by Marni Mann
“Yes.”
“Good-bye, Layla.”
Tyler
Four Years Ago
Jae and I didn’t have a normal relationship. We would only see each other once a month. I couldn’t risk meeting him more often than that. Our rule was that we never talked about work. I didn’t know what he did for a living, and he didn’t know about The Achurdy. It prevented me from lying, and it stopped him from getting involved.
He never broke that rule, never pressured me to see him more. He would take whatever I gave him and wouldn’t complain. He was patient and understanding, and I didn’t know what I had done to deserve someone like him. But I didn’t take it for granted. I would try to give him as much of my time as I could.
I’d bought a burner phone to call and text him. I kept it hidden in my closet, never bringing it out with me in case one of the girls looked in my purse. We would set times to talk. A quick chat before I went to work, a longer one when I got home. It was so hard, having him in the same city as me, only fifteen minutes away, and not being able to see him more.
But it just meant that, during our monthly dates, we would have to make the most of our time. We’d meet at the bar, always sitting in the same place, ordering the same food. We’d leave out the back door where Jae was parked and go to his place. I wouldn’t stay the night. I’d just hang out a little past midnight, and then he’d drop me off a few blocks from my building.
During all my other nights off, I’d make sure to spend those evenings with Wynter and the girls, so they wouldn’t think I was acting strange. And, on the nights I was with Jae, I’d tell them I needed some time alone, and they all seemed to understand. I wasn’t the only one who stayed in sometimes; therefore, there was no reason for them to suspect anything was going on with me.
But there was something going on, and it was brewing in the middle of my chest. I’d felt it from the moment I met Jae at the bar tonight. I barely ate half of my burger and didn’t touch my fries. It wasn’t that I was tired of the food here. It was that the reality of our situation was gnawing at me.
Jae noticed because he asked Gary—the bartender whose name we had finally learned—to stick the rest of our food in a box, so we could bring it home. Gary then poured us two cups of beer to take with us, and I climbed in Jae’s SUV.
I didn’t make much conversation on the way to his house. I hated myself for being so emotional, and I was angry that I was wasting the little time we had together. I didn’t want any of that to come out in my voice, so I stayed quiet, cozying up against the door and window, stealing quick glances of him as he drove.
He’d only gotten handsomer since the first time I met him. His eyes would lighten when he got excited, when he was turned on, when his lips were kissing me. His hands were the roughest part of him, constantly touching me like I was his last piece of food.
I was so tuned into him that I didn’t feel the car stop when he parked next to his building. But he helped me get out and led me up the steps. I didn’t need to hold the railing anymore while we made our way through the dark. I knew the distance to the top and how far the landing was from his door. And I still smiled every time he flicked on the light.
It was so comfortable here.
A place I could see myself fitting into.
Except I could never live here. I could never live anywhere with him.
I dropped onto the couch and tucked my legs into my chest. Jae came over a minute later with the beers we’d taken from the bar, and he set them on the table.
“What’s up, little lady?”
I loved when he called me that. I was tiny compared to his height and build, and I enjoyed how small he made me feel. I never felt that way in my everyday life. I couldn’t; my job required me to take control and manipulate situations. But, when I was with him, I felt cared for, protected.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise that I wanted more.
“We’ve been together for a couple of months now,” I said. “During that whole time, I’ve always known what we can’t have, but for some reason, it’s really getting to me right now.”
“Why? You’ve made it clear, and I’ve respected it.”
He was talking about the night I had set the boundaries, the night he had followed me into the restroom at the bar. Before we’d left, I’d told him what I was able to give him and what I couldn’t, and I hadn’t needed to mention it again.
He wasn’t the problem.
It was me.
I was struggling.
“Jae, I’ll never be able to marry you. I’ll never be able to live with you. I’ll never even be able to have children.” I realized these were things we hadn’t ever discussed. I didn’t even know if he wanted any of this. But it was on my mind, and I couldn’t hold back, not with how important it all felt. “I’m worried that, one day, the things I can give you won’t be enough.”
I felt his hand on my face, drawing my chin up so that our eyes locked. “You’re not telling me anything I didn’t know or haven’t assumed. I’ve accepted this already, and my feelings haven’t changed.”
That voice—the deepness of it, the way it demanded my attention, how it held me—it truly made me feel like everything was going to be fine.
“I talk to you twice a day,” he continued. “We text. We have phone sex. When you tell me you can be at the bar, I’m there every time. And, when you come back here and say you have to leave, I never fight you to stay longer.” Even though I tried, his fingers wouldn’t let me look away. “Is that it? You want me to fight you to stay?”
“I’m afraid, if you did, I wouldn’t be able to say no.”
“I don’t have a problem with what we have going on here. But something tells me you do. So, what is it, Tyler? What’s been eating at you all night?”
I tried finding the right words. It was hard. It had been so long since I was asked to share my feelings that I couldn’t define what they looked like.
“One day,” I started, “I know I’m going to want more. You know, to wake up next to you, to spend more than a handful of hours with you. To travel and go to a place that isn’t our bar. But I can’t do any of that. Not now, not ever. It’s the worst feeling to know I can’t choose you.”
“I’ll protect you. Whatever it is, I’ll make sure—”
“No, never. You know I won’t allow that.”
He shook his head out of frustration, his grip tightening on my face. “It’s an option. Just know that.”
I’d known that from very early on. I felt it in the way he held me, in the things he said, in the way he kissed me. Something told me he would never let anything come between us. If I took him up on that offer, I would spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder, worrying The Achurdy would come for us. That company made so much money, I assumed their reach had to be far, and they had partners all over the world who could find me. If they hunted me down, I could live with that. But Jae was innocent in all this, and I would never let him get punished for the choices I’d made. If he protected me, he’d be in as much trouble as I would.
“I’m going to want more,” I whispered.
It hurt, knowing that I wasn’t far from those wishes, that every time I left, I wanted to stay. That every time we spoke on the phone, I wanted to tell him to come over.
“Then, come get it,” he whispered back.
“You know I—”
He grabbed my hand and placed it on the zipper of his jeans. “Right here, Tyler. Come get this.”
The last time I had been here, he had gone down on me. He’d licked me with so much confidence, I had been squirming underneath him within a minute. When I’d tried to give him a blow job, he’d stopped me. He’d said he wanted that night to be all about me.
In the last four weeks, we’d taken things much further, and we had lots of phone sex.
But here, with his hands on me, his face so close, I suddenly felt extremely intimidated. I didn’t know what his experience included, but I knew he had much more t
han me.
“I want to,” I finally answered.
“Then, take it.” His hand dropped from my face. “This is on you. We’re going to move as fast as you want to. I’m not going to push you.”
I looked down at my lap, at the skinny jeans that hugged my thighs and the black boots that reached my knees. “What if I want you to?”
“What are you asking for?”
It was on the tip of my tongue. I didn’t know why I was scared to say it, why my needs made me nervous, but I had to be honest with him. “I want you to take whatever you want. Get me outside my head, and put me inside yours.”
“You’re asking me to hurt you?”
I thought about his question and how that meant pain was what he wanted. I couldn’t give him much, but I could give him that.
“Yes, Jae.”
He got up from the couch, grabbed the ends of my boots, and yanked them off my legs. My jeans were next, my panties shredding as he tore them from my body. He pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra with only a few fingers. I now sat in the middle of his couch, completely naked, while he stood in front of me with all his clothes on.
“Say it,” he snarled.
It wasn’t anger. It was need. I recognized it. And, oh God, I felt it as strongly as him.
“Hurt me.”
He leaned down and picked me up, my legs wrapping around his waist, my lips crashing against his. We were moving, but so were his hands as he ran them over my back and to my breasts, squeezing my nipples to the point where I moaned so loud that it caused him to groan.
We were now in a room, and he was setting me on the bed. I watched as he dropped his pants, his shirt quickly falling to the floor, and then he reached inside a drawer to get what I assumed was a condom.
“I’m on the pill.” He looked surprised, so I added, “It’s a long story, but don’t worry; I’m protected.”
Most of us were on the pill because of the deer.
I was so relieved that I didn’t have to mess with those damn animals anymore.
I heard the foil hit the bottom of the drawer, and he slammed it closed. Then, he lifted me into his arms again, and he shoved my back against the wall.
“This is going to hurt, Tyler.”
When he’d gotten naked, I’d seen what was hanging between his legs, and I knew exactly how it was going to feel. It was now touching my entrance, teasing it with just his tip. I felt myself widening to fit him, and even that came with a little sting.
“I told you, Jae, I want you to hurt me.”
I barely had the last word out before he was completely inside me. I didn’t know which one of us was louder, my screams or his moans, but they matched, and I met him every time he stroked into me. It only took a few seconds before the pain was gone, and pleasure filled me. Jae made sure of that, too. His hand was on my clit, rubbing me, as he thrust in and out. I held on to his shoulders and felt completely weightless in his arms. The only reminder that I was in the air was the burn on my back as I rubbed against the wall.
He must have felt the friction, or he just wanted to switch positions, but I found myself on the bed, and he was on top of me. Now that I didn’t have to hold on, I could touch him. I traced the muscles on his chest, feeling the hairs under my fingertips. He wasn’t shaved and primped and manscaped like the animals. Jae had coarse hands, long hair, rough scruff. He was all man, just how I wanted him to be.
And, when his hips lifted and dropped on top of me, I felt the most powerful, consuming orgasm start to build in my stomach.
“I’m so close,” I breathed.
He touched his teeth to my lip. “I’m not going to chew on this. I don’t want to leave a mark. But this”—he leaned down and took in my nipple—“I’m going to fucking destroy.”
By that, he meant sucking so hard, the shooting began to spark down my legs, and I couldn’t stop yelling, “Jae,” as loud as my voice could go.
His speed was faster than anything I’d felt before. The strength he used showed me how deep he was inside me, and then he would pull out halfway and slam back in.
I clawed at his chest when I could no longer control it. “I’m coming!” I shouted.
I didn’t think he could give me more.
I was wrong.
“Oh my God,” I gasped.
I could tell he was close just by the sounds he was making, but I had a feeling I could bring him to the same spot I was in by just saying, “Hurt me.”
His hands clenched around my face, his lips so close but not touching me. His breath, his hips, his squeezing made me feel every squirt he left inside me. “Tyler,” he moaned until his hips stilled.
When he pulled out of me, I expected him to get up and go to the bathroom to get something to clean both of us. But he didn’t. He rested his head over my stomach with his hands on my hips and held me like that. It was like he was listening for something. I didn’t know what. The only things in there were a bunch of nerves.
Maybe he heard them because he eventually looked up and said, “You have to go, don’t you?”
I hated to do it, but I had to.
So, I nodded.
That was when he got us cleaned up and made sure I had my clothes. Then, he brought me down to his SUV. He held my hand the whole way back to my building and stopped when he was a few blocks away.
“I’ll see you in a few weeks,” he said when he pulled over to the sidewalk.
“Yes. Four more.”
“You’ll text me when you get home?”
“I promise.”
He grazed my cheek with his fingers and pressed his thumb in the middle of my lips. “I don’t want to get them all red and puffy, but, fuck, I want to kiss you so badly right now.”
“I know. Me, too.” I pecked the middle of his thumb, and I climbed out.
The most nerve-racking part about returning to my building was the walk. I was always worried I would run into someone, and my lie wouldn’t be believable. So, I tried really hard to act casual and not rush too fast. Moving quickly seemed like it would be a dead giveaway, and so did looking back and forth, constantly checking my surroundings and the cars nearby.
I didn’t do either.
I kept my hands in my pockets and focused on the skyline, counting the steps in my head. By now, I knew it took around eighty-seven to get inside. Tonight, it was ninety-two.
I went in through the back to avoid the doorman, and I took the stairs to the second floor where I grabbed the elevator from there. Once I was in my apartment, I checked my phone to make sure I hadn’t missed any calls or texts. There was a text from Wynter that had come in an hour ago.
First, I got out my burner phone and shot off a message to Jae to tell him I’d gotten home safely. Then, I pulled up Wynter’s text screen on my other phone.
Wynter: I’m ordering everything on the Chinese takeout menu. Want anything? I can’t sleep.
I wanted to go to her apartment and tell her every naughty detail from tonight. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t even go to her place if I wanted to, not with the way I looked or how I smelled. Evidence of Jae was all over me. It would be safest to take a shower and stay in, giving my double life an even thicker mask.
Me: Sorry, girl, I just woke up. Not hungry. So tired and going back to bed. Talk to you in the morning.
Wynter: You sure? It’s soooo good.
Me: Yep.
Wynter: Ok. :( Sweet dreams.
They would be sweet. I was sure of that. But they would be emotional, too, as I wished I were waking up in his arms. Somehow, I had to get used to this. I just didn’t know if I ever would be.
Beard
Every night I spent at the prison, away from the girls, they begged for my cock. They sent pictures a few times a day with texts that told me how badly they wanted me to come home and what they were going to do when I got there.
God, these fucking lesbians were obsessed with my dick.
And I didn’t hate it.
But, with all
their demands, their pleas for me to come home, I expected to walk in their door and find them naked. I was surprised as hell to see they were in dresses and heels, sipping pink champagne in glasses that sparkled like they were pregaming before they went out.
The stripper took my bag into their bedroom, and Layla brought me over to the couch where she sat me down and lifted her dress to straddle me.
“Mmm,” she groaned, her face in my neck, licking all the way up to my ear. “I missed you.”
“Then, get naked, so I can give you what you’ve been wanting.”
“Not yet, baby.”
The stripper returned just as Layla pulled the top of her dress down, showing me those perfect, round, soft tits. I leaned forward, sucking a nipple into my mouth, inhaling her tropic scent. After a few licks over that hard peak, a set of lips touched the corner of mine, and I turned my head. The stripper surrounded my tongue with her mouth and bobbed over the end of it like it was a cock. I waited for her to dip again, and then I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her close, so I could kiss her.
I felt a hand in my beard, the touch telling me it was Layla, and another set of fingers went to my chest. While Layla was grinding over my dick, I left one hand on her tit and pinched the stripper’s nipple with the other.
“Layla”—the stripper moaned against my mouth—“if we don’t leave soon, I’m going to eat this man right here on the couch.”
She released my mouth, and my eyes scanned from one girl to the other.
“Where are we going?”
The stripper smiled and took out a small clear baggie that was filled with white powder. She poured a bump on the skin between her thumb and pointer finger and moved it closer to Layla.
Layla pinched the side of her nose and snorted with the other. “We’re going out,” she said as she straightened her head. Then, she took the bag from the stripper and dumped a little on the top of her tit. She looked at me and pointed at it.
As the stripper went into the other room, I stuck my nose over the small pile and inhaled. I tasted the bitterness in the back of my throat and felt the numbness in my nostril, both signs that told me it was coke. Layla dropped more blow onto the same tit, a little closer to her nipple this time, and I breathed that shit right up.