Go Kill Crazy!

by Bryan Smith

  Ted made a choked sound. “Ah…you probably shouldn’t say shit like that on a cell phone, doll. You never know who might be listening in.”

  Lana’s laughter then had a giddy, musical quality to it. “Well, I’m only joking, of course.” But you know I’m really not, she thought. “The point is, I’ll do anything you want. Anything.”

  “That’s good to know, darlin’. Maybe I will cash in some of those favors now and then, whenever the mood or necessity strikes.”

  Lana shifted a little on the mattress and ran her free hand down the length of her bare thigh. Listening to Ted’s baritone voice—which now actually sounded sexy to her—was getting her all stirred up. “Hmm, maybe you could come over here right now and fuck the daylights out of me, sort of christen the new…well, you know.”

  Ted sighed. “That’s mighty tempting, but I’ve got some business that will keep me occupied the rest of the day. I might be able to see you tonight if you don’t mind me dropping by late.”

  Lana smiled. “Honey, you can come by any time, day or night. But I’ve been gone from work too long. I need to call my manager and go in for a shift.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous.” Ted made a sound Lana guessed was a hard puff on a cigar. It was amazing how well she already knew all his little tics and quirks. “You’re my girl now. You don’t need to work.”

  “But I need money.”

  He snorted. “You’ll have money. Lots of it. And I’ll pay your rent from now on. Everything else too.”

  “Wow, the real princess treatment.”

  “You deserve it.”

  Lana laughed. “I don’t know about that, but I won’t turn it down. Here’s the thing, though, Teddy. I like stripping and want to keep doing it, even if it’s only a couple nights a week. It’s a great release. I love the physicality of it and I love the dumb cow looks the stupid men give me when they stare at my tits. Makes me feel powerful.”

  Ted grunted. “Well, you do what makes you happy, doll. That’s all I care about. Maybe I’ll drop by the club late and see you there.”

  Lana smiled. “I’d love that.”

  “See you there, darlin’.”

  “See ya, Teddy.”

  They hung up.

  Lana decided to take a nap. Before she drifted to sleep, she thought about how she had coaxed Ted into fucking her atop Blaine’s corpse, an undeniably sick and depraved act. A thing she never could have imagined doing prior to that day. She couldn’t help feeling as if the whole incident—from the murders themselves to that act of borderline corpse defilement—had awakened something genuinely monstrous inside her. Because she felt no revulsion at recalling any of it, not even that sensation of Blaine’s hairy legs beneath her back as Ted pounded into her.

  Maybe there’s something really wrong with me.

  Maybe so. But, as she closed her eyes and adjusted the pillows beneath her head, she knew for a fact she didn’t care. She was at peace with herself and her life, regardless of any darkness residing within her. In the last moments before sleep finally took her, she realized she hadn’t asked Ted what had become of Alice’s baby. She also realized she didn’t care and went to sleep with a smile on her face.

  When she woke up less than an hour later, she called her manager at the Booty Boutique. He gave her no grief about her missed shifts. There was an unusual level of deference in his tone over the entire course of their brief conversation, bordering on obsequiousness. Lana had no doubt he had received stern instructions from Ted regarding how to treat her from now on.

  She headed out to the club after taking a shower, bopping her head to loud dance music as she wove her way through the thick Tampa traffic. Other motorists gave her dirty looks, especially when she would come to a stop next to them at a light. Their faces said they were unhappy about the pounding volume of her music, but Lana didn’t care. The way she felt now, nothing could touch her. She delighted in mocking the angry motorists, sometimes smiling and waving, other times responding in cruder ways, including the usual middle finger gestures as well as miming fellatio. One man was so livid at her behavior he started to get out of his car, but she punched the accelerator and shot through the red light, laughing at the screeching tires and honking horns that ensued.

  A few blocks away from the club she decided to pull in at a convenience store. Her gas gauge needle was right at empty and she didn’t want to bother having to fill up after her shift. She parked at a pump that was the farthest away from the store’s entrance, but she did not immediately shut off the car’s engine. Instead she sat there and bobbed her head to the music some more as she rooted through her purse. She knew she had some good pills in there somewhere. Some bop pills. Some motherfucking get up and go pills. They made her happy and always made her shifts at the club so much more fun in general. She found a red one and popped it in her mouth. On reflection, she wasn’t sure what it actually was. The bop pills were usually white or yellow.

  She giggled.

  Whatever. It’ll be a surprise, a nice drug adventure.

  She finally shut off the engine and got out of the car. Her keys slid from her hand as she kicked the door shut.

  Shit.

  She knelt to pick them up, but before she could snag them a booted foot stepped on them. Her initial reaction was blinding anger. Whoever this joker was, he or she was playing with fire and definitely did not know who they were fucking with. The anger turned to fear when she glanced up and saw the scowling face of the man who had tried to come after her at the traffic light.

  Oh, fuck.

  She tried to scurry away from him, but he seized her by her ponytail and jerked her painfully to her feet. This drew a wail of high-pitched agony from her, but it cut off abruptly as he smashed a very large fist against the side of her head. Things went blurry and she sagged reflexively into his arms. In the next instant a smelly cloth was pressing against her face and consciousness began to desert her completely. In the last instant of awareness, she cursed her rotten luck.

  Of all the fucking guys to piss off, I had to pick a goddamn serial-killing creep like this pig-ugly motherfucker.

  When she came to an indeterminate time later, she was still groggy and had no idea how much time had passed. But one of her first conscious thoughts was that maybe that red pill had been some kind of powerful hallucinogen. That was how different the dynamics of the situation were from anything she could have expected.

  For one thing, she wasn’t tied up.

  Nor was she in the trunk of the serial killer’s car.

  In fact, he was the one tied up.

  What the hell?

  Not that she was complaining, mind you, but this turn of events made no sense at all. They were in a small, dimly lit storage space with a concrete floor. Her assailant was tied to a metal folding chair in the center of the room. There was a gag in his mouth and he was unconscious. His eyes were closed and his head drooped forward in a way that made him appear drugged. Or dead. It was hard to tell. She hoped for the former. Now that she was apparently no longer in danger of being raped and strangled by the fugly fucker, she yearned to exact vengeance for his rough treatment of her.

  Her head throbbed as she braced her hands on the cool concrete and pushed herself into a sitting position. She yearned for a fistful of painkillers and a bottle of vodka, but unfortunately neither of these medicinal items was currently available to her, which sucked big time. This headache was worse than any in recent memory, including a number of monumental hangovers. Another look at the unconscious man reinforced how lucky she had been. He was a big-framed son of a bitch, with thick arms and hands large enough to wield Thor’s mighty hammer. If he had clocked her more than once with one of those monster fists, she might never have woken up again.

  But…had it really been luck?

  She frowned as she thought about it. There had been some element of luck, no doubt. She should be dead right now or at this fucker’s mercy. Whatever had happened to turn the tables, she had played no part in i
t. There could be only one logical conclusion—someone else had come along at just the right time to intervene on her behalf.

  She gasped at the sound of a metal door creaking open behind her. Her head throbbed again as she twisted it and watched a couple of the hottest women she had ever seen enter the storage space through a bright vertical rectangle. The stunning brunette and the blonde goddess looked like they were emerging through a shimmering heavenly portal, though obviously she knew it was just the sun shining through the open door.

  The heavily tattooed women were dressed scantily in similar barely there outfits. They were tall and blessed with the kind of curves that rendered men instantly stupid. Both were smiling and wearing dark sunglasses.

  Lana couldn’t help gaping at them.

  I’ve died and gone to the Planet of the Super Women.

  Then it struck her how similar their look was to her own. These babes could have been her own long-lost sisters—except that she didn’t have any fucking sisters.

  The heavy metal door slammed shut behind them. In their hands were bottles of whiskey and sacks of food and other items. The scent of something hot and yummy made her stomach growl. Until that moment, she hadn’t been aware of how hungry she was.

  The dark-haired one smiled right at her. She had perfect Betty Paige bangs and the high cheekbones of a model. “Oh, look. Sleeping Beauty’s awake.”

  The blonde smirked. “About time. We were starting to worry you were never coming out of it.”

  Lana cringed as her stomach growled again, this time loud enough for the others to hear. “Who the hell are you bitches? And where am I?”

  They glanced at each other and laughed.

  The blonde lowered herself to the floor and sat cross-legged in front of Lana. She began digging around in one of the plastic bags and a moment later produced a large bottle of Tylenol. After opening the bottle and removing the tamper-proof packaging, she passed it to Lana along with one of the bottles of whiskey.

  She smiled. “I’m guessing you could use some of both.”

  Well, she wasn’t wrong about that.

  Lana accepted the offerings and knocked back a handful of painkillers with a couple big slugs of expensive whiskey. She savored the delicious burn of the booze and looked forward to the relief the pills would soon provide. “You still haven’t told me who you are. What the fuck’s going on?”

  The blonde removed her sunglasses and hooked them over the collar of her tiny V-neck shirt. “My name’s Dez. That’s short for Desiree. My friend here.” She gestured to the dark-haired girl, who sat down next to her and removed a Styrofoam food container from a plastic bag. “Her name’s Echo.”

  Echo glanced sharply at Lana. “Don’t make fun of my name.”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

  Dez laughed. “Smart girl. Last guy who didn’t heed that advice…well, let’s just say his days of making fun of anybody are over.” She removed another of the Styrofoam containers from a bag and arched an eyebrow. “Hungry?”

  Lana’s mouth watered. “What’s in that?”

  “A thick-ass cheeseburger and the best damn fries ever.”

  “Gimme that shit.”

  Dez laughed and passed it over.

  Lana ripped the container open and dove into the food with a single-minded urgency that surprised her. She liked to eat as much as the next person, but she rarely did it so piggishly. Five minutes later the food was all gone. “Holy shit.” She took another big slug of whiskey and sighed. “I feel like I haven’t eaten in days.”

  Dez and Echo exchanged another of those cryptic glances.

  Dez’s expression then became a touch more somber. “Well, the thing is…you sort of haven’t.”

  Lana frowned. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “You’ve been unconscious since yesterday,” Echo said, after swallowing a bite of her own cheeseburger. Lana couldn’t help noting she’d only eaten half of it thus far. “You were in a fucking coma, or the next closest thing to it.”

  Lana’s brow creased as she gave a moment’s deeper thought to her circumstances. The bright midday sun she’d glimpsed through the door should have tipped her off to how long she had been out. It had been darker when she pulled in at that convenience store.

  “Um…why didn’t you take me to a hospital?”

  Yet another of those cryptic looks passed between them.

  Dez said, “There would have been too many questions. We like to avoid any involvement with the law whenever possible.”

  “But…why?”

  “We have our reasons. Besides, if we’d done that…” Dez tilted her head in the direction of the unconscious man. “You wouldn’t have this opportunity to avenge yourself against this piece of shit.”

  Lana made a contemplative sound. “Huh. Now that you mention it, I would like to fuck him up some.”

  Dez smiled. “Oh, you’re gonna do more than that.”

  Lana frowned. “What do you mean?”

  “You’re gonna kill him.”

  Lana shrugged. “Oh. Okay.”

  Now it was their turn to frown.

  Dez said, “Gotta admit, I expected a little more resistance to the idea.”

  “This guy’s not gonna be the first motherfucker I’ve iced this week.”

  The words just popped out. She hadn’t meant to make the admission. In fact, she had assured Ted she would never speak of it with anyone other than him, a solemn vow she’d had every intention of honoring. But there was something about these chicks, something that made her feel an immediate, instinctive kinship with them. She felt like she could tell them anything. Trust them with anything. She recognized it as a crazy notion with nothing real to back it up, but somehow it felt right.

  Dez glanced at Echo. “What did I tell you? This shit was meant to be. She’s just like us.”

  Echo’s expression was guarded at first, but she nodded slowly as she studied Lana’s face. “Yeah. You may be right.”

  Lana sipped more whiskey. “You bitches saved me, didn’t you? Tell me how it happened.”

  How it happened was pretty straightforward. Dez and Echo had been right behind Lana when the man approached her at the red light. They watched him take off after her and decided to give chase. Good thing too, because otherwise Lana would likely no longer be in the land of the living. They followed the guy to the convenience store. He had been so consumed with catching up to Lana to notice he was being tailed too. They got to him seconds after he put the chloroform rag to her face. Too late to prevent the initial assault, but in time to save her life. And now here they were, holed up in an abandoned mini-warehouse, waiting to see how things would play out.

  “So…” Dez eyed Lana speculatively. “How do you want to handle this?”

  Lana pursed her lips as she gave it a moment’s thought. “Do you have a knife?”

  Dez and Echo glanced at each other and giggled.

  Dez got to her feet and extended a hand to Lana. “Come on. Let’s step outside a minute.”

  Lana allowed Dez to haul her to her feet. Standing up made her feel a little woozy again, but not nearly to the degree as when she awakened. The booze, painkillers and food were doing their job. She followed Dez out into the bright sunlight, where her car was parked next to a 70’s model black Impala in the otherwise empty parking lot of an industrial area that appeared to have fallen on hard times.

  Dez opened the Impala’s trunk and invited Lana to take a look at its contents. What she saw was an impressive array of weaponry. Handguns, shotguns and what looked like a couple of those mini-machineguns drug dealers in movies were always carrying. Lana shook her head in astonishment. These chicks were armed to the teeth. Dez reached into the trunk and grabbed a thick leather bundle. She pulled loose a Velcro snap and rolled the bundle open, revealing an array of sheathed knives of various sizes and shapes.

  Dez smiled. “Take your pick, baby.” She put a hand on Lana’s ass. “Whatever you want, it’s yours.”

&n
bsp; Lana looked at her. “I appreciate what you’ve done for me, but you should know I’m into men.”

  Dez’s smile didn’t waver. “That’s what they all say. At first.” But she laughed and removed her hand. “Go on. Pick something.”

  Lana bit her lip as she studied the impressive selection of edged weaponry a moment longer. They all looked equally lethal. She wound up selecting a big hunting knife with a curved six-inch blade.

  Dez nodded approvingly. “Looks like the right tool for the job. Let’s do this.”

  She slammed the trunk shut and they went back into the mini-warehouse. While they were gone, Echo had managed to rouse the bound man. He gazed at them in groggy stupefaction for a few moments. Then his gaze locked on the big blade in Lana’s hand and he began to scream behind his gag.

  Lana smiled as she knelt before him and pushed his legs open. He tried jerking away from her, but the other women grabbed on to him and held him in place.

  Lana dragged the tip of the big blade up the length of his inner thigh, stopping at his crotch. She continued to smile as she looked up at him. “Bet the last time you saw a woman in this position she was about to suck your cock.” She giggled. “Well, I’m gonna do something else with your cock.”

  More screaming.

  Hysterical laughter from Dez and Echo.

  Lana began to saw away at the fabric of the jeans. It yielded easily to the exquisitely sharp blade. She cut away the entire crotch of his jeans, drawing out the process and savoring every moment of it. The bound man tried harder than ever to rock himself out of the chair, but Dez and Echo leaned into him with all their weight and managed to keep him from toppling over. It helped that they had used what looked like multiple entire rolls of duct tape to secure him to the chair.