by Un-su Kim
“Mr Magician, Mr Hwang isn’t trying to turn into a cat for kicks. He’s extremely serious and desperate. We’re not asking you to turn him into a cat, we just want to know if it’s even possible. In your opinion.”
“What, you think turning into an animal is easy? You know the transformation spells they have in movies, right? The kind you only need memorize if you want to instantaneously turn into a toad. Hogwash! In all my fifty years of being a magician, I have never once heard of a wizard or witch so powerful. And besides, that’s not how magic works. Magic takes time. In fact, if you think about it, life itself is magic. And nature, too. We’re born as tiny little babies, become strong young men as large as this fellow, then become small again as hunched-over old men before finally turning to dust. It might not seem like much, but when you really think about it, it’s nothing short of a miracle. Look at those trees over there. They bloom in the spring, becoming lusciously green in the summer, turn bright red in the fall, and drop their leaves and fruit in the winter – all without dying. Is there anything more marvelous? This is magic.”
Nonsense was spewing from the magician’s mouth. “We don’t need your useless philosophical talk,” I said, irritated. “Just give it to us straight. Is it possible or isn’t it?”
“Of course it’s possible.”
“Really?” Mr Hwang and I said simultaneously in surprise.
“Why wouldn’t it be? But even for the great ancient wizards, doing it would have taken ten, maybe twenty years. For someone like yourself, it’ll probably require at least thirty years of hard work.”
”Thirty years!” I said in shock.
“So it’s possible if I can wait thirty years?” Mr Hwang said with glistening eyes.
Mr Hwang was a nice guy. But thirty years? By that time, she’d be an old woman.
“Thirty years at the least! But to make the transformation, you have to first change your mind and body. First you must expel all the bad energy from your body through disciplined fasting and dieting. Then you must train your mind with the same level of discipline. You need to have a mind and body that can harmonize with other beings. A mind and body that can harmonize with water, the trees, the wind – even the flowers.”
“But I can become a cat in thirty years, right?” Mr Hwang asked again anxiously.
“Yes, but I’ve never heard of any Korean turning into a cat. It’s more common and traditional to turn into a bear or tiger.”
“What do you mean, ‘more common and traditional?’” I asked.
“You’ve heard of the myth of Dangun, right? Back in the day, ancient Koreans all wanted to turn into bears and tigers. But now everyone wants to turn into celebrities.”
“Where in the myth of Dangun does it say that? I’ve never heard of such a thing.”
“Didn’t you go to college?”
“I did.”
“And yet you don’t know about this? If you’ve ever stepped foot on a college campus, you should at least know that. Just imagine if you were alive during the Paleolithic period. As a human, you barely have enough hair to cover your head; you don’t have any tough hide; you’re weak; and to top it all off, you’re too slow to outrun predators. Now you tell me, would you want to be born a human into such a cruel wilderness? Or would you want to be born a lion – with no natural predators, and easy prey like impala and zebra handed to you on a silver platter; able to eat when you want to eat, and sleep in wide-open plains without a care in the world?”
“I’d want to be born a lion.”
“If you lived in a swamp, would you want to be born as a carp or frog? Or would you want to be born as a crocodile.”
“A crocodile.”
“And if you were born in the sea, would you want to be born an anchovy? Or would you want to be born a shark?”
“A shark.”
“See. Even ten thousand years ago, there wasn’t a single person who wanted to be born a human. Everyone wished they had been born an animal, and that’s why they worshiped beasts. The problem is which animal to become. And in the mountainous regions of the Korean peninsula, there were no animals fiercer than the tiger and the bear. As such, the magic for turning into tigers and bears was quite advanced. There were all sorts of different methods; they even developed medical botany to treat the transformation side effects. But then one day, according to legend, a bear named Ungnyeo came to Hwanung, the Lord of Heaven, and asked to be turned into a human. All the humans were madly trying to become bears, but here was this bear who wanted to become a human. In the history of magic, this was the paradigm shift that changed the fate of magicians forever. In other words, Ungnyeo was the first beast to break free from the world of magic and live with the power of a human.”
“Does that mean you’ve transformed into a bear or tiger before?” Mr Hwang asked.
“Why would I want to turn into a tiger in this day and age!” The magician suddenly lashed out in drunken anger. “There are firemen and police on every street. If I turned into a tiger, I’d be captured and sent to a zoo for breeding. And I don’t even want to imagine what would happen if I turned into a bear. People these days catch bears to suck up their gall bladder with a straw. I’ve heard stories of bears having their feet cut off during hibernation just so people can make soup. Isn’t that gruesome? Just imagine you’re sleeping one day when suddenly someone sticks a straw into your chest and starts sucking on your gall bladder. What could you say in that situation? ‘Um, excuse me, sir. I’m sorry to bother you while you’re enjoying your meal. But I’m not actually a bear.’ Is this what you’ll say? Just thinking about it makes my skin crawl. The world is a cruel place. No, never. Not a bear, not a tiger. They’re completely useless now. Completely, utterly useless.”
As I sat there hoping this pathetic conversation would end, I wondered to myself how it was that I had got here. But considering the fact I’d already ordered three more servings of octopus, that I had already spent the better part of my day coming out here, and that the last train for the city had already left, I resolved to stay put until the magician had finished. It appeared that Mr Hwang was also disappointed with the magician. We drank all day.
“I’m not talking about your stupid philosophical talk; don’t you have anything more concrete for us? Don’t get me wrong, but everything you’ve said so far just sounds like hearsay to me. I find it hard to believe that any of it’s true,” I said a bit crookedly. Having had a few drinks myself, I figured I’d just go with it. He too had already drunk a lot; what was the worst that could happen?
“This guy! You’re not gonna stop until I show you a cheap parlor trick, are ya?” the magician grumbled. With this, he took his hand and placed it over a glass. Suddenly, the alcohol in the glass started to bubble. It formed into a sphere the size of a billiard ball and started to float in midair. It was really floating in midair. About thirty centimeters above the table. The sphere of alcohol hovered above the magician’s hand as it slowly revolved. Our jaws dropped as Mr Hwang and I stared at the sphere of alcohol floating above the magician’s hand. I leaned in closer until my face was no more than three centimeters from the sphere, but I still couldn’t believe my eyes. I took my chopsticks and swiped at the air above and beneath the sphere, but the alcohol stayed in place. Finally, the magician took the floating sphere of alcohol and poured it into Mr Hwang’s glass.
“Fundamentally, we are all made of the same stuff. People, water, trees, the wind – we’re all the same. And because we’re the same, we can change into whatever we want.”
Seeing the magician’s one magic trick, Mr Hwang was already completely won over. Filled with awe, he lifted his glass and drank the shot of alcohol. He then made a face of further amazement.
“It’s water!”
“And it’s a damn shame, too. I can turn wine into water, but I can’t turn water into wine. I’m a failure of a magician. All I want to learn how to do is how to make water into wine,” the magician said, making an expression of sadness and regret.
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“Do I need to go into the mountains?” Mr Hwang asked, suddenly making his tone serious.
“The mountains? What for?”
“To undergo spiritual training,” Mr Hwang said, this time in more resolute tone.
“Spiritual training, sure. But why the mountains? You hoodlums always hike up mountains and make such a commotion. You can cultivate yourself spiritually at home or at the office if you want. You don’t need to come to the mountains for that. And besides, what need do city folk have for spiritual training? You don’t even care about littering! People like that lack the fundamentals. The fundamentals, I tell you.”
“So why do you train out here in the mountains?” I asked.
“Hey, I live here because it’s cheap. You think I live here because I want to?”
The clam soup came out as the magician started to go on a rant about the people who leave trash in the mountains. The magician paused his rant to wolf down the clam soup. Mr Hwang and I followed suit and tasted the soup which was shockingly good.
“This is amazing,” Mr Hwang said as he marveled at the clam soup.
And it was. If I were on death row, I would request that clam soup for my last meal, without a second thought. We stopped all conversation and buried our heads in our bowls as if we were competitive eaters. Before long, we had finished the lot.
“Cooking, is it not itself a form of magic? It’s a feast of fire, ingredients, potions, and spells. If it weren’t magic, could it taste this good?”
We kept ordering until we had eaten five bowls each. We ate and ate, but we didn’t become sick of the taste in the least. When the hunchedbacked old woman, who looked over 90, gave us the fifth bowl of clam soup, she said, “We’re out of clams now, you bastards.” By the time we licked the fifth bowl clean, the three of us were quite drunk.
The drunk magician started humming “A Song of Fire”, a strange song that I had never heard before. The magician also gave a speech about Spain, the spiritual home of all magicians. He also talked about the revolution in magical aviation during the seventeenth century, when the orientation of witch brooms reversed. Before then, witches flew with the handle pointing forward, but after that, they flew with the bristles pointing forward and even hung candles as a sort of fog lamp. He also told us about how his father and grandfather had both been magicians. He told us about the time his grandfather went to see his magician friend in North Korea. He was levitating over the DMZ when his clothes got caught on barbed wire. He was shot by border police and died. The magician also bragged about how the mark on his forehead was from running into a branch while practicing levitation as a young boy. He also said that he missed the time when humans worshipped bears and tigers. “People should worship bears and want to be bears; they shouldn’t suck them up them with straws,” he lamented. The magician said the decline of magic was all because of bear-turned-human Ungnyeo. He said he hated her. He said it was all downhill for magic after that, among other ridiculous things. Then Mr Hwang talked about Miss Kim and cried some more. He talked about how the only emotion Miss Kim felt toward humans was the hatred she felt toward people who harm cats. He talked about how he felt bad for that girl who must be living in hell. He cried and cried. Patting Mr Hwang on the back, the magician said not to worry because he would take it upon himself to turn Mr Hwang into a cat. Getting on all fours to bow to the magician, Mr Hwang vowed to try his hardest and that he would never forget the magician’s grace.
Drunk and with heavy eyelids, I thought to myself this was the most pathetic drinking party I’d ever been a part of.
The magician wanted to keep drinking, but thankfully we were able to send him home. After that, Mr Hwang and I found a rundown inn in which to stay the night.
“Don’t be too disappointed. There are other ways,” I said.
“Disappointed? About what? I believe what the magician said. I feel really encouraged after today. Tomorrow I’m going to go jogging and do some hula hoop. The magician said I need to be able to accept other beings into my heart, and possess a mind and body that can harmonize with those other beings. Starting tomorrow, I’m going to live to the fullest.”
Soon after this, Mr Hwang fell asleep. A dark inn room in a coal town named Giseok. Listening to Mr Hwang snore a snore worthy of a man his size, I thought to myself that he had indeed gained a lot of courage today. I believed in the power of imagination. I was the keeper of Cabinet 13, after all. There was nothing that couldn’t happen when it came to Cabinet 13. With the help of a fake magician, it just might have been possible for a man to turn into a cat – a 290lb super cat.
A magician came up to me and said:
“You might not believe me, but magicians have, since long ago, engaged in inter-Korean relations. Magicians from North and South Korea have a summit once every four years. In fact, magicians have played an important role in opening up relations between the two countries. But these days, there are a lot of fakes trying to get in. So there’s a test of sorts.”
“What kind of test?”
“Jumping over the East Gate.”
“You mean the one on Jongno 5-ga?”
“That’s the one. If you can jump over the gate, you can participate in the summit.”
“What do the ascetics of the North and South do when they meet?”
“You know, discuss separated families, unification, denuclearization, humanitarian aid – there are a lot of things to talk about.”
A different magician approached me and said:
“You might not believe me, but magicians have, since long ago, engaged in inter-Korean relations–”
“I’ve heard.”
“Then you must have heard that participants are required to jump over the South Gate to demonstrate their magical powers and prove they’re not fakes, yes?”
“Wasn’t it the East Gate?”
“No, the East Gate is where the fakes go,” he said confidently.
“Ah, of course–”
HOSPITAL ROOM
“How are things at the center?” Professor Kwon asked as he put down the book he was reading.
“Same as always. Messy, disordered, unreasonable… not to mention the absurd phone calls.”
“I heard you went to Mt Taebaek recently?”
What a peculiar old man. How did he know about that, lying here in his hospital bed? That stubbornness which means he doesn’t believe in the people closest to him; that paranoia which causes him to have unbearable anxiety if he doesn’t have his feelers out – that’s what ruined Professor Kwon. Pretending not to have heard his question, I turned my head slightly to look out the window.
“Are you ignoring me?”
“If I hadn’t gone to Mt Taebaek, Mr Hwang would be in a coffin by now. And a big one at that, seeing as he’s a big man.”
“Don’t waste your time. And besides, that magician’s a fake.”
“I saw him levitate a sphere of alcohol.”
“You fell for that trick? Even illusionists can do that. Tell me, after showing you his trick, did he start reminiscing about magic in the old days?”
“The important thing is not whether he’s a fake or not. What’s important is hope.”
“So did that fat ass get hope? After being fooled by fake magic, does he believe he can turn into a cat?”
“He been jogging every morning and even bought a membership at the gym. He also says he’s going to go hiking on the weekends and learn yoga. He’s healthier than he’s ever been. Those are life changes he couldn’t have imagined even in his wildest dreams.”
“We’re not miracle workers, Deok-geun. We can’t do anything for them and nor should we try.”
“Then why for the last thirty years have you obsessed over that old cabinet? If you can’t give them even the smallest bit of hope? I didn’t go all the way to Giseok on my precious weekend because I wanted to.”
I was surprised at my sudden outburst. Professor Kwon also looked surprised. He looked like he was about to say something
but then stopped, which was unlike him. He turned to look out the window and stayed silent for a while. The two of us just gazed outside without talking. The hospital room was quiet. The room, which Professor Kwon had all to himself, was so quiet that you could even hear the dripping of the IV fluid. Come to think of it, it was strange that Professor Kwon had chosen to upgrade himself to a single. I have never once seen him spend extra money on himself or for others. He even took the bus and train when going to the provinces for business trips. And because the strange people we dealt with often lived far from civilization, he sometimes would walk for the better part of a day just to get there. He always bought a banana and a castella for lunch. He liked castella. I hated it. Even so, we always ate castella. “There’s not a cheaper nor a better way to eat lunch than castella,” Professor Kwon once told me. I told him about a million other foods that were cheaper and better than castella. And yet we always ate castella. And this was the guy who chose to have a hospital room all to himself. It was an unusual extravagance.
After staring out the window for some time, Professor Kwon finally spoke:
“We look after the files, that’s all we do. I wish we could do something for them, but we don’t have that ability. And besides, when it comes to surviving in this cold world, futile hope does more harm than good. We’re just custodians: people who put files into the cabinet and lock the drawer. Nothing more, nothing less. I hope you remember that.”
His voice was low and lacking in vigor, which was also unusual for him. “If you do something like that again, I’ll bash in your teeth with a hammer.” This was what he would say normally. Saying in a low, feeble voice, “I hope you remember that,” didn’t sound like Professor Kwon at all. Perhaps thinking that I had got the message, Professor Kwon didn’t say anything more about my taking Mr Hwang to see the magician. He turned again to look out the window and fell asleep watching the oak tree outside. I look at his face for some time.