by Loy Holder
“I’m confused and disappointed. All those Sundays together, you acted like you wanted to be with me. If we went to Europe, I was going to ask you to move in with me. You could quit work and be with your kids. I make plenty of money to support us.”
“Whoa! Don’t you think it’s too soon to be talking about living together? Besides, I don’t want to be financially dependent on anyone.”
“That’s news to me.”
“I’m having trouble explaining all this—”
“Liz, it’s not too soon for me. I’ve wanted you forever, and I don’t get why you want to work at all, especially in real estate. I have friends in the business. Your time won’t be your own. If you get good at it, you’ll be busy with clients at night, weekends…I’d never see you.”
“So what are you saying?”
He shook his head. “I’m not sure.”
Liz recognized Bill’s vulnerability, something most men tried to hide. She felt a rush of tenderness and she moved close to him, cupped his face in her hands, and kissed him. His hands moved, tentatively at first, and then deliberately. She moaned as he swooped her up and carried her to the bed.
Afterward they lay quiet. Liz said, “After you, I can’t imagine this with anyone else. Do you think you can warm up to me selling real estate?”
“I can try.”
* * *
Chapter thirty-eight
Liz left the room early Saturday evening. She wanted to stop by Bud’s office. When she knocked, she heard him yell through the door, “Come in.”
“Hi, Bud. You got a minute?”
“For you? Of course I do. Have a seat.”
Liz sat in a plush chair in front of Bud’s desk, and they made small talk for a minute. Then Liz said, “I have something to tell you.”
Bud frowned. “That doesn’t sound good. What’s up?”
“Well, first of all I want you to know how much I’ve enjoyed working for you. You’ve been so generous.”
“That definitely sounds bad. Don’t keep me in suspense.” He folded his arms across his chest.
Liz told Bud about the kidnapping and the trial and then said, “I love my kids, and I can’t be a good mother and work so many hours. I’m going to quit dancing and sell real estate. My last weekend here will be July twenty-seventh and twenty-eighth. I’m telling you now so you have time to hire someone else.”
His face fell, and he leaned forward. “I hate to hear that. I like having you around. Would you dance topless? I’d pay you a lot more so you’d only have to work weekends. You certainly have the equipment for it. What do you think?”
“I don’t have to think about that, Bud.” Liz shook her head. “I won’t do topless.”
“OK.” He rubbed his forehead and “I respect that. So would you be willing to teach someone your dance moves? I can get another dancer by next weekend.”
“Sure.” Liz stood, ready to leave.
“Good. It’s a deal.” Bud came from behind his desk and extended his hand. “I’m sorry you had to go through all that stuff with your ex-husband, Liz.”
Liz shook his hand. “Thanks for listening. I’m good now.” She glanced at her watch. “Time for me to go to work. I’ll check in with you at noon next Saturday, and we’ll go from there.”
He nodded. “That’ll work.”
By two in the morning, Liz was beyond exhausted, and she was disappointed that Bill hadn’t come to watch her dance. When she let herself in, he was asleep on the couch. She shut off the television, went into the bathroom, and undressed. Just before she stepped into the steamy shower, she sensed that she was not alone.
Bill nuzzled her neck and whispered, “Let me help you.”
The heat in his voice melted away her exhaustion and rekindled her desire for him. He stood behind her in the shower, and his hands soaped her breasts. He slid the bar of soap down her belly and lower; his slick, teasing fingers slipped in and out of her causing exquisite vibrations. She wanted him inside her, and she turned to face him.
He sat on the shower bench and pulled her onto him. “Come with me, pretty lady,” he murmured, and the hot water and steam magnified the pulsating spasms inside her as he rocked her back and forth. He sounded breathless, as he shouted, “Now, baby!” She clung to him, and he rocked them both to a powerful yet tender finish.
After the most delicious shower she’d ever taken, she snuggled into the covers and listened to Bill’s even breathing as he lay close. Sadness washed over her, and the tears came. What if this incredible intimacy isn’t enough to hold him until I’m comfortable with giving him more?
At eleven the following morning, she woke to an empty bed. She got up, put on her robe, and went to the coffeepot. As she reached for her cup, she saw the note on the counter and froze. Was it a good-bye note? She hesitated, but she finally read it. “Morning, pretty lady. Come find me in the casino when you get up, and I’ll buy you breakfast. Bill.”
Liz found Bill just outside the casino. He seemed tense and his eyes looked tired. He saw her, took her elbow, and guided her to a remote table in the back of the restaurant.
After they had ordered, Bill became quiet as though he was in deep thought. Liz grew anxious again. “I missed you this morning. How come you left without waking me?”
Bill met her warm gaze with cool eyes. “I woke early and figured I should let you sleep.”
She faked a smile, wanting to lighten his mood. “I was so ready for you this morning.”
“Well, I had something else in mind. I thought we’d do some exploring outside Las Vegas, maybe go to Hoover Dam and then drive into Henderson and have an early dinner before you go to work. OK?”
“Sure. That sounds fine.” His cool rebuff chilled Liz, but she wasn’t ready to confront him yet.
“Good. I need to get some air.” He patted her hand gently, and his benevolent expression made her feel even more uneasy. He said he would try. Did he change his mind? Is he thinking of ending it with me? During breakfast, Bill remained cool, and when the check came, he laid a twenty on the table and said, “Let’s go.” When they walked to the parking garage, Bill seemed to be in a hurry.
On the surface, it was a pleasant afternoon, but Liz was uncomfortable with Bill’s distant behavior. As they walked around Hoover Dam, Bill wasn’t interested in more than holding her hand.
After a short tour of the dam, he suggested they drive to Henderson. They parked on the main street and spent some time browsing in antique shops and vintage-clothing stores. Around three thirty, Bill pointed to an Italian restaurant across the street from where they were standing. “Are you hungry? That place looks inviting.”
“Sure.” Liz welcomed a chance to sit down and rest. After they had been seated, they ordered their food. Bill folded his hands in a tight grip, and his eyes avoided her gaze. She found the courage and broke the silence. “Why have you been so distant today? Talk to me.”
Bill unfolded his hands, and his expression softened. “You probably won’t believe it, but I’ve loved you for a long time. I’ll admit at first it was pure sexual attraction. But I paid attention to how you lived your life, how you talked about your kids, and how you never, you know, slept around. You just worked hard and tried to do the right thing. Then I wanted more than sex from you.
“My problem is that you’re not on the same page with me, and I’m afraid I’m going to get my heart broken.” He paused to stare out the window, but Liz saw the rogue tear resting on his cheek. He wiped it away with a napkin and studied her face. Liz gave him a warm smile, and he seemed encouraged. “So I need to know how you feel about me.”
At that moment, their dinner arrived, and Liz was grateful for the slight interruption. She took a bite of lasagna while gathering her thoughts and then reached for his hand. Her voice shook with emotion. “Ron taught me what it’s like to hate a man, but I don’t know so much about love. What I do know is, I love our intimacy, and I love being with you. I’ve never had that before with anyone.”
/> Liz leaned back and sipped her wine, hoping for a positive reaction from Bill, and within seconds, there it was, that slow sensual expression that made her toes curl. Bill chuckled softly. “Yeah, I get that you enjoy sex with me.” He frowned and cocked his head sideways. “But how long will I have to wait to hear you say you love me?”
She swallowed hard and felt a lump in her throat. She coughed and reached for the glass of water in front of her. “I don’t know the answer to that, but I won’t sleep with anyone else while I’m figuring it out.”
Still frowning, Bill shook his head. “Let’s eat our dinner and get out of here. We can continue this discussion in the car.” They finished their meal in silence, paid the bill, and walked to the car.
Liz waited until they were on the road. “OK, think of me dancing up a ladder. At the top rung, I step off the ladder and into a career in real estate. Once I can see myself as a good mother and a respectable career woman, no—more to the point—once I can love myself, I will be able to love you.”
“I don’t get it, Liz. In my book, you’re already there. Why couldn’t you be respectable and a good mother…live with me, and let me take care of you and your children?”
“What if you get sick or killed in a car wreck, then what? I never want to be dependent on someone for food and a roof over my head again. I want to be an equal partner in a relationship. You know, pull my own weight and have an equal say in things.”
Bill shook his head. “Damn, Liz. I grew up thinking the man should be the provider, and the woman should stay home. You know, some of the guys I work with have working wives, and I hear it’s a disaster. The kids are getting into trouble, and the house is always a mess. I sure as hell don’t want to live that way.”
“I don’t have any answers for you now, Bill.” Liz was getting upset by the closed-off expression on Bill’s face. “You look so angry. Can’t you give me time to get my real-estate license and start working. See how it goes?”
The deep furrow in Bill’s brow, the steel in his jaw, and his silence left her stunned. “Bill, please answer me.”
When they reached the hotel, Bill parked the car in the garage, and turned off the ignition. He pulled the room key out of his pocket and held out his hand. “Here, take the key, and get out of the car. I’ll go stay somewhere else for the night and pick you up in the morning.”
Liz couldn’t believe what was happening and whimpered, “Please no, Bill.”
When she didn’t reach for the key, he turned toward her and tossed the key into her open purse. Then he hissed, “Get out, Liz. I can’t be around you right now. I need to be alone tonight. You’ve given me a lot to think about.”
As Liz entered the Stardust Lounge, her eyes were swollen and red, and the pill she’d taken to chase her stomach pain away hadn’t worked. She saw Bud talking to the bartender as she walked in. He caught her before she dodged into the women’s room. “Liz, are you ill? You look terrible. What’s happened?”
She bit her lip and stood a little straighter. “Just got a little heartburn, Bud. I’ll be all right.”
Bud shook his head. “I think it’s a little more than a stomach ache. Why don’t you go rest in my office for a while? When you feel better, you can tell me what else is going on, OK?”
“But I’ll be late.”
“Oh, don’t worry about it. It’s a slow Sunday, anyway.”
Liz went into Bud’s office, lay down on a couch, and tried to clear her head. Within fifteen minutes, the pain faded. She moved over to a comfortable chair, took her mirror out of her purse, and checked her eyes. The red was almost gone.
Just as she finished putting on her lipstick, Bud came in. He pulled up a chair next to her and patted her hand. “So how are you feeling?”
“Better, thanks.”
“Good! So…now that you’re feeling better, what else is going on?”
Bud listened while she told him what had just happened with Bill. When she finished, tears were trickling down her cheeks again. Bud wiped the moisture away with his handkerchief and placed his hand over hers. “Now, I want you to listen to me. You’re doing the right thing. It’s too soon to know how you feel about him, and it’s too soon for him to know if he loves you. It sounds as if he’s in lust, not love. Take the time you need to get your real-estate business going, and spend time with your kids. If he really loves you, he’ll come around. I know he will.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. I hope you’re right.” She managed a feeble smile and glanced at her watch. “I’m late, and I need to earn my keep around here.” Her shoulders were straight, and her voice was steady.
Just before she walked out of his office, he grabbed her arm and smiled. “If I had a daughter, I’d want her to be just like you.”
* * *
Chapter thirty-nine
Liz awakened with a smothering sense of sadness because Bill was not lying next to her. Judging by the anger in Bill’s voice and the expression on his face the night before, she figured he wanted out. She didn’t want to hear him say it and decided to fly home by herself. Besides the pain of missing him, she was angry. How dare he expect me to organize my life to suit him? She showered and dressed. By the time she’d packed her suitcase, the agony and rage were unbearable, and so was the pain in her stomach.
She took a cab to the Las Vegas airport and caught the seven o’clock plane to Sacramento. Fortunately, Frank had agreed to pick her up at the Sacramento airport and give her a ride back to Folsom.
Liz settled into her seat on the plane, lay her head back, and prayed the pain in her gut would go away. Within a short while, her stomach pain eased. She watched the clouds envelop the wing of the plane while her emotions fought with reason. How am I going to get through life without Bill’s touch? Wait a minute. Why am I in this ridiculous turmoil over a man? It’s just lust I feel, and besides, I’ve got kids to feed and a test to pass. I need to get my head out of my ass and remember what Bud told me. She sighed and drifted into a light sleep.
On Tuesday, Liz went to her doctor’s office. He gave her a prescription and told her to avoid spicy foods, ease up on the coffee, and reduce the stress in her life.
Before she dove into her studying, she wanted to tell her children her plans. She made hot dogs and root-beer floats and called them in from the front yard. Ronnie and Regina washed their hands and came to the table. “Mom, you made my favorite lunch,” Ronnie said, reaching for a hot dog.
“Yes, I did. I wanted to have a special talk with you both. I’m going to be very busy studying these next two months as well as working at night.”
“Why?” Ronnie’s eyes grew wide.
“Well, you’ll be starting kindergarten soon, and Regina will be going to nursery school. I want to work during the day, while you’re both in school, and be home with you at night. To do that, I have to study hard and pass a test to sell houses.”
Ronnie frowned. “How long will that take?”
“Yeah, Mommy. How long?” Regina wiped mustard off her chin with a napkin.
“Before you both start school, and I need your help so I can study better.”
“How?” Ronnie asked.
“By being extra quiet during the day while I study. Can you do that?”
They both nodded yes, and Regina asked, “Mommy, when you’re home at night, will you read us a story before bed?”
“Yes, and I’ll cook your dinner. It will be so much better.”
“But what will Josie do, Mom?” Ronnie frowned.
“Well, she’ll get some rest, but she’ll still watch you once in a while. OK, do we have a deal, then?”
“Yep.” Ronnie elbowed his sister.
Regina giggled. “OK, but I wish it was now.”
“Sorry, sweetie.” Liz kissed Regina. “Not now, but very soon.”
Liz got better at setting her feelings for Bill aside during the day. She studied and took care of business. She invited Lucille over to tell her about her plans, and when Lucille k
nocked on her door, Liz yelled, “Come on in. I’m on the back porch.”
Lucille saw that Liz was folding clothes. “Never-ending chore, huh?”
“Yeah, I’ll say.” Liz chuckled. “Good to see your smiling face. I’ll take a break, and we can have a cool drink and some fresh-baked cookies.”
“That sounds good. So what’s up? You have something on your mind?”
“Yes, I have something to tell you.” Liz poured soda into two glasses and brought the plate of cookies to the table.
Lucille sipped her soda and bit into a cookie. “I got it. You’re getting married.”
“Not hardly.” Liz waved the idea away. “I wanted to give you a heads-up. I’m going to quit dancing at the end of July.”
“How can you afford to do that?” Lucille seemed stunned by what Liz said, and she put her glass down with a thump.
Liz told Lucille about her intention to sell real estate. “I’ve been saving money, and I’ll have enough to last from August first until at least December.” Liz tucked a curl behind her ear. “Hopefully, I’ll have my first sales commission by then. Why are you frowning? Be happy for me.”
“Selling houses can be tough.” Lucille paused and took a drink of her soda. “What are you gonna do if December comes and you have no commission?”
“I’m not worried.” Liz swallowed the last bite of a cookie. “I’ll cross that bridge when I get there. I’ll be working for Charlie.” Liz paused to brush away the crumbs she’d created. “She’s gonna give me some leads and help me get going.”
Lucille gazed at her and then shrugged. “Well, I’m sad to hear you’re leaving, but I knew you wouldn’t dance forever. OK, I guess that means that by the first of August, I can hire that topless dancer. She’s been bugging me for a job forever. While you’re still around, maybe you’ll show her the ropes, you know, teach her a few of your dance steps?”