by Nancy Adams
~*~
Adam’s body jolted and jerked with rigid movements as he gasped and blinked awake. He reached for his weapon, the M2 A4 service rifle, which had been lying beneath him, and froze. The surroundings came into focus a blink later. Greens, browns, and dull dust swirled around his head.
He wasn’t in the ambushed convoy anymore. That was two months ago. He took a scratchy palm and ran it over his face with a choked and stifled chortle. There was no doubt about it. He had PTSD, bad. They all did. Seeing that many dead on their last convoy did things to you, but only when you slept.
Pushing himself up, he dropped his legs over the low-lying cot and barely winced when the pain from his legs striking the ground washed over his body. The pain was the only thing that kept him going now. It was the only way he knew he was still alive.
Pinching at his skin, Adam turned the plastic watch on his wrist. He twisted it towards his face and stared at the digital numbers displayed: 0453.
He hadn’t even slept four hours. The night before, it was just over three before the same memory jolted him awake. He had survived, but five in his team had not. He had been given another team. They respected him. He was their Captain, and a damned good one at that, but he couldn’t forget the look of Garowsky and Ryans. He couldn’t forget the guilt he felt when he realized he was happy that he was still going to be going home. Was that right? Ryans had a family. Garowsky too.
They all did.
And if they didn’t have a wife, they had a sister or brother, a girlfriend or a mom and dad they supported. Each life was important and worth so much more than their life insurance policy. Money couldn’t replace them, and it was a poor substitute. It was times like these when he came face to face with just how unfair the world really was. Then again, he had his own daughter and wife waiting for him back at home. Maybe it was fair enough for him.
With another cough, he managed to blink the residual feelings from the recurring nightmare and pulled himself from the cot. He needed to move quickly. He had a briefing with the Company Commander at ten and a date with his wife at nine. He wanted to look sharp, refreshed, and like the tour really wasn’t taking the toll that it was on his body and mind.
~*~
“You see Daddy?” He heard his wife’s lovely voice first. The sound tugged at his heart and made it ache. The picture on the webcam was fuzzy. It was always fuzzy, filled with static, and close to shutting off. He cursed beneath his breath.
“Daddy!” He saw grubbing fingers reaching for the cam. His wife swatted at the little girl’s hand playfully.
“If you cover up the camera, sweetie, Daddy can’t see you,” Adam said, grinning widely. Tears pricked at his eyes. They always did. He had seen the last year of his daughter’s life behind a screen and still, he knew he was missing volumes. No amount of emails with updates, milestones, and pictures would help get that ground back. Her vocabulary was growing by leaps and bounds—her hair, too. It still wasn’t down to her shoulders, but it was getting there. In the meantime, it sat like fluffed feathers on her head.
Adam’s warning was enough to make the small girl pull her hand back. She did so excitedly, with a devilish grin that melted his heart.
“I see you, Daddy. Guess what we did today?”
“What baby?”
“We went to Chile.” Off the camera, he heard his wife’s beautiful laughter. She dipped her face into the focus of the camera and grinned. The sight took his breath away. She had mid-length hair that curled slightly at the edges, and beautiful, plump lips. Her dark blue eyes only made her smile jump at him and steal his breath.
“She means Chick-Fil-A,” she corrected quickly; and just like that, she was gone, out of the shot so that his daughter could get the one-on-one time. He frowned.
“Wait, come on back, sweetie—”
“Um, scuze me,” his daughter waved her hand in the camera, “Daddy, look at me. Are you listening?”
He heard his wife giggling in the background. It had to be a female thing, demanding attention like that. With a pout, he forced his eyes to his daughter’s and grinned. Her face brightened.
“When you come home, where are you going to take me?”
“Did you have something in mind, Ruthie?” Adam asked, chuckling. Sometimes, he couldn’t even believe his daughter was just three.
“The Bebberblades,” she answered back promptly. At this, his wife’s laughter turned to cackling. She appeared in front of the camera again.
“Everglades,” she whispered. He caught a better look at her this time. She was wearing lipstick, something deep and red. He would have given anything to kiss those lips. In an instant, she was gone again.
“Hey, Sarah,” Adam called, “come back—”
“Da—dee!” Ruth whined, “Talk to me. I want to see the gators in the Bebberblades.”
Adam couldn’t help but smile. “The gators, eh? Who told you about them?”
“A moobee,” Ruth said with pride. Adam laughed out loud. He could think of nothing sweeter than the sound of his daughter’s mispronounced words…well, maybe one or two things sweeter than that.
“I’ll take you then,” Adam said quickly. As he said it, he knew he meant it.
Sarah’s head dipped back into view. Her smile was gone.
“Adam, don’t do that,” she warned.
He grinned. “Do what? I mean it. We’ll go to the Everglades. Stay a week. You know I have the leave.”
Sarah’s forehead creased. “Adam, please.”
She didn’t think he was serious. Adam turned to Ruth and held her gaze firmly. “I promise,” he said firmly.
Ruth turned to her mother and gave her a huge hug. “We’re going to the Bebberglades!”
The concern and worry melted from Sarah’s face as she held her daughter. She kissed her forehead, and then cradled her head in another hug. When her eyes met Adam’s, the smile slowly faded.
“Okay, you know what time it is, right?”
Ruth frowned. “Mommy and Daddy time,” she huffed.
Adam chuckled. “That’s right, baby girl. I’ll see you again later.” Another grin surpassed Ruth’s smile at her father’s words.
“Can you wait in your bed for me?” Sarah asked. “I’ll come read you a book and then we can say our prayers when I’m done talking to Daddy.”
“Can I come back and say goodbye?” Ruth asked hopefully.
“Of course you can,” Adam said quickly. Sarah smiled and nodded at her husband’s answer. With another kiss, she lowered Ruth from the chair and watched the short toddler stalk away. She was pretty advanced for her age, with her speech and body movements. Adam couldn’t believe how grown she seemed, so in control of her own body and mind.
Silence settled over the video feed and, at length, he met his wife’s gorgeous blue eyes. He wasn’t sure what time it was in South Carolina, but he knew it was late. He couldn’t tell by looking at his wife’s face, though. She looked stunning every time they spoke on the phone. She did that on purpose, always giving him her best. It could have been midnight thirty and he would never have been able to tell by the look on his wife’s face. He saw something different this time. It was anger.
“Why would you promise her that?”
“Because I meant it,” Adam said quickly.
Sarah pressed her lips together. He watched her enlarged eyes inspect his face over the video screen.
“How much leave are they going to give you?”
“I’ve got two weeks, but—” Adam paused and looked down at his hand. He never wore his wedding band while in the field anymore. It was a hazard that could cost him his finger if he wasn’t careful. Instead, he kept it in his right breast pocket. It was in his hand now, his right hand. He turned it over in his palm and took a deep breath. He hadn’t been sure if he was going to wait to tell Sarah about his plans, but now it seemed that he had already stumbled onto the situation.
“Has the CO talked to you about reenlistment?”
Adam n
odded. “He has. But doing so would almost guarantee another tour here. It’s not even close to cooling down.” He saw the concern on his wife’s face.
“They’re still making their extraction points, right?”
Adam nodded eagerly. They had to. The moment an exit became unsafe meant all other exits would be postponed indefinitely. It also meant increased security on US soil and their foreign bases. Anyone recently rotated home would likely be reselected for deployment within six months. It meant everyone was screwed. If they could get the last set of troops out before it got to that point, they might be able to salvage the dangerous business of being overseas in the hottest combat zone.
“So…have your exit details changed at all?”
Adam shook his head. “Still happening in a week, baby,” he forced a grin. “I’m still coming home.”
“But can you promise that?”
Adam sighed. Not any more than he could really promise his daughter a trip to the Everglades at this point. That was why Sarah was so upset.
“Listen,” Adam said, changing the topic quickly. “I’ve been thinking about my reenlistment.”
Sarah frowned and looked away. “Please, maybe another time. When you come back—”
“No,” Adam insisted. “I’m not gonna reup.”
Sarah’s mouth fell. That was the argument they had been having for the last two years of their marriage, having only been married for just a bit over five. Being a Marine had been a dream to him. He had graduated from Annapolis, too. He wasn’t a push over, but getting the highly decorated military career just wasn’t worth missing years of his daughter’s life. He realized that—just now, when he saw his daughter talk about gators. When did she even learn about what gators were? And then where they lived? When did that happen? He wanted to be there to teach her that. He wanted to teach her how to fish.
“But,” Sarah stuttered, and Adam only shook his head.
“You heard me,” he said quickly. He thought of the firefight he was in two months ago. That could have just as easily been him, but it wasn’t. He couldn’t keep misusing his luck like that.
“When I come home,” Adam said firmly, “I’m gonna stay home.”
Sarah didn’t say anything. Instead, he saw a tear make its way down her cheek. He glanced at the time. 0950. His time was up.
“I love you, baby.”
“I love you too,” Sarah croaked. She had a hand placed loosely over her chest, still in awe about the news.
“I mean it, baby.” He blew a kiss and ended the video feed.
Chapter Three
Surprised by Love
Ten minutes had passed since Sarah had gotten off the phone with Adam. The light makeup she had applied before her video chat was completely ruined. She was just thankful that Ruth hadn’t come back into the kitchen once the tears had started to fall. That was a good sign. It meant her daughter was either having a good time tucking her own dolls and animals into bed or she had actually fallen asleep on her own.
Sarah wished it was the latter. She didn’t think she had it in herself to pretend like her daughter was the only one that day. Instead, all she could think about were Adam’s words. I’m not going to reup. Had he really meant that, or was it just something he had said in the moment?
She rushed for her phone and quickly selected a number from the saved contacts. It was late, but she needed someone to talk to. When the lined opened, a groggy voice answered.
“Do you know what time it is?”
“I do, and I’m so sorry,” Sarah said quickly.
“Oh my goodness, is everything okay?” The fatigue was gone on the other line, and only worry remained in its place. “Is it Adam? Is everything okay?”
“Yes,” Sarah laughed, “I guess everything is fine. It’s just…” she struggled to catch her breath, and realized for the first time how ridiculous her call might sound. There wasn’t a problem. There wasn’t even an emergency. It’s just that her husband finally told her he was going to put their family first.
He was going to forego his plans of a military career and get out to do something safer. That’s what she wanted, right? A whole and complete family, because having a husband deployed when you have a child made you realize how fragile everything really was, and how a second could ruin everything.
“What is it, sweetie?”
“Uh,” Sarah stammered, hesitant to continue. “Adam just told me—” she paused and closed her eyes. “Adam just told me he wasn’t going to reup.” She wasn’t sure what she could have expected her friend to say, but there was nothing but silence on the other end.
She began again. “Maybe I shouldn’t have called—”
“No, no,” her friend breathed quickly. “I guess I’m just as shocked as you. Are you serious?” Allowing a choked laugh, Sarah nodded and wiped at her cheek.
“Yes.”
“Oh my god, Sarah.” There was a sound on the line. Probably a laugh. “Wait, were you guys arguing?”
Sarah giggled and shook her head. “No. No arguing. I wasn’t even talking about it. I decided that I wasn’t even going to bring it up. He just told me out the blue.”
“Oh my gosh, then he’s serious.”
“I know, Mary.” More tears fell from Sarah’s eyes. When you marry someone, there are little markers that highlight a new level of commitment each spouse has to the other. It’s different for every couple and changes depending on the career and needs of the family. For them, it was all about his military career. That was something he planned to be his bread and butter for years to come, and in an instant, he’d said he would give it all away.
“Okay, well, do you want some advice?” Mary’s voice settled down into the weathered wife that she was. Her husband was a Colonel, a man who would never hang his military uniforms up to collect dust. He would be a Marine until the day he died and he was proud of it. He had two children, and she just had to learn to deal with it.
Sarah pressed her lips together. She wasn’t sure she wanted to hear the advice, but she knew she was going to get it one way or another.
“What do you have?”
“Don’t mention it again. Let him bring it up, and only talk about it when he does first.” Sarah let out the breath she had been holding. That advice seemed innocent enough. “Take it from me. I’ve had one too many arguments about this with Chris and I learned that if I wanted to stay with him, I would just have to accept the fact that he was a Marine first.”
“So’s Adam,” Sarah chimed in quickly.
“Yes, but he’s willing to not be,” Mary retorted. Silence fell briefly. “Okay, it’s late, so I need to get going. I’m happy for you, Sarah, I really am.”
Grinning, Sarah wiped at her cheeks again. She believed Mary’s words with all her heart. They ended the call and minutes later, Sarah found herself standing over the sleeping body of her baby. The house was entirely quiet, save for a few raspy breaths coming from Ruth. She had a toddler bed. That meant it wasn’t going to be comfortable for Sarah to curl around her, but she did it anyway, cradling her daughter’s soft body into her chest. She fell asleep with a smile on her face, probably for the first time in months. She had no dreams, just peaceful sleep.
When she awoke, it was before Ruth. That child took about ten hours each night to rest for the next day. Sarah didn’t mind. It usually gave her an hour of quiet in the morning. She needed that hour. She called it her power hour. She showered, had coffee, and sometimes even stretched. Her physical activity stopped there, though.
She would have to start making breakfast, but she didn’t feel like anything fancy. Perhaps Ruth would be fine with a bagel and some fruit for breakfast. It was worth a shot.
Sarah reached for the bag of bagels, but then noticed someone at the front door. It was a shadow hanging over the crushed glass. She went to the door and cracked it open.
“Bruce,” she smiled, pushing the door open widely.
“Sarah,” the man responded. He was tall, over 6’2”, a
nd a Major. He was in his Dress Whites and looked stunning.
“Come on in,” Sarah said quickly. She motioned for Bruce to keep his voice down. “Ruth’s still sleeping in the back. Have you had breakfast?”
Grinning, Bruce nodded and shut the door behind him. They moved back into the kitchen, speaking together easily.
“Of course. You know I start every day at 4:30,” he chuckled, looking around. “But I’ll take a bagel if you’re offering.” He nodded towards the bag that was out on the kitchen counter. Sarah grinned and nodded.
“Sure thing. I was just going to make one for Ruth too.” She pulled two plump bagels from the bag. “So, to what do I owe your pleasant company this morning?”
Bruce moved to her coffee pot, a Keurig. He helped himself to a brew of coffee.
“Just stopping by. Promised Adam I’d keep an eye on his girls. Do you need anything?” He added a sprinkle of creamer to the brewed cup and stirred with a spoon.
“You always ask that, and what do I always say?” Sarah joked. She pushed the bagels into the toaster and turned to Bruce, crossing her arms. She liked it when he stopped by. She loved speaking with the women who had deployed husbands, but sometimes, it was tiring listening to the same old emotions and feelings. Bruce was a bachelor and an adult. That meant he added a fresh perspective to the stale housewife routine.
“Well,” Bruce shrugged lazily and lifted the coffee to his lips, “one day you might actually need something,” he smiled, tipping his head towards Sarah. “And when that day comes, I’ll be there to help. Deal?”
Sarah smiled. “So what’s the occasion?” She motioned to his uniform.
“A press release. I’m taking the General’s place. He was called out on emergency.”
She raised a brow. “That doesn’t sound good. Is it about the exits from Iraq?” Bruce eyed her carefully, and then lifted the coffee to his lips again. After a moment, Sarah sighed.