that they would send me a pair of panties in the mail.”
What?
That got all of our attention. Hayden, Maggie, and I all looked at each other with the same expression, and continued eavesdropping on their conversation.
“That’s not what he said,” the other one shouted.
“Well, that’s what I thought he said.”
“No, get the peanut butter outta your ears. He said that because you made your payments on time they will send you a coupon for a pair of free panties. They’re not sending you an actual pair of panties, you crazy woman. How would he even know what size to send you? And why are you ordering things out of that catalogue anyway?”
Hayden promptly stood up. “That’s my cue to leave. I can’t listen anymore. I already want to stab my mind’s eye.” He shook his head and shivered, threw down some money and said, “I’m outta here. Maggie, you want me to walk you to your car or are you staying?”
I wanted her to stay, however, I didn’t say anything. I waited for her to answer instead.
“I think I’ll stay a while longer. I want to give Lily and Cooper some privacy.”
“Okay, well I’ll see you guys later then. Good night y’all.”
We both said good night at the same time and Hayden walked out the door. I walked over and got the drink orders from the two older ladies, who continued to discuss the lingerie catalogue and what colors were available in the previously discussed free pair of panties.
“So,” I said, walking back over to where Maggie sat, “I really wish I could un-hear that conversation. I don’t think I’ll ever be the same. I’m scarred for life.”
“What’s the matter, Joe? You don’t think grannies should order their panties out of a lingerie catalogue?” She was wearing a very mischievous smirk.
“Stop. Please.” I shuddered. “One should never hear the words granny and panties in the same sentence. Ever. Well, unless you’re talking about granny panties, and who wants to talk about that? Seriously, this conversation is disturbing.”
“I wouldn’t have thought you could be bothered by anything. Being a bartender I bet you hear all kinds of crazy and disturbing things.”
“Yeah, well, we just learned something new about me at the same time. I’m just as surprised as you are.”
Our eyes locked for a moment, and I made myself look away and forced myself to get busy. Maggie was a nice girl and she was Lily’s best friend, so I wanted to be respectful and not mess around with her. Besides, she was only going to be here for a few days for Cooper and Lily’s wedding and then she’d be leaving. No point in starting something I couldn’t finish.
I noticed the blonde chick still ogling me, and then she motioned for me to come over. “I’d like another martini please,” she said as I approached her.
“Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.” I fixed her drink and placed it in front of her with a new napkin.
“Thanks,” she cooed.
I walked back over toward Maggie and noticed the smirk on her face.
“What?” I asked
“That girl,” she said, lifting her chin in the blonde’s direction. “She’s practically undressing you with her eyes. Could she be any more obvious?”
I looked over my shoulder at the blonde and then looked back at Maggie. Normally I would encourage the flirting with the blonde, but for some reason, I didn’t feel like it this time. Although I did feel like flirting with Maggie…a little. “Is she the only one?”
“Only one what?” Maggie asked.
“Undressing me with her eyes? Is she the only one?”
“How should I know?” Maggie swallowed and looked down. Then she sat up straighter and glared at me. “Why? You think every woman wants to undress you?”
She was challenging me. I liked it. “Yep,” I said flatly.
“Oh really? You think I do too?”
I looked at her and pinned her with my eyes. “Don’t you?”
She tensed. “No.”
“Yes you do. I can tell.”
“I promise you, I don’t.”
Maggie’s shoulders were stiff and her body became rigid the longer I stared at her. Her red hair fell to her shoulders where my eyes landed on soft creamy skin exposed by the green silk blouse she was wearing. I leaned over the bar to get close enough to smell her hair. She stiffened more, and I smiled inwardly. She didn’t move away so I leaned in closer. I could feel the heat of her breath on my skin. “You promise, huh? I think you’re lying.”
“Well, I’m not. You know it’s not attractive to be so cocky.”
“I’m confident. Not cocky. There’s a difference.”
“Not from where I’m sitting.”
“Then why haven’t you moved away from me? Why did your breathing pick up when I got this close to you?” I moved in even closer so that my breath brushed across her ear. “And why are you pretending you aren’t turned on right now?”
I stayed where I was and waited for her to say something and when she didn’t I pulled back just enough so I could see her expression. She looked pissed. I smiled. She didn’t.
Then I remembered who she was. My best friend and her best friend were getting married in two days and I didn’t want Maggie to feel awkward around me. Time to cut the crap. I dropped the smile and moved back on my side of the bar, then opened my mouth to apologize.
Before I could, Maggie averted her eyes from me and abruptly stood up. “I’m going to the ladies room. You should go check on your little friend’s drink. I think she’s ready for another.”
Shit. I’m an ass.
After a few minutes Maggie came back and sat down. She wouldn’t look at me. I stayed busy and left her alone. It was getting late and I was getting ready to close the bar. While I restocked glasses and loaded the small dishwasher under the bar with the dirty ones, I thought about how I needed to find a way to make things right with her.
She’s gonna leave before you apologize, dumbass, you better think about what you need to say and quick.
To my surprise though, she stayed until it was time to lock up. I said goodnight as the last few stragglers walked past the bar as they made their way to the door to leave. Once everyone else had left I grabbed my keys.
“Time to shut her down, Maggie. You don’t want to give Coop and Lily too much alone time, she might realize what a bore he is and call off the wedding.” I was making an attempt to lighten the mood. She didn’t laugh, so I sighed deeply and resigned myself to the fact she hated me.
“Come on. I’ll walk you to your car. It’s late.”
She stood up, grabbed her purse and breezed by me as I held the door for her. I fumbled for the right key to lock up the bar, thinking about how I really needed to apologize. The lock engaged, and I turned toward her. “Maggie, I’m sor –"
She kissed me. Kissed me! Peaches. She tasted and smelled like peaches. Her lips were on mine and I didn’t move. At first. But when she licked my bottom lip, I spun us around, backed her up against the wall, and kissed her back. I brought my hands up to her face and held her there, afraid she would run away once she realized what she was doing. I didn’t want to let her go. This kiss was – god, what was it? I hadn’t felt like this kissing anyone in a long time. I felt it everywhere, and I wanted her to feel i
t too. I kept my mouth pressed against hers and deepened the kiss when she parted her lips for me. My tongue brushed against hers, and she brought her hands up and wrapped them around my neck. We kissed slowly like that for what seemed like hours. We explored each other’s mouths and I never once even thought about touching her anywhere else. I wanted to savor the taste of her kisses. I didn’t need it to go any further. I was happy just kissing her. We kissed for another full minute before I forced myself to pull away. I kept my hands where they were – on her face. I looked into her green eyes, confused and halfway expecting her to push me away and run.
“Damn. Peaches…I wasn’t expecting that.”
She blushed. Even though it was dark, I could see it. She was embarrassed she had kissed me, so I needed to say something before she did.
“Thank you,” I said.
She looked surprised. “You’re thanking me? For attacking you?”
“No, I’m thanking you for the kiss, sweetheart.”
She shook her head. “I never should have done that. I don’t know why I –"
“That was without a doubt the best kiss ever,” I said, interrupting her.
Looking rattled she said, “I should be going. Lily is probably wondering where I am.” She pushed against my chest to create distance between us and I reluctantly removed my hands from her face and shoved them in my front pockets.
“Yeah,” I replied. “You’re probably right. You don’t want to make her worry.”
It was suddenly awkward as we both stood in place, neither one of us moving. She looked everywhere except at me. I was looking directly at her, trying to figure out if she was regretting what just happened. I couldn’t tell.
She rummaged in her purse for her keys, glancing up only briefly and then walked past me to leave. I stood there frozen while she got in Lily’s car. She never looked back, and I didn’t know if I should try to say something or just let her go. I stood in the same spot for another minute, inside my own head, contemplating, before I realized she was driving away.
Damn it.
I ran my hands through my hair and blew out a tired breath. I shook my head, cursing myself. I can’t believe I let her go like that. I didn’t even say bye. I just stood there like a jackass.
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