Remembering what she had seen of the ship during her brief time on it and the direction that she had seen Elianna go when Pyra told her that she was needed in the infirmary, Severine rushed through the bright, pristine corridors and seemingly endless doorways until she came upon the infirmary. It was far larger than she would have expected, but she found comfort and reassurance in that, knowing that she wasn’t going to have to share a small space and limited supplies with others who might interfere with her care for the baby.
The severely wounded who had been restrained to the infirmary gasped and shouted at her sudden appearance, but she ignored them. She rushed through the room toward one of the supply cabinets and started sifting through its contents, occasionally putting a carton or bottle aside. When she finished, she swept everything she had collected into her bag and then went to another cabinet where she took out a blanket and several sheets. Finished there, she left the infirmary and headed toward the kitchen and the storage rooms attached. By the time that she had gathered everything that she need, Severine could barely hold it all, but she supported the baby carefully with one arm and kept him pressed to her with the blanket and sheets so that he would remain warm and secure.
Wanting to be as far away from as many of the people as possible, she crossed the ship again and returned to the lounge where she had passed the trip from Earth with Rilex. She placed everything that she carried onto one of the seats and then laid out one of the blankets onto the seat where she had slept before resting the baby down on top of it. He was squirming now, his little face starting to redden. She knew that he was preparing to cry, likely from hunger, and went to work with the other supplies that she had gathered to make a batch of the thick, nourishing formula that was given to the babies in the breeding facility. Though she had found a bottle in the infirmary, she knew that the nipple was far too large for the infant’s tiny mouth. Instead, she filled a large eye dropper with the formula and then gathered the baby back into her arms, tucking the dropper into his mouth. He drank deeply and Severine felt reassured by his eagerness.
“That’s it,” she whispered. “Eat. Get strong.” She touched a kiss to his head. “We’re both going to need to be as strong as we can now.”
Behind her she heard the door to the lounge slide open and footsteps come inside. She glanced in their direction and saw Rilex standing there. She had hoped that he wouldn’t come looking for her and now that he was standing there staring at her, she had a sudden surge of anger and frustration. She didn’t want to see him. She didn’t want to look at him a second longer. As she turned away, she saw him taking another step toward her.
“Severine,” he said.
“No,” she said, whipping around to face him. “Don’t call me that.”
“But that’s your name,” he said in bewilderment.
Severine shook her head.
“That’s not my name,” she said. “It never has been. It is just something that you call me. I have no name.”
“You do,” Rilex insisted. “You do now.”
“Nothing’s changed. I haven’t changed. This is who I am, who I always have been, and who I always will be.”
“I don’t understand,” Rilex said. “I thought you were trained to be a soldier. Are you planning on rejoining the army?”
Severine’s eyes closed and she felt her shoulders sag under the weight of the situation that was crashing down around her. She felt like she had already offered so much of herself to Rilex during their time in the lounge. It was too much. She never should have told him so much, or felt like she was in a place that justified that type of openness and vulnerability. It had put her in this place, leaving Rilex feeling as though she owed him even more of an explanation of herself and her life than she had already given him.
“No,” she said.
“Then what?” he asked. “Because this isn’t who you are.”
“Yes, it is,” Severine insisted, settling the now-sleeping baby back onto the chair and tucking the blanket tightly around him to keep his tiny, vulnerable body warm. She looked back at Rilex, knowing that she had to tell him everything if he was ever going to understand, even partly, why she had made this choice, even though there was a large part of her that didn’t feel that it was a choice at all. “I was not always a part of the army,” she said. “When Ryan created me, it wasn’t as a soldier. I was first designed to take care of the babies born into the program. The breeders never have the opportunity to care for their children. They are taken at birth and the breeders are returned to the facility for recycling.”
“Recycling?” Rilex asked, his voice registering the horror that she knew it should even though to her this was just another element of the life that she had lived.
“They were put through a regimen of nutrition, supplementation, and exercise to rebuild their body, then put back into the breeding rotation.”
Rilex cringed.
“How many times did this happen to these women?” he asked.
“Some of them as many as 10 or 15. Most didn’t survive that long, though.”
“Didn’t survive?” he asked.
Severine shook her head.
“No. Ryan might be very intelligent and know a lot about the experiments that his family started generations ago, but what he does know doesn’t outweigh what he doesn’t, and that is far more dangerous. When he started combining the different species into hybrids and attempting to use them as the incubators to breed the new generations, he didn’t always know what to expect from their pregnancies or births. When these women would have complications, he wouldn’t know what to do. More often than not, they would simply die.”
“And he would have more at the ready.”
Severine nodded.
“But it was always frustrating to him to have one of the creatures that he had built die, especially if the baby died along with her. It wasn’t that he mourned the loss of their lives. When they died, all he saw was all of the time and work that went into that hybrid, and the fact that his progress was set back by her death. That’s the main reason that he started capturing human women and using them. While the babies themselves remained hybrids and were often not related to their carrier at all, which could make some differences in the pregnancy, the fact that the breeders were human gave Ryan an extra degree of control. It made it easier to guess the length of the pregnancy and created less eventful and dangerous births.”
“So, you weren’t used as a breeder?” Rilex asked.
“No,” Severine told him. She could see the relief in his eyes. “It was just my job to take care of the babies when they were born. I was there when the breeders delivered them, and then I took them to the nursery facility and took care of them. Ryan had done research into the milk of the females of each of the species that he used in the breeding experiments so that he could identify what was in it. Then he isolated each of the components and found a way to synthesize them.”
“What does that mean?” Rilex asked.
“It means that I was able to take the ingredients that he developed and make formulas to feed the babies that were specified for their nutritional needs based on the different species that made up their DNA. That way they got everything they needed to develop the characteristics that Ryan wanted in them.”
“With intelligence and ideas like that, I can’t even imagine that good that he could have done if he had wanted to.”
“Well, he didn’t,” Severine said. “He doesn’t care about anything or anyone but himself and what his family started. He didn’t care if the babies were comfortable or happy. All that mattered to him was that they stayed alive and grew up.”
“But if you were designed to take care of the babies, why were you in the battle?”
“When he decided that enough babies had been born that he wanted to focus on training them, the breeding program shut down. I was supposed to turn my attention to raising them and preparing them for their training.”
“What happened?”
Severine’s spine stiffened and she squared her jaw. That was enough. She wasn’t going to go any farther now.
“I made a decision,” she said. “I was punished for it by being sent to the war program.”
“That doesn’t mean that this is all that you will ever be,” Rilex said. “That’s over now. You aren’t a soldier anymore. You have your own life to live. It’s yours to do with as you please.”
Severine scoffed and walked back over to the baby, holding her hand in front of his face to make sure that he was breathing properly.
“I will never have my own life,” she said. “I never did. I never would have even existed if it wasn’t for Ryan and the experiments that he wanted to run. I shouldn’t have existed. And the things I’ve done…” she let her words trail off, not wanting to give any more voice to the thoughts that had broken through the block she had tried to put up and were now attempting to make themselves known. She shook her head. “This baby is innocent. He doesn’t deserve to go through anything that I ever did. He didn’t ask to be created or to be born, and he didn’t ask for the only mother that he would ever have to die bringing him into this world. He needs someone to take care of him. I don’t need a life for myself, but I can do everything that I can do to give him one.”
Chapter Five
Rilex felt his heart drumming in his chest. He could hear the desperation in Severine’s voice no matter how hard she was trying to conceal it, and he felt just as much desperation to be back in the blissful, peaceful space that they created in the lounge after the celebration. They had seemed so close. They were just on the edge of something incredible, and now it was slipping through his fingers. He didn’t want to lose her. She was so unexpected, so amazing, and even though he had known her only for such a short time, he didn’t want to think that he wasn’t going to have her with him when all of this was over.
“I don’t understand why that has to change anything,” he said. “You can take care of him and still live the life that you have earned. We can still…”
“Please, Rilex,” she said, shaking her head slightly as she looked at him. “Don’t. Please don’t say anything.”
Not knowing what was going to happen or even if he was making the right decision, Rilex took the few long strides to close the space between them and swept her to him with one hand around her waist. He didn’t wait to gauge her reaction or even to look at her before dipping his head forward and catching her mouth with his. Her lips were taut at first, parting slightly if only in pure shock at his action, then began to soften. Rilex leaned deeper into the kiss and for a moment he thought that Severine was responding to it, returning the kiss and perhaps even rethinking her resistance to him. All too soon, though, she pulled away and stepped back from him, her hand coming to her mouth as she touched her lips as if to block more of the kiss. She shook her head at him, then turned away, putting her back to him and staring at the dark shield that had been set into place over the large window as though hoping her stare would be intent enough to see through it and out onto the planet beyond.
Hurt and discouragement cut through Rilex and he felt himself stumble backward a few steps, unwilling to take his eyes away from her, before he turned and stalked out of the lounge. He didn’t know what he should be thinking or feeling, and part of him felt guilty for even attempting to bring Severine away from what she knew too quickly. He wondered if he should never have tried to begin with, if he should have simply kept his eyes and his heart away even as he felt the emotions growing.
He was making his way back to the main chamber of the ship when he heard someone call his name behind him. Rilex turned and saw Jem coming down the hallway toward him.
“What is it, Jem?” Rilex asked.
“Pyra wanted to talk to you,” the warrior said. “We should be leaving to go to the others shortly.”
Rilex nodded.
“Alright,” he said.
“Is something wrong?” Jem asked.
Rilex hesitated, not knowing if he wanted to get anyone else involved in what was happening with Severine. The genuine look of concern in Jem’s eyes, however, convinced Rilex that it might benefit him to get another perspective on the situation. He explained it to Jem, telling him everything that he could without letting all of the emotions that he was experiencing take over. When he was finished, Jem nodded.
“In the Denynso, finding his mate is the most important thing that any warrior hopes for in his life. It is also one of the most terrifying. We know that our mate was intended for us from birth and that bonding with that person will create an unbreakable link that will strengthen and enrich us. We also know that when we bond, we are giving ourselves over to something that is so much bigger and more powerful than anything that we have ever known or been. While our bond is meant to be for life and we know that we will never love anyone but our mate, we know that there is always a chance that our mate will be taken from us, and that we will live the rest of our life alone, empty, and longing. That is a level of vulnerability that many aren’t ready to experience when the time comes for them, and are too afraid to accept no matter how deeply they know that this is what was meant for them. Loving someone is the greatest thing that any of us are ever called to do and it can be hard to answer that call, especially when it comes when you don’t expect it.”
“Like you and Angela?” Rilex asked.
Jem laughed softly.
“Absolutely, but probably more so for her than for me. I knew the instant that I saw her that she was my mate, and I have loved her every moment since then. She, though, hesitated. She had a life on Earth before she went through that portal and part of her was still stuck in that life. Even though it had been years, she struggled with accepting that what she thought her future was going to hold for her wasn’t an option any longer. It was even harder for her to accept that what the future did hold was me. It was like that for many of the warriors. Pyra and Eden. Ero and Zuri. Ty and Samira. Gyyx and Leia. Ciyrs and Elianna. Zsilvia and George. Even Bannack and Loralia. They all found each other when they didn’t expect to and had to learn each other. Some struggled far harder than others. It wasn’t easy for them to accept that they were falling in love with people who were so different from them and that they didn’t understand. Zuri even left Uoria and went back to Earth, and Ero had to go after her. These people have been through the unimaginable. Severine probably doesn’t even know what it is that she is feeling or that she should be allowed to feel that way. Give her time.”
Jem’s words sank in and Rilex felt a greater sense of calm coming over him.
“Thank you, Jem,” he said. “Could you tell Pyra that I’ll be there in just a few minutes?”
“Sure,” Jem said.
Rilex waited until the warrior had disappeared around the corner before hurrying back to the lounge where he had left Severine. He needed to apologize, to let her know that he understood and that he would be there for her whenever she might need him. When he stepped back into the lounge, however, it was empty. Severine and the baby were gone, and so were her bags. Rilex ran out of the lounge and to the infirmary, wondering if she might have gone to gather more supplies for the baby. Elianna was attending to one of the wounded when he rushed in and looked up at him, apparently startled by his sudden appearance.
“She’s not here,” one of the others said before Rilex could even ask Elianna if she had seen Severine.
Rilex turned toward the voice and saw another of the hybrids, a larger man, sitting on another bed with a large bandage wrapped around his head. He took a step toward the bed.
“What?” he asked.
“You’re looking for the woman with the baby, aren’t you?” the hybrid man asked.
“Woman with the baby?” Elianna asked, coming toward Rilex.
“Yes,” Rilex said. “I am.” He turned toward Elianna. “You haven’t seen her?”
“Not since you two left,” she said. “Ciy
rs said that she took the baby. I had hoped that she would bring it here so that we could look over it and make sure that it was alright, but I haven’t seen her.”
“She left,” the hybrid man repeated. “She’s gone.”
“Where did she go?” Rilex demanded.
“She came here just a few minutes before Elianna came, took a few more things, and left. It looked like she was getting ready to go out onto the planet.”
“Alone?” Elianna asked.
“She was trained for the environment,” the man said. “If she wants to go, there is nothing to stop her.”
A sick feeling surged into Rilex’s throat. He knew what the hybrid man had said was true. There was nothing to keep Severine from leaving the ship and heading out onto Penthos, and once she did, her training meant that she would be able to move across the unhospitable terrain with much more confidence than the rest of them. But going out onto the planet also meant that she would be completely exposed to the hybrid army that would soon know that she was no longer one of them, if they hadn’t yet realized it.
Without saying another word, Rilex ran back through the ship, gathered his bag and the weapons that he could carry, and started out of the ship. Pyra tried to stop him before he went through the door, but Rilex ignored his calls. He knew that the Denynso leader remembered their first conversation, and that Rilex was with them only by his own choice. He would do what he wanted to do without concern for Pyra’s plans or orders.
Rilex & Severine's Story (Uoria Mates IV Book 6) Page 4