This made them both giggle even harder. “She walked up right when you said you had a crush on her,” Mandy whispered back to me.
I returned my focus back to Maggie. “It’s alright. I’m glad she knows.”
“Do you have a crush on Uncle Joe?” Lexie asked.
Maggie tried to keep from smiling, but she was lousy at it. “I kinda sorta maybe have a little bitty crush on him.” She held up her forefinger and thumb to demonstrate how small her crush was, and then scrunched up her face.
My heart was doing that squeezing thing again. This time it was for an entirely different reason.
“Joe and Mag-gie sittin’ in a tree –”
“Okay, okay, that’s enough,” Kate said chuckling, interrupting the girls’ teasing. “If you keep trying to embarrass your Uncle Joe, he’ll embarrass you too.”
“Ah, wise woman,” I said, raising one finger at the girls. I tilted my head towards their mother. “She speaks from experience. Dare to spar with me young padawans, and I’ll tell the little boy who lives across the street from Grammy and Poppy that you both like him.”
“We do both like him,” Mandy said and then quickly covered her mouth, her eyes big as saucers.
“Mandy!” Lexie screeched. “You weren’t supposed to tell that!”
“Sorry,” Mandy said, shrugging. “Lexie likes him the best, I only like him a little bit,” she said, mimicking Maggie’s earlier thumb to forefinger indication.
I couldn’t help smiling at their little faces. The sad faces I saw the night before – I don’t want to see that very often, or ever, if I can help it. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell him. Besides he’s too old for both of you. He’s at least, what, eight?”
“He’s only too old for Mandy. She’s five. I’m six. He’s not too old for me.”
“Too old for both of you,” I said again emphatically.
“What’s burning?” Maggie asked.
I saw smoke billowing out of the toaster. I made quick work of pushing the lever up and two scorched pieces of toast tumbled out and landed on the counter. “Toast,” I said.
“I think I want to be lacks toast and tolerant too. I don’t want to eat that,” Lexie said, shaking her head for emphasis in case we weren’t convinced.
“Lacks toast and tolerant?” Maggie snickered under her breath as she came up beside me to discard the toast into the trash can. “I’ll have to remember that one.”
“You never know what’s going to come out of their mouths,” I said.
“Or yours.”
“True.” I shrugged. “What can I say? They’re related to me.”
“And what lucky girls they are.” She moved towards the coffee pot for her cup of caffeine. She sat down at the table across from Kate and they began to get to know one another while the girls sat up at the kitchen island and ordered me around.
Normally, this was a quiet house. But as I stood in my kitchen admiring the faces looking back at me, and hearing the chatter coming from all directions, I could only think one thing in that moment.
I’m the lucky one.
Sitting around Mom and Dad’s table felt different this time. A million times I had eaten here, this exact table, in this exact chair. It felt entirely different because all the times before, Maggie hadn’t been sitting next to me. How is it that she had the ability to make dinner at my own parents’ house feel like a brand new experience?
I listened to my mother and Maggie chat it up like long lost friends as we ate dinner together. The minute I introduced them, my mother immediately took Maggie in her arms and hugged her. Maggie had hugged her back, although I could tell she was nervous. Perhaps my mom could sense it too, because she immediately looped her arm through Maggie’s and said, “Let me show you all of Joe’s embarrassing baby pictures. I’ve had them out ever since he told me you would be coming today.”
I groaned. “I should have known you couldn’t be trusted.”
“Mothers live for this sort of thing, honey. Just be thankful we didn’t have Facebook when you were little.”
“I doubt Maggie wants to see old pictures of me, Mom.”
“Are you kidding?” Maggie said with a gleam in her eye. “This is better than winning the lottery.”
“Give it up son,” Dad said when he walked up behind me. “It’s a lost cause. Might as well come have a beer with your old man, and let your mother revel in her payback. She’s been waiting for the day she could turn the tables on you, ever since that little Christmas tree incident.”
Maggie looked back at me wide-eyed and stifled the laugh that threatened to burst forth.
Kate laughed. “I am so going to enjoy this.”
“Traitor,” I mumbled.
“Lexie! Mandy!” Mom called. “I made chocolate chip cookies and they’re still hot. Come get ‘em!”
The girls ran past me and into the kitchen chanting, “Choc-olate chip…choc-olate chip…choc-olate chip!”
I sat down in the living room with my dad and we talked about the bar, college football, and who we thought would make the first round in the NFL draft. Once in a while I would hear uncontrollable laughter from the three women down the hallway in my parents’ room. Mom wasn’t kidding. She had every photo album from birth to the awkward years piled up on the cedar chest at the foot of the bed. I’d ventured back only once to peek in on them. Maggie was sitting between my mom and Kate, holding the album while they explained how old I was and where we were in each picture and turned the pages. Maggie was the only one who noticed me. She glanced up briefly and gave me a quick smile that made my heart feel like melted butter. Then my sister turned the page and they all threw their heads back in unreserved laughter as Kate pointed to some hideous photograph from my youth. I didn’t want to know which one, so I headed back to the relative safety of the living room and my dad’s conversation.
Dinner was winding down now and the girls were still wired from all the sweets they had consumed earlier, so they asked to be excused from the table so they could go play. Once they had gone into the back room to undoubtedly destroy it with puzzle pieces, crayons, and Barbie dolls, I was able to focus all of my attention solely on the girl next to me. I stared at the remaining green beans on my plate and then closed my eyes for a moment so I could concentrate on the cadence of her voice, memorizing every nuance along with the rhythmic sounds of her laughter, because in a couple of days she would be back in Colorado, and I wanted to be able to remember her voice distinctly. That’s when the idea hit me. I reached in my back pocket and pulled out my cell phone. From under the table I hit ‘record’ and then nonchalantly placed it beside me, knowing that I was capturing this moment and I could play it back any time I wanted.
“What do you think, honey?” Mom asked
“Huh?”
“I asked what you thought about playing some music for the girls before you leave.”
“Oh. Uh, yeah, sure. I can do that.”
Maggie rested her hand casually on my thigh, and in that innocent touch it felt like she had wrapped herself around my heart. I tried not to react in an obvious way; it was taking everything in me not to. I was missing the moments that I could touch her without an audience. I needed time alone with her. Like sand through an hourglass, time was slipping by too fast. I lowered my hand under the table, lifted Maggie’s hand so her palm was in mine, and laced our fingers together. It was these seemingly casual touches that sent my heart ricocheting inside my chest. I was missing Maggie already and if I missed her this much with her sitting right next to me, how was I going to feel when she left? Evoking that thought made my heart race even harder. I swallowed thickly and tried to get a handle on the sporadic rhythm of dread that I could feel throughout every part of my body. I had never dreaded a day to come as much as the day Maggie would leave to go back home. The apprehension was beginning to consume me.
“I’ll be back in a few minutes,” I said to excuse myself. Maggie squeezed my hand and I could feel her eyes on me, but I couldn’t
look at her. Not yet. I was afraid that she would be able to read my thoughts, and I wasn’t ready for that. Hell, I needed to process it myself before I was comfortable enough to share it completely with her.
Mom stood up also. “Well, I suppose I’ll get to work clearing the table, unless anyone wants anything else.”
I made my way down the hall to my old bedroom and heard Maggie offer to help Mom and Kate in the kitchen. Good. I needed a few minutes to myself to figure out how the hell I was going to be able to let her go. Because I had serious doubts that I would be able to. It scared the living hell out of me.
Maggie
I was worried about Joe. He was acting strange and I didn’t know what to think about it. Of course, the last twenty-four hours had been kind of crazy with his sister showing up and announcing she had left her apparently abusive husband, and now we were at his parents’ house trying to act like everything was normal for the sake of Lexie and Mandy. I helped his mother and sister clean up, and then I went to check on him.
I tapped lightly on his bedroom door, and waited to hear if I could come in.
Nothing. Only stillness.
I stood quietly on the other side of the door, contemplating whether or not I should enter. I didn’t want to disturb him if he had fallen asleep. Something in me, though, told me that he wasn’t. I felt like he needed me, only I had nothing to base that on other than my gut instinct.
I placed my hand on the doorknob, gently turned it, and pushed the door open just enough so that I could see Joe lying face up on the bed, eyes staring directly at the ceiling, hands behind his head. I waited for him to blink, and when he did, a tear fell from the corner of his eye. And then another. My heart lodged itself in my throat.
Why was he crying?
I suddenly felt like I had been turned inside out, and my heart was on the outside of my body. When I was about to bolt into the room, I heard the girls coming out of the other room. I quickly shut the door, making sure not to make a sound.
“Hey, Maggie, is Uncle Joe sick or somethin’?” Lexie asked.
“Um, I’m not sure. I was about to check on him.” I was conflicted. If I went in now, and he wasn’t himself, he wouldn’t want the girls to see that. If I didn’t go in the girls would wonder why after I just told them I was there to check on him. I didn’t know what to do. My heart was on both sides of the door.
I didn’t realize I was leaning into the door until it opened and I went stumbling inside. Joe reached out and caught me, and tugged me into his chest. I looked up and was met with a pair of dark blue eyes. I searched for any signs of sadness. I didn’t see any. It was like the last few minutes hadn’t happened at all, as if I hadn’t seen his tears.
We stood there, eyes fixed on each other’s, both of us trying to communicate with a look and unspoken words. I forgot that Lexie and Mandy were standing directly behind us until I heard Mandy’s little voice.
“Uncle Joe, are you feeling better?”
Joe’s eyes flickered over to his nieces and a look of happiness traveled across his face. “Much. Ready to sing some songs? How ‘bout ‘Old McDonald’?”
“Nooo, not ‘Old McDonald’!” Lexie and Mandy whined. “We want One Direction songs!”
“Why did I know y’all would say that?”
“Because you know we love them!”
Joe chuckled. “Okay, go find my guitar and I’ll be there in a minute.”
“Okay!” the girls shouted and ran down the hall.
“Hey, no running in the house!” Joe called after them, then turned his focus back to me. I realized then I was still wrapped in his arms.
“Maggie...”
The way he said my name so softly, with such reverence, sent a shiver up my spine. He pulled me inside, closed the door and pressed me up against it. It was so fast I barely knew what was happening. When he pressed his hands against the door alongside my head, I was cocooned inside his arms. He stared down at me with pained concentration. His eyebrows pinched together while his deep blue irises burned through me. He breathed out a long deep sigh and closed his eyes into thin slits for several seconds. My heart racing, I struggled to anticipate his next move.
When his eyes opened, the intensity had subsided, but not disappeared. The burning desire behind them remained. I had to close my own eyes as his warm, sweet breath feathered across my lips. I was inundated with all of his emotions flooding through me like a giant tsunami.
I was going under.
A touch to my face pulled me out. It was so gentle, so calming. My eyes opened slowly. His dark blues locked in and with only a look, his eyes settled my nerves and anchored me in place. His eyes remained focused on mine and he leaned in. With a subtle tilt of his head his lips touched mine, capturing my bottom lip between his. He tugged my lip into his mouth, a low vibration echoing from his chest. Our eyes fluttered closed as we both gave in to the sensation of our mouths gliding together. My anchor gone, I began to float. I was soaring higher and higher until the air became thinner and my breaths were shallow. I touched the clouds.
And it scared me because I didn’t want to ever come back down.
Joe
I only had one more day with Maggie. One. More. Day. I promised myself that I would not check out like I had the day before at my parents’ house. I would not deny myself a single second of what precious time I still had with her.
Yesterday I had managed to pull myself together when I heard Maggie outside the door talking to Lexie and Mandy. I knew they must be worried about me. I’d laid down on the bed and stared at the ceiling trying to sort through my feelings. The hurt and anger I had for my sister and the girls in their situation, and the hurt and…something else I had for Maggie. I wasn’t acting like myself and everyone knew it. I got up, took a deep breath, and put on the face I had always worn. It was never an act before. It was definitely an act now.
When I had opened the door and she fell into me, all the air left my lungs. So many things…so damn many things I wanted to say to her. I couldn’t, though. For one, my nieces had been standing there. For another, I didn’t want to tell her what I needed to tell her at my Mom and Dad’s. So, I resolved, yet again, to wait. It never seemed to be the right time. I needed to make sure Lexie and Mandy were having fun. I needed to make sure Kate was still doing okay. And I needed to get my shit together in order to do that.
However, I needed to steal a minute with the woman I held in my arms, if for no other reason than to keep my fucking sanity. That moment belonged to me, and I took it.
Lost in thought, replaying that stolen moment in my head, I heard Maggie talking to me, which brought me back to the here and now.
“How long has this mayonnaise been in your refrigerator?” Maggie asked, turning her nose up at the jar in her hand like it was toxic waste.
“Uh, I have no idea.”
She raised one eyebrow at me and then chucked it into the trash can.
“Hey! What are doing? That jar was still half full.” I walked over to the trash can and peered inside. Not only did I see the discarded mayonnaise, but I saw half the contents that were in my fridge. “What are you doing? Why are you throwing out all my food?”
“I’m saving your life. You can thank me later.”
“More like robbing my bank account,” I said jokingly. “This stuff costs money.”
“So will a hospital, which you will find yourself in if you eat food past its expiration date.”
“You threw away eggs. Eggs don’t go bad.”
Maggie stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me like I had escaped from an insane asylum. “Are you serious?”
“Yes I’m serious. Are you serious? Those were good eggs.”
“Those eggs were weeks past their expiration date!”
“You mean the sell by date? There’s a difference, Maggie.”
Maggie narrowed her eyes at me. Her sharp green eyes seemed to turn a shade darker, inspecting me like she was waiting for a light bulb to flash over my head
or something. It was cute. Me being me, I hid my amusement from her because I liked getting her riled up. And she was getting riled up.
God, I love her.
“How are you even still alive?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“How. Are. You. Still. Alive?” she asked again like she was biting each word.
“What. Do. You. Mean?” I mimicked, trying hard to hold my serious face in place.
She threw her hands up in the air. “Honestly, Joe, this isn’t rocket science. How can someone as smart as you not know that you can’t keep food after—?”
I held up one finger. “Shhhh.”
She stopped talking immediately, regarding me with a look I had not yet seen. “Did you just shush me?
“I did. It was necessary.”
“Necessary?” she asked incredulously.
“Your face was turning red and you were starting to get all blotchy. I took that as a bad sign. Getting too worked up can’t be good for you. I’m saving your life. You can thank me later.”
Fire. That’s what flashed behind those eyes of hers. Oh yeah, she was riled up now.
“That mayonnaise,” she said through clenched teeth, “wouldn’t even stay on the knife, Joe. I went to make a sandwich earlier and the mayonnaise kept sliding off before I could even put it on the bread. You can’t get mad at me for throwing that out.”
“Oh, I’m not mad. I just love getting under your skin.”
I smiled.
She didn’t.
She crossed her arms and glared at me. “This isn’t a joke. I would never throw out good food. I can’t go back home and worry that you could eat something tainted and get sick.”
“You’re worried about me?”
“Not anymore,” she huffed.
“Liar.”
Oooh, and there’s that glare again.
I took a step toward her and her eyes immediately stared into mine, becoming wider. “You worry about me,” I stated.
“No.”
“You do. What else?”
“What else what?”
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